The Return of Swamp Thing has held a place in my heart since my early childhood. Though I didn't enjoy it as much as the original Swamp Thing, the effects and makeup are much, much better. The film opens with five government agents wandering through a bayou, dressed in army fatigues and armed with assault rifles. Their mission: to hunt down some moonshiners who aren't paying their taxes to Uncle Sam (wait what?!). Naturally, despite the aid of a map, these city-folk are lost and soon run afoul of the Leechman. Two of the guys bite the dust and the remaining three run like hell. Two of them are captured by Arcane's men and the third nearly dies at the hands of Leechman (boy that would have sucked!). Luckily Swamp Thing sends Arcane's mutation packing and introduces himself to the shocked government agent. Then it cuts to the opening title sequence with a montage of cover art from the award winning D.C. Comics Swamp Thing series (complete with Born on the Bayou playing in the background).

Next we meet Abigail Arcane, a spunky horticulturist who talks to plants (She prefers plants over men because "You can stroke a plant and it doesn't get the wrong idea.") As she talks to her plants, Abby reveals that she has some issues with Anton (namely the fact that she was never invited to her late mother's funeral). Abigail finally decides to leave and give her evil stepdad a surprise visit. Meanwhile, Dr. Rochelle and Dr. Zurrell are working around the clock to create the rejuvenating formula for Dr. Arcane. And remember those two government guys that were captured in the beginning? Well one is turned into a Roachman and incinerated, the other is turned into a retarded humanoid beast. Later that day, the local sheriff visits Arcane to discuss the disappearance of the men in the swamp. He spins a yarn about how the only survivor was rescued by a green man from Mars. After Arcane has Ms. Poinsettia see the horny Southern sheriff off, he sends out his goons to search for Swamp Thing. Soon after that, Abigail arrives at Arcane's mansion and is treated like a queen, mostly because she is the key to the rejuvenation formula. As night falls, we are introduced to Omar and Darryl.

These two horny young lads are home alone and checking out a vast porn collection (Hustler, Playboy, you name it!). Suddenly, there's a heavy knock at the door which sends the two youngsters into a panic. They quickly hide the porn magazines and open up the front door with huge grins on their little faces. As the door creaks open, the kids quickly realize that it's not Darryl's folks; it's the Leechman! They scream and slam the door (It's comedy!) and try to escape out a back window (and there's a continuity error here. As they run to the window, the pink curtains are closed, but once the camera shifts to the outside we can clearly see that the curtains are now open!). With the aid of a bowling ball, the two kids escape out the window and run right into the Leechman. Luckily Swamp Thing arrives and saves the two bayou brats. Each creature grabs a makeshift weapon (Swampie grabs a pipe off of a swing set while Leechman wields a boat oar) and they battle it out. As the two powerful mutants whack each other and smash up some cars, Leechman smashes a propane tank with his oar. The result of this is a huge explosion that engulfs every nearby house and vehicle. The Leechman is last seen running into the bog while on fire and is presumed dead. The next morning, Arcane reads about the explosion in the newspaper and sends out a search party, which results in well... nothing.

That evening, Arcane presents Abigail with a present during dinner. Said gift turns out to be her late mother's ring. As Abby tries it on, she cuts herself on it (allowing Dr. Zurrell to take a blood sample without Abigail's knowledge) and quickly leaves the house. Abigail runs off into the bog and eventually wanders onto two very horny hillbillies. Seeing that she's all alone, these moonshine drinking rednecks attempt to rape Abigail. As always, Swamp Thing arrives on the scene and gives Clyde and Gurdell a quick beating. Afterwards, Swampie and Abigail go for a walk and he tells her all about his past and about Anton Arcane (flashback time!). These two are hitting it off well until Arcane's thugs show up. They grab Abby and blow up Swamp Thing after he gives them a run for their money. Is this the end of our muck-encrusted hero?! Abigail is returned to Arcane's mansion and locked in his secret lab with Mr. Gunn. She uses her feminine wiles and easily escapes.

