"A Pulse-Pounding Cyber-Slam!"	Year of Release: 1995 Directed by: Robert Longo Running Time: Approx. 103 minutes Rating: R Listing on the A.K.A. Page: Nope! A Second Opinion: Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Johnny Mnemonic- Keanu Reeves! A mnemonic courier who is just out to do one final job so that he can regain his lost childhood memories. Unfortunately, he downloads too much data into his brain and must get it out before it seeps out and kills him (hey I didn't write the script here folks). This proves to be a difficult task since the Yakuza and a bionic Street Preacher are on his tail, but he eventually succeeds and the movie ends happily.

Jane- Dina Meyer! A bodyguard for hire complete with bionic implants in her arms. She tags along with Johnny and saves his life several times after he offers her $50,000. Eventually she forgets all about the money because she falls in love with him.

Shinji- Bad-ass Yakuza who has a retractable laser whip (for sake of a better term) that can cut through anything (and anybody for that matter). He gets decapitated with said laser whip by Johnny.

Takahashi- Old man who runs Pharmicom and wants the information that Johnny is carrying in his head. Shot by Shinji.

Street Preacher- Dolph Lundgren! Sadly his role is small, but every scene he is in is hilarious. He's hired by Takahashi to help get the data out of Johnny's head (namely by trying to cut his head off). On a tragic note, the evil Street Preacher is fried to death and his charred corpse is tossed into a river.

Spider- Henry Rollins! Former doctor who specializes in bionic implants. Turns out he was the person Johnny is supposed to take the data to. Before he can get said data from Johnny's mind, he's crucified and murdered by the Street Preacher.

J-Bone- Ice-T! Gee, I wonder if he made up his own characters name? (Probably not, but the possiblity is still there!) He's the leader of the "Lo-techs," rebels who are fighting corporate control around the world. As far as I could tell, he has no real purpose in this movie (other than saving Johnny and Jane at opportune times).

Ralfi- Udo Kier! It's pronounced Ralphie. He's a manager/agent that backstabs Johnny. He enrages Shinji and ends up getting diced with the laser whip.

Mr. Jones- An (animatronic) dolphin that was created by the U.S. Navy to be a submarine detector. Apparently the naval tests gave the dolphin and uncanny ability to surf the internet and people's minds via virtual reality too.

Ok ok, I know Dolph is hardly in this movie at all, but I was desperate to review a Dolph flick and Rocky IV was a definite no (though I'm sure some think it would fit well on this site). Yes Dolph is in the movie for about ten minutes, but damn is he funny! Ok, so moving on to the subject at hand. Johnny Mnemonic starts off with some scrolling text, letting us know that corporations have conquered the Earth in 2021 (or is it 2022?). Sure it seems far fetched now, but I know that Disney, Microsoft, and Pepsi are all gearing up to take over the world, just you wait and see. After the scrolling text we discover ourselves in China where Johnny is making a rendezvous with some employees of Pharmicom. They want him to carry their important data to Dr. Allcome in Newark. Johnny downloads the 320 gigs of data into his 180 gig storage space and is about to leave, when suddenly some Yakuza rush in and start killing everyone. Yes, the Yakuza folks, the deadly Japanese mafia.
Apparently they were hired to retrieve the data for Takanashi, current owner of Pharmicom. Before I move on though, I will tell you why the data in Johnny's head is so important. It contains the cure for NAS (not the rapper mind you) or Nerve Attenuation Syndrome. This deadly disease has swept the world and now it's cure lies in the head of Keanu Reeves! Wow that's a frightening thought! Anyways Johnny escapes and tries to get help from Ralfi, only to be knocked out and carried off by Ralfi's transvestite bodyguard. Jane is standing nearby and sees Ralfi and his bodyguards carrying off Johnny, so she follows them. Soon Johnny awakens and is told that his head will be cut off and cryogenically frozen. Now why didn't they just cut off his head as he slept?! It would've been easier and Johnny wouldn't even had known it.
Anyway, just as Johnny is about to lose his cranium, Jane bursts in to save the day. Johnny offers her $50,000 and she immediately gets him to safety. Johnny doesn't have the money in cash, so Jane says she'll stick around until she gets paid. That seems stupid since he probably won't pay her, therefore getting her services for free. Back at Pharmicom, Takanashi is getting impatient. Shinji has failed to obtain Johnny's head twice (and we all know failure is not an option with the Yakuza). So what does Takanashi do?! He calls up .... the Street Preacher! This is where the movie's enjoyment level went up a notch, I mean you have to see Dolph as the Street Preacher to believe it. At this point, Johnny and Jane have met up with Spider (a.k.a. Dr. Allcome). He tells Johnny that the information "wet-wire" in his head, can be extracted with a pair of pliers, resulting in Johnny becoming a drooling mongoloid.
Johnny naturally doesn't take kindly to this idea despite Spider's preaching [<--Foreshadowing] of how he must give up his life for the good of millions of others (so is Johnny supposed to be a Jesus figure?). Spider then tries to scan Johnny's mind for the code that will unlock the data. But alas, the whole process is interrupted by... The Street Preacher! He has arrived to claim Johnny's head but Spider intercedes and is crucified with the use of a few scalpels. Johnny and Jane escape and drive to the "lo-tech" stronghold to meet up with Mr. Jones. Apparently the enigmantic Jones was a naval officer and is the only person who can help Johnny. Johnny contacts Takanashi and tells him to meet at a dilapidated bridge. (Little side not here: Johnny didn't know he was talking to Takanashi. Apparently Takanashi was speaking through a cyber handpuppet. Don't ask, I'm telling you what I saw.)
Takanashi arrives with Shinji and a bunch of Yakuza in police riot gear (kind of ironic don't you think?) to wipe out the "lo-techs" and get Johnny's head (man they're single-minded). So an all out battle ensues as J-Bone and his lackies battle the Yakuza. Johnny in the meantime, is getting his mind probed in a machine by Mr. Jones who happens to be... a dolphin?! As if the movie couldn't get weirder (or dumber), the sake of humanity rests with an animatronic dolphin and Keanu Reeves?! Ok I'm being a bit harsh on this movie. I did enjoy it, but it's certainly lacking in plausability. To cut to the chase, the bad guys are all killed (that includes Takanashi, who was simply misguided, Shinji, and sadly, the Street Preacher) and the data is successfully taken out of Johnny's head without him dying. So the world's saved, Johnny and Jane are in love, and... what was up with that whole "ghost in the machine" subplot [that was too trivial to even mention]?!

Jane: "Where'd you learn to do that?"
Johnny: "I used to have a summer job. Breaking and Entering."

Street Preacher: "Halt Sinners!"

Note: The times given below may not be totally accurate due to some slight miscalculations by myself.