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☻
Why are women like parking
spaces?... Bcoz the good ones
are always taken and the rest
are all disabled!
☻
A girl phoned me the other day
and said..."Come on over,
there's nobody home." I went
over. Nobody was home
☻
According 2 Chinese Docs, a
WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS:
1.FACE-show room 2.BOOBS-play
room 3.TUMMY-store room
4.VAGINA-men's room
5.ANUS-emergency room
☻
Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for
some chicks in your phonebook
searching..... searching.....
searching..... sorry no chicks
found. conclusion, your are gay!
☻
RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread
legs,squeeze + massage milk
pots,check frequently with
midfinger,add banana,work in-out
till well
☻
I once had a One2One with a
virgin, she teased me till i had
an Erikson, sucked me till my
face went Orange, till busted my
Siemen all over her Nokias!
☻
Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat
whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the
floor. All the kings horses &
all the kings men, laid the slut
down & fucked her again!
☻
NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in
Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A
sending money, France sending
food, Britain sending
replacement paki's!!!
☻
i went for a walk with my uncle
jim, when somebody threw a
tomato
at him, tomatos dont hurt i
replied with a grin. they
fucking well
do when theyre still in the
tin.....
☻
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent,
spontaneous, good-looking, nice
friends, charming, funny,
well...Enough about ME! How
about you?
☻
Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill
whip u strip u til u cum, suck
me fuck me lick me out, pull my
nipples til i shout
☻
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a
poopy in my eye, I don't worry I
don't cry, I'm just happy that
cows can't fly!
☻
sex is a sensation. It's about a
man's temtation, putting his
location in a woman's
destination. Do you understand
the explanation or do you need a
demonstration?
☻
BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't
heavy
☻
GIRL : If we become engaged will
you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone
number??
☻Advantages of
breast milk
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive
containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE
☻23 useless things
in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot
catch mouse
|
☻Cocktail |
Is it d whiskey dat
makes u frisky.Is it d
brandy dat makes u
randy,Is it d gin dat
makes u slip in,Is it d
rum dat makes u cum! |
|
☻Triplets
or Twins |
I want triplets, You
want twins, Lets get in
bed and see who wins! |
|
☻satisfy
a woman |
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;
caress, excite, cuddle,
fascinate, spoil, kiss,
rub, tease, pamper,
console, worship,
respect & love.HOW 2
SATISFY A MAN; blow job
|
|
☻Life
is like a dick |
Life is like a dick!
When it's hard Fuck it! |
|
☻Rainbow |
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da
jungle havin sum
marvelous fun, Zippy got
silly,popped out his
willy & stuck it up
Bungles bum! |
|
☻Love
& War |
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay
down and i'll blow the
shit out of you! |
|
☻Little
Girl |
When i was a girl,i had
a little quim,i sat upon
my bed & put a finger
in,now im a woman & full
of grace & charm,I can
get 4fingers in & HALF
MY FUCKIN ARM!! |
|
☻Virginity |
Virginity is like a
balloon, one prick and
it's gone forever! |
|
☻Question
Time |
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts
on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts
on ur chest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts
on ur chin?
A)a mouth full of cock! |
|
☻The
Truth |
QUESTION)Wots the
difference between ur
job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always
sucks!!!!! |
|
☻Pringles |
Sex is like a pack of
Pringles! Once you pop,
you can't stop!! |
|
☻Marriage |
A man woz arranged 2 b
married!He had a choice
of 3 women!1st woz a
rich docter,2nd woz a
poor cleaner & 3rd woz a
prostitute!WHO DID HE
PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! |
|
☻Getting
Old |
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe
size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite
means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a
69 is playin bingo |
|
☻Baby
Please |
Of all the babes ur my
selection,please dont
giv me a rejection,my
teeth are clean for ur
inspection,so giv my
mouth a tongue
injection! |
|
☻Pair
of tights? |
HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U
FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2
calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1
beaver,loads of hares &
1 smelly fish! |
|
☻Sex+drugs |
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets
get drunk & misbehav,on
weed+speed +little
e's,well get drunk &
talk 2 trees,u only live
once & den u die,so fuck
em all & lets get high! |
|
☻Men
like toilets |
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of
order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always
engaged
4)dey consume large
amounts of liquid
5)r constantlt full of
shit! |
|
☻Mary's
bush |
Mary Mary, quite
contrary, trim that
pussy its too damn
hairy!!! |
|
☻Horny |
Roses are red, voilets
are corny, when i think
of you babes it makes me
so HORNY!!! |
|
☻5
bad things |
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A
NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains ur
car!
2)but still work,right?