In the meantime, Swamp Thing, as it turns out has not been destroyed. His slimy remains are piped into the mansion and he rises from a bathtub of green muck, ready to save the day! He quickly finds Abby and the escape from Arcane's mansion via a jeep (I still don't understand how an army of armed guards couldn't stop them). Once morning comes, Abigail awakens at Swamp Thing's bachelor pad. The two of them talk and flirt until finally they make love. Yeah I know what you're thinking... well actually I don't. There's half that think he has no equipment so how does he do the nasty with her. The other half is thinking that a piece of bamboo suddenly juts out from his pelvic area. Well they manage to have a quickie with the aid of a hallucinogenic plant. Interestingly enough, the following surreal love scene does not contain Dick Durock. Some other guy was brought in to take his place because Dick didn't want to take off all of that makeup and then put it back on. All I have to say is what were you thinking Dick?! You could've had a love scene with the Heather Locklear!!!

In any case, Swamp Thing is soon called off to duty because Darryl and Omie have been captured by Mr. Gunn. Swamp Thing arrives just in time and saves the two youngsters and then gives them a photo opportunity. Said photo op is ruined once Swampie hears Abigail's screams. That's right folks, she's in Arcane's evil clutches yet again! Night soon falls and Swamp Thing infiltrates Arcane's mansion with ease. And there is a scene here that you must watch carefully. Gunn charges Swamp Thing in a jeep armed with bazooka turrets. If you look closely at the back of the jeep, you can see a person's back as they push the jeep forward. I kid you not! It's pretty obvious because that person was wearing a white shirt! With the aid of a grenade, Swamp Thing blows up the jeep. He soon makes his way inside and discovers Arcane's lab. But before Swamp Thing makes his appearance, Dr. Zurrell decides to thwart Arcane's plans once she realizes how truly evil the man is.

Arcane goes through with his rejuvenation process which works temporarily. Once he learns that Dr. Zurrell has betrayed him, he kills her. And you may be wondering, where has Dr. Rochelle been during all of this? Well he was locked in a chamber and given an experimental serum by Zurrell. Once Swamp Thing finally arrives on the scene, Dr. Rochelle emerges from the chamber as a big-headed mutant. Swamp Thing easily defeats Mutant Rochelle only to have to fight off Mr. Gunn before the mansion explodes (Swampie threw Mutant Rochelle into some scientific device in Arcane's lab. Hence the self destruction of the mansion). Swamp Thing grabs one of Gunn's grenades, pulls the pin, and shoves it in Gunn's pants (and you can probably fill in the rest). Swamp Thing then picks up Abigail's lifeless body and carries her out of the mansion before it finally blows up. He then goes back into the bayou and revives Abigail (amazingly she's perfectly fine despite being dead for at least a half hour. Brain death occurs after five minutes doesn't it?). The two of them embrace and a flower grows out of Abigail's foot (yeah exactly, what the hell?!) and we get the obligatory happy ending.

But wait... what's this?! Right before the End Credits go into full swing, we see what happened to Omar and Darryl. They finally did get a picture of Swamp Thing but alas, there wasn't any film in the camera! (DOH!) As they argue the End Credits start back up and the movie officially ends. As I said in the beginning, I have a soft spot for this flick. While a majority of reviewers tend to tear this movie apart, I enjoyed it for what it was; a campy comic book based movie. The makeup effects were pretty good (especially that Swamp Thing costume. It was spectacular!) but there could've been some more mutant mayhem in this movie. The acting in Return of Swamp Thing was actually pretty good. Louis Jourdan was great as the megalomaniacal Dr. Arcane and Dick Durock was just plain awesome as Swamp Thing (despite the fact that Durock's voice was dubbed over). He really managed to show emotion through the fifty or so pounds of makeup. I'd also like to give kudos to Heather Locklear's acting. Her cynical dialogue was great, plus she's not too hard on the eyes. All in all, The Return of Swamp Thing was a satisfying creature feature that I wouldn't mind sitting through again.

On a side note, the director Jim Wynorksi has fallen on hard times in recent years. His early career (including this film) showed some pretty decent films. Recently however, he's directed such horrible films as Raptor and Bare Wench Project 3. It's sad to see because he did such a great job with The Return of Swamp Thing. It had a lower budget than the first movie but managed to look a lot better. Also, I once received an e-mail from Daniel Emery Taylor (Omie) praising and criticizing this review. The review was great because "it was the first positive review he's read in probably thirteen years" but it was bad because I downplayed the role he and RonReaco Lee's characters had in the movie! I do sincerely apologize for that! You can currently see Daniel in a small role in Road Trip.