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adult sms jokes
Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.
Airplane Meeting
A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and
notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the
plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down
the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him,
he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you
flying to today?"
She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
His mind reeling, he asks, "And what do you do at this meeting?"
"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths
about sexuality."
"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his
excitement.
She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American
men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native
American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed
that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men
of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."
"Very interesting..." the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.
"I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this
with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto...Tonto Goldstein.
Why is a beer better than a woman?
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
A frigid beer is good.
A beer doesn't care when you come.
When a beer goes flat you can toss it.
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
A beer never gets a headache.
If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.
You can share a beer with a friend.
You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
You can have a beer in public.
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
A beer doesn't get pregnant.
A beer doesn't have parents.
You can say whatever you want to a beer.
A beer doesn't care if you are late.
And you can always have several different beers and not feel guilty.
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in
a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"Teacher says,
"Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."Second little boy..."Trees
are definitely green""Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."Little
Johnny
from the back of the class stands up and asks:"Does a fart have lumps?
"The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse
when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy
and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called
the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.
"Why, we just hired her?"
"Well, I think she is dyslexic and get thing backward. I told her to give Mr.
Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hour, but she gave him 24 shots in
two hours and it
almost killed him. I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours
and she gave her twelve in one hour."
The doctor have barely finished his reasons when the other doctor rushed out
of the room. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" the doctor asked.
"To see Nurse Nancy, I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill's Boil!"
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop
drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me
how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even
how to invest in the stock market."
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked
his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Dead Pussy
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her
cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my
wife. You two have a lot in common
Making Love To...
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline
stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.
A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.
And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe
normally.
Speeding
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled
her over for speeding.
Officer: May i see your licence?
Lady: what does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to
the officer.
The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I
wouldn't have pulled you over.
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
Q:Who is h5er, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.
A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?
rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
☻The
sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
☻Q:Who is
stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.
☻A
husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
☻Son on
his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?
☻rooster&cat
goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
☻LUV D
WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
☻Girl:
Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
☻Nipple
Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.
☻Man says
to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
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