"He's Chillin' and Killin'."	Year of Release: 1997 Directed by: Michael Cooney Running Time: Approx. 90 minutes Rating: R Listing on the A.K.A. Page: Nope! A Second Opinion: Badmovies.org Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com or on VHS at Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Sheriff Sam Tyler- Sheriff of Snowmonton who single-handedly captured serial killer Jack Frost. Though he is polite and mellow at the film's start, he makes a transition into near action hero status by the end. He drowns Jack Frost in a pickup truck flatbed full of anti-freeze.

Ryan and Ann Tyler- Sam's son and wife. They are sickeningly loving family members. And that kid! God I wish Jack Frost really did kill him, for the sake of mankind!

Agent Stone- FBI researcher/scientist who created the genetic acid. He is possessed by Jack Frost and later regurgitates the homicidal snowman out onto a sidewalk. Said bulemic action proves fatal to Agent Stone.

Agent Manners- FBI agent who decides to kill Jack Frost rather than capture him. Ends up getting his arrogant face chewed off by Jack.

Jake Metzner- Local man who's a tad bit upset with the untimely death of his son Billy. He ends up getting an axe handle violently shoved (in one thrust) down his throat.

Billy, Sally, and Jill Metzner- Billy is decapitated by a sled, Sally has her face smashed into a box of Christmas ornaments several times and then strangled to death with Christmas lights. Jill is humped to death by Jack ("Hey where's the carrot in the bath scene?").

Billy- Jill's boyfriend. He ends up getting an icicle through his brain. OUCH!

Chris, Joe, and Marla- Chris and Joe are Sam's deputies and Marla is Sam's secretary. Jack Frost steals Chris' police cruiser and well...runs over Chris (probably the last thing you worry about when you're an officer on duty).

Paul- Local fellow who owns the hardware store in town. He uh... well... he's in a good portion of the movie and... he supplies the anti-freeze that kills Jack Frost. Say it with me folks, pointless character!

Jack Frost- A serial killer who's racked up 38 bodies in 11 states (an average of 3.5 victims in each state). During an accident, Jack is soaked with genetic acid which causes him to genetically combine with the snow on the ground, thus turning him into... A KILLER SNOWMAN! He has a wide range of powers such as melting and freezing at will. Jack is defeated by the mightiest weapon man has developed against ice and snow... antifreeze!

