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"The Tipping Point" - an item recently removed from
The Milk Carton!
1.) What's your favorite movie? (28, mostly because I said it could change from month to month)
The answer to this question can easily change from month to month. As of this writing, it's a movie that's always near the top of my list anyway - King of New York (Christopher Walken).
2.) What's your favorite TV show? (6)
There are a few subtle hints on this site that my all-time favorite show is Cheers, but if you mean current shows, the answer would be The Shield. No other show comes close.
3.) Would you still be such a fan of Corner Gas if Gabrielle Miller wasn't in it? (2)
Yes, as long as a decent actress had been cast as Lacey. I think it's absolutely brilliant comedy. I just wish Brent Butt would get off his butt and release some albums of his standup work.
4.) Doesn't your "better half," as you refer to her, get jealous with you spending so much time on a site like this? (5)
Well, first of all, if you look at the site updates page and see how often I actually do updates, you'd know I don't spend all that much time on it - a fact that should also be clear by noting that I'm obviously not a professional webmaster and haven't taught myself enough HTML to give the site the professional look that a site dedicated to Gabrielle should have. Second of all, if you could see her eyes glaze over when Adrian Paul is on any TV screen in my house, you'd know I would have more reason to be jealous than she does. Fortunately, neither of us is like that, which is one of the many things that has kept us together for years.
5.) So, dude, are you in love with Gabby, or what? (9)
I ignored this question the first few times I received it, but after getting it for the sixth or seventh time I decided it was worth answering. First of all, there's no denying that Gabrielle is easy on the eyes, but leaving aside the fact that I'm quite happily spoken for, I'm not capable of falling for someone on looks alone (and if I were capable of that and decided that building sites was the best outlet for it, I'd have sites dedicated to 15 or 20 actresses by now, as well as my better half and a couple of our neighbors). I'd be willing to bet that Gabrielle is quite a nice person, it's impossible to know anything about her (or any decent actress) just by watching her work - she does, after all, make her living pretending to be other people, and she plays all different kinds very well.
Second, from reading some interviews with Gabrielle it's clear that she and I would probably have very little to talk about - she likes salsa dancing, hip-hop dancing, tropical weather, vegetarian food, Modest Mouse, Missy Elliott, nature walks, the movie Sideways, fashion, wine, and obviously has at least somewhat of a desire to be famous. I don't enjoy dancing of any kind and have yet to find any music worth dancing to that I find even remotely tolerable. I hate tropical weather and would gladly live in winter weather all year round. I probably couldn't last a week as a vegetarian. I have heard very little of Modest Mouse but actively disliked all of it, and I would rather be skinned alive and thrown into a vat of ketchup than listen to five minutes of Missy Elliott. I overwhelmingly prefer city life to nature - so much so, in fact, that I could happily live my life without seeing another tree. I thought Sideways was only slightly more entertaining than standing in line to renew my driver's license. I could probably order my entire wardrobe out of one catalog. I have no love for wine whatsoever (beer me), and wouldn't sacrifice anonymity for any amount of money.
The only thing we seem to have in common is one very tenuous connection: in an interview she said she loves listening to Joni Mitchell's "Court and Spark" album while driving in Los Angeles (I'm guessing that this is because the album's title track has a reference to the city in it). Although I can take or leave Joni Mitchell, I do understand the feeling - when I lived in England I used to love listening to Queensryche's "Rage for Order" album while driving in London (because of a song called, not unsurprisingly, "London,"). I imagine the two of us could talk about that for a cool ninety seconds before resuming our search for a topic of conversation that interested us both. In one of her interviews Gabrielle called Six Feet Under her favorite show, and although I saw every episode of its first four seasons (take a wild guess why), I thought it was an overrated and unusually boring soap opera. By her own admission she doesn't know anything about hockey, whereas it's my favorite sport (the New York Islanders home page is even my browser's startup page). In a recent interview (late February of 2006, during the Olympics party in Vancouver), she said she loves Canadian Idol; I view these "Idol" shows as overhyped versions of Star Search and wouldn't watch them at gunpoint.
If any of these facts are a reliable indication, and it's a good bet that they are, she and I would have nothing to talk about but her career, and I imagine she probably wouldn't want to talk about it nearly as often as I'd like to hear about it. To put it the way Wanda Dollard would, that'd pretty much kneecap the love thing. The reason why this site is up because she's my favorite actress and I think she deserves more recognition, period. Your question is actually quite reasonable, and for all I know Gabrielle could be the most likeable woman who ever lived, but the answer is still 'no.'
6.) Since you like the "Comedy Night" episode so much, did you read any of the books that Brent mentioned at end of the episode? (1 - but it was a pretty cool question)
Well, obviously I haven't had a chance to read the book about dingoes in their habitat that the show's prop guy put together. I do have to admit, though - at the risk of coming across as a major geek - that because of the episode I did actually buy the other three ("First Blood" was mentioned earlier in the episode, but I read that years and years ago - in the book John Rambo dies - no need to thank me). My better half promised to read "Life of Pi" for me (and tell me if I'd find it tolerable) but hasn't gotten around to it yet. Mack Bolan: Executioner #147 (Payback Game) is a novel that could have been written in 2005 instead of 1991 (it's about hostages in the Middle East and an attempt to rescue them), but has the same mass-produced feel you'd expect from a book with "#147" in its title. The Saint in New York was written in 1934 and has the same stuffy, torturous writing style that you'd expect from the era; the most interesting point about the book is seeing what passed for a thriller novel 70+ years ago. I can't honestly recommend any of them, although technically the jury is still out on Life of Pi.
