Note: These reviews remain here for posterity. Some are major eyesores, and some are terribly written, but each one was a stepping stone in my journey of becoming a better writer.
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| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Currently No Reviews |
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A
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| A*P*E |
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An embarrassingly bad movie about a giant Ape stomping its way through Korea. |
| Arcade |
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A virtual reality game steals the souls from all those who play against it. |
| Arena (1989) |
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Young Steve Armstrong attempts to become an intergalactic boxing champion! Does this puny human have what it takes to go the distance against alien beings?! [Part of the Boxing of the Future Team Up with the KO Picture Show.] |
| Army of Darkness |
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Ash is trapped in medieval England and must do battle with an undead army. |
| Army of One |
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Wellman Santee tries to clear his name while taking revenge on the corrupt detective that framed him. |
| Artie Saves the Hood |
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A quiet neighborhood is besieged by interdimensional invaders; now it's up to the local idiot, Artie Guy, and his friends, to stop the otherworldy marauders! |
| Attack of the Super Monsters |
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Dinosaurs with special powers attempt to destroy humanity in this odd mixture of animation and suitmation. |
B
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Battle in Outer Space |
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The nations of Earth unite to fight off an alien invasion in this somewhat sequel to Toho's The Mysterians. |
| The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956) |
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A carnivorous dinosaur gives an American cowboy and his Mexican neighbors some grief in this grand-daddy of all dino-western films! |
| The Beast Within |
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Years after a woman is raped by a monster, her teenaged offspring begins going through a 'monstrous' case of puberty. |
| Beware! The Blob (1972) |
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This is the embarrassing sequel to 1958 classic The Blob! The man-eating slime from outer space devours the denizens of a small town until it is frozen on an ice-skating rink. [This review is part of the BLOB FAMILY PICNIC roundtable!] |
| Blood Beach |
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A giant monster sucks beachgoers down through the sand. |
| Blood of the Dragon |
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The White Dragon must put his fighting skills to the test when drawn into a rebellion against an evil Mongol tyrant. |
C
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Cannibal: The Musical! |
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Hilarious musical based on the true story of Alferd Packer, the only person in the U.S. ever convicted of cannibalism! |
| Carnosaur |
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A female mad scientist plots to wipe out humanity so her genetically engineered dinosaurs can rule the Earth! |
| Chosen One: Legend of the Raven |
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Carmen Electra reluctantly becomes a Native American superhero who enjoys pouring milk all over her bare breasts! |
| Christmas Evil |
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Young Harry witnesses his mother gettin' busy with Santa under the mistletoe at a young age. Unfortunately, this event causes poor Harry to become mentally unbalanced and dangerous once he's older. |
| The Clay Witch Project |
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Hilarious claymation mixture of "South Park" and "The Blair Witch Project." |
| Conan the Barbarian |
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The movie that set the standard for barbarian films! Conan uses his immense strength to avenge the death of his people at the hands of Thulsa Doom. |
| Crater Lake Monster |
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An aquatic dinosaur snacks on the local residents of Crater Lake, Oregon. |
| The Crawlers |
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The careless disposal of radioactive waste in a forest creates carnivorous, mutant killer tree roots! ARRRRRGH! |
| Creature From the Haunted Sea |
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Treasure diving gangsters are attacked by a ridiculous looking seaweed monster. |
| Crocodile |
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A fake looking Crocodile feasts upon bad actors and actresses. This film is further proof that Tobe Hooper is an untalented director. |
D
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Dawn of the Dead |
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A group of people trapped in a mall fend off zombies and raiders in George Romero's classic zombie epic. |
| Day of the Dead |
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People in an underground military missile silo try to survive the continuing zombie plague. |
| Dead-Alive |
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A zombie epidemic starts in New Zealand when a young man's mother is bitten by a "Sumatran Rat Monkey!" |
| Dinosaurus! |
