"There's nothing you can take into your body that won't kill you."
"This is bad... I need a stiff drink." - My dad, after I told him that Ralph Macchio was around 22 years old when he played the Karate Kid
"He's related because he baptised a 3rd or 4th cousin twice removed. It doesn't take much for me to claim relation." - Uncle Clare
"There's so many holes in that secondary that Helen Keller could drive a bus through there."
"Well if you become a nun, you should probably teach at a Catholic school."
"Why would I teach at a Catholic school? I'm not Catholic and I'm not a teacher."
"Well if you were a nun you'd have plenty of time on your hands to learn all that!"
"See? I told you I was entropic!"
"I wish you'd stop micro-managing my deodorant skills!" - My dad
"He probably won't murder us too badly."
"I'm just so happy and I don't know why!"
"That's awesome!"
"It's weird because nothing is going particularly well or anything..."
"Well is it going particularly bad?"
"Probably!"
"Did the trees hug you back?"
"::thinks long and hard:: ...I don't remember if they hugged me back or not."
"Basically I think the genders are the same, but girls suck."
"That's awesome!"
"...Are you sure? I mean..."
"Well, I don't know if it's awesome, but I mean awesome as far as being humorous... I'm sorry, I'm not trying to berate your worldview."
"Is Christmas on the same day in Canada?"
"He puts the pro in prostate." |
