Top
Hillary Clinton Campaign Slogans:
9. Because no Clinton has ever disgraced the office of Senator
8. I'll try not to misplace or shred important legislation
7. If you slept with my husband, the least you can do is vote for me
6. I've loved every one of the 17 days I've spent here in New York
5. Of the two insane, power-hungry candidates, I'm better at pretending
to be nice
4. Vote for me or I'll have Bill poison your water supply
3. Never indicted ... knock on wood!
2. I can run New York. Heck, I ran the whole country
1. Wait'll you see the scandals I'm planning!
Why is Bill Clinton so reluctant to deal with the fate of Elian
Gonzalez?
Because the last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban he
was impeached
From the law offices of Johnnie Cochran, here are the top ten proposed
closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:
10. If the dress ain't a mess, he won't need to confess
9. The economy's great, let the white boy skate
8. If the bitch didn't spit, you must acquit
7. If she's not spread eagle, it's not illegal
6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore
5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses
4. He cheats on his wife, but that's his personal life
3. Bill can't tell the truth until he sees Ken Starr's proof
2. Bill's not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy
1. If sex is just oral, it's not immoral
Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
To meet the chick
Why did Clinton bomb Iraq?
After Monica, he figured he was getting good at bringing people to their
knees
What do you call Monica Lewinsky with a runny nose?
Full
Why don't you want Monica Lewinsky and Tonto borrowing your car?
You'll wind up with a blown Injun
Hillary asks Chelsea, "Have you had sex yet?"
"Not according to Dad."
How will history remember Bill Clinton?
He was the president after Bush
What goes slurp, slurp, gulp?
Monica Lewinsky withholding evidence
What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
"Don't hit your head on the desk."
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Bill Clinton was
anything like the Monica Lewinsky affair.
She replied, "Close, but no cigar."
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky?
One can't come clean and the other can't clean come
What do you call an eight-day blow job?
Hanukkah Lewinsky.
What do Snap, Crackle and Pop have in common with Monica Lewinsky?
They all talk after being hit with a white liquid
What's the difference between the White House and a whore house?
You have to pay for sex in a whore house
What did Monica Lewinsky find in her purse?
A wad of Bill's
Why doesn't Clinton play his saxophone anymore?
He plays with his whore Monica
Why is Clinton so interested in the events of the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar
What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
They both heard a giant sucking sound
Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at Revlon?
He thought she would be good at making things up
How is Bill Clinton like a computer?
He has good hard drive and ram but a problem with memory
Did you hear what happened to Monica Lewinsky this morning?
She coughed up some new evidence
The White House scandal wasn’t really Bill's fault.
It was just something he got sucked into
The Clinton family goes to a baseball game. After they settle into their
seats, Bill picks up Hillary and tosses her onto the field.
His chief of staff shouts, "I said throw out the first PITCH!!!"
Bill is out on his morning jog when he sees a hooker. Passing her he
says, "20 bucks." "No way," she answers.
The following morning Bill is jogging with Hillary. As they pass the
same hooker on the street she says: "See what you get for 20 bucks?"
There is a study indicating that teens nowadays find condoms easy to
obtain. 20% get condoms at family planning clinics. 30% get them at
school. The remaining 50% said President Clinton brings his own.
The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a
beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately it was a draft,
so he was able to dodge it.
Why are Clinton's eyes always red and puffy?
Mace
A recent poll asked 2000 women if they would have sex with Bill Clinton.
94% replied, "Never again."
How are Monica and the Packers alike?
They both blew the big one
What did Bill Clinton do when the abortion bill hit his desk?
Paid it
Why did Clinton decide to go to Africa?
He got the idea thumbing through some of his old National Geographics
What did Clinton say when asked about the situation with Rwanda?
He denied ever having met her
What is the difference between a friend of Bill Clinton and a
five-pack-a-day smoker?
The smoker will live longer
How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy?
He just keeps plugging away
How does the White House know that the latest scandal will blow over
soon?
The President unzipped his pants and didn't see his shadow
Why is Monica Lewinsky like Bob Dole?
They were both upset when Bill Clinton finished first
How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?
It takes a village
Why does Clinton wear pants?
To keep his ankles warm
The Clintons ordered a new parrot, which was delivered to the White
House. Unfortunately, this parrot used to live in a whorehouse.
When Hillary walked through the door, the Parrot squawked, "Too old! Too
old!"
Then Chelsea walked in and the parrot said, "Too young! Too young!"
Then Bill walked in and the parrot said, "Hi Bill."
|