☻NEWSFLASH..
Police arrested 2
kids yesterday: 1
was drinking battery
acid the other was
eating
fireworks.They
charged one and let
the one off.
☻*NEWSFLASH*
An independant study
has proven dat those
who have a bad sex
life & who are crap
in bed are readin
dis message in their
right hand!
Croupiers On
Strike--Management:
"No Big Deal"
Stadium Air
Conditioning
Fails--Fans Protest
Queen Mary Having
Bottom Scraped
Henshaw Offers Rare
Opportunity to Goose
Hunters
Women's Movement
Called More
Broad-Based
Antique Stripper to
Display Wares at
Store
Prostitutes Appeal
to Pope
Teacher Strikes Idle
Kids
Newspaper Headlines
in the Year 2035
Castro finally dies
at age 112; Cuban
cigars can now be
imported legally but
President Chelsea
Clinton has banned
all smoking.
Spotted Owl plague
threatens Western
North America crops
& livestock.
Last remaining
Fundamentalist
Muslim dies in the
American Territory
of the Middle East
(formerly known as
Iran, Iraq, Syria,
and Lebanon)
Afghanistan still
closed off;
physicists estimate
it will take at
least ten more years
before radioactivity
decreases to safe
levels.
George Z. Bush says
he will run for
President in 2036.
35 year study: diet
and exercise is the
key to weight loss.
Nursing home
event... Bill
Clinton denies
allegations of
affair with candy
striper.
Texas executes last
remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft
likely to focus on
use of mutants.
Baby conceived
naturally.....scientists
stumped.
Authentic year 2000
"chad" sells at
Sotheby's for $4.6
million.
Ozone created by
electric cars now
killing thousands in
Los Angeles.
Average height of
NBA players now nine
foot seven inches.
Microsoft announces
it has perfected its
newest version of
Windows so it
crashes BEFORE
installation is
completed.
New California law
requires that all
nail clippers,
screwdrivers, and
baseball bats be
registered by
January 2036.
The burglar was
about 30 years old,
white, 5' 10", with
wavy hair weighing
about 150 pounds.
- The family lawyer
will read the will
tomorrow at the
residence of Mr.
Hannon, who died
June 19 to
accommodate his
relatives.
~ Mrs. Shirley
Baxter, who went
deer hunting with
her husband, is very
proud that she was
able to shoot a fine
buck as well as her
husband.
- Organ donations
from the living
reached a record
high last year,
outnumbering donors
who are dead for the
first time.
- The dog was hungry
and made the mistake
of nipping a
2-year-old that was
trying to force feed
it in his ear.
- We spent most of
our time sitting on
the back porch
watching the cows
playing Scrabble and
reading.
- Hunting can also
be dangerous, as in
the case of pygmies
hunting elephants
armed only with
spears.
Low Wages Said Key
to Poverty: Newsday,
July 11
Man shoots neighbor
with machete: The
Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in
big, little, medium
sizes: The Daily
Progress,
Charlottesville,
Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far
Deadlier Than Clean
Ones, Study Shows:
The New York Times,
March 10
Man Run Over by
Freight Train Dies:
The Los Angeles
Times, March 2
Scientists see
quakes in L.A.
future: The
Oregonian, January
28
Wachtler tells
graduates that life
in jail is
demeaning: The
Buffalo News,
February 26
Free Advice: Bundle
up when out in the
cold: Lexington
Herald-Leader,
January 26
Great Sales
Technique
A newsboy was
standing on the
corner with a stack
of papers, yelling,
"Read all about it.
Fifty people
swindled! Fifty
people swindled!"
Curious, a man
walked over, bought
a paper, and checked
the front page. What
he saw was
yesterday's paper.
The man said, "Hey,
this is an old
paper, where's the
story about the big
swindle?"
The newsboy ignored
him and went on
calling out, "Read
all about it.
Fifty-one people
swindled!"
☻*NEWSFLASH*
A woman was found
dead in her home
2day!She was
discoverd in her
bath tub which was
filled with milk &
conflakes.the police
suspect a cerial
killer!
☻*NEWSFLASH*
Police r lookin 4 a
suspect whos smart
sexy witty & very
gorgeous- they've
already eliminated u
from the enquiry
(where do you think
i shood hide?)
☻NEWFLASH
tell all ur female
m8s dat u can get
1000 tampons for
£1.No strings
attacthed but 4
limited period.Its a
bloody good deal!