The future is Super-Colorization
Did you love the new brighter version of The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Windor the colorized version of classics like Psycho, A Christmas Carol, and It�s a Wonderful Life?
Well so did we, because they made a shit load of money and we did not have to hire new actors, pay directors, or actually think of new ideas. So now we are re-re-releasing them. Yes, you now can experience all your colorized classics in the amazing new format of super color.
Every color has been brightened. Black has been colorized into a very light gray, green has become red, and Yellow now shoots some sort of laser beam out of the screen.
It is guaranteed to be the most memorable thing you have ever seen, because it will be your last. The colors are so powerful that scientists have measured actual plasma rivaling the flares of the sun shooting out of the screen, now that is unparalleled quality. The brightness of the colors transcends time and space and it is suspected of having killed the dinosaurs. Awe-inspiring new colors have been created specifically for these films. In fact, before viewers suffered severe brain hemorrhages, they said that they could both taste and hear the colors as they burned their way to their brains.
The movies are already critically acclaimed. Four Academy Awards and a couple of Golden Globes have been bought and are going to be won by the super-colorized re-re-releases. They are the only type of media in existence that guarantee a personal visitation of God through viewing.
Super-Colorization is the future and it is coming to an IMAX screen near you.
Plans for the upcoming DVD releases are sketchy but several special features have been confirmed. A interview with the project manager titled �WHY, OH GOD, WHY?� will be included. Also, each movie will have an alternate audio track of a man we�ve strapped down and forced to watch ala the popular cult classic A Clockwork Orange. As he screams in torment enjoyment, you can scream with him and double your fun.
As you plan what to watch in the coming weeks remember these words by a audience member descriping a Super-Colorized movie: "MY EYES, (expletive deleted), IT BURNS, I PRAY FOR DEATH!"
Ear-drums beware, Super-Sound version coming soon�.