7.) You named the Islanders as your favorite NHL team, and they really suck this year. Your lady is a Rangers fan, and they're pretty good so far. How much crap does she give you about it? (2, plus 2 more regarding Mets-Yankees and Giants-Jets)
Almost none. We generally don't get in each other's faces about each other's teams when they're down. Take the NFL for example: she's a New York Jets fan, and although my New York Giants were utterly humiliated in the playoffs last year, at least they got there. The Jets had a nightmarish season, and it was clear that they were going to be bad very early in the year once Chad Pennington bit the dust. I didn't give her crap at all, because that sort of thing comes back to bite you. The only time this mutual respect policy of ours was ignored was by her during the 2000 World Series, which regrettably didn't go my way at all (her New York Yankees won by a score of four games to one over my New York Mets).
8.) On one of your pages you said something about it being an outrage that there were more Highlander DVD sets available than Cheers sets. There are only six Highlander sets, though, and I'm not sure when you wrote that. Do you know there are seven Cheers sets out now? (3)
Way ahead of you, buddy, but I appreciate the heads up. My zero-tolerance policy is to buy the Cheers sets the very day they're released, not a single day later (this is where the zero tolerance comes in), and I'm 7/7 in compliance with this policy so far. The eighth set comes out on June 13, 2006, and my order was put in the day this fact was announced.
9.) So is Gabrielle Miller perfect in your eyes? She always gets a glowing review from you, as if she is the only actress that could have pulled off the role. Isn't there anything she's done that you don't like, any scene you didn't think she handled well, anything she's been involved in that didn't deserve an eleven out of ten? (8)
Note: Despite the snotty tone of this (and you should see the rest of the letter), this is actually the best question I've gotten so far.
No actor or actress is perfect, not even Gabrielle. As I have made fairly clear on the site, I do believe that a fair amount of the stuff she's been in has been complete garbage worth seeing only if you're a fan of hers. As for your question about scenes I didn't think were handled well, there are a few, but in Gabrielle's defense she was doing what the director called for. One example: in the Corner Gas episode "Harvest Dance," Lacey tells Hank that nobody will think worse of him and then adds "In fact, it's a mathematical impossibility." I thought the line looked as labored as the joke itself was, and should have been delivered under her breath as she was walking away (kind of like Diane Chambers or Frasier Crane would have), but the scene didn't call for it to happen the way I would have liked. Hard to blame Gabrielle for that. There have been lines from her that I didn't think were examples of good dialogue, but she doesn't write the scripts. I think the only thing I ever saw from her that didn't look convincing was Lacey thanking Karen at the end of Corner Gas episode "Grad 68," but that's basically the equivalent of a baseball player making an error when his team is ahead by a score like 20-0. The last joke in "Grad 68" wasn't funny anyway, and almost everything up to that point was - many of the most humorous parts handled perfectly by Gabrielle herself.
10.) Do you know how tall Gabrielle is? (9)
No, and trying to guess the height of a female who sometimes wears heels and sometimes doesn't when you only see her on TV is no easier than solving a Rubik's cube without the use of one's hands. If you look at her at the end of Corner Gas episode "Pilates Twist" when she's standing next to Wanda, she looks like a WNBA player - but then again, Nancy Robertson is barely five feet tall. There are other scenes when she barely looks taller than five feet herself (examples: next to Davis in the gas station in "Grad 68", or waking along the road next to Bill (the American) in "An American in Saskatchewan" - the Internet Movie Database lists Mark McKinney as only 5'11", but he looks like Dirk Nowitzki in the scene). If I had to guess, though, assuming I could trust that Brent Butt is the 5'9" that he claims to be in the beginning of the episode "The Brent Effect," I'd say Gabrielle is 5'5" or 5'6".
11.) How tall are you? (8)
Just half a foot below 6'8". Why I've received this question as often as I have is completely beyond me. Before anyone asks, my better half is about the same height as the miniscule Nancy Robertson, and not even as heavy.
12.) You call yourself Grad 86. Is that high school or college that you graduated in 1986? (4)
Very funny.
13.) If not for Gabrielle, who would be your favorite actress? (7)
Probably Jill Hennessy. Only Gabrielle or Jill could make Crossing Jordan a watchable show. I really like Jill in everything I've seen of hers. I just wish some of her characters (such as Claire Kincaid in Law and Order and Annette Mulcahy in Exit Wounds) were better at staying out of fatal car accidents.
14.) Gabrielle wears her hair 50 different ways in each season of Corner Gas. Which is your favorite, and what do you think of the jet-black look? (3, although the latter half has been asked only once)
This is the first and last question I'm going to answer about her looks. I don't really have a favorite look for her, although if I did it would not be the jet-black look. That said, she'd even look good shaved bald (although under no circumstances do I recommend it), and as long as she's happy and keeps getting jobs I couldn't care less how she wears her hair.
15.) You were pretty rough on MANTIS in your review of Miller's appearance in that show. Is that the worst television show you've ever seen? If not, what is? (2)
No, it's not the worst I've seen, not by a long shot, although it is truly wretched. There are so many bad shows in the history of television that I couldn't possibly narrow it down to one (especially since I was never a regular watcher of any of the main candidates), although several possibilities come to mind immediately. First, I note that Brent Butt, Jerry Seinfeld and Tim Allen are exceptions to the rule which states that good standup comedians are generally responsible for absolutely horrible sitcoms, and recent examples include some of the worst shows I've ever seen: The George Lopez Show, The Jeff Foxworthy Show and Rodney. A current drama that's as bad (especially given its complete lack of realism) as anything I've seen in years is The E-Ring. Most spinoff shows suck royally (Frasier was an exception, but this is still a solid rule - even the Cheers spinoff with Carla was unwatchable), the worst of which was A Different World (a vomit-inducing Cosby spinoff). Any reality show would make my list sight unseen (and I freely admit I have never watched a full episode of any of them, but stand by my inclusion of all of them). Then there are shows which started out very well but are terrible now (Alias is one of many examples) which could be included if you were to allow me to name specific seasons. I also am quick to include supposed "sitcoms" that couldn't induce a laugh with alcohol and laughing gas (Less than Perfect, King of Queens, Still Standing, and Yes, Dear are good recent examples).
16.) So what's the best acting performance you've ever seen from a male actor? (2)
John Malkovich as Mitch Leary in "In the Line of Fire." In 1993 (if I'm not mistaken) he was nominated as Best Supporting Actor by the Motion Picture Academy but didn't win the Oscar - the winner was Tommy Lee Jones for his role as Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive. In any other year I'd say Jones was worthy of the Oscar for such a performance, but as for that particular year I'd say Malkovich got royally screwed.
17.) (Follow-up question) Thanks for the answer, but now I've got a second question! What was the best acting performance you ever saw from a male in a movie that had no chance of ever being nominated for an Oscar? (1)
John Malkovich as Cyrus Grissom in "Con Air." I watched that movie five or six times within a few days and actually bought the DVD just because of "Cyrus the Virus."
18.) (Another follow-up from the same writer) So if Jon (sic) Malkovich is responsible for your favorite performances, why isn't he your favorite actor? I just don't get it! (1)
Michael Caine, who is my favorite actor, is as capable as anyone of doing what Gabrielle has done so often - make absolute crap enjoyable to watch - and has done it more times than anyone I know of. Caine is at least as good as Malkovich, and besides, "best" doesn't automatically mean "favorite" anyway - Alex Rodriguez is the best baseball player in the world, and he isn't my favorite player or anywhere close to it. Caine is as good as anyone, and like Gabrielle can do comedy and drama equally well. For examples of both, respectively, just watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and The Fourth Protocol (my favorite scene in the latter was the understated one-line response of Caine's character to a loud chewing out by his boss). Caine's performance in A Shock to the System is one for the ages, and at this point I could probably recite every line of it.
19.) In your opinion, who is the most overrated actor in Hollywood? (3)
I realize I'm going to take a lot of heat for this, but the first guy that comes to mind is Robert De Niro. Don't get me wrong, he's good - but nobody is as good as he's made out to be. A lot of his roles really strike me as being the same, as opposed to someone like Kiefer Sutherland (or Gabrielle, for that matter), whose career has a long list of highly varied roles. Further, I'm more impressed with some of his roles that didn't get a lot of publicity (like his roles in Ronin and Midnight Run, for example) than the ones that people name when calling him a demigod.
20.) What's the worst movie of all time in your view? (12)
Major League II, especially since the first one was so funny and the sequel was so utterly humorless. Taken on their own, though, the following movies deserve serious consideration for the honor: Laser Mission (Brandon Lee), Starlight (Gabrielle appeared in this clunker but bears no responsibility for how bad it is), Jaws IV (in which a shark targets one family exclusively - not even Michael Caine could save this one), Hard to Kill (the Steven Seagal movie with Kelly LeBrock, although much like Davis Quinton I thought Above the Law "rocked"), License to Kill (a true blight on the James Bond legacy), The Accidental Tourist (although movie critics don't seem to agree with me on this one, which I take as proof of rampant substance abuse).
21.) When I read your Corner Gas reviews, I see a lot more funny moments named in the second season than the first. Do you really think the second season is that much better, and if not, aren't you slighting the first season a bit? (5)
I think they're both hilarious, and yes, you're right that by stepping up the number of second season moments I'm slighting the first season. I intend to remedy that, but unfortunately doing so is pretty far down the long list of things I want to do with the site but haven't gotten around to yet.
22.) What's up with the CG bloopers? Do they really bother you that much? (6)
They don't bother me at all. It's just a hobby that my better half and I share. We often watch a movie once to enjoy it and then a second time to pick it apart for bloopers. I do the same with Corner Gas, and if time ever permits I intend to do the same with every other credit of Gabrielle's I have on VHS or DVD.
23.) (Follow-up question) What percentage of the CG bloopers were found by you and what percentage by her? (2)
All of them were found by me. She has sort of a rule about looking for bloopers in movies, not TV shows. I have not put any effort into finding bloopers in Gabrielle's movies yet, but when I do I'll probably get some help there.
