"The Love Boat Was Never Quite Like This!"	Year of Release: 1989 Directed by: Valerie Breiman Running Time: Approx. 99 minutes Rating: R Listing on the A.K.A. Page: YES! Click Here! A Second Opinion: Doug Pratt's DVD Review Buy it on DVD at: Amazon.com or Movies Unlimited.com. My Rating:

Shecky Moskowitz- Adam Sandler! A complete loser, and cocktail waiter on a cruise ship. He (for one reason or another) wants to be the ship's comedian. In the end he succeeds and gets to kiss King Neptune's daughter SLIMY!

Dickie Diamond- Foul mouthed (he would make a sailor cry) "comedian" on the cruise ship. After the moron locks himself in the bathroom (for most of the movie), Shecky tries to take over. Dickie ends up getting tossed over the side of the boat. (He also has a tendency to flip off everyone and everything he possibly can.)

General Noriega- Burt Young! Proof that and actor can still find work after starring in Rocky and all it's sequels. He sends two goons to kill Ms. Australia because she mocked him.

Bob- Shecky's only friend. He and Ms. Australia fall in love (within 10 minutes of meeting each other they decide to get married). No real purpose in this film.

Noriega's goons- Two stupid terrorists who constantly speak in broken English. They fail to kill Ms. Australia and end up becoming a comedic duo.

King Neptune- Billy Zane! Roman God of the Sea, passenger on a cruise liner, and overprotective father of "SLIMY!"

Slimy- King Neptune's exceptionally good looking daughter. She gives Shecky a big kiss at the movie's end.

The box for this movie features Adam Sandler shrugging on the deck of a cruise liner with this "What the hell?" kind of look on his face. After watching some of this movie, I had the same reaction. Shecky (what the hell kind of name is that) is a big loser and the cocktail waiter on a cruise ship. For some reason he wants to be a stand up comedian. Well basically he tries to this during the whole movie... which is being watched by General Noriega (that's right, a framework plot). As Noriega watches the movie, Ms. Australia comes on the screen and begins to mock him. In response, Noriega sends two bumbling terrorists to kill her.
Anyways Shecky (after some really bad luck), strikes it big when the ship comedian, Dickie Diamond, locks himself in a bathroom. And since Ms. Aussie saw Dickie's hat in the water, the entire cast... err... everyone thinks that he drowned after (you ready for this?) GOING OVERBOARD! Well after three unsuccessful attempts at humoring the guests on the ship, Shecky receives advice from King Neptune (Roman God of the Sea) and later on (THE) Milton Burl! Well finally after some more incoherent shenanigans and going's on, Shecky becomes the beloved ship comedian. As he does a (really bad) successful comedy routine, gun shots are heard. The two terrorists have arrived!
Then a chase ensues, as the terrorists chase Ms. Australia, Shecky, and Bob. Ms. Australia is captured, Bob is knocked out, and Shecky tricks the two terrorists into doing a stand up comedy routine. So Bob and Ms. Australia fall in love, Shecky becomes a comedian, and the two bumbling terrorists also have a bright comedic future. Dickie Diamond ends up escaping the bathroom but then falls overboard and slowly sinks under the ocean waves as he continues to flip off anything and everything. So the movie ends happily with Shecky kissing King Neptune's daughter SLIMY! Then roll the credits with the cast and characters all dancing to a bad rock song. ::sigh:: God I hate this movie.

Dickie: (after punching Shecky in the face) "There's your punch line, you stupid f*ck!"

Beginning - Yo Paulie, what's up?! Where's Adrian?

1+ minutes - Annoyingly long, animated, opening credits!

5 minutes - Shecky explains to the viewing audience that the movie "has no budget!"

16 1/2 minutes - I'm well into the movie and nothing has really happened yet!

25 1/2 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ADAM SANDLER!

29 minutes - RANDOM SELF INFLICTED VIOLENCE AGAINST AN EVIL ANIMATED COMEDIAN!

40 minutes - General Noriega sings a sad song.

42 minutes - The word "F*CK!" has officially been overused.

48 minutes - Shecky and Bob sing a song.

52 1/2 minutes - Where the hell did that band come from?

55 minutes - That guy's a Marilyn Manson wanna be.

56 1/4+ minutes - A "MONTAGE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!"

66 1/2 minutes - MILTON BURL?!

75 minutes - That's strange... gun shots are fired and heard but there's no flashes of gunfire from the barrel.

76 1/2 minutes - Hey! Shecky was just wearing a pink shirt a second ago! Now it's green!

87 1/2 minutes - GOD CAM! Hehehehe.

88 1/2 minutes - Why is that man in the background dressed as a banana?

92 minutes - Shecky and SLIMY kiss!

92 1/2+ minutes - End Credits!