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Two dinosaurs and a caveman emerge from suspended animation and menace an island community. |
| Double Dragon |
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The Lee brothers must stop Koga Shuko from obtaining both halves of the "Double Dragon" medallion. |
| Down to Hell |
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A group of murderous kidnappers find that the tables are turned once their most recent victim comes back to life. This flick is a prelude to the greatness of Versus! |
| The Dungeonmaster (1985) |
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A computer nerd uses his technical know-how (and handy supercomputer) to defeat Satan in mortal combat! |
E
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Evil Dead |
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A group of friends in a secluded cabin, fight for their lives (and souls) against demons. |
| Evil Dead II |
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Ash battles those pesky demons with his trusty chainsaw and sawed-off shotgun in this awesome sequel. |
| Evil Ed |
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Evil demons that inhabit the worlds goriest films cause a film editor to go on a murderous rampage. |
| Evil Tales III: The Final Chapter |
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The third (and final?) chapter in 4th Floor Pictures' horror anthology series. It features "four tales, straight from the book of the dead." |
F
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Faust: Love of the Damned |
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John Jaspers becomes a powerful demon that seeks vengeance against Satan. |
| The Fear |
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A group of people on a "fear therapy" retreat are terrorized by a wooden mannequin. |
| First Men in the Moon |
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The British beat the rest of the world to the moon and encounter giant bugs! |
| The Fog (1980) |
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John Carpenter's creepy supernatural classic! A small seaside village is blanketed by an eerie fog full of vengeful ghosts! |
| Frankenstein vs. the Creature from Blood Cove (2005) |
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William Winckler's loving homage to classic creature films from the 1950s! Frankenstein's Monster is once again resurrected and dukes it out with a rampaging, biogenetically engineered Gillman! |
G
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Gamera: Guardian of the Universe |
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Gamera is back and better than ever! This time out, the newly revamped kaiju saves Japan from the voracious Gyaos! |
| Gamera vs. Barugon |
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Gamera dukes it out with an ice-breathing lizard in this Japanese monster flick! |
| Godzilla |
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A giant mutant iguana burrows it's way through Manhattan with a reckless military in hot pursuit! |
| Godzilla vs. Mothra |
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Godzilla rises from a long slumber and begins trashing Japan. Only Mothra and her silk-spitting offspring can halt Godzilla's reign of terror! |
| Going Overboard |
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A cocktail waiter on a pleasure cruise yearns to be the ship's comedian. |
| Gorgo |
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A prehistoric beast wreaks havoc upon the British Isles while searching for its kidnaped offspring. |
| The Guyver |
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A young martial artist uses an alien suit of armor to battle evil mutants! |
| Guyver 2: Dark Hero |
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The Guyver returns to stop the evil Zoanoids from obtaining alien weaponry. |
H
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Halloween |
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John Carpenter's classic slasher flick! Michael Myers escapes from a mental institution and returns to his hometown. Bloodshed and terror ensue! |
| The Howling |
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A reporter at a psychiatric retreat discovers that it's a safe haven for werewolves. |
| Humanoids From the Deep (1980) |
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Mutant fish-men rape and pillage the town of Noyo. |
I
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Incredible Hulk |
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After extremely high doses of Gamma Radiation, Dr. David Banner must control his anger, or else he becomes a green skinned Lou Ferrigno... I mean... the Incredible Hulk! |
| Infra-Man (1975) |
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When Princess Dragon Mom appears and threatens the existence of humanity, only a kung-fu fighting cyborg called "Infra-Man" can stop her and her army of monsters from conquering the world! |
| The Invincible Barbarian |
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Bad Italian rip-off of Conan. Gunan must avenge the death of his people (and his brother), by killing Nuriak and the Ungats. Confused? Yeah so was I... |
| Island Claws (1980) |
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The residents of a small Floridian isle find themselves under attack by legions of angry crabs and one, giant, roaring crab-monster. (This review is part of the B-Movie Beach Party Mega-Roundtable.) |
| It Came From Beneath the Sea |