24.) I think Gabrielle Miller is smoking hot. Do you have any sexy pictures of her that you can send me? (32, in various degrees of crudeness)
Every picture of her that I have is on the site. If you're not impressed by those or don't know how to download them, I can't help you.
25.) Can you get a message to her for me? (10)
As I have stated elsewhere on the site, I'm not in touch with Gabrielle Miller. I have never attempted to contact her and honestly wouldn't know how to go about it. My attitude towards celebrities is that the best thing you can do to thank them for entertaining you is to leave them alone. Sorry, but you're on your own.
26.) What's your favorite performance by Gabrielle? Also, if your girlfriend has seen a lot of Gabrielle's work, what's her favorite? (24, although the second half was asked only once)
She's a lawyer and loves cop shows, so she's partial to Gabrielle's performance as Angela Perry in the Twilight Zone episode "To Protect and Serve." My favorite single-scene performance by Gabrielle is in The Outer Limits" episode "From Within," the one that impressed me most overall was in Da Vinci's Inquest episode "The Capture" (First Wave episode "Susperience" is a close second, as is her role as Patty List in "Judgement Day"), my sentimental favorite is her role as Michelle Webster in Highlander episode "Rite of Passage," but the ones that I would have to list as my absolute favorites are in Corner Gas episodes "Grad 68," "Comedy Night" and "Air Show." I really can't pick one favorite from those three.
27.) What is your least favorite performance by Gabrielle? (11)
From the standpoint of a major fan, I'd generally take the easy way out on a question like this and pick one of her shortest roles - that of Lauren Gibb in In the Doghouse, that of a secretary in The Outer Limits episode "First Anniversary," or that of Debra in the unbelievably bad Starlight. If you're asking me what her worst performance was, I honestly can't name one because I don't believe she's ever turned in a bad one, although technically I could point to her role of Antonia Krieg in M.A.N.T.I.S. episode "The Black Dragon" because it's the only one where you see her more than once or twice and yet don't really see anything that couldn't have been done by any other actress. It isn't her fault that she wasn't given any real lines, but this is the closest I can come to a sincere answer to the question.
28.)If I asked you to name one role you wish Gabrielle Miller had gotten instead of another actress, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Don't think, name the very first one! (1, but it was a great question so I put it up)
As you wish. My very first thought upon reading your question: I watch all of the CSI shows and would be glad to see her replace any of the females in any of those shows. My next thought, which came a split second later, was that I wish she would have gotten the lead in Video Voyeur: The Susan Wilson Story. If you had allowed me time to think, the list I'd have come up with would have been awfully long.
29.) Judging by your review of Slow Pitch, you seem to know softball pretty well. Having seen the contact that Gabrielle made with the ball, do you think could she have made first base on such a leisurely stroll? (3)
No. She'd have had to run full tilt and would probably have needed an error from the third baseman to have made it safely. Not a bad nitpick; I wish I had thought of it myself.
30.) You have "Anatomy of a Hate Crime" in her credits. But believe or not, it was a different person with the same name as hers. So in other words, she didn't appear in the movie; it was a different person. And here's the link for further proof: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1746795/ (2).
The mistake regarding "Anatomy of a Hate Crime" isn't mine, it's imdb.com's. Keep in mind that imdb.com is not infallible or anything close to it. Check the site's credits for Mark Dieter and Mark Deiter (note the spelling difference in the last name), who plays Paul Kinistino on Corner Gas, and you get two separate sets of credits, even though it's obviously the same person.
31.) If you had a chance to interview Gabrielle Miller, what would you ask her? (4)
For the most part I'd be inclined to leave her alone. There are quite a few questions I'd love to ask, but my guess is that she's answered all of them before and as such I'd prefer to give her a break. For my better half (who loves foreign languages), I'd ask Gabrielle what foreign languages she's studied (and to what degree), if any. For myself, I'd ask if she could help me cross off a few entries on The Milk Carton by telling me where to find some of her earlier work, but that really isn't an interview question. If you had asked me this a half a year ago, my answer would have been that I'd ask her if she knows hockey as well as Lacey Burrows does, but I saw that answered in a September Globe and Mail article (she said she knows nothing about hockey and joked by saying "I'm a bad Canadian" - this ruins my dream of having her coach the Islanders). Because I've gotten the question more than once, I'd ask her how tall she is. Lastly, out of courtesy to her I'd ask her if there was anything on the site she either really liked or wanted taken down. Then I'd thank her for her time and leave her alone. My guess is that despite the advantages that celebrity has, having to answer the same crap over and over has to be a major downside, one that I would personally dislike quite a bit, so I would hate to subject a celebrity I like to any of that.
32.) Have you noticed that the cover of the Corner Gas second season DVD makes it look like Lacey is giving Brent the finger? (1, but I couldn't resist posting such a funny question)
Yes, but it took me weeks to pick up on it. My first impression of the cover was that it was a takeoff on the cover of a Sopranos DVD set (fourth season, I believe), and it was at least a month before I noticed what you did. Knowing what I know of Brent Butt's sense of humor, this very well could have been intentional.
33.) Why did you pick that horrible font color for your guestbook? I can't read it, and maybe that's why more people don't sign it! (13)
No color will work well with that background at all, but I'm the one who created the site and I love the background, so you'll have to use your cursor to highlight the text. I'm a bad, bad webmaster. Sorry.
