sardarji sms messages

Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke?
Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.

Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3.
Sardarji to son: You fool, if you would have ran behind an auto, you could have saved Rs 30!!!.

There was this news that 200 sardars are killed in a train accident at the station. Only one Sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to the Sardarji and the conversation between them goes as follows:
Correspondent: How did this happen?

Sardarji: Well, all the 200 people were waiting for the train.
They were standing on the platform. Then there was this announcement
that the train is arriving on platform number 2. They got scared to know that
the train is arriving on the platform and hence they jumped onto the tracks to save themselves,
The announcement was misleading the train arrived on the track and you can see the result.
Correspondent: Well, I guess, you must be the intelligent Sardarji. Why did you not jump onto the tracks?
Sardarji: I was actually trying to commit suicide. I was waiting for the train on the tracks.
When I heard that the train is arriving on the platform, I climbed up.


Once this guy visits his Sardarji friend he notices that his wall clock is not working and it looks beyond repairs.
Dost: Tu naya ghadi kyun nahin le leta?
Sardar: kyun? ye abhi bhi kaam aata hai
Dos : Kaise?
Sardar: Yaar.... din mein do baar to sahi time dikhata hai!

Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked",
his wife said "then y didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".

Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje,
jor se baarish shuru ho gayi.
Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai.

Sardars entry in the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules
were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected,
so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.


A sardarji went to a STD/ISD PCO
and slapped the operator twice.
Guess why ?
Because there it was written
"Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

Sardarji on KBC 2

Amitabh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne..

Contestant Sardar is tensed.

Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan?

Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?
(He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
But Sardar is still confused.
Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend)
Sardar: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Sardar : I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..
Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.
Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend.. Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.
Amitabh Bachchan Shocked !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan
Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"
Receiving reply from JAYA, Amitabh Bachan faints..
GUESS WHY?
Jaya Bachchan ask's him "What are the options?"

Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar
"I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money".
Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money, I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend"

Please can you lend me Rs 1000, I will return it to you day after tomorrow,
I nead it Pls help me out, I know you Have it ...
Sardar talking to an ATM Machine!!


1. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

2. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.

3. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

4. Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studing, Santa : No is not studying, they are Studying him.

The Clever Sardar

INTERVIEWER: Imagine that you are in a closed room and all doors and Windows arer closed,
Now how can u escape if the room caught FIRE?

SARDAR: Very simple I stop imagining!!

12 sardr
12 car mein
12 bhajke 12 mint 12 sec pe
12ve cinema hall mein kaun si film dekhne gaye?
A: ........ "Yeh vakt hamara hai"

Q: How many sardarji needed to put a nail in to the wall?
A: 100.
why is it so?
One will hold a nail against the wall and the rest of them will push the wall!


Sardarji to a bypasser: What's the time please ?
He replied it's 3:15 P.M
Suadarji: I just wondering I have been asking this question to everyone and always got a diffrent answer!!


Two sardarjis were sitting together and the first sardar says something into the second one's ears,
hearing that the second sardar suddenly dies......
What did the first sardar tell the second sardar hearing which he dies?
The first sardar whispered, "DHISHKAAAON" into the second sardar's ear.

A Sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.


Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read :
"Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh God : religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver a child : suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers.
The sardar replied : who is the father ??
Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story !

Sardarji on Train
Once a sardarji was travelling by train. It was high summer & the climate was too hot.
At a station came a handy-fan seller & entered the Sardar`s bogie.
All the passengers in the Sardar`s bogie bought the handy-fan but till the next station everyone`s
fan-feathers fell off except for the Sardar`s.
All the passengers astonishingly asked him how did he manage to keep it fresh as before.
The Sardarji cooly answered, "I just kept the fan in front of my face, and moved my head."

Sardar to his friend, "Yesterday I saw my wife going to see a movie with a stranger".
His friend replied, "So did u follow them?".
Sardar replied, "No yaar, I had already seen the movie".

Battery Change !
Sardarji at a car garage-
Sardarji- "O’ ji battery change karma hai"
Mechanic- "EXIDE lagaa du?"
Sardarji- Kyon, doosraa side tera baap lagaayegaa?

THE BRAINY SARDAR
Once it was announced on a railway platform that rajdhani express is coming on platform One,
Suddenly a sardar jumped on the train tracks.
A man shouted to the sardar "what the hell are you doing?".
The sardar said to the man that you are going to die as the train is comming on the platform and not on the railway track.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what...
---To avoid side effect!!!


