☻I'm a bit
shy...I'd like to have sex with
you, you do not have to say yes,
just smile to me!
☻I
think I have BSE on my penis
...... all women who experienced
it go crazy !
☻Eva
stood in the river washing her
cunt when God comes running to
her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I
WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.
☻Do you
know why a waterbed needs to be
filled with seawater?...For the
mussels need to be able to open.
☻Screw
calmly and without worries, if
you do not come today, it may
happen tomorrow !
☻Women
are like little children, they
put everything they see in their
mouth.
☻The
boy puts his information in her
communication and together they
make population!
☻What
is the resemblance between a
windscreen wiper and a woman?
... When they are wet, they do
not squeak any more!
☻The first
day we met,I wanted you in my
bed.Today I'll know better,so
I'll write it in my letter.In my
bed I've seen so many faces,so
I'll fuck you at different
places
☻Sex is
good,sex is funny, all the
people fuck for money!If you
think love is funny, fuck
yourself and safe the money!!!
☻What
is de maximum speed during sex?
.... 68, because at 69 you go
overturn!
☻A
good neighbour is better dan an
inflatable doll !
☻God
created the world in SIX days
But it took him centuries... to
come up with someone...as "HOT"
... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable"
... *..As "YOU!" .. *
☻Text
messaging is like a blow-job off
an amateur prostitute;
short...sweet and always
cheap!!!
☻What
is the smallest airplane in the
world,a cunt... Only one man
fits in it, he needs to stand,
his luggage stays outside and he
still gets off ...
☻Are
mice giving you trouble? No?
Than you must have a good pussy!
☻Are
these your eyes? I found them
between my brests!
☻Sex
is like Nike, just do it.
☻Never
dance naked because the body has
parts that do not stop moving
when the music stops.
☻How
does a vagina look before sex?
Like a lovely pink rose! And
after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog
eating Mayonaise??
☻When
I was born I got the choice, or
a major dick, or a fine memory.
I am not able to remember what I
did choose.
☻Masturbation,
don't knock it, it's sex with
someone I love...
☻Do
you know why smurfs always
laugh? Because the grass always
tickles their little balls!
☻What
is the difference between a man
and a dildo?......... A man is a
REAL PRICK!!!!
☻Programming
is like sex: One mistake and you
have to support it for the rest
of your life.
☻The
best anti-virus program for a
computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the
floppy when inserting in drive.
☻If
you don't like oral sex than
keep your mouth shut!!
☻Sex
is good for your stomach muscles
and much more fun than fitness
☻The
difference between erotic and
perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with
a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing
with a whole chicken.
☻A
guy walks up to a girl and says:
Wanna play *Magic*? She says:
What's that? .....He says: We go
to my place, have sex and than
you dissappear.....
☻What
did Eva shout when she wanted to
have SEX ?? ............. ADAM
WHERE ARE YOU !!
☻you
do not have to be good to be the
best as long as you are better
than all the rest!!
☻What
does position 68 mean........You
are doing me and I owe you one!!
☻Love
your neighbour, but don't get
caught.
☻A
peach is a peach,a plum is a
plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without
some tongue.So open up your
mouth and close you eyes and
give your tongue some
exercises!!
☻Just
to let you know that I went to
heaven and back...
☻What
you never want to hear while
having good sex?? .............
"Honey, I am home!"
☻There
is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex,
Group-Sex, Leather-Sex,
Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and
for people with your face:
"No-Sex"!
☻Why
does a woman have two pair of
lips?................... One is
for fighting and one is to make
up.
☻What
is the resemblance between a
woman and a
condom?................ They
both fit around your dick and
are present in your wallet
☻If
you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I
laugh...if you are happy, I am
too...if you are sad, I am
too...and if you are horny, call
me.
☻American
students say:.....people who
never experience good sex and do
not perform well in bed, usually
read their SMS messages with
their right hand
☻sex
is like nokia (connecting
people) like nike (just do it)
like pepsi (ask for more) and
like samsung (everybody is
invited)
☻A
woman is like a pair of rubber
boots. When they are dry, you
cannot enter them, when they are
wet, they smell and when you
walk on the street with them,
people laugh at you.
☻Zwaai
uw tieten in het rond, schuur je
clitoris op de grond, stop 4
vingers in je kut, ram die
kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je
met een gans, dit is de
mastrubatiedans.
☻Press
down......down
more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost
there......yeah......oh
shit......harder......so good!
mmmm
......................That's how
we sex on text.
☻Message
from you provider: Your dildo is
disturbing our network. Turn it
off or continue manually. Thanks
for your cooperation.
☻The
3 miracles of a woman: produce
milk without eating grass, 4
days of bleeding without dieing,
letting a man come without
yelling.
☻Hi,
I am an alien and I've just
transformed in your phone and
right now I'm having sex with
your finger. I know you like it
because you're smiling now!!
☻I
do not have the muscles of
Stallone, I am not as handsome
as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong
as Schwarzenegger, but I can
lick as good as Lassie!!!
