Three Little Blurgs
I suck at counting
The wrong way to give aid to a country
Take it!
Oh.
Take It!
Take It!
Oh.
Take it Bitch!
Take it All!
Yeah!
Yeaaah.
Delivering the goods�
Oh yeaaaah
(sigh)
(takes out cigarette)
(Center on photograph of a luxurious mansion)
(Slowly pan back to reveal it as part of a house catalog sitting on a table)
(Pan further to reveal woman, obviously distressed)
Woman: (screaming to her husband off camera) We can�t afford it!
(Tilt camera to focus on man entering room)
Man: Damn! (Simultaneously fist hands and aimlessly wave at the air) It was so close to the country club and I loved that indoor sauna.
Woman: (Supportively places hands on his shoulder) I know, I did too, but with the Ferrari we bought and that trip to the Caribbean, it�s just not in our budget.
(Camera swings around to show the sadness in their faces)
Woman: We�ll just have to buy that beach-front mansion.
Man: But it doesn�t even have a tennis court.
Woman: We have to make sacrifices.
(White text fades in the right corner: CEOs in the Tobacco and Liquor industry lose huge profits to the fast unregulated highs of illegal drugs every year. Next year, they might even lose their winter home.)
(Underneath the banner, �urban font� text fades in: Marijuana Harmless?)
Me: I can�t believe, ten bucks for one crappy movie.
Steve: I know, I could buy 2 Asian hooker for ten bucks.
Me: No, you can�t.
Steve: Alright, I will bet you I can�t go around the world in 80 days. Now I have to catch my hot air balloon, if I�m going to make it to London by June 27.
Me: Okay, Bye�fuck, I knew a mental institution wasn�t the best place to find a best friend.
A day in the life of a career consultant
Skills?
Encyclopedic knowledge of treklore and I am in the possession of two latex ears actually worn by Leonard Nimoy.
Oh that�s easy, Male Model.
Really?
No, accountant.
Damn.
Next!
Skills?
I obey and conform.
Oh another kid from the public education system. Heres a pamphlet you�ll need, its called �Cubicles and You: the Next 40-50 years of your life�
Next!
Skills?
None.
Credible education?
None.
Worthwhile Experience?
None.
Goals?
None.
Any hints of human decency?
Absolutely none.
Alright then, Mr. President have a good day.
Salesman: Hi!
Me: Uh, hello. Do you work here?
Salesman: I�m a freelance salesman, I travel the world in the pursuit of commission. What do you want?
Me: I�m interested in a cat.
Salesman: We don�t sell cats.
Me: This is pet store and there�s a sign behind that specifically states cats for sale.
Salesman: Fine, wait here.
(5 Minutes)
Salesman: Okay here you go.
Me: That�s a shoe.
Salesman: Shoes are cats.
Me: Maybe I should go.
Salesman: No, if you came here to get your cat thing, I�ll get you it. Just hold on.
(5 Minutes)
Me: Uh hello, anybody there?
(10 Minutes)
Me: This is so fucking wrong.
(15 Minutes)
Me: Okay, I�m waited long enough. I�m out of here
(4 Hours and 27 Minutes)
Salesman: Alright, sir here is your requested item. Sir? I can�t believe he left. Freak!