Heyo, Red=comments
Before I launch the vast avalanche of millions of new hilarious blurgs, I’ve decided to do a solemn retrospective. I’ll explain a few jokes, maybe provide some background, try to sneak more jokes in and show that the site is definitely non-non-sequitur that is to say that the site is logical, not like this really long sentence, which is not….I don’t really know what sequitur means by itself. I have no clue. Retrospective:
In an alternate universe... (2004...sorta) Actually I wrote this way back when the magical TV was prophesizing Dean's victory. Damn unreliable right wing media. But hey, now I’ve got that catchy “alternate universe” title. So, it’s not all bad.
Each of the new blurgs has a story, for now just press the refresh button to see all the different ways I came up with to introduce them.
More REFRESHing blurgs than :
First Blurg- I was learning to drive at the time...if I had a car-driving dog, I wouldn't have those "issues." Science fails me again.
Twins- I was debating the merits of cloning with a guy, but he was stupid. "Twins have the same DNA," I said. "No, if one commits a crime, the other doesn't go to prison," muttered the moron.
Alternate Pet Store- I'm the only person who calls it the funnier version
omniscience- What can i say about this blurg that has never been said before? It's funny.
More of that Failed Comic- I love the Woody Allen joke so much that if the dirty gypsies came for it or my son; I'd give them my son or someone else's son dressed up as my son.
What? -It works
The Next Guy- meh.
The Oscar- I wish I had a subconcious
Finally I post the Man vs Lesser Man Debates- Violence isn't the solution to every problem, for instance we should probably only wash the homeless.
The Last Blurg aka My Attempt at Being Artistic - aka nobody understands my genius(7/10/03 Post Day)
My Friend the Satanist: A Children's book. This took way too much time. I kept redrawing hands and didn’t know in what order to put the pages in. Then the converting everything to gif, it was all a hassle. Made the most of it with the hidden director commentary text.(4/15/03)
A visceral visit to Mcdonalds, midly inspired by Fast Food nation. Diction is my friend. Just a test to see how horrible I could describe something so wholesome as a burger. Actually I just came up with the ketchup line and wanted to stick in something and that’s what I came up with. (3/24/03)
Three Little Blurgs. I was debating on how to post those. They were probably too short for individual pages, and I was too lazy to make individual pages. So I just lumped them together. They are all very separate in idea and frankly more than three in number.(3/24/03)
Finally my Obscure-o-meter is done! I'm never been prouder.Man that obscure measure thing was in my head a long time. I always wanted to write it down, but kept forgetting. Its range is mind-blowing. (3/12/03)
For the unlucky ones who haven't had the opportunity to beat Street Fighter 2 with Zangief (Russian Wrestler), heres a little gif I made. I actually did beat the game with zangief and was pleasantly surprised by the ending. It was too fast for me to save, so I played it again to capture it a second time. Worth every minute. (Secret of playing with him isn’t to use the special attacks, but just the strong punches and kicks) (3/12/03)
A word from my favorite sponsor: The Shadow Government...not to be considered proof of the organization existing. Divident Taxation is the key to high-brow humor. (3/11/03)
It's the End of the World, well not yet, but soon. Okay not soon, but someday. (Omnious Voice) In the Future! I think I've changed my beliefs about the apocalypse. The way to go is definitley the Legions of Extraordinary Anti-Christs.( 3/9/03)
An answer to a semi-asked question: Why don't you update more often?A scary, but true post (3/9/03)
The future is Pantiums! The Pantiums were my second product. I had fun making that perfectly glowing green pair of slacks. Had to search lots of pictures of pants to find a good source pic, which was also fun. (1/31/01)
The Amazing Stupendous "Supermen." (1/25/02) {"The box just floats"} What can I say about Superman that has not already been said? Oh right, this!
