"Size Does Matter."	Year of Release: 1998 Directed by: Roland Emmerich Running Time: Approx. 139 minutes Rating: PG-13 Listing on the A.K.A. Page: Nope! A Second Opinion: Dante's Inferno Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Niko Tatopoulos- Matthew Broderick! Nicknamed the "worm guy" for two reasons. 1. No one can pronounce his last name and 2. He studied the Chernobyl earthworm. Biologist who helps to discover "Godzilla's" origins and bring the huge lizard down. He also discovers that the mammoth monster is "pregnant" but no one listens to him. He ends up becoming famous and gets back together with his (ex)ex-girlfriend Audrey.

Audrey Timmonds- Timid (get it?) reporter wanna be who's just way too nice. She finally gets a backbone and steals a tape from Nik, unfortunately it gets him into trouble.

Phillipe Roache- Jean Reno! Patriotic French secret service agent that comes to New York to "clean up" the French government's mess, namely "Godzilla."

Victor "Animal" Palotti- Hank Azaria! A crazy cameraman who constantly puts his life on the line to get great footage.

Lucy Palotti- With a husband like Victor, you have to be nuts! She knows how to put him in his place though.

Mayor Roger Ebert- I kid you not, that is his actual name. What makes it even funnier is that the name of his campaign manager is Gene (Siskel?). He ends up getting a thumbs down from Gene at the film's end.

Mr. Caiman- Short big-time reporter who constantly uses Audrey, the slime ball even tries to have an affair with her because she wants to be a reporter so badly. He's pushed out of the lime light by Audrey when "Godzilla's" eggs all hatch (so she gets the last laugh!).

Colonel Hicks- The actor (Keving Dunn I) portraying the Colonel doesn't really come off as well....a Colonel. His acting's great but a military officer he's not. He orders his troops to destroy "Godzilla."

Sgt. O'Neal- WILL YOU STOP STUTTERING ALREADY!? The commanding field officer in charge of seeking out and destroying "Godzilla."

New Yorkers, French Secret Service Men, and the Army- Chomped and stomped by "Godzilla" and it's children.

"Godzilla"- Notice the quotation marks? That's because I refuse to call this abomination Godzilla. It's a huge radioactive, bi-pedal Iguana, with halitosis that burrows beneath Manhattan Island. Killed (along with most of it's "Baby Godzilla's") by the U.S. military.

As if the blatant americanization of Toho's Godzilla flicks wasn't enough...Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich take it a step further. Now, the movie isn't terrible at all, it's actually a lot of fun to watch. But like other Godzilla fans, I was dismayed to see a giant mutant Iguana trash Manhattan, rather than the pop culture icon that we all love and know. The movie starts off pretty quick and keeps a good pace. After seeing H-Bomb stock footage mixed in with scenes of roosting marine Iguanas, we fast forward (a few years? Maybe a couple months?) to a huge boat that's delivering fish to an overseas cannery. During a rain storm the boat is attacked and all but one person dies.
Soon it's discovered that whatever attacked the ship has struck other places as well, leaving a trail straight towards Manhattan Island! By now, Dr. Niko Tatopoulos (Nik for short) has been called in to find out what the military is dealing with (though he's a bit peeved that they interrupted his study of the Chernobyl Earthworm). Soon we see what Emmerich and his colleagues had rightfully hid from the audience since the start. My first reaction was "WHAT THE F*@K IS THAT THING?!" Even though I screamed this out loud in a movie theater I still don't think that I really overreacted. You see if they called this film something like, I don't know, "The Wrath of Iguanis," then it'd probably be awesome, but I still can't stomach this overgrown lizard as Godzilla. Ok now where was I? Oh yes, the military rushes in and evacuates Manhattan (or at least most of it). With the help of Nik, the army nearly bags "Godzilla" but of course their aim is as bad as their judgement.
So time and again the military attacks "Godzilla" and it escapes until two torpedoes supposedly finish off the creature in a short naval battle in New York Harbor. But earlier, Nik hypothesized that the "pregnant Godzilla" (he used it's blood samples in a home pregnancy test) may have a nest. He is of course ignored and then sent packing when some classified footage is shown on the evening news (Audrey stole it for her report, Mr. Caiman stole her report and made it his.). During the entire film, Phillipe Roache has been keeping a watchful eye on things. He kidnaps Nik and tells the young biologist that his assistance is needed. Phillipe is from the French Secret Service and is in Manhattan to clean up his government's mess. Apparently the French are responsible for "Godzilla's" existence. So Nik, Phillipe, and several Frenchmen named Jean seek out "Godzilla's" nest with Audrey and Victor in pursuit.
They all end up at Madison Square Garden and discover a few hundred eggs, that suddenly begin to hatch. The "Baby Godzillas" then begin to eat all the fish their huge parent had left for them. After the fish is gone the Frenchmen get munched and the "Baby Godzillas" chase Audrey, Nik, Victor,and Phillipe around. The four of them luckily escape after making a quick T.V. broadcast telling the Army to blow up Madison Square Garden. As our four heroes run outside, three jets bomb "the Garden" thus wiping out all the "Baby Godzillas." But what's this?! Apparently "Momma's" still alive and very mad. The giant Iguana pursues Nik and the others through the streets of Manhattan. The chase finally ends on the Brookly Bridge, in which "Godzilla" gets tangled in the suspension wires and hit with eight missiles (courteousy of the U.S. Air Force). And so "Godzilla" is killed, New York is in shambles (no big change there), and everyone can go home. Meanwhile at Madison Square Garden, one egg wasn't destroyed, and it hatches!

Roache: "What did you see old man?"
Old Guy: "Gojira... Gojira... Gojira..."

Lucy: "He is scum. As far as he's concerned you're just a pair of breasts that talks."
Victor: "Hey there's an image."

Lucy: "Victor, get back here you retard!"

Gene: "Didn't we agree that there'd be no more sweets until after the election?"
Roger: "Back off Gene."

Nik: "What's with the chewing gum?"
Roache: "It makes us look more American."