"All Singing! All Dancing! All Flesh Eating!"	Year of Release: 1993 Directed by: Trey Parker Running Time: Approx. 105 minutes Rating: R Listing on the A.K.A. Page: YES! Click Here! A Second Opinion: The Unknown Movies Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com. My Rating:

Alferd Packer- Trey Parker! Young man enlisted as a guide for the others to Colorado territory. He's obsessed with finding his lost horse Lee Ann and gets them all hopelessly lost.

James Humphrey- Matt Stone! A compulsive liar that's forced to go on the ill-fated trip by his father. Murdered by Bell.

Israel Swan- Very optimistic fellow who never complains and always tries to get everyone's morale up. Shot by Bell and eaten by the others.

Frank Miller- Very pessamistic fellow who complains constantly and is put in "time-out" a few times for his behavior. Murdered by Bell.

George Noon- Dian Bachar! Young man on the trip with one thing on his mind, SEX! He wants to get gold so he can get women. Murdered by Bell.

Shannon Wilson Bell- Mormon preacher who's going on the trip to get gold, so he can build a church. Get's wounded by a beartrap, goes insane from the infection, and kills everyone but Packer.

Polly Prye- Reporter who falls in love with Packer. She tries and succeeds in acquitting him of his death sentence.

The Trappers- A trio of mountain men who supposedly steal Packer's horse. Their leader, Frenchie, attempts to hang Packer but ends up getting decapitated by the Indian Chief.

The Indians- A tribe of Indians played by Japanese people! The concept itself is hilarious in my opinion. They give refuge to Packer and his friends during the long Colorado winter.

This movie is hilarious. It's based upon the true tale of Alferd Packer, the only man ever convicted of cannibalism in the U.S. The film starts out with Packer on trial for his crime. While in prison he is visited by Ms. Polly Prye, a reporter trying to find out what really happened to Packer's mining buddies. Most of the film is a flashback, starting from when the group gets together and leaves from Bingham mines in Utah. Then they travel to Provo to get supplies and have their first run-in with the trappers. From there, they travel to their intended destination point of Breckinridge in Colorado Territory. Packer gets them lost and his horse Lee Ann runs off with all of their food and provisions. To make matters worse, Bell gets his leg caught in a beartrap.
Eventually they make it to a Ute Indian reservation. The funny thing about this is that all the Indians are Japanese! The Indian Chief insists that they are Indians because "They have many Teepees! Hehehehe. While staying at the reservation, Packer and his pals run into the trappers again. Then after a month or two, the trappers leave. Packer, now more sure than ever that the trapper's "kidnapped" his horse. Packer attempts to follow the trackers but ends up getting his traveling party lost again. While wandering the Rocky Mountains they run into the Cyclops (a Civil War Veteran from the South whose wounded left eye sprays pus!) and run away from him only to wander deeper into the uncharted wilderness. Israel Swan stays optimistic throughout this whole ordeal, and is shot in the head by Bell. I think it was kind of harsh to kill a man who's just trying to cheer you up. Anyways to stay alive, everyone eats poor Israel Swan.
The ill-fated travelers move on, and finally get to the point where they can no longer go on. Packer leaves to go ahead to search for a new route. When he returns he discovers that Bell has murdered everyone. Packer confronts Bell and kills the murderous Mormon in self defense. After being hit in the face with a cleaver, shot in the head with a pistol, stabbed in the eye with a pointed stick, and impaled with a pick-axe, Bell finally dies. Packer makes it to a small town when spring comes around and is taken prisoner after his dead comrades are found. Before he is executed however, Ms. Polly Prye saves the day with a pardon from the governor. Since the massacre took place in Ute Indian territory, before Colorado was actually a state, Packer couldn't be tried under state law.
Frenchie (the main trapper) tries to hang Packer, but is beheaded by the Indian Chief who suddenly shows up to save the day. And so Packer was eventually released from prison, has fallen in love with Polly Prye ... but wait! Bell makes his final appearance of the film! His mangled corpse pops up and screams right after Ms. Prye and Packer kiss! The thing I'm sure you will love most about this movie when you see it (not IF you see it), is the music. Just go here to listen to the songs. If you are the proud owner of a DVD player, be sure to get Cannibal! The Musical on DVD. It contains three hours of extras including an inebriated commentary from the cast!

Packer: "Hey. Do you guys think it's true, that...she's a trapper horse?"
Bell: "Oh a horse is a horse."
Humphrey: "Of course."
Packer: "Of course."

Humphrey: "Fudge Packer?"

Humphrey: "You guys! I just thought of something too. Ok. Now remember when Swan was building that snowman? How the hell did he make that tapping sound with his feet?"
George: "You just now thought of that?"
Humphrey: "Well it's pretty f*#%ing weird, isn't it?"

Packer: "Nobody move or....I'll, eat this guy right in front of you."

Sheriff: "Alferd Packer...Do you have any last words?"
Packer: "Yes I do. "
Sheriff: "Right, make it snappy."
Packer: "Probably the most important thing is that when things....get really bad and the world looks it's darkest you have to throw up your hands and say Well All Right! Cause it's probably gonna get a whole helluva lot worse."