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A giant, six-armed octopus rises from the deep and attacks San Francisco. |
| It Came From the Lake |
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A pollution spawned monster snacks on the Colombian villagers of Chimayo. |
J
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Jack Frost |
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A mixture of genetic acid and snow turns a murderer into a killer snowman! |
| Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman |
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The homicidal snowman returns to wreak havoc on a tropical island. Watching this sequel is about as much fun as eating yellow snow. |
| Jaws: The Revenge |
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The final sequel to Jaws in which a gigantic Great White shark terrorizes the Bahamas and nearly destroys Michael Caine's acting career. |
| Johnny Mnemonic |
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After downloading too much information into his brain, Johnny must deliver the data before it kills him. This proves to be a hard task since the Yakuza and a murderous Street Preacher are chasing him! |
| The Johnsons (1992) |
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Movies don't get much weirder than this! Seven evil sons must impregnate their sister. The resulting offspring is prophesied to be an ancient Amazonian god that will destroy the world! |
K
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Killer Me |
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This isn't your run of the mill independent slasher flick! This twisted tale focuses on a serial killer and the stalker that loves him. |
| King Cobra |
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A giant snake that's half King Cobra and half Rattlesnake, kills off the denizens of a small town. |
| Komodo |
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Large, carnivorous lizards hunt and devour the residents of an island. |
L
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Loan$hark |
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The directorial debut of indie film maker Jay Jennings. This gritty film chronicles the rise and fall of a violent loanshark. |
M
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Monster Dog |
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Alice Cooper stars in this gloriously strange werewolf film. "Cause I've got an image out of control, Identity Cri-sis-is!" |
| The Monster Squad (1987) |
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A group of misfit kids puts their courage (and monster knowledge) to the test when their small town is invaded by Dracula, a Wolfman, a Mummy, a Gillman, and Frankenstein's Monster! |
| The Monster That Challenged the World |
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In an age of atomic mutants and a variety of giant insects, a new threat arises. This time, enormous prehistoric sea snails are the culprit. |
| Moon of the Wolf |
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A wolfman terrorizes a small Louisiana community. |
| Mortal Kombat |
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A group of mortals enters the tournament of "Mortal Kombat" to decide the fate of the "Earth Realm." |
| Mothra |
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Japan is attacked by a giant silk worm! Can the Japanese military stop it before it becomes a giant Moth?! Nope! |
| Munchies |
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Small Peruvian aliens menace the residents of a small town in this cheap Gremlins knock-off. |
| My Bloody Valentine (1981) |
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The tiny Canadian town of Valentine Bluffs is terrorized by a pick-axe wielding killer that hates Valentine's Day. |
| The Mysterians |
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Japan is under siege from alien bachelors that need Earth's women to procreate. Of course you do know... this means war! |
N
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Nest |
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A genetics company creates a strain of large carnivorous cockroaches that infest a small island resort. |
| Night of the Living Dead (1968) |
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George A. Romero's horror classic! A group of people in a farmhouse fend off flesh-eating zombies. |
| Night of the Living Dead (1990) |
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The recently deceased rise from their graves and feast upon the living in this great remake. |
| Night of the Zombies |
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An accident at a government "Hope Center," releases a green gas that turns people into zombies. |
O
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Octopus |
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A giant mutant octopus attacks and devours the crew of a submarine. |
| Orgazmo |
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The world's only Mormon/Porn-Star/Superhero fights against an evil stag film director! |
| Orochi: The Eight Headed Dragon |
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A young prince becomes "The Champion of the Gods" and saves the Earth from the evil Sukiomi! |
P
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Pulgasari |
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A metal eating monster aids an army of peasants against their tyrannical king. |
| Pumpkinhead |
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A hillbilly calls upon a sadistic demon to avenge his son's death. |
| The Punisher |
