"They Eat The Living!"	Year of Release: 1981 Directed by: Bruno Mattei (a.k.a. Vincent Dawn) Running Time: Approx. 98 minutes (turns out it was longer! ARRGH!) Rating: Not Rated Listing on the A.K.A. Page: Yep! All seven alternate titles! A Second Opinion: Badmovies.Org Buy it on DVD (if you dare) at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Lt. Mike London- The leader of the Interpol squad. He gets bitten and becomes a zombie in the film's "climatic" ending.

Vincent- Member of Mike's squad. He's an all around nice guy and the last squad member to die.

Santoro- This guy is really messed up. He enjoys playing "keep away" with the zombies. He's also the only smart guy in this movie because he knows that to kill a zombie, you shoot it in the head. He suffers the exact same fate as Max.

4th Interpol guy- Serves no real purpose. For some reason he puts on a top hot and an apron, picks up a cane, and begins dancing around. Gets munched by the Zombies.

Josie, her Husband, and son- Josie gets killed by a zombie. Her son becomes one and munches on his father.

Lea- A reporter who's trying to cover the story of the chaos in New Guinea. Takes off her shirt and puts on some facepaint to make friends with some natives. Eaten by Zombies.

Max- Lea's camera man who gets in the way a lot. He's pulled into an elevator and eaten by zombies.

The Zombies- Created from a deadly greenish gas from a "Hope Center." They wreak havoc on New Guinea and on the retarded Interpol squad. Though everyone knows enough to shoot the zombies in the head to kill them, no one really puts it into practice!

To start off I'd just like to say that this movie is hell. It's so god awful I almost cried while watching it. The movie opens with shots of a huge scientific facility called the "Hope Center," which is supposedly there to aid third world nations. A rat causes a gas leak which turns the rat and most of the workers into zombies. Yes that's right... a zombie rat! Then we are suddenly at the scene of a hostage crisis. A bunch of terrorists take hostages and demand that all the Hope Centers be shut down. Instead of doing this, Lt. Mike London and his crack squad of Interpol agents take out the terrorists with extreme prejudice. One question remains... why the hell are they playing disco music throughout this god awful movie? Sure some of it is played in Romero's Dawn of the Dead, but that was a good movie.
Anyways, the squad suddenly ends up at New Guinea on a "secret government mission." Meanwhile in a nearby village, Josie, her son, her husband, Max, and Lea, are besieged by zombies. Josie is chewed up by a zombie and while her son becomes one and snacks on his father. Mike and the others arrive to save the day. Santoro discovers that by shooting a zombie in the head....it dies. Unfortunately he's the only one that puts it to use. So the Interpol squad, Lea, and Max depart from the village and come across some natives. Lea tells everyone to stay behind, and with that she strips off her shirt, applies some facepaint, and jogs to the native village. This is the best part of the movie I can assure you. Then the dumb ass director throws some stock footage of birds at us. If you cut out all of the stock footage...the movie would be at least 5 minutes shorter. Later that evening, the natives' village is attacked by zombies and mass hysteria ensues as everyone runs away.
As the group makes it's way to the Hope Center, they end up searching an "empty" house. Inside the 4th Interpol guy plays song and dance. Due to his stupidity he dies. Then suddenly the house is surrounded by zombies. Santoro and Vincent hold off the undead fiends by randomly shooting at them. They don't shoot too many in the head because then they'd have an even better chance of survival. So the remaining people escape and drive to a beach. They take a raft over to the Hope Center and are assailed (eventually) by an army of zombies. Santoro and Max are pulled into an elevator by some zombies and devoured. Mike is bitten by a zombie and later becomes one. Lea and Vincent are the only ones left and end up trapped in a corner. At that moment, Lea suddenly has an epiphany!
The Hope Centers are purposely creating zombies so that the underdeveloped nations are wiped out. Why? To control the world population of course. In my opinion it was just an accident, but that's just me. And so Lea's tongue is ripped out and her eyes gouged out and Vincent's killed offscreen. The cast is wiped out completely, so what then? Well somewhere in the world (New Zealand perhaps? Or maybe we're still in New Guinea? Who cares?!) a girl teases her boyfriend and goes to get a light for her cigarette from a lone man sitting on a bench. When she touches his shoulder she is attacked and eaten by ambushing zombies. Before her sniveling boy toy can escape, he's taken down too. And so the zombies are slowly taking over the world. Personally, if that stops another movie like this being made, I'm rooting for the zombies.

Scientist: "I may not know much about chemistry, but in bed her reactions were terriffic."
Other Scientist: "I'm not surprised with that little ass!"
Scientist: "I'm a tit man myself."

Unfortunately that was truly the only set of memorable lines from the film. If there are more you watch it and tell me about them because I AM NEVER WATCHING THIS CRAP AGAIN!

Beginning - Disco Music?!

4 1/2 minutes - What do you mean "What's that?" You turned the dial and the needle moved!

5 1/2 minutes - Zombie Rat Attack!!!

8 1/2 minutes - That's right. Stand there and watch the guy get eaten.

14 minutes - More Disco music.

25 minutes - Rule of thumb. Never enter a dark, deserted building lady.

26 1/4 minutes - Josie gets attacked by a zombie.

32 1/2 minutes - So that's how you kill zombies eh?

33 1/2 minutes - SHOOT THEM IN THE HEADS YOU MORONS!

35 1/2 minutes - Stock footage of birds.

37 1/2 minutes - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!

45 1/2 minutes - Woman eating maggots from the eyesocket of a corpse. Yum!

46 1/4 minutes - The tribe is dancing to Casio keyboard music.

63 minutes - Santoro plays "keep away" with the zombies.

64 minutes - More stock footage. Oh God please make it stop!

73 minutes - You know it's the summer when the Zombies start getting into the house.

74 minutes - SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD!!!!!!

76 1/2 minutes - Santoro plays "keep away" with the zombies again.

85 minutes - 13 minutes to go! Woo Hoo!

88 1/4 minutes - Max is pulled into an elevator and gets munched.

89 1/4 minutes - Santoro suffers the same exact fate as Max.

96 minutes - Lea's eyes are gouged out and her tongue is ripped out too. Ouch!

99 minutes - This movie is still going? God make it stop.

100 minutes - It's finally over. Thank you god. I swear I'll go to church every Sunday if you wipe this terrible film out of existence.