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I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING


All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.


If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.


When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.


Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.


Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.


Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.


I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!


Sorry, I don't date outside my species.


Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!


First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.


Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!


Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.


Bad sex is better then a good day in school.


Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!


Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…


Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your


dreams......

☻She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

☻As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

☻She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

☻About as interesting as watching paint dry

☻Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard

☻I've seen better hands on a clock

☻As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

☻He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

☻She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

☻As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

☻She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

☻She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

☻She's as fit as a butchers dog

☻She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

☻As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

☻His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

☻Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

☻As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

☻As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

☻This guy is all foam, no beer.

☻As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

☻About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

☻A legend in his own mind...

☻He's an expert on padded cells.

☻He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!

 ☻Lights on, door open, nobody at home

☻As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

☻He's as bent as a butchers hook

☻He's as happy as a Pig in $hit

☻About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

☻About as subtle as a flying brick

☻She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum