In this page, you will get to explore the mind, events and feelings of a Chun Jui... ok, fine, judging from the past 22 years, my life is far from what you call "eventful" (in fact, "dull" might the be more appropriate adjective) but I'll try to keep my entries interesting!
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Like the song goes, what's love? My cousin is about to go through a divorce from his wife of 7 years, and it seems a little unbelievable to me. The worst part is, they've a got a little boy who's about to turn two years old next month. Poor kid-- he's got no say in his parents' decision, and has no idea what the heck is going on. But, what IS love? I know I sound like an old cliche but really, is it just about the flowers, Valentine's Day, "vows" of loving each other "forever"? Every relationship has its own problems, I know, but it's pretty scary how cold-hearted it becomes when the relationship is coming to an end. I mean, what happened to the vow of loving each other "till death do us apart"? It's so cold-hearted and cold-blooded when divorce papers are signed and assets are divied up/fought over. Even the children are treated as "assets". And all of a sudden, things that used to be charming about the other person are now seen as faults and flaws. These faults then become precisely the problems that break up the marriage. How can you swear that you'll love each other forever now matter what, in front of your family and friends in a church, only to break up later? Did you not know of these problems before entering the marriage? Anyway, I know it's a lot more complicated than that but my cousin's divorce is really causing me to question the "realness" of romance. It doesn't really help either since I already don't have much confidence and faith in romantic relationships left. Don't really trust anyone with my heart anymore...awwwww.... =P
Sunday, November 17, 2002
I think I'm getting an ulcer. Never eat super sour oranges even when your mom forces you to. *sigh* I wish I had more interesting things to say. =/
Oh, I do have something to say. Ok, here goes: Is there something wrong with being single? Is there something wrong with me not having a boyfriend right now? Yes, it might be strange when everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend but I don't (don't you think I've noticed???) think it's that out of the ordinary. Yesterday, someone asked if they could see my boyfriend's picture, and i said that I don't have one. The person thought that I meant I don't have a picture of my boyfriend, so I had to clarify that I'm not dating anyone right now. She asked me why I didn't have one. Uh, well... because...? Anyway, so she thought that it was because I am a very conservative girl, and to make the situation less awkward, I just went along and said, "Yup. I'm a very reserved girl." Then, someone else (who has a boyfriend), tried to console me by saying that it was really ok, because boyfriends are a pain anyway. The only thing that made me feel uncomfortable was the fact that she thought I needed to be consoled because of my lack of a boyfriend. Anyway, I'm not offended or anything, just a little bothered that other people think that single people need to be reassured that it's ok to be single. Yes, I know it's ok to be boyfriendless (it took a while for me to get there though, I must admit), especially at this point in my "emotional life". I still need to sort out some things for myself, figure out what kind of person I am before I can go into a relationship with someone. I also need to make sure that all wounds are healed and aren't gonna burst open by the slightest touch. Plus, there's a lack of choice--- it isn't exactly like there are any potential guys out there right now, anyway. But, I will admit, I do feel a little out of place when I'm surrounded by people who are all "coupled". But, that's ok, the right guy who knows how to be good to me will come along one day. Let's keep the dream alive, ok? =)
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
You know that feeling you get when you realize that you've been cheated or ripped off? Well, I finally realized that I've been "ripped off" all along. I've been cheated into thinking that I didn't have the right to choose, that the decision wasn't in my hands. I've been so wrong. The problem is, that person probably also believes that I didn't have the right to choose either. Even worse, that other person never knew that she too, had a choice.
Anyway, you know what made my day today? A little girl from preschool told me that she loves me!! =P Apparently, she was soo excited that she took a picture with me at our Halloween party, that that was all she could talk about for days! =D It makes me feel so happy, knowing that I've made a difference to someone's life, even if it's to a little girl's life. She now LOVES to come to preschool because of me. Isn't that so great? That's truly the first thing that's made me feel better after having some not-so-great days this past week or so. So, what's the moral of the story? Always, always tell someone how much they mean to you, that you love them, that they've a made difference to your life. Trust me, that will mean the world to them! =)
Monday, November 11, 2002
Here is a really good email I got a while back. I found it comforting and helped me through certain situations. I hope it helps you, too:
Lest we forget...
I think you came into my life for all the above. Thank you.
Thursday, November 7, 2002
I got my cell phone bill today, and WHOA! For the second time in a row, I've managed to max out my minutes!! I guess I shouldn't use up all my minutes during the second week of the month!! =/ I'm gonna go broke soon if I keep this up!!
Anyway, Caroline , I think you're right: the next time we get to hang out together probably isn't until Christmas holidays! How sad is that?? The last time we saw each other was in August when we went to CNE... *sigh* I hate how school and work are the major components of my life.
Ok, time for another Pet Peeve that I know all of you fellow TTC commuters will identify with: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH TTC??? Why does TTC have the MADDENING tendency to either not come on time, making me have to wait for a ridiculous amount of time before TWO or THREE buses come all at once??? The worst is when you're waiting and waiting and waiting for a bus/streetcar to come, when finally a packed, almost ready to burst at the seams bus/streetcar come, the driver makes the pretense of slowing like he's really gonna open the door for you. Except, what's the point?? Why bother pretending to want to open the door when the only room available for me to ride on is on top of the bus/streetcar? Ok, so I wait for the next one to come. 20 minutes later, just when I'm starting to wonder if there is any point in me waiting, practically the whole fleet of TTC buses/streetcars come! Arghhh...it's even worse when earlier, when you were walking towards the stop to catch the streetcar or bus, you see the whole empty fleet fly by but you have to wait for another 20 minutes just to see a packed streetcar/bus come!!! Here's another bone I have to pick with the TTC: why do some bus drivers stand at a stop forever when it's not even a major one and nobody is getting on or getting off?? There aren't any cars that are preventing the bus driver to get out of the bus lane either. That goes for green lights too: why do the bus drivers just sit in the bus lane even when it's a green light--- only for it to speed off when the light turns yellow?? Also, bus drivers who drive at the average speed of 20 km/h on a major street deserve to be shot! I seriously think that the people in the marketing department of TTC really meant to be sarcastic when they came up with the slogan "Ride the Rocket"! But I shouldn't be so unfair-- there are some crazy, lunatic bus drivers who will drive at break neck, suicidal speeds too. At least these bus drivers are getting me somewhere, though!
These Teaching applications are causing me a great deal of stress! I dropped off a set of reference forms for a professor at the Sociology department so they could forward it to him because he's in Germany at the moment. But of course, they lost it! My prof contacted me and he said he hadn't received the package yet but the Sociology department says that the package isn't there either!!! arghhh....
Sunday, November 3, 2002
A busy end to October and an equally busy start to November! October ended with midterms and seminars and a really cute "Teenie Weenie Halloweenie Party" at the preschool, and November began with spending 5 hours marking grade two English test papers. First, the Halloween party: It was really tiring, yet a lot of fun! =) The night before Halloween, we spent four hours transforming the preschool room into a non-scary Haunted House. That evening could be summed up like this: near-death (or at least seriously crippled) experience when I attempted to be Spiderman as I perched perilously on a very narrow window sill, putting up black pieces of paper on the windows to block out the light, getting stuck in "cobwebs", being referred to as "Woman!", and hearing my boss get pissed off at one of the other instructors--- a fun evening! =) When I finally got home, I spent another three hours putting together a costume--- just for me to decide against wearing it in the end. In case you're curious, this costume was a bunch of grapes. Yes, I had actually put together a Grape costume but didn't actually wear it in the end. The Grape costume consisted of a large number of purple balloons attached to a purple sweater with safety pins. It took me hours because it took a while (and a lot of air) to blow up all thirteen purple balloons that I had snitched from preschool (I took the safety pins from preschool too!). After taking a short break (I was a little lightheaded, needless to say!), I began to pin the balloons to my purple sweater, which also took a lot of contemplating of which sweater I didn't mind getting a bunch holes in from the safety pins. That was when I realized that the balloons were too small and I didn't have enough of them for me to resemble a bunch of grapes. Instead, I looked like a person with a bunch of purple balloons stuck to me. =P No matter how I arranged the "grapes", it just didn't look right. So finally, at approximately 12:30am, I decided to go with the less innovative alternative: a cat,a costume borrowed from Cindy. All I had to do was put on the headband with the ears, put the tail onto a belt and dress in all black.
I experienced this very strange feeling this weekend: I see myself as a very ordinary person, yet I feel left out. If I'm just like everyone else, how come I feel like I don't fit in sometimes? Very, very strange.
A special thanks to Alton, my cousin, for helping me and Sabrina out on Friday! =) Hey, any of you guys want to change cell phones? I can hook any of you up with a Motorola c333 (it just came out a few weeks ago) for $0 and for a really good airtime plan ($20 per month for a $35 plan!). Contact me for more info! =)
The party next morning was a relative success. All the kids were ADORABLE in their costumes!! =D My favourite had to be a tiny little kid with a rather protruding belly dressed in a bee costume!! hahaha... the cutest thing was that he ended up playing with another little girl who was dressed as a ladybug! =D It was rather amusing as well, to see some kids dressed up in certain costumes that were so right for them, for example, a kid that is suspected to have Attention Deficit Disorder was dressed up as a monkey. =) A very convincing choice of costume.
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