"Ten Tons Of Animal Fury Leaps From the Screen!" "Not To Be Confused With 'King Kong'."	A*P*E (1976) Directed by: Paul Leder Approx. Running Time: 87 minutes Rating: Not Rated Listing on the A.K.A. Page: CLICK HERE A Second Opinion: The Unknown Movies Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited Buy the movie poster at: AllPosters.com My Rating:

Tom Rose- Reporter who follows Marilyn Baker to Korea. He's constantly kissing her and buttering her up. Apparently he also wants the local Buddhist Priest to handle their wedding (but would the marriage license hold up in America?!).

Marilyn Baker- Movie star who goes to Korea to make a film in which she gets raped. She gets carried around by the "A*P*E" until rescued by the Korean army.

Colonel Davis- What is up with this guy? He's the biggest jerk (and one of the worst actors) I have ever seen! His main purpose in the movie is (a failed attempt) to give it an American "feel," and to spout out some great one-liners too.

Captain Kim- Captain of the local Korean police force. He chauffeurs Tom around in a jeep for most of the movie, making him one of many pointless characters.

Everyone Else- Runs from the "A*P*E" or has no purpose in this film except as scenery.

The Ape- An actor in a bad gorilla suit trying to pass himself off as a 36 foot Ape. How bad is the suit you ask? At one point (when the Ape battles the shark) you can actually see the actor's skin because his "gorilla glove" was slipping off. Killed by the Korean Army.

"Watch as it defies a giant shark, destroys a teeming city, demolishes an Ocean Liner, and vanquishes a monster reptile!" So sayeth the original, and lenghty tagline, for A*P*E. Sounds good doesn't it? It sounds like an action packed film that's "Not to be confused with King Kong." Well here's the truth of the matter. The movie is awful, not like Night of the Zombies awful, but embarrassing awful. The special effects (or rather defects) were so bad that I couldn't stop laughing. And remember that tagline from up above? It's all a horrible lie! Here's what it should say. "Watch as it defies and kills an already deceased shark, destroys tiny cardboard model buildings, randomly causes a toy Ocean Liner to explode, and carefully tosses a rather large boa constrictor at the camera!"
The movie starts off with two guys on the deck of the boat talking about the cargo they're taking to "Disneyland." The conversation is hilarious, mostly because whoever dubbed these two guys must have been A. a robot or B. Al Gore (so in actuality, either answer is correct). Suddenly a huge paper mache` (I could be wrong, it could have been rubber) hand smashes up through the deck, the boat explodes, and the "A*P*E" is loose. As the 36 foot monkey wades in towards the Korean shore (since the ocean off the coast of Asia is only about ... oh ... say 25 feet deep at the most [note the sarcasm]) it battles a giant shark. Or rather the Ape grabs a dead shark and flops around with it, trying to mimic an actual battle. Well the Ape rips the shark's jaws apart and goes onto dry land to commit random acts of destruction.
Meanwhile, Marilyn Baker is in Korea filming a movie (in which she is to be raped to the tune of jubilant music). Following along is Tom Rose, a reporter who's desperately in love with Ms. Baker. As they begin to get closer and such, the Ape continues to wander about Korea, in a series of "Curious George-like" scenes. In one such scene, the Ape encounters a giant snake (or rather a boa constrictor). The poor snake is then thrown right at the camera! (Quick call the ASPCA!) Soon reports are called in to Captain Kim and Colonel Davis about a giant monster. The two military leaders are at first skeptical, but end up sending the Korean Army after the (not so) Great Ape. Said Ape discovers Marilyn during one of her film shoots and kidnaps her. She is rescued (unfortunately) by Tom while the Korean Army attempts to capture the Ape alive.
Marilyn is taken to Captain Kim's house for safety while everyone else goes out and tries to find the Ape. Not much else happens from this point on, the Ape kidnaps Marilyn again, after it trashes the city of Sol. Then the "Super Kong" makes his way to the Korean Mountains, where he is surrounded by the Korean Army. At this point the Army has been given orders to
exterminate the giant beast by any means necessary. This proves (for some unknown reason) to be an extremely hard task (maybe the Ape was wearing a bullet proof vest under his fur?). Finally though, the Ape is finished off with a few good blows from an artillery cannon. The beast falls to the ground, spewing Fruit Punch Kool-Aid_tm and Marilyn is safe and sound. Captain Kim gives a sigh of relief, Colonel Davis returns to his office to curse at people, and Marilyn and Tom are going to get married! All I have left to say is, "Oh Paul, why? Why?" because "Maybe Hollywood's just too big, for a small movie like ours."

Guy: "I know ... imagine ... almost 36 feet tall ... wow ... "
Other Guy: "You know it's almost a shame to ... put a beast into captivity and ... put him on display for everyone to gawk at."
Guy: "Yeah ... I know what you mean."

Guy: "Oh shit..."

Captain Kim: "He says he saw footprints 5 to 6 feet long belonging to some sort of monster."
Kim's Daughter: "Monsta?!"
Kim's Son: "What kind of monster?"
Captain Kim: "Eat your breakfast kids or ... I'll become a monster."

Colonel Davis: "Oh hello, hello? If you should bump into him, ask him if he's King Kong."

Colonel Davis: "What the hell are you looking at? My fly open or something?"

Colonel Davis: "Let's see him dance for his organ grinder now."

Marilyn: "Oh Tom, why? Why?"
Tom: "He was just too big, for a small world like ours."