My interview with the Id. I planned to interview other meta-physical concepts, but they were flaky. (1/09/03)
Impromptu Psychic Powers. I made jokes about pyrokinetics, before it was cool (12/24/02)
A snippet from page 317 of Your Future Autobiography. I hope you won't title it something stupid like Inanimate objects and Me, A Survivor Story (1/07/03)
VIVA LA BODILY REVOLUTION. *Shudders. Its really scary. *Shrug (12/23/02)
Super-Colorization?!? That was in response to the classic movies that were coming out redone for dvd or IMAX release. Several lines of the parody are sadly under quoted by the general public. (12/21-22/02)
Strap a monkey on your back. Strap a monkey was the first product I envisioned. Damn cheap online bastards haven’t funded me though. Through your help, my sick twisted dream will someday be realized. (9/28/02 or 9/29/02 its 12:00, you make the call)
Quick note: When I refer to my famed carphone, most of you misunderstand. I’m actually referring to a car-shaped phone. Its neat. That phone is still here…staring at me…preventing my many crimes.
The mystery of the Pope Hat obsession revealed. Someone found this site by searching for "Pope Hat Clip Art." I hope I answered his prayers. (Right before school starts)
This has nothing to do with anything, but just a disturbing fact. 100% of the keywords used to find my old old crappy website was and I quote "humourous qoutes." My crappy spelling brought the only random people to my site. (shakes head) Its funny, but in a sad way. (8/23/02)
The three things I learned from Life. I believe the whole point of this was to showcase my awesome PETA pin or to rant against the Scottish, I don’t really remember.
The comic strip that I never succeeded in actually making. Read what could have been and be glad I don't have that much free time. Wow, that was one failed concept. (Kinda like this one, but less red)
I just watched the weather report and the weather for this week is going to be 85, 85, 84, 83. We have no Fucking Weather. Los Angeles Rocks! The weather was nice that week. Good call, Lev. (8/12/02 Same ramble time, same ramble channel)
Jesus's skeleton found. Ah, the skeleton one was I think the first satire blurg. Definitely the first good satire blurg. Why is it satire, you might ask. It’s simple, Jesus never existed in the first place. (8/10/02 The usual "Very Late at Night") (New and original content: The days of off-site links may be over probably until the voices in my head stop, like thats going to happen)
(7/25/02) Sorry about the orgy of off-site links, but I'm not in the correct state of mind to do original content. The next few are just links I picked up.
My bus (sorry not hovercraft) is full of eels. (7/25/02)
The police had to shoot an emu 5 times after it attacked a group of dogs. Those kwazy tough emus...ruining the bird-cat-dog natural order for everybody. (7/25/02)
In the spirit of pseudo-charity: I present a link to a link to a Girl's guide to Geek Guys. (7/25/02)
A large amount of girls I know already got a geek guy...but I'm always willing to try to help bridge the gap between single girls and guys with a 1.8 ghz pentium.
On a tangent: In the geek world, I wonder if processor speed is comparable to car size...
If anybody wants to know my computer is a weak 333 mhz. (Its true I can't even get Quake 3 to run)
In the tradition of my old old webpage heres a new LIFE SIZED GIANT ROBOT. The back story is that one amazingly cool dad built it for his kids as a treehouse. Check it out, while I writhe in geek jealousy. (7/25/02)
Announcing the winner of the Guess the Boobies contest! I didn’t think anyone was going to actually win that. However, I know for a fact that my car-phone didn’t cash in on his bonus points yet.(7/24/02)
Another Creepy Website of the Week. More creepy site stuff…technically that article isn’t creepy, but weird. But I’m not going to change that.(week of 7/24/02)
Creepy things to note:
1. Its about a guy becoming a pope...but not The Pope, the weak English one that nobody cares about.
2. He considers himself a serious fan of the Simpsons. WTF? Simpsons always make fun of religion and its good that he has a sense of humor, but a serious fan? I'm just not comfortable with the head of the Anglican church being a serious fan...maybe I'm just not open-minded.