3)r u cold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes
me d early bird! |
|
☻Hickory,
dickory, dock |
Hickory, dickory,
dock,dis bitch woz
suckin me cock,da clock
struck 2,i dumped me
goo,& dropped her at da
end of da block |
|
☻Mary
had a little lamb |
Mary had a little
lamb,she kept it in da
backyard,wen she took
her panties off,his
wooly dick got hard! |
|
☻Peter,
Peter, Pumpkin eater |
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin
eater,had a wife & liked
to beat her,smacked her
twice around da head,
Fucked her arse & went 2
bed! |
|
☻Being
a student |
Being a student is so
much fun,wen u have
degrees in playin wiv
tongues,if u be my
teacher in how tongues
flex,we'll both graduate
in hot oral sex! |
|
☻Down
on her Knees |
Shes down on her
knees,Eager to
please,Wiv a throb of
his nob in her gob,Wiv a
tingle in his belly,his
legs turn to jelly cos
shes doin a fuckin good
job! |
|
☻Cat
and the Sausage |
A cat tries 2 get a
sausage out of a
river,but gets its paws
wet,then it sees a
bigger 1 but falls
in!MORAL OF THE
STORY?The bigger the
sausage the wetter the
pussy! |
|
☻Oral
sex |
Oral sex can b so
fine,wen u do a 69,u
start 2 shake,moan &
quiver,den u cum just
like a river,den u lick
it up in vain,wipe ur
lips and start again! |
|
☻Mary's
bike |
Mary had a little
bike,she rode it bak 2
front,all the time the
wheels went round the
spokes went up her cunt |
|
☻NewsFlash |
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL
your female friends that
i can get 1000 tampons
for ?1, No Strings
attached but for a
limited period ONLY! Its
A bloody good deal !
|
|
☻Nutella |
I love when you stick
your little fingers in
me deep and lick it all
. Love always , Nutella. |
|
☻U
and the Pope |
do u know what's the
diference between U
geting laid, and the
pope geting laid?? if
the pope gets laid, it's
a sin, and if U get
laid, its a miracle!! :) |
|
☻Old
Days |
in days of old wen
knights were bold +
condoms wernt invented
they tied socks around
their cocks + people
like u were prevented. |
|
☻Sex,
Drugs + Birthcontrol |
Sex, Drugs, Rock and
Roll
Speed, weed and
birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u
die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..
|
|
☻Kiss
Me |
Kiss's r blown + kiss's
r wasted kiss's rnt
kiss's unless they r
tasted, kiss's spread
germz + germz hated, so
kiss me BABE im
vacinated! |
|
☻How
many letters |
How many letters are in
the Alphabet?? Nineteen.
Because ET went Home on
a UFO and the FBI went
after him! |
|
☻My
Roof? |
last night I lay in my
bed looking at the
beautiful stars, the
moon and the sky....
then I thought where the
fuck is my roof?? |
|
☻Foot
and Mouth |
mary had a little
lamb,its name was little
ralph,its burnin in a
field right now cos its
got foot and mouth |
|
☻Blondes |
What is the difference
between blondes and
traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say
stop |
|
☻Operator |
This is your mobile
operator and we just
found out you are too
dumb to use your phone,
so please put it on
ground and start jumping
on it . Thank you |
|
☻Blonde
Womens legs |
what did the blondes
womens left leg say to
the blonde womens right
leg? don't know they
never met! |
|
☻This
Way Up |
Pleas turn your mobile
phone upside down now!!!
Hurry
370HSSV 0773H |
|
☻I
love you |
This time im sure about
wat i feel & im gonna
say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with
Shaven Pussys! |
|
☻Mary's
Lambs |
Mary had 2 little lambs
their names were Jack
and Gypsy. One day they
got foot and mouth and
now they're black and
crispy. |
|
☻Sheep |
Group of sheep in field,
one says i dont feel
well. The others reply
shut the fuck up your
get us all shot. |
|
☻Butter |
Your teeth are so
yellow, i can't believe
it's not butter!!! |
|
☻Condom
factory |
Your birth certificate
is an apology letter
from the condom factory. |
|
☻Yo
Mama |
Yo mama's so ugly, even
the elephant man paid to
see her. |
|
☻Mary
Stinks |
Mary had a smelly minge
with pubes as dark as
charcoal.So most the men
go round the back and
stick it up her arsehole! |
|
☻Mary's
Duck |
mary had a little lamb
she also had a duck, she
put them on the
mantlepiece to see if
they would fuck |
|
☻Tampons
|
☻ This sms can only be read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git!!
☻ Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
☻ Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.
☻ Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...
☻ Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!
☻ I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark
☻ What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!
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whats the difference
between a mini tampon..a
middle tampon and a
large tampon?....they r
all stuck up cunts! |
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