"This Ain't No Game, It's A Live-Action Thrill Ride!"	Year of Release: 1993 Directed by: Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel Running Time: Approx. 104 minutes Rating: PG Listing on the A.K.A. Page: Nope! A Second Opinion: The Mutant Reviewers From Hell Buy it on VHS at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Mario Mario- Bob Hoskins! No it's not a typing error, Mario's last name is actually Mario. He's a true romantic, whose charm no woman can resist. On top of that he's a tough as nails plumber, what a combonation! He and Luigi save "Dinohattan" and the Earth from the evil King Koopa.

Luigi Mario- John Leguizamo! Mario's brother and plumbing apprentice. He always follows his gut feeling yielding poor results most of the time (especially when it comes to driving). Helps Mario save "Dinohattan" and the world from Koopa!

Princess Daisy- Samantha Mathis! Rightful heir to her father's throne. Only she can replace the missing piece of a meteorite (the one that wiped out the dinosaurs) which will merge our Earthly dimension to that of the ... dino-people.

King Koopa- Dennis Hopper! Evil ruffle-haired tyrant of "Dinohattan." He plans on entering the dimension full of "mammals" in hopes of conquering it by de-evolving all the humans on Earth into apes! His evil plans are foiled by Luigi and Mario, who turn him into a puddle of primordial goo with the aid of de-evolution guns.

Lena- Koopa's second in command. She becomes jealous of Princess Daisy and tries to merge the two dimensions. She succeeds only to become fossilized.

Iggy and Spike- Fisher Stevens and Richard Edson! Koopa's two bumbling cousins/henchmen. He evolves them into smarter beings to try and capture the Mario brothers. Instead they join forces with the two plumbers to overthrow Koopa. Be sure to watch after the end credits, because Iggy and Spike are offered a video game of their adventure by two Japanese businessmen!

Daniella- Mario's girlfriend. She was kidnapped earlier on in the film along with a handful of other Brooklyn babes. She's rescued by her man in red.

Toad- A street performer who sings negative songs about Koopa. For this unlawful act, he's turned into a Goomba!

Big Bertha- Corpulent bouncer of the Boom Boom Bar in "Dinohattan." After being wooed by Mario, she helps him out in a couple tough situations.

Scapelli- The Mario brothers' main plumbing competitor. He's turned into a chimpanzee by King Koopa.

The King- Lance Henriksen! He was Koopa's first victim of de-evolution. The King was turned into fungus which then spread across the entire city of Dinohattan. In his fungal form he rescues Luigi and Mario on a number of occasions. He is turned back to normal at the film's end.

The Goombas- De-evolved citizens of "Dino-hattan" that mindlessly serve King Koopa. They're probably the most ineffective henchmen/soldiers that I've ever seen!

