About as subtle as a flying brick

She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

About as interesting as watching paint dry

Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard

I've seen better hands on a clock

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

She's as fit as a butchers dog

She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

This guy is all foam, no beer.


As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

A legend in his own mind...

He's an expert on padded cells.
 

☻Girl, how long have you been in the oven, cause I know I felt something rising.