☻Do
you know the highest level you
can reach during sex?
.................................
no?......................................
Bungler !
☻By
opening this message you
activated the dildo of your
girlfriend. She thanks you
moaning...You have now become
unnecessary.
☻Pornography
tells lies about women, but the
truth about men.
☻Roses
are red ... Pickles are green
... I love your legs and whats
in between
☻Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody
is having sex at this very
moment....Wait a sec...There is
only one sucker reading this
message!
☻Sex
is a sensation caused by
temptation,when a man puts his
location in a woman's
destination,do U understand the
explination or would U like a
demonstration
☻SEX
is the game, Love is a name,
Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY
the game.
Laws of
sex
- The more beautiful the
woman is who loves you, the
easier it is to leave her
with no hard feelings.
- Nothing improves with
age.
- No matter how many times
you've had it, if it's
offered take it, because
it'll never be quite the
same again.
- Sex has no calories.
- Sex takes up the least
amount of time and causes
the most amount of trouble.
- There is no remedy for
sex but more sex.
- Sex appeal is 50% what
you've got and 50% what
people think you've got.
- No sex with anyone in
the same office.
- Sex is like snow; you
never know how many inches
you are going to get or how
long it is going to last.
- A man in the house is
worth two in the street.
- If you get them by the
balls, their hearts and
minds will follow.
- Virginity can be cured.
- When a man's wife learns
to understand him, she
usually stops listening to
him.
- Never sleep with anyone
crazier than yourself.
- The qualities that most
attract a woman to a man are
usually the same ones she
can't stand years later.
- Sex is dirty only if
it's done right.
- It is always the wrong
time of month.
- The best way to hold a
man is in your arms.
- When the lights are out,
all women are beautiful.
- Sex is hereditary. If
your parents never had it,
chances are you won't
either.
- Sow your wild oats on
Saturday night -- Then on
Sunday pray for crop
failure.
- The younger the better.
- The game of love is
never called off on account
of darkness.
- It was not the apple on
the tree but the pair on the
ground that caused the
trouble in the garden.
- Sex discriminates
against the shy and the
ugly.
- Before you find your
handsome prince, you've got
to kiss a lot of frogs.
- There may be some things
better than sex, and some
things worse than sex. But
there is nothing exactly
like it.
- Love your neighbor, but
don't get caught.
- Love is a hole in the
heart.
- If the effort that went
in research on the female
bosom had gone into our
space program, we would now
be running hot-dog stands on
the moon.
- Love is a matter of
chemistry, sex is a matter
of physics.
- Do it only with the
best.
- Sex is a three-letter
word which needs some
old-fashioned four-letter
words to convey its full
meaning.
- One good turn gets most
of the blankets.
- You cannot produce a
baby in one month by
impregnating nine women.
- Love is the triumph of
imagination over
intelligence.
- It is better to have
loved and lost than never to
have loved at all.
- Thou shalt not commit
adultery.....unless in the
mood.
- Never lie down with a
woman who's got more
troubles than you.
- Abstain from wine,
women, and song; mostly
song.
- Never argue with a women
when she's tired -- or
rested.
- A woman never forgets
the men she could have had;
a man, the women he
couldn't.
- What matters is not the
length of the wand, but the
magic in the stick.
- It is better to be
looked over than overlooked.
- Never say no.
- A man can be happy with
any woman as long as he
doesn't love her.
- Folks playing leapfrog
must complete all jumps.
- Beauty is skin deep;
ugly goes right to the bone.
- Never stand between a
fire hydrant and a dog.
- A man is only a man, but
a good bicycle is a ride.
- Love comes in spurts.
- The world does not
revolve on an axis.
- Sex is one of the nine
reasons for reincarnation;
the other eight are
unimportant.
- Smile, it makes people
wonder what you are
thinking.
- Don't do it if you can't
keep it up.
- There is no difference
between a wise man and a
fool when they fall in love.
- Never go to bed mad,
stay up and fight.
- Love is the delusion
that one woman differs from
another.
- "This won't hurt, I
promise."
-
|
☻Sex
is a sensation. It's
about a man's
temptation, putting
his location in a
woman's destination.
Do you understand
the explanation or
do you need a
demonstration? |
|
☻Hi, I
am an alien and I've
just transformed
into your phone and
right now I'm having
sex with your
finger. I know you
like it, because
you're smiling now!! |
|
☻Mean
people suck, Nice
people swallow! ! |
|
☻A
peach is a peach, A
plum is a plum, A
kiss ain't a kiss,
without some tounge.
So open up your
mouth, and close
your eyes, and give
your tounge Some
exercise! |
|
☻CONFICIUS
SAY: BOY WHO GO TO
SLEEP WITH STIFF
PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH
SOLUTION IN HAND. |
|
☻Love
is a name, Sex is a
game. Forget the
name and play the
game! |
|
☻Humpty
Dumpty fucked a fat
whore, Humpty Dumpty
blew on the floor.
All the kings horses
& all the kings men,
laid the slut down &
fucked her again! |