Man: Sardarji where were u born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".


Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
--Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya tto court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath.


Q:) Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door
A:) bcoz it was an entrance exam.

A Sardar saw a beautiful girl...
he went and kissed her....

Girl said- "What r u doing...?"
Sardar said- B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigarh


Sardar's wife was in delivery pain.
But instead of taking her to the hospital, he took her to pizza hut!
Guess WHY ??
B'coz they promise "FREE DELIVERY"!!


Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don't know how she got my no, She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "plzz recharge ur card"


Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived,
They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon.
When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage.
They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon.
When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage.
They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy (Our Sardarji) went out. The other two were watching and watching for him.
When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried.
Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm.
They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train."


A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give >you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread
out for the next 19 weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.
" Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now,
then I want my five rupees back!


A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats"

A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.
Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258

Punjab Develpomet
Once all Sardarji's clubed together and decided to develop Punjab and they wanted the Punjab as a Developed State.
Each of them started giving suggestions ... finally one great Sardarji gave a suggestion with a huge volume "Lets fight with Indian Government, get freedom from India then, Declare war on America.... We will be defnetly defeated by America and we shall be the part of the America and then they will obviously develop our punjab also"....
"Wow" the crowd cheered up..... there was at last a thin voice asking "What about if we win ?"

A policeman was interviewing 3 SARDARS who were getting trained to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5
seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"


The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matterwith you two?
Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check this file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an
acute observation?"
"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
bolo ta ra ra raa....

Sardarji enters kitchen, Opens sugar box, sees it and closes, his wife sees this.
Again he comes after sometime opens sugar box and closes.
Wife asks, "What are you doing?"
Sardarji replies, "The doctor told me to check sugar level regularly."

Sardarji's Interview
Sardarji went to an interview...
Interviewer: Have u heard of "MIKE TYSON"??
Sardarji: Yes Sir.
Interviewer: Can u tell me his father's name??
Sardarji thought for a while & replied : "MIKE TIE" !!

This Sardarnee holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks a clerk if she can use the store's free baby scale.
'Sorry, maam,' says the clerk. 'Our baby scale is out for repairs. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.'
Oh, that wont work, says the Sardarnee.
Why not?' asks the clerk.
Becauses I'm not the mother -- I'm just the aunt!

Oncea Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction,
this disturbed hte sardarji and he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction.
While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked "Sardar ji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"

Marriage Proposal

One day a girl proposed to a sardar and sardar denied simply saying that in our family
WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!


what is the height of:-
(a) Stupidity?
Ans. 2 surds fighting for the window seat in a scooter.(Balle-Balle)
(b) Optimism?
Ans. Surd waiting for a bus, bird shits on his eye and he thinks that good cows don't fly.(Balle-Balle)
(c) Confidence?
Ans. Farting when you suffer from loose motion.(Balle-Balle)
How do you keep a sardarji busy?
Ans. ask him to find a corner in circular room.(Balle-Balle)
How do you keep another surd busy?
Ans. by writing P.T.O. on both sides of a page.(Balle-Balle)
How do you keep both the surds busy?
Ans Askig them to solve each others problems.( bolo tara rara)

Once upon a time three persons died on same day.One was Hindu,another was Christan and third was Sardarji.
Yamraajji(St Peter) was facing problem so as to decide whether they should be sent to haeven or hell. Finally yamraajji decided to ask one question from each of them and then send them accordingly.
Yamraajji asked from each of them if everybody got one chance to get their wish fulfilled thEN WHAT WOULD BE THEIR WISHES?
1. Hindu Guy: Uamraajji I have never tasted meat so I wanna taste it,
Yamraajji gives him meat and sends him to hell (one is not supposed to eat non-veg at least after he is dead)
2. Christian Guy: Just one more bottle of Wine,
Yamraaj arranges a bottle of wine and sends them to hell. (Wine is vice)
3. Sardarji:Yamraaji I have never smoked a ciggerate So I wanna smoke it,
So Sardaarji was also provided with ciggerate and sent to hell.(smoking is vice).
After ten years the same three persons were called so as to had look at their condition.
1. Hindu entered in the hall with great health and strong musceles.(Since he consumed meat for ten years.)
2. Christian was not in his senses,coming with a bottle of wine in his hands swanging here and there.
3. Sardarji was the same person as he was ten years back.
Approaching to yamraaj in a fits of anger and gave a tight slap on yamraaj's cheek and shouted: Ciggerate to de ditti,
maachis tera pyon dega (u provided me with ciggerate but what about matchsticks).