34.) Some of the questions in your FAQ section seem a little weird. How about some examples of questions you didn't put up on your site? I want to see what didn't make the cut. (2)
Sure. Most questions I receive are the kind I don't mind answering, but are unsuitable for a fan site dedicated to someone else. Asterisks indicate questions I didn't answer, the answers I did give are in parentheses. Questions are verbatim.
a.) What kind of music do you listen to? (3) (I'm not much of a music fan at all, my taste is almost exclusively hard rock that you don't have to think about - but not metal. I used to be heavily into music, but these days it's little more than background noise to me, as evidenced by the fact that I'm apparently the only person in the continental United States who hasn't bothered to buy an iPod. In my teens, Rush was my favorite group, but that was about two decades ago. I still like their earlier stuff, but right around "Grace Under Pressure" they started to lose me.)
b.) Do you carry a Swiss Army Knife? If you do, what model? I collect them. (1) (Victorinox Outrider)
c.) What kind of watch do you wear? (1) (I have several, but usually wear the Sothis my better half got me for Christmas)
d.) Can you send me a picture of you and your wife? (7) (I'm capable of doing so, yes, but won't)
e.) Have you ever met Gabrielle? (14) * (No answer: this has been covered repeatedly)
f.) Can you tell me more about your trip to Europe? Which countries did you visit and what were your impressions of them? I'm thinking of taking a trip overseas and am looking for recommendations. (5) (Unless you're really interested in where my relatives live or in my better half's family tree research, you might want to call Fodor's - and these days, I recommend paying some attention to State Department travel advisories as well, just to make sure no European countries are on listed).
g.) When are you going to marry your "better half?" (8) *
h.) If my husband and I come to Washington, would you show us the sights? (2) (No offense, but I already do too much of the tour guide routine for people I already know - and if I have to take one more person to see the Hope Diamond or the International Spy Museum, I'm not going to be responsible for what I do.)
i.) I'm an Islanders fan too. Who are your top three all-time favorite Islanders? Mine are Denis Potvin, Mike Bossy and Brian Trottier, in that order. (21 - most were "who is your favorite Islander," this is the only question asking me to name three) (Clark Gilles, Ken Morrow and Bob Nystrom)
j.) What kind of cars do you and your lady drive? (6) (I'll just put it this way: she has the more expensive of the two, and by far).
k.) Who's your all-time favorite Met? (14) (Jerry Koosman. When I was a little kid, it was Tom Seaver - but meeting him in person and then seeing him pitch for the Reds changed all that.)
l.) Do you think the Jets will be better than the Giants next year? (3) (No, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a Giants fan; I fully expect the Jets to completely, totally, utterly and entirely suck. Patrick Ramsey is unproven, Chad Pennington is made of glass, Curtis Martin is aging, the team's receiving corps should scare nobody, their defense is a colander, they play in the AFC East - that's good for six or even seven losses right there - and their mascot is Shrek, for God's sake.)
m.) How long will it take you to get through that new Cheers DVD set when it finally comes out? (12) (I'll be out of town when it arrives, but I'll probably finish it within a day or two of opening it - the arrival of a Cheers DVD set in this household is a sacred occasion which means the door will not be answered and all phones will be shut off until I'm done watching it.)
n.) What celebrity are you the most sick of hearing about? (2)(If you mean movie stars, it's a tie between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, about whom my indifference has no limits. If you're talking about any celebrity, right now it'd have to be Barry Bonds. If you're willing to count famous people who have no claim to fame other than being famous for no good reason whatsoever, you can add Paris Hilton to the list.)
o.) You said your favorite movie can change from month to month. So, what is it this month? (16) (It's still King of New York, but feel free to ask again next month.)
p.) I'm guessing that you watched the four seasons of Six Feet Under because your girlfriend likes it. Did you ever get around to the fifth season of the show, and what did you think? Also, why don't you like the show? (1 for the first half of the question, 8 for the second)(Your guess is correct. Actually, I thought the fifth season was pretty good. The first season wasn't that bad, either, but seasons 2-4 bored the crap out of me. The reason I didn't like the show in those seasons is that even though the acting was pretty good, I couldn't bring myself to give a rat's ass about any of the characters, which is kind of an important aspect given the soap opera nature of the series.)
q.) Okay, here's a four parter! Do you watch the Sopranos, did you watch season 6, what did you think of it, and what did you think of Vito being gay? (in order: 19, 5, 2)(In order: yes, yes, not much, and don't care. I thought every significant moment of the season could have been fit into three episodes, and although I don't care one way or another about Vito being gay, I thought way too much time was spent on his new life with Johnny Cakes - especially since Vito was killed off anyway. It seemed like half of the season was spent Vito's new life, and people who watched The Sopranos for five years and had to sit through a year's layoff were not out of line in expecting something other than "all Vito, all the time." However, regarding Vito's death, I did think it was a creative touch of genius to have Phil Leotardo literally come out of a closet to commit the murder.)
r.) (This was sent to me during the first round of the 2006 NHL playoffs) So now that the Islanders are out, who are you rooting for to win the Cup? (11) (I really can't tell you who I want to win because without the Islanders in the playoffs I really can't root for anyone, but I can tell you who I will be vehemently rooting against. I wish I could root for the Rangers because when my lady is happy I am too, but no self-respecting Islanders fan can root for the Rangers. I loathe the Devils, Flyers and Red Wings, so there's three more teams I'll root against right there. I guess if I had my choice, I'd pick any Canadian team except for Ottawa because of my utter contempt for Dany Heatley. I believe Heatley belongs in jail and am convinced that any average Joe who did what Heatley did would be doing time right now.)