3. They used "antidisestablishmentarians" in a sentence. In correct context. Not a clone of "antidisestablishmentarians", but the antidisestablishmentarians. Woah, I thought only me and those drunk guys at the bar actually knew what the word meant.
4. Check out the picture...creepy looking guy, but thats not the point. He has a wife. Thats good news for...I refuse to do the cliche priest pedophile joke. I guess I was just raised differently.
5. Why the fuck is he bitching about American War tactics. Seriously, doesn't he have other things to discuss. The guys not even a popular pope dude. He's the b-religious leader. Way to go pissing off some of your countries biggest supporters. He has no authority to tell us if we want to attack Iraq. Way to convert some heathens, assclown.
I can't decide what to do next....Heres some of the "possible" articles:
1. More scintillating female anatomy to dessert comparisons
2. More words I will never forget...including the origin of Fark!
3. How Moses taught me guns are cool: Watching a NRA infomercial. I like this idea, but I don’t have the video capture technology or the bandwidth to show what I’m talking about.
4. Smelling other people's clothes for fun and profit
5. Quick and easy summaries of Women Warrior , Fire next time , and Hunger of Memory ...Just kidding. Read a book!
Jesus came back to earth...he was promptly hanged for blasphemy. (7/18/02) (No longer works or particularly good)
The eternal question: Jello or Boobies? The Jello boobies thing was going to be really really different. But I saw this one random picture of the guy with the outstretched hand and that grinning expression and totally reworked the concept.
(7/18/02 Either really late at night or really early in the morning)
Subdirectorized all the pictures...edited all the articles to make the pictures work. Not an actual content update, but uh...A duck wants into a bar and asks the barte...nevermind everyone knows this one already. (7/17/02)
An indepth analysis of the theme of shakespeare's Macbeth. The Macbeth essay was because I was really mad about a certain teachers interpretation of my work. I focused on one specific instance. I didn’t turn in that essay, but did vocalize the main sentiment and was shot down without cause. I'm not bitter though, I'm just angry. Is that the same thing? (7/16/02 Very late at night)
A slightly censored version. (7/16/02 Also very late at night)
The Creepy Website of the Week. I thought of making the creepy site thing a regular feature, because I’ve seen a lot of creepy sites, but I got bored of repeating myself. Moreover, I couldn’t think of clever thinks to say besides the obvious “What the Fuck?.” (week of 7/15/02)
Creepy things to note:
1. The freakishly weird switching graphic on the top of the page.
2. The UGLY color scheme...I mean really ugly
3. The paragraph about Lev her goldfish...
4. The large amount of awards her site has earned...What a world we live in?
5. The Cyberpets section which consists of her naming clip art pictures of dogs and drawing them dog houses and leashes.
A few words to last a lifetime. Here my troubles began….I was coming up with things on the top of my head, with mixed results. (7/14/02)
Alf eats cats. I stand corrected. Then, the infamous alf picture, because someone said Alf ate cats and I didn’t believe them. I do now. (7/14/02)
Obligatory: Don't click here . Followed by, a strange picture I wanted to post, because I like the don’t click here concept. (7/13/02)
Those wacky Japanese . Germany, Florida, and Japan need to form a Axis of (insert pun based on prevalent weird fetishes)(7/10/02)
Which is better Fight Club or Hudsucker Proxy? The Fight club and Hudsucker Proxy review came about, because I had just seen both movies that weekend or something. While writing it, I realized those movies were really different, like comparing apples and oranges, and thus my next blurg was born. (7/9/02)
Lets compare Apples and Oranges.(7/9/02)
A
Depressing Haiku My first post: that haiku came about like most of my ideas, randomly.
This guy on TV was reading a haiku about what he wanted to do with his future and I sardonically came up with a last line “commit suicide,” because you know it’s five syllables. From that one line, I just tried to work a whole poem around it.
(7/9/02)