Jesus’s Skeleton has been Found
The skeleton of Jesus Christ has been found in the last place we looked, his original crypt. Turns out he didn’t really rise from the dead just sort of died in that one corner where nobody looked. This find is credited to Scrappy the young pup of the Schwartz, a middle-aged couple who like to take really really long jogs.
On August 25, they were jogging as usual when they took a rest at a cave. The cave known for the usual wild parties held there monthly was covered in graffiti and a thick layer of booze bottles and condoms. Scrappy began digging and dug up a shoulder bone. The Scwartz couple became alarmed and cell-phoned the police who later hired archaeologists, after discovering that skeletons don’t leave fingerprints nor talk even under extensive interrogation. As a thank you gesture, Scrappy has been allowed to keep the shoulder bone he discovered and loves dearly.
After finishing a series of comprehensive tests, the archaeologists have published a tell-all book chronicling their results titled Everything You Wanted to Know About Our Savior, but Were Afraid to Ask. This fascinating read goes into detail about Jesus’s apparent webbed fingers, his 11th toe, and his horrible overbite. As a result of these new details, Jesus’s popularity fell drastically in the 14-35 female demographic. However, he is still above Mithra in a national Save Your Soul from Damnation poll. His father was not open for comments.
Even while with the disability of being a skeleton, Jesus has continued to help people. The gift shop that opened recently next to the cave will be selling bone chipping in decorative plastic bags at 3.99 each. The profits will be used to buy the local police department new vanity license plates with zany and hilarious messages.
On a side note, several Western Religions collapsed this week the cause is still unknown.
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