once an englishman asks the sardarji
"hello,how do you do?"
The sardarji thinks and finally answers
"Well, I don't know about your's but I do with my pants off."

once two sardars were jumping from a very tall building in New York.... both of them had parachutes.
They started falling down..down...rigt from the 100th floor....came the 70th...the 40th..the 30th...the 12th...and when they came somewhat near the first floor..
One sardarji asked the other....
"oye.paaji!... parachute ko abhi tak kyun nahin kulaya?...hum donon girkar marjaayenge""
The other one replies...."oye ....kya koi first floor se girkar martha hai..saale dakkan"

A Saradarji once accidentally collides witha woman while cycling.
The annoyed woman says: 'Brake nahi mar sakta tha kya?'
The Sardar replies: 'Poori cycle to mar di, brake kya alag se marni thi kya?"

what is the meaning of assassination according to a sardar?
Ass-ass-singh-nation.
gadha, gadhe ke peeche gadha, gadhe ke peeche sardar, sardar ke peeche poora nation.


Q:) What did the sardar do when he wanted to look 20 years younger?
A:) He looked in the mirror he bought 20 years ago!
Sardar returned to India after his trip from london, he asked his wife "Hey am I looking like a foreigner?"
she said "no"
sardar: "Hey look thorougly and say am I looking like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No for the last time, but why are you asking this?"
Sardar: Yesturday, at the station in london a lady told me "you look like a foriegner"

POPULATION EXPLOSION
Instructor giving a lecture on the population explosion
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child."
One student a sardar, Immediately stands up and says: "She must be found and stopped, Sir!"

Smuggler Sardarji
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover
that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji, doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' (Highway Restaurant) in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep.
Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi (Curd) and says, 'Bikes'

WIDE RUNWAY

Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream "the runway is ending...".

The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up,
the runaway is ending...".

The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent
the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..",
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."


Q:) How do u recognize a sardar in school or college???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!
Q:) What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
(He already has one and he wants one more..)
A:) He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how much he has slept........

One fine night a Sardarji........got angry with her wife.....
and scolded her like anything...."Maine tumse Ladka Maanga tha ....Aur tumne Ladki Paida ki......"
Furiously Sardarni answered....."Tumhare Bharose Baithi rehti to yeh bhi Paida nahi hoti......"!!

This Sardarjee always used to climb on the branches of the trees every day .......
Can you guess why?
Because he was the Branch Manager!

A sardarji once went to america. He toured the entire united states and before returning
he visited Washington D.C to hear John F. Kennedy's speech.
During his speech Kennedy told the crowd that he had slept with only one other woman than his wife
and challenged the crowd to guess who she was. When the crowd gave up he promptly told that it was his mother.
The crowd went wild and the surd was very impressed.
When he came back a party was thrown in honor of him and he was asked to give a speech,
He remembered kennedy's speech and he told the crowd that he had slept with only one woman other than his wife and challenged the people to guess who the person was.
When the crowd gave up the surd said, Kennedy's mother.

There was this Sardarji who was a non-smoker, one of his friends claimed that he can make the Sardarji a chain-smoker,
It was a hundred bucks bet.
His Friend brought a pack of WILLS (cigarette) and told Sardarji that it was an abbreviation for
"Women in London Love Sadars" (WILLS) The Sardarji loved the concept and started smoking and soon became a chain-smoker.
Now it was a turn of another of his friends, this friend claimed that he can de-addict Sardarji but for two hundred bucks.
This Friend also brought the Sardarji a pack WILLS (Cigarette) but told the Sardarji
what WILLS if reversed (SLIIW) stands for "Sardars Look Like Indian Women."
The Sardarji left smoking!

Sardar's Planting Trees
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us.
I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.
Today Balwant is off, because he is ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off!


A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance
a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer
I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word


Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."

Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage?
A:) To see his far reletavies.

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches
out of their pockets and started to eat them.
?You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.

Q. What would you call an Irish lady that marries a Sardarji?
A. Blonde Sardarini.
Q. And would this couple be as smart as other people?
A. Yes, since math says 50%+50%=100%

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,
but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar.
"TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning".

Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day ,
on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and exclaimed " sala aaj bhi phisalna hoga".
Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala , aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!

Once a sardarji marries a girl, within one and a half years he gets a baby girl.He is very upset as he expected a boy.
But he decides to tell people that it is a boy and not a girl!!!!At the naming ceremony of the child, two of
his sardarji friends look at the child for the first time. As told earlier, the sardar tells them that its a boy!!!
The two sardarji friends tell the father of the child that the eyes of the new born child are like him,
he childs nose is also like that of the sardar.
Suddenly the new born baby urinates on one of the sardar friends.
hey take out the nappy to clean the baby, Alas they are shocked to see that it is a baby girl.
They ask the father sardarji the reason for this. He answers in a COOL way,
"Are bhai, you said the babys eyes and nose are like me, So something should be like its mother also SAMJHE KYA?"

"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards ...
 

Once many people from around the world were invited at Queen Victoria's residence for lunch.
At the beginning of the lunch it was announced that every thing which is to be asked will be asked in a poetic way.
There was a sardar also. A person sitting next to sardar said to his partner "Mr. Tibutboon, please pass the spoon".
Now the sardar wanted custard. He thought a lot for a simile for custard but couldn't find one.
In the end he said to his partner "you bastard, pass the custard".


Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father."
Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only
say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am
Sardar?"
No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10,
I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me,
I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."


A sardar was recently hired at an office. His first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well on the first day on the job, he grabbed a large thismos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
He held up the thismos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take his order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the sardar asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied,
"Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the sardar sighed in relief.
"Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish in waters.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.


Top 10 sardarji inventions............

1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered torch
3) Submarine revolving door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag


Once there were four guys , hindu,muslim,sikh and christian.They all started an arguement about hanuman ji.
The matter of their arguement was the religion of hanuman ji. First of all Hindu came forward and said Ram ji was hindu ,
hanuman ji was his follower so hanuman ji was also hindu.
Then the muslim guy quickly responded at this and said hanuman is a muslim name
jaise rehman suleman waise hi hanuman. The christian guy said no it is an
english name just like heman and superman (heman,superman,hanuman).
At this the sardar ji got angry and said
"Jo insaan kisi doosre ki bBewee (wife) ke liye apni poonch mein aag lagwa sakta hai,wo sardar ke siwa koi nahi ho saktaa"


what is a sikh scuba diver called?
jal-andhar singh.

what is history of punjab called?
sarson-da-saga.

what would punjabi international airlines be called?
kitthe pacific.

what would national airlines be named?
itthe pacific.

what do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
just-beer singh.

what do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
just-one singh.



Paint the highway
A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better.
Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."


A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching
he is swetting in his seat when his friend asks him 'kyon sardarji,
kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai??'
Sardarji replies 'Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata!'


A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection in fact,
the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock,
his young Sardar attendant just filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the Sardar attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the attendant.
"So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years.
Of course I know what 'UFO' means. 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"


Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train.
Sardar was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress. But he was unable to open it.
Pathan came and opened the suitcase & said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box. But he could not opened it.
Pathan came, opened the box & said "Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open door of toilet but he couldn't .
Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar was to angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata, teri ma junge gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?"
and went off.


Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,
"Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us.
We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and
suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,
" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "
and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"
And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.


One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there,
they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the nexyt day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked
"tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form,
the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate
" the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied
"Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"

The Exam
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour
he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."


A Sardar goes over to visit one of his friends.
While he is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily the type that is not going to stop.
His friend tells him to spend the night at his house and go home the next day.
When he hears this, he rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched
and carrying a small bag. So his friend asks "Where did you run off too!"
The Sardar says "I went home to get my pyjamas!"


Two Sardar guys go on a fishing trip.
They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits,
the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally,
on the last day of their vacation,
one of the men catches a fish.
While driving home the first Sardar turns to the other ... "Do you realize that
this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly Rs 8,000?"
The other Sardar says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"


An American a Frenchman and a sardar were having dinner together with their girlfriends.
The american said "pass me the honey, my honey "while the french said" pass me the sugar my sugar".
Wanting to impress his girlfriend with his own beautiful language the sardar said "pass me the milk, cow".