35.) I read your FAQ, but seriously, don't you think some of your compliments to Gabrielle Miller are a little bit overboard, like the one on that scene in Doc Small? C'mon, it was a split second spent on one word. No offense, but you're pretty easy to impress.(6)
No, I don't think they're overboard at all, because this is a fan site and I'm a huge fan of her work. I write what I think, if her acting didn't impress me this much, this site wouldn't exist. I have better things to do than spend what little spare time I have on someone who I think is good but not great. As for the example you pointed out, maybe that scene didn't impress you, but I suggest that you try watching "Harvest Dance" and "Doc Small" again. In "Harvest Dance" Lacey acts as if she's been in Dog River for ten days instead of 10+ months, and during the scene in "Doc Small" we finally have someone who is more of an outsider than Lacey. I know it's a short scene, but there's something really knowing about her tone of voice and her facial expression when she says "really," and all of that makes the scene as effective as it could possibly be. Corner Gas is a show that relies on subtlety - for example, nobody but Brent Butt has ever made me laugh just by eyebrow movements - and this was one of those moments, at least for me, because the idea of Lacey being in the know in Dog River is contrary to everything about the show from the very first episode. As for me being easy to impress, you're the first to accuse me of it - and I find it pretty funny especially since you took me to task for saying that Robert DeNiro is overrated.
36. (From Calgary) Do you follow the CFL? Who is your favorite team if you do? (34)
Out of all questions I've gotten since launching this site, no question comes more often from males than this one - pretty amazing, given that this site is dedicated to an attractive actress. I'll give you the same answer I always give to this question: since most of this site's readers are from Canada, I prefer to avoid stepping into that minefield unless you tell me which team is your favorite first (I assume it's the Stamps but can't know for sure). The first few times I answered this, there was hell to pay, so now even though it's all usually good-natured (not always - I have received some pretty hostile mail over this) I prefer to know what I'm up against before answering. I'll give you this much, though: it isn't the Argos, and I would have said that even before they picked up Ricky Williams. Although it won't happen, the Argos deserve to go winless in 2006 for signing that horse's ass.
37.) If you could take any one current TV show you like, fire an actor and replace him or her with Gabrielle Miller, what role would she get? (1 only, but this is a great question)
Jack McCoy's assistant district attorney on Law and Order, and what I'd love to see from her is something like her ruthless character in One Dead Indian - sort of like what Angie Harmon did when she had the role. Imagine this: a defendant is clearly guilty, but genuinely extenuating circumstances make you feel somewhat sorry for him, and there's Gabrielle's character ignoring all of that and pressing for the maximum sentence - I could watch episodes like that daily, and for years. There are lots of roles I think Gabrielle would handle better than the actors currently working in them, but there's something about this role that I think is just made for her. However, I also realize that the first half of almost episodes of Law and Order is pre-trial police work, so if I were feeling greedy I'd have her take one of the supporting roles in one of the CSI shows just to get her more screen time. In that case, what I'd do is this: I'd ask her which show she wanted to be on, and then depending on her answer I'd eliminate the cast member whose character annoys me most (remember, this is me being greedy). If Gabrielle were to pick the original (Las Vegas) CSI, for instance, then I'd be really quick to boot Nick Stokes (played by George Eads) from the show. If Gabrielle opted for CSI Miami, the caring and sensitive me would ask her if she wouldn't mind playing a coroner (so that I could kick Khandi Alexander's Dr. Alexx Woods off the show), but if she weren't in the mood to deal with dead bodies for 20+ episodes a year I'd have her replace Callie Duquesne (Emily Procter) or Eric Delko (Adam Rodriguez). If Gabrielle were to take CSI New York, she could have any job except that of Mack Taylor (Gary Sinise, an actor that I rather like).
38.) I can't believe you've put so much effort into paying homage to such a bitch. I've heard that as soon as Gabrielle became famous, she turned into a snob. What do you think of that? (8)
Even if your story - which is something you've only heard second hand - is true, I couldn't care less. This site recognizes her work; her off-screen life isn't my concern or even my interest. I've gotten a few other letters like yours, but for every one of those I've received I've also gotten ten or twelve saying how nice she is. I have no way of knowing what the truth is and really don't spend time thinking about it, but I can tell you this: not one person in the history of the planet has made it to adulthood without at least one other person disliking him or her. Amazingly enough, there are even a select few people who don't like a paragon of virtue such as me, and it's a rock-solid bet that there are some people who don't like you, either. Do yourself a favor and get both sides of the story before making a call on this, as I would if someone called you a bitch (even after this letter of yours). By the way, I canned your guestbook entry.