If you have never seen this movie and think it's just like the original series of Mario Bros. video games (or any other Mario game for that matter), you are sorely mistaken. This film is nothing like the actual video games. The characters' names have been borrowed from a variety of Mario games, but the similarities end there. The movie opens with two cheaply animated dinosaurs talking about how good life is. A narrator with a thick Brooklyn accent then explains the sudden demise of the dinosaurs, "...a giant meteorite struck the Earth! Good bye dinosaurs!" That's not all though, the narrator also sets up the premise for the whole movie. "But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed?! What if the impact of that meteorite created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious beings, just like us?! And hey, what if they found a way back?"
After "Super Mario Bros." flashes across the screen, it cuts to a woman running through Brooklyn with a oval metal object. She places said object on the doorstep of a convent (or perhaps it was a nunnery), knocks on the door, and runs to a nearby manhole. She then climbs down into the sewer and soon bumps into Koopa (who is currently wearing a General's uniform). The woman knocks over a few support beams (in a sewer?!) and dies when the whole place caves in. Meanwhile, the nuns have taken the object inside. They open the metal object and discover a large egg within, which hatches into a (seemingly) human baby. About twenty years later, the egg-child as it turns out is Daisy, a university student who is supervising a fossil dig (at the exact same place where her mother died!).
The dig is interfering with businessman, Anthony Scapelli's construction plans and he's none too happy. After an ambiguous threat session with Scapelli, Daisy goes to the nearest payphone in order to call for more security. This is where she meets Luigi and Mario. Luigi is entranced by her beauty and asks her out to dinner, which she accepts. That evening, after dinner, Daisy and Luigi visit the fossil excavation site. As they're talking and flirting in the dark cavern, water starts to pour in. Apparently two of Scapelli's evil plumbers were sent to flood the place. Mario quickly arrives and, with Luigi's help, stops the huge leak. After this disaster is averted, Iggy and Spike suddenly show up and knock out the two plumbers. The two bumbling henchmen kidnap Daisy and carry her off. Mario and Luigi come to their senses and chase Daisy's captors to a dead-end.
As the two Marios search for a possible exit (besides the one they came from) in the dead-end, Daisy's pops through a rock wall. Luigi grasps for her but misses, and ends up yanking off her stone necklace. So why the hell did I mention this stone necklace? Well, the stone (or rather, the crystal) is actually part of the meteorite that hit the Earth sixty-five million years ago. Once the missing piece is returned, both the the dino-dimension and our Earthly dimension will merge. Got it? Good! Soon the two confused Mario Brothers are wandering around "Dinohattan." Moments upon their arrival, an old woman pulls a huge ass stun gun on them and steals Daisy's necklace from Luigi. Big Bertha suddenly shows up, steals the necklace from the old woman, and tosses the aged hag to the street below! Meanwhile Iggy and Spike return to Koopa with Daisy, but not the stone. They then tell the enraged Koopa that "the plumbers have it," and a bounty is placed on Mario and Luigi's head.
It's not long before they get arrested (along with Toad) and interrogated by Koopa. He de-evolves Toad into a Goomba and threatens Mario and Luigi with the same fate. The Mario Brothers give Koopa a small taste of his own medicine by running him through the de-evolution machine, and quickly escape. They steal a police car and escape through an unfinished tunnel into the "Koopahari Desert." Koopa decides then, to evolve Iggy and Spike into more advanced beings. Perhaps by making them smarter, they will be able to capture those two pesky plumbers. However, Koopa's plane backfires, and his two enlightened cousins join forces with Mario and Luigi. Their first plan of action is to get the meteorite stone back from Big Bertha. Mario uses his all of the charm he can muster, and steals the stone from Bertha.
Just when things are looking up though, Lena shows up with some Goombas and ends up getting the meteorite stone. Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi escape, and decide to sneak into Koopa's skyscraper to rescue Daisy. They break in undetected and change into more suitable plumber garbs (finally after half the movie is over, these two actually LOOK like the Mario Brothers!). They turn off the heat in the skyscraper as a distraction and then go to find Daisy. Once they find her, Mario learns that his girlfriend Daniella is being held captive along with a few other Brooklyn girls. He leaves Daisy and Luigi behind to go save Daniella and the others. Mario succeeds in his rescue attempt and they all escape through an icy airshaft on a "Goompa Mattress." The mattress surfers eventually blast out of the shaft and land in the main plaza of Dinohattan. Soon howdown begins between Mario and Koopa. During their scuffle, Koopa drops the meteorite stone.
Lena sees this happen and dives for it, then lands on some electrified fencing and gets lightly toasted. Lena then decides that she will merge the two dimensions and runs off towards the meteorite! Luigi and Daisy chase after her with the Brooklyn girls in tow, to stop Lena! They eventually catch up with Lena but it's too late! The Brooklyn girls escape back to Brooklyn to warn of Koopa's arrival. As soon as they escape, Lena finally shoves the meteorite stone completely back into place and ends up becoming a fossil! Back in Dinohattan, Mario and Koopa are now face to face, when suddenly...they begin to disintegrate. The two dimensions begin to merge and it looks as if Koopa may be victorious and succeed in de-evolving mankind (Scapelli ends up as living proof). Luckily Luigi pulls the meteorite piece out, thus returning Mario and Koopa to Dinohattan.
Finally we're at the end of the film. Toad shows up and equips Mario and Luigi with de-evolution guns. Our two heroes then blast King Koopa and turn him into a puddle of green slime. Koopa's demise brings happiness to Dinohattan's citizens and causes the King to return to his old self. Mario and Luigi then go back to their world, leaving Daisy behind to rebuild her kingdom. Weeks later, Luigi is moping around the house because he misses Daisy. He suddenly cheers up after he and Mario are declared heroes on a show called the Miraculous Universe (or something to that degree). Suddenly there's a knock at the door. Mario yells, "It's Open," and in walks Daisy, armed with a gun and decked out in tattered clothes. She tells them that she needs their help, they exchange a few "humorous" lines, and the movie ends (making room for a sequel that hasn't and probably never will be made). Overall I thought it was a good movie that was competently written (I truly couldn't find any real plot holes while watching it). Everyone in the cast played their roles well, and clearly had fun doing it. Be sure to fast forward through all the credits to catch the last part of the movie. Iggy and Spike are offered a contract for their very own video game ("The Supa' Koopa Cousins!")!