One day sardar ji was wearing one green and one red sock with half paint. On the way home he met one of his friends.
The friend asked him why he was wearing two different socks ?
The sardarji told him"kya kahen kal dukan dar ne thag liya eisa hi ek pair ghar me bhi hain."


A Sardar decides to do something she hasn't done before,
and goes to the video store to rent her first X-rated adult video.
After looking around at the store, he selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
He drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,
and puts the tape in the VCR. To his disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen.
He is really furious and calls the store to complain stating, "I just rented an adult movie
from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, "Which title did you rent?"
The Surd replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"


Once upon a time there were three prisoners: a Hindu, a Christian and a sardarji.
The trio were to executed using a guillotine.
The final day arrived and they were lined up to be fed to the mighty blades of the the law.
So first came the hindu.
As a matter of convention, the jailor asked him if he had a last wish.
He never bothered for a wish just before dying and so he put up a whole hearted
prayer to Bhagwan and placed his head in the guillotine.
His prayers proved to be wonderful, the blade did not fall down. HE WAS PARDONED.
Next came the Christian.
So once again out of his compulsion the jailor asked if they could do something as a last wish of his.
The Christian also never obliged and offered his sincere last pryers to
Jesus Christ before placing his head no the chopper.
"All glories to the almighty" the guillotine again stopped at the edge of the convict's neck. HE WAS PARDONED.
Now came the sardarji's turn who was already quite pissed off at the two bizzare pardons just before him.
So yet once again as a matter of sheer practice the jailor again enquired from the sardarji
regarding any last wishes that he had.
Since sardarji was already vey seriously upset about the whole debacle, all that he could say was:
"I give a rat's ass to a wish, why the hell dont you get your frigging machine set right first???"


Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: Why do surds wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like surd jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you do when a surd throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
A: He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Q: What surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already
has one and he wants one more..)
A: He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!
Q: THINK about it.
A: I don't have to think.... I'm surd !!
Q:) why does a sardar smile during lightning?
A:) He thinks his photograph is being taken!
Q:) Why did a sardarji took a binocular to a funeral?
A:) Because it was a close friend of sardarji....


A Sardarji, a Muslim, a Hindu and an American were flying. Suddenly the plane engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they realise that there are no parachutes on the plane.
Sardar being little bold thinks "saale marna to hai to, why not try something " .
He unties his turban and holds the ends, making it like a parachute, and jumps out . Luckily the idea works and he floats down likeon a parachute.
Seeing this Hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating.
Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating.
Now comes American's turn. Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered T-shirt.
Anyway he also removes them, ties everything up and jumps.
But it doesn't hold and he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Muslim,
who says "Allah tumhari kher kare", then he passes Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare".
Now when he quickly passes the Sardarji, Sardarji says "oyaaa !!paaape race lagana hai, to ye le phir"
and leaves his turban.

One day a sardarjee etered my provision store and asked for a packet of butter.
He was handed over with the packet which had the caption cholestrol free written on it.
He paid for the butter and was handed over the butter He waited for sometime.
On asking him what else he wanted, he replied " don't think I will get fooled by you shopkeepers,
please hand over the cholestrol
which the company offered free with purchase of this pack".

Kaun Banega Crorepati
Once a sardarji is selected to play the Kaun Banega Crorepati game with Mr Bacchan.
Mr Bacchan asks the Sardar "Aap ek hazaar rupye jeetne ke liye taiyaar hain"
Sardarji replies " Haanji bilkul taiyaar hain"
Mr Bacchan says " Aapka pehla sawal " Aapka naam kya hai ?"
Sardarji replies "Balwinder Singh",
Mr Bacchan asks - sure ?
Sardarjee - Oh jee 100% sure
Mr Bacchan asks - lock kar doo ?
Sardarjee replies Ha ji lock kar do.
Mr Bacchan " Mubarak ho Aap ek hazaar rupye jeet gaye".
Mr Bacchan says "Ab aapka doosra sawaal"
Mr Bacchan asks the second question - "Aap ke pitaji ka naam kya hai ?"
After thinking for quite some time the Sardarji says " Are atleast chaar options to do"


A Sardarji is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Sardarji, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Sardarji, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"
Sardarji, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"
Sardarji, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."