39. Why do you have such an "utter distaste" for the west coast? Have you ever even been to Vancouver? (10)
(I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at the number of times I got this question, since I didn't mean to insult Vancouver or Seattle, but the amount of mail I got on this from those cities did take me by surprise after all.) I have been there, yes, and it is a nice place to visit. I'm not sure I'd want to live there, but I did have a good time in the city, which was the only major city in Canada in which I didn't have to take crap about being an American (even before the Iraq war, mind you) or an Islanders fan (as opposed to Edmonton, where I was basically treated like a leper any time the subject of hockey came up). Actually, I should point out that when I used the phrase "utter distaste," I pretty much had California in mind, especially Los Angeles. I used to live in California and would rather go to a Turkish prison than move back to that state. In any case, I'm always going to prefer the East Coast - at least south of the Canadian border, anyway. If I were to pick a Canadian city to live in, it probably would be Vancouver - but I'm an East Coast boy and am pretty happy in D.C, especially with New York only a few hours away by car.
40.) I like this site. What other sites have you made? (2)
Just this one. The Internet can take only so much of my amateurish site construction, and I'd hate to ruin the party for everyone else.
41.) What's up with the guestbook? I read what you wrote about the background and the font color, but why are there so few signatures? (3)
I'll answer your question with a question: when's the last time you signed one? I almost never sign guestbooks, and that's the case with most people. I only put the guestbook in because Geocities offers one for free - people fell out of love with signing guestbooks years ago. You'll note that you took the trouble to write to me, but didn't sign the guestbook yourself - and that's the way it is with most of this site (and most of the Internet as a whole). Actually, the guestbook on this site is set not to let signatures in until I approve them; I have disallowed approximately 400 of them to date. Well over half were production line spam (generic compliment in the subject line followed by a link to some dumbass site which promises a cure for financial woes, acne, erectile dysfunction, baldness and / or that all-embarrassing flatulence at high-profile meetings or parties), and the rest were deemed by yours truly as inappropriate.
42.) Don't take this the wrong way, but according to your update page, you returned from vacations on or about June 11 and September 15 of last year, and you just told me you have another one coming up. How many vacations do you take a year, and do you even work or did you just win the lottery? (7)
Take my word for it, I work - and so does my better half. We take a couple of vacations a year, sometimes three, but rarely does more than one vacation per year exceed two or three weeks. Sometimes travel gets in the way of site updates, sorry. I live with a very dangerous girl who likes to travel, and she must be kept happy if I'm to live long enough to collect Social Security - plus, I have elderly relatives overseas who would have a difficult time coming here. The start of our upcoming trip is, as of this writing (6/10/06), less than 24 hours away - I'll drop a line when I get back. Cheers, and have a happy summer - I'm pretty sure I will, and I hope all of this site's readers do as well. By the way, I should add this: I don't play the lottery.
43.) You've given a lot of credit to Gabrielle for really nailing a scene in Doc Small, and I was wondering if there are other scenes where you think she deserves similar credit, where she really hit one out of the park. (6)
A lot of them, and in fact I wish I had the time to go through all of her work to provide a complete list in answer to your question. Off the top of my head, though, sticking to Corner Gas, the top ten that really jump out are these:
a.) Lacey's call to the Dog River Howler (Grad 68)
b.) Lacey trying to explain that Hank isn't erudite (Grad 68)
c.) Lacey telling Brent to look Fitzy's grandma in the eye and tell her why the town couldn't build a great big dirty ho (World's Biggest).
d.) Everything Lacey says and does when she finally shows up, extremely late, for a painstakingly prepared dinner at the Leroys' (Pandora's Wine).
e.) Lacey telling Oscar and Emma that something will be going over their head at noon (Air Show).
f.) Lacey's meltdown as everyone was leaving her to go see Hank's burning corn stand (Air Show).
g.) Lacey's reaction when she realizes that she shouldn't have told Wanda about Karen's new job (Harvest Dance)
h.) Lacey listing her problems to Emma, especially when she caps it off with "My fingers are wrinkly" (Dress for Success). The way she did the "my fingers are wrinkly" line was simply incredible and absolutely hilarious. I also really loved the puzzled expression on her face just before she asks Emma if a latex allergy could kill her.
i.) Lacey's reaction to Hank's mention of "Painy the Clown" (Hair Loss)
j.) Lacey's exasperated attempt to explain "it's the same amount of cola" to Oscar (Hair Loss).
44.) Question of the utmost importance to a fellow Cheers fan: What's your all-time favorite show that's not a sitcom? (3)
The Rockford Files. Buy or borrow the first season DVD and you'll probably understand why - although you should be aware that the geniuses who put the Rockford DVDs together waited until the second season set to include the series pilot.
45.) It's been a while - is "King of New York" still your favorite movie? If it is, could you list a few that are near the top of the list so I'll know what to expect if "King of New York" ever drops off the top spot? (5 for the second half of this, the first half has been covered in previous entries)
Actually, King of New York is still on top - but, as always, feel free to keep asking. The same movie doesn't usually stay on top of my list for this long, but that movie kicks serious ass. I have never, ever had a desire to become an actor, but that movie is the one (the only one, in fact) where I watched it and said to myself "Damn, I wish I had a role in that one." I would have loved to play one of the cops, especially the one David Caruso played (although I would have been too young to be convincing at the time, even if I were a trained actor). Other movies that are high up on my list as of this writing are Company Business (Gene Hackman, Mikhail Baryshnikov), Ronin (Robert De Niro), and Goodbye, Lenin (German movie, available in the States). Rounding out my top five as of this writing is The Delicate Art of Parking, which stars Corner Gas regulars Fred Ewanuick (Hank) and Nancy Robertson (Wanda). I gave this movie a shot based solely on the recommendation of Brent Butt in one of the Corner Gas DVD commentaries, and the man didn't steer me wrong. The movie starts out slow, but by the time it gets rolling it's as funny as any comedy I've ever seen. Ewanuick and Robertson are amazingly funny. If Brent Butt hasn't convinced you to watch this movie, here's hoping I can.
