The Mystery of the Pope Hat Obsession Revealed
I have a thing for the pope’s hat. Now up to this point, I had no idea why. But, I feel I’ve hit a revelation.
I have had little opportunity to wear hats in my lifetime. I think I own a cap, but have never worn it publicly. I’m not even a big baseball fan. Thus, the hat I wear the most is the kippah (yarmulke, skullcap, etc.). Being a reformed Jew, I was denied the grandiose hats of the conservative form of Judaism. Those black tall ones with that rim thing. Almost Amish, but with some special quality I can’t really figure out.
Yup, hats always had a religious tinge in my life. Since, the people I see most wearing hats are religious. Whether worshippers of messiahs, ancient customs, or baseball; religious devotion and hats just go together. Of course I would want the greatest hat. Since hats follow the religious route, who would be the most powerful religious hat owner. The answer is quite obvious the pope.
Since he’s probably dead by the time I get around to publish this (or soon will be), I have nominated myself for the role of official guy who wears the pope hat for the new pope, since its sorta heavy and who wants the head of the Catholic Church getting neck strain. I believe me and my young virile body will be able to hand the responsibility. I would limit my involvement with the Church at just the hat-wearing level, but if they need me to make crazy new dogmas or organize the super-secret Vatican library, I’m usually willing to lend a hand.
Now, I’ve emailed the Vatican with my proposal and I am hoping they’re sent over my plane ticket before this pope dies, but a few supportive references from some people I know might help speed the process. So I urge you to write to the Vatican, detailing my own greatness and perfect fit for the job.
I would of course improve it with a neat fez tassel and a holographic cross to hypnotize my minions into submission.
After actually researching this subject...mostly here, I learned that the the official term (cringe) is the tiara. Well when I wear it, it won't be known as the tiara. I'll call it George or something. Also there is some history about it, but frankly I'm too bored to read it. Looks fascinating though.
You could go back to the main page or chew bubblegum. But I warn you, I'm all out of bubblegum.
(Ruining good quotes through ad-lipping, what can I say its a talent)