This Sardarji is driving a passenger train when all of a sudden he gets the train off the tracks,
drives it into the nearby field and back on to the rails.
All this long the passengers are shocked and upon the next stop complain to the Station Master.
An angry SM confronts the Sardar who says,
"Saab main theekh hee chala rahatha jab main ne dekha ke ek aadmi tracks par khada hai".
But the SM retorts "To toone ek aadmi ke liye itnee logon ki jaane mushkil main daali,
abe saale le jaana tha uske upar say". "Saab main bhi
yehi socha lekin jab train nazdeek aayi to voh saala bhagnay laga", says the Sardarji.


Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

Vilaity sardar
A sardar had a lot of dogs. Every morning he took them for a walk. A group of boys used to pass him daily.

Once the boys got curious and decided to ask why he carried so many dogs. So hey stopped
the sardar the next day and asked the same, they also wanted to know there name. So the sardar said this is called satnam, this is called balwinder this is called kuldip etc.

Then they asked what is your name. He said Tomy


A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history
during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their
state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.
They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters.
Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out
of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali.
"Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.
They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters.
The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.
The Punjabi was stuck, He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name.
He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".


A Sardarji who is not confident of his English speaking ability is in a long Queue of customers at
Singapore international airport canteen. He does not know how to order breakfast.
The queue moves forward and the person before the sardarji in the queue is at the counter. He orders "Tea and Tiffin".
The sardarji's turn comes next and he orders "Coffee and Coffin".


A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk,
"What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds,
"It keeps Hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask.
" The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot Things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."


Once a sardar is travelling in a train without ticket.
The tt comes for checking now sardarji is worried what to do,he remembers that ministers & prime minister's
donot require ticket to travel.so when the tt comes (who is also a sardar)he tells him that he is indira gandhi,
the tt is very impressed and bows before him touching his feet saying"bada naa, sunya see aj dekh vi litha"
Once a sardarjis left hand got cut in a machine. He was taken to the hospital where the doctors told him
"sardarji rab di kripa hai ki apka left hand machine me aya. Agar right wala ata to bohot problem ho jati.
At this sardarji says: "Isme rab ki kya kripa hai,
aa to mera right hand tha machine mein par maine right nikal ke left daal diya."


A sardar was travelling with his family in a train, in the lower berth his wife,
in the middle his son. On a station he got down to drink water.
When he returned he was terrified to see a man sleeping in his berth he immediately
informed the station master in thebest of his english, "a man, sleeping on top of my wife, didnt give birth to my son"


Sardarjeee is Back

How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
A sardarji is in court as guilty of offering bribe to Trafic police constable.
The judge asks the sardarji to explain what happened.

The Sardarji says "I was driving my car. I came to this junction where
this constable was posted and controlling the signals. I saw a traffic sign that said 'FREE LEFT TURN'.
So I thought if left turn is free and there is no sign for right turn, I have to pay fees and turn right ".
The Traffic constable says "It is surely a 'FREE LEFT TURN'
at that junction but Right turn is not permitted at that junction. So you offered me bribe to break a traffic rule."
Sardarji said "No I did not offer you bribe. I offered you the fees".
Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

Q:) Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
A:) Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.


One Sardarji Had Some Health Problem And Was Advised For Urine Test. In The Morning
He Puts Urine In A Bottle And Kept In The Toilet. His Wife Goes To Toilet And By Mistake
She Hits The Urine Bootle And Urine Spills.
She Thought Sardarji Will Get Angry, She Put Her Urine In That Bottle.
After Some Time Sardarji Takes That Bottle To Lab And Gives For Testing.
In The Evening He Goes To Collect The Report And Is Shocked To See The Result Showing
" He Is Pregnant". He Comes Home And Shouts At His Wife
"Tenu Kinni Vas Keha Mere Upar Na Chadhya Kar, Ai Dekh Report, Mein Pregnant Ho Gaya.


Many people are confused about how did Princess Diana die!
Actually a sardar was the driver in the car in which princess diana and her boyfreind were driving!!
So when Princess Diana's boyfriend was in a very Romantical mood said "Diana ,
Oh Diana ". The Surdar thought he was being ordered to go dayna(right) and ...........


Once a sardarji went up on stage to recite a "sher" He started: "agar chand na honda to tare na honde" but forgot the rest.

He hummed and hawed a little bit. His wife, who was sitting in the first row with their
fourteen children, got impatient and said: "are aage bhi daso, aage bhi daso" The sardarji suddenly had a brainwave.
He recited: "Agar chand na honda to tare na honde/Agar too na hondi, to ye sare na honde"








 

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