Sure the idea has come into hundreds of people's minds, buy Michael Cooney had the balls to do it. He had the guts to create a killer snowman movie! The film opens with a little narration in which a man named Uncle Henry tells his niece a happy/scary bedtime story. He tells her all about Jack Frost, a serial killer who has made quite the name for himself. Then it cuts to the vehicle that's transporting Jack to his execution. It collides with another vehicle that happened to be carrying an experimental genetic acid. Well Jack is splashed with the stuff and soon he melts completely into the snow. Afterwards we are introduced to Sheriff Sam Tyler, his wife, and their horribly stupid (as well as ugly) son. Sam had captured Jack Frost single-handedly and has had nightmares ever since.
The day after Jack's supposed death in the car crash, an old man is found dead on the outskirts of town. Sam immediately calls the FBI to confirm that Jack Frost is truly dead. He happens to reach Agent Manners who tells Sam that Frost is lone gone. Soon afterwards, a snowman suddenly appears in Sam's front lawn. Not caring where it came from, Ryan goes out and decorates it. Why does he need to look at a snowman puppet to decorate the real snowman outside? Is the concept of a carrot nose and two eyes made out of coal that hard to grasp?! Anyways, Billy Metzner shows up and picks on Ryan (way to go!). Then he knocks off the nearby snowman's head with a sled. Jack does not take kindly to this and shoves Billy down in front of an oncoming sled, resulting in the snotty adolescent's decapitation.
Later that evening, Jack Frost pays a visit to the mourning Metzners. He shoves an axe handle down Jake's throat, and turns Sally into a gruesome tree ornament. Now Sheriff Sam is a bit worried after all of this. Four people have just died in his quiet redneck mountain town, he has no leads, and now Agents Manners and Stone have arrived. Soon the agents declare a curfew and the majority of the local townsfolk are staying the night at the... town church? No that's not it... town hall? Maybe. In any case everyone is there except for Tommy and Jill. Those two horny teens sneak into Sam's house to fool around. Jill runs upstairs and begins drying her hair while Tommy tries to set a romantic mood. Suddenly a snowball hits the kitchen window scaring the bejesus out of Tommy. He keeps asking who it is and then opens the door, armed only with an icepick.
Suddenly he's sent flying backwards by Jack. Tommy charges the towering snowman and begins stabbing him with the icepick. It soon proves futile and Tommy ends up with an icicle embedded in his brain. Jack then sneaks upstairs and melts into the tub (we don't see this but it's implied). Jill sees the inviting bathwater, strips, and hops in for a minute or two of relaxation. Suddenly the water freezes and Jack slowly turns back into snowman form. Then he starts thumping Jill into the wall... wait, where's the carrot at?! (Yes guys, Shannon Elizabeth is humped to death by a killer snowman and no you don't see her naked. Go watch your copy of American Pie if you want to see that).
Jack then decides to visit Sam at the police station. Closed doors hold Jack off just long enough for Sam, Marla, Paul, Manners, and Stone to escape. When everyone's clear, Manners fires a shot into the building causing it to explode. No it wasn't a magic bullet, I neglected to tell you about the twenty or so aerosol bug spray cans that they taped the nozzle down on. The cloud of compressed chemicals met the spark from the bullet and ... KABOOM! But the blast didn't destroy Jack, it just ticked him off! Our heroes then try to destroy Jack by forcing him into a furnace with the aid of some blowdryers. This plan fails because when you boil water it turns to steam which, in large amounts, turns into water. Jack regroups and chews off Agent Manners face. Then he possesses Agent Stone's body and walks out of the town hall (?). Once outside, Stone spews a stream of white liquid onto the ground which turns back into, you guessed it, Jack Frost! Jack then goes after Sam and Ryan who are inside a squad car.
Jack melts and pours in, only to get anti-freeze oatmeal in his face (Ryan put anti-freeze in Sam's food so that he wouldn't get cold. I told you, this kid is a mongoloid!). Jack is about to have a showdown with Sam until Paul hits the killer snowman with a truck. Sam quickly tells Paul to fill the back of the truck with anti-freeze and to return in five minutes. Paul complies as Sam uses his five minutes wisely. He leads Jack upstairs in the building (that was supposedly a town hall but is actually an apartment complex ... I think). Jack captures Sam and drives an icicle slowly through his heart. Sam plays possum until he hears Paul's horn outside. This is Sam's cue to dive out the window with Jack, into a veritable wading pool of anti-freeze. For a few moments Sam struggles with Jack but the killer snowman is quickly dissolved in the anti-freeze. Ryan sees one of the snowman's arms on the ground and picks it up (the kid's stupidity is just oozing out of his sweat glands!). The arm wraps around Ryan, who is then given a Southern Baptist baptism in the anti-freeze. Said anti-freeze is then buried in an unmarked grave, never to be found again... until Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman!

Uncle Henry: "He'd stick knives in their faces and cut out their tummies, and stomp on their heads 'til their brains were all runny."

Jack Frost: "Gosh, I only axed ya for a smoke."

Joe: "What the hell's eating him?"
Chris: "I bet ya it ain't his girlfriend."

Tommy: "I said who's out there!"
Jack: "Well it ain't f*ckin' Frosty!"

Jack: "Don't eat yellow snow."

Sam: "Hey Jack! What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?!"
Jack: "I dunno."
Sam: "No balls." (Note: The correct punchline is "Snowballs.")