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Frank Castle exacts vigilante justice against mobsters and Yakuza thugs as "The Punisher." |
Q
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Q: The Winged Serpent |
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An ancient monster that's been resurrected through human sacrifice, terrorizes New York City. |
R
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Rebirth of Mothra |
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Mothra takes on Desghidorah to save the Earth's ecosystem. |
| Rebirth of Mothra II |
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Mothra does battle with Dagahra to save the Earth's oceans. |
| Reptilicus |
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A giant rubber snake with amazing regenerative powers, attacks Copenhagen. The title creature must be seen to be believed. |
| The Return of Captain Invincible |
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Captain Invincible comes out of retirement to save the world from the evil Mr. Midnight. |
| The Return of Swamp Thing |
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Swamp Thing returns to thwart the evil plans of Dr. Anton Arcane and finds true love along the way. |
| Revenge of the Dead |
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An author attempts to discover the secret of the "K-Zone." If anyone figures out what this movie is about, please let me know. |
| Robocop (1987) |
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After dying in the line of duty, police officer Alex Murphy is built into a crime-fighting cyborg. |
| Robocop 2 (1990) |
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Robocop battles the crazy leader of a drug cult and his cyborg replacement in this oddball sequel. |
| Robot Ninja |
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A frustrated comic book artist attempts to fight crime, while disguised as the "Robot Ninja!" Sounds better than it actually is. |
| Rodan |
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Giant caterpillars and two gigantic prehistoric pterodactyls terrorize a mining town in Japan. |
S
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Scream of the Wolf |
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Two hunters go after an alleged werewolf in this made for TV mystery. Watch out for that crazy twist ending! |
| Shark! (1969) |
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Burt Reynolds is a charismatic gunrunner that dives for sunken treasure in shark-infested waters! |
| Shark Attack |
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A shark expert goes to a small African village to research a recent slew of shark attacks, only to discover a horrible secret! |
| Showdown in Little Tokyo |
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Two L.A. cops take on Yakuza drug lords ... Feet First! |
| Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th |
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A Killer stalks the youth of Bulemia Falls High School in this goofy parody of teenage oriented horror movies and T.V. shows. |
| Silver Bullet |
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A crippled teen and his drunken uncle must save their small town from a bloodthirsty werewolf! |
| Space Amoeba (1970) |
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An alien entity hitches a ride on an unmanned space probe that falls to Earth. The evil "space amoeba" lands near a tropical paradise and begins terrorizing the natives by mutating various sea creatures into giant monsters! (This review is part of the B-Movie Beach Party Mega-Roundtable.) |
| Space Specks |
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During an emergency medical mission, a starship is attacked by miniature aliens. |
| The Story of Ricky |
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Awesome and extremely gory kung-fu flick! Ricky battles the evil inmates and wardens of a jail! |
| Super Mario Bros. |
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The Mario brothers attempt to halt the evil King Koopa from conquering the Earth! |
| Swamp Thing |
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A scientist is doused in his chemical serum and leaps into the murky bog, only to become ... SWAMP THING! |
T
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Terror Within |
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A woman gives birth to a hideous monster which soon grows in size and terrorizes the crew of an underground military bunker. |
| Them Damn Zombies |
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The small town of Beaverfalls is overrun by the undead. Can the local redneck population fend off this zombie menace?! |
| The Third Society |
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A tough-as-nails cop wages a personal war on the druglord that killed her mother and kidnaped her sister, in this extremely cheesy, independent action flick. |
| The Toxic Avenger |
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New Jersey's first superhero battles corrupt politicians and criminals in the small town of Tromaville. |
| The Toxic Avenger Part II |
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Toxie battles the evil Apocalypse Incorporated from Tromaville to Tokyo! |
| The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie |
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Toxie continues his battle against Apocalypse Inc. and its leader... the Devil! |
| Transformers: The Movie (1986) |
