In this page, you will get to explore the mind, events and feelings of a Chun Jui... ok, fine, judging from the past 25 years, my life is far from what you call "eventful" (in fact, "dull" might the be more appropriate adjective) but I'll try to keep my entries interesting!
Saturday, May 6, 2006
I apologize again for my "disappearing act" for the month of April. For those of you who have spoken to me, you know that my life was a little crazy and hectic in April. My eldest aunt passed away, after battling with cancer for about a year. Then,I had serious problems with my eyes (I was told that I could go blind if I didn't start taking care of my eyes!). After that one of my favourite cousins, Kelly passed away too. Although we were all saddened by the loss of my aunt, we were appreciative of the fact that she had enjoyed a full life with 9 children and many grandchildren (too many-- can't keep count!). My cousin Kelly, about whom I've written in this journal before, passed away at the young age of 31 years old. Her death was particularly rough on me because I couldn't understand why she was the victim of a seemingly cruel joke (she escaped the horror of 9/11 because it was her day off but only to be stricken with leukemia). I also felt guilty. Guilty because I never got to visit her when she was sick (she was living in Hawaii) and guilty because I still have a bright future ahead of me, and she didn't. I know it's silly to have felt that way but that's how I did feel.
However, I thought about how strong she was throughout her ordeal, how she fought for her life, and how she appreciated life. Before she was sick, she was a happy, positive, loving young woman. She loved her family with all her heart and always put others before her. She would have wanted me to be happy, so I'm learning to turn that guilt into something positive. Yes, I do have a bright future and I will cherish every second of it, and use my life to do positive things. I will live life the way she would have. I will be strong, confident,happy, and thankful. I learned so much from her-- beauty tips and lots of advice about boys when she was still healthy to lessons on love and strength when she was battling leukemia. So even though she is gone, she will always live in my heart because I am learning to live life the way she did and would have had she survived...
Dear Kelly,
Congratulations: you are finally released from all your pain and suffering and on your way to a much better place. As hard as it is for anyone who loved you to say ��goodbye�� to you, we are at the same time relieved that you are finally free again.
I don��t know if you felt the same way but I know that the very first time I met you, I instantly felt a connection with you. Being the youngest in both of our families, we served special roles for one another: you were the older sister I��ve always wanted and I was the younger sister you could dote on. Even though I��ve only seen you three or four times in person, I had always felt close to you. You were so easy to talk to you and so easy to tell everything to. You never once laughed at me and my immaturity even though the first time I met you I was only 12 and you were 18. You always supported me and was always on my side�Xespecially whenever I told you about my boy problems!
I felt so close to you that I still remember some things that you told me. For example, you always admired my hair and how soft it was. You made me promise that I would never perm my hair because you did and it fried your hair, making it brittle and frizzy. Even to this day, at the age of 25, I��ve never once permed or even coloured my hair. My hair is still soft and shiny, and it��s all because of you, Kel. It��s a very trivial, not to mention, vain thing, but that��s about the only thing I can do for you.
There is nothing any of us could do for you while you were bravely enduring all the pain. Now that you��re gone, I think that the only thing we can do for you is to learn from you. Your mom said that you were the strongest person she��d ever known and I think we all agree. Even when you were so ill, you still thought of others first, trying to lessen the pain of your illness to those you who loved you. From this, we can all learn such valuable and important lessons: love others with no restraint and be strong at all times. I know you probably didn��t always feel loving nor strong when you were battling the leukemia but the truth is, even when you were still healthy, you were already all those things.
So, Kelly, from this day on, I will live my life the way you would have if you had defeated leukemia�Xlive life to the fullest, live life with no regrets, and live positively. I promise I will take care of my health; I will laugh a lot; I will love a lot. I will not be afraid of the unknown; I will take ��wise�� risks, and I will keep learning. If I could end up being half the kind of person you were, Kelly, then it would be all because of you.
My family and I will never forget you, our most beautiful Kelly. May you rest in peace.
Till we meet again, your cousin,
Elsie
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