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Optimus Prime and the brave Autobots continue their battle against Megatron and the evil Decepticons. Unbeknownst to both sides, they will soon have to fight for their lives against a planet-eating entity named Unicron, and lots of 80's music! [This is my contribution to the "Reviewers in Disguise" team-up with Badmovies.Org! Read Andrew's review HERE!] |
| Troll |
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A troll tries turning an apartment complex and its residents into a kingdom of fairies! All that stands in his way is Harry Potter Jr.! |
| Troll II |
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A family visiting the town of Nilbog soon learns that it's the Kingdom of the Goblins. Was this movie purposely made this bad? |
U
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Uncle Sam |
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A soldier killed by "friendly fire" during the Gulf War returns to his hometown as a homicidal patriotic zombie! "Draft dodgers, tax cheats, crooked politicians, and flag-burners beware: Uncle Sam wants you... DEAD!" |
| Uninvited (1988) |
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A killer mutant cat (puppet) escapes from a laboratory and stows away on a cruise ship, where it begins picking off the passengers, one by one. This movie scared me when I was a kid?! |
V
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| The Valley of Gwangi (1969) |
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Cowboys attempt to capture prehistoric monsters from "The Forbidden Valley" in order to gain a profit. Naturally things go wrong and soon, a very aggressive (and hungry) Tyrannosaurus(?) is on the loose! Ray Harryhausen rules! |
| Varan the Unbelievable |
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Anti-saline tests conducted on a lake awaken a prehistoric monster, and it's up to one American General and a "secret weapon" to stop the creature. |
| Versus |
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Reincarnation, resurrection , and kung-fu zombies! Need I say more about this extremely cool flick? |
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| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Currently no reviews. |
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| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Currently no reviews. |
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Y
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Yor, The Hunter from the Future (1983) |
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In this delightfully cheesy Italian post-apocalyptic fantasy adventure, a blonde warrior (Reb Brown) battles his way across a world full of dinosaurs, cavepeople, and robots in his quest to discover his true identity. |
Z
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
| Zombie |
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The inhabitants on the island of Matool are attacked by the undead in this Lucio Fulci classic. |
| Zombie Dawn |
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Great short film! After nuclear, biological, and chemical warfare decimates the Earth, zombies take over. It's up to an "elite force" to find and rescue any survivors, and hopefully find a cure to the deadly zombie virus! |
My Rating System: The b-movies and cult films reviewed here at the Vault are rated according to their "radioactivity." The more radioactive a film is, the better it is! Anything that doesn't cause you to glow in the dark or mutate is probably not worth watching, but then again, to be a well-rounded b-movie enthusiast, you have to watch bad movies from time to time.
| Rating | Measurement on the Geiger Counter | In Other Words... |
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Highly Radioactive! You may grow a new appendage primarily used to rewind a movie of this caliber, over and over again! |
This movie is the best of the best! Tons of fun and highly rewatchable! |
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Very Radioactive! May cause you to grow a third eye, thus making your viewing experience even more enjoyable! |
This movie makes for a worthwhile viewing experience. |
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Radioactive! The T.V. will bask in your glow! |
This movie is a good way to kill some time on a boring evening or rainy afternoon. |
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Somewhat Radioactive. More radiation and enjoyment can be had by sticking your head in a microwave at ten second intervals. [Note: Doing so is, in reality, hazardous to your health! Don't try it at home kids!] |
This movie is a waste of your precious time. Still, it probably has a few redeeming qualities... |
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Partially Radioactive. Hardly any detectable amounts of radiation. [You'll find more radioactivity in a septic tank, which is where these types of movies belong!] |
OUCH! This movie is painful to watch; may cause medical problems. |
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Hardly Radioactive. A brief blip on the geiger counter that is usually ignored for the betterment of humanity. |
This rating is usually used in conjunction with others, however, if a film registers at only a "half-rad" then dispose of it immediately or suffer the consequences! |
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Not Radioactive. Since our geiger counters can't detect these flicks, many still hide in obscurity to this day. That's probably for the best. |
Certain death awaits all who watch this! Ye have been warned! |
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