46.) What's the most ridiculous letter you've ever received from a reader of your web site? (2)
Yours. Sorry, just kidding.
Leaving aside the rude ones (a couple of which would easily qualify), the one that stands out comes from someone who I'm pretty sure isn't an avid reader of the site (and as such, I don't have a problem with describing the letter). He asked me which was my favorite cola (certainly a strange question to ask the owner of a fan site dedicated to an actress, but we haven't hit the ridiculous part just yet), and when I answered he promptly responded with a letter in which he stated that I was unequivocally wrong - punctuating his assertion with taste test statistics and a company history of the cola HE favored.
Just to be clear: he told me that my own personal taste in cola was unequivocally wrong. This isn't unlike me asking you what your favorite color is and then me telling you that you're demonstrably wrong when you answer "green" because I have charts and graphs showing that more people prefer blue. Also, let's not gloss over the basic fact that this guy was spending his spare time pitching cola to the owner of a fan site in another state.
An honorable mention was a letter from a Canadian in early January (2006) asking me to endorse a particular candidate for prime minister on the site and make sure it was posted just before the Canadian elections took place. Leaving aside the fact that this site was originally intended primarily for Americans so as to make them more aware of Gabrielle Miller's work (a goal which has had limited success - the majority of my readers are Canadian), there can't be so much as one person in Canada - no matter how stupid - who would say "Well, I was going to vote for this one guy, but that American who is a Gabrielle fan and hasn't been in Canada in ages likes this other guy, so what the hell - screw my political convictions, I'll vote the way the American would!" I've never been asked to endorse an American candidate, and here I get such a request from Canada? Absolutely staggering.
47.) Do you follow our politics? If so, what's your opinion on Stephen Harper versus Paul Martin? (9)
(This letter obviously comes from Canada, as do the others in which I was asked questions along these lines).
No offense, but I'd rather run through an elementary school telling kindergartners that Santa doesn't exist than voice my opinion about another country's leader, good or bad, to a native of that country (a courtesy I wish had been extended to me during my last few trips overseas) even if I knew the opinion of that native before answering. Here�s as far as I�m willing to go: it's my opinion (repeat: only my opinion) that your country, much like mine, does not have a single party that can be trusted with a majority. Contrary to popular belief, gridlock is good - it keeps one side from going too far - and if one side holds the chair at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue or 24 Sussex Drive, it's best that the other side(s) be able to keep the side in power from doing anything radical or stupid. That�s a good ground rule for any country that elects its leaders; take a look at my country�s history and you�ll see that when one party controls the whole show, the government almost invariably sucks. It�s good that Harper�s government is a minority one, and if he gets replaced by a liberal I would hope his replacement has a minority government, too. Sorry, but that�s as far as I�m willing to comment.
48.) What's your favorite episode of Cheers? Also, what's the worst one? (42 for the first half of this question, 19 for the second, usually phrased along the lines of "were there any episodes you didn't like?")
I couldn't possibly narrow my list of favorites down to one, but I will give you my current top five - subject to change without warning, much like my movie list is (although this list changes more frequently than the movie one does). In chronological order, my current top five:
a.) Pick a Con, Any Con (episode 19) in which Sam gets Harry the Hat to help recover the money Coach lost to a card hustler. This episode actually features the funniest joke I've ever seen in any episode of the show.
b.) Old Flames (episode 29) in which an old buddy of Sam's bets him he can break up Sam and Diane in 24 hours. Some of the best supporting work by a recurring character in the show is done by Fred Dryer - and if he didn't get an Emmy for this performance, he sure as hell deserved one.
c.) Abnormal Psychology (episode 99) in which Diane helps Lilith doll herself up to look better during a televised debate against Frasier. This is probably the episode that runs at the highest consistent level in the show's history - nothing in the episode is a 10/10, but almost every moment reaches an 8 or a 9.
d.) Dance, Diane, Dance (episode 107) in which Frasier's decision to spare Diane's feelings by altering her dance lesson final report card motivates a thoroughly unqualified Diane to try out for the Boston Ballet. Diane's utter cluelessness and the kick that the rest of the bar gets out of her dancing is priceless.
e.) 'I' on Sports (episode 123) in which Sam skips work under false (and transparent) pretenses to fill in for his buddy Dave (see episode 29) doing a nightly TV sportscast. This episode features the second-funniest joke in the history of the show (by a non-regular, no less) and classic scenes of a clueless Sam making an utter ass of himself.
The worst one is actually pretty easy to pick: Save the Last Dance for Me (episode 89) in which Carla asks Sam to be his dance partner in a contest where the main competition is Nick and Loretta. One distinct pattern about Cheers is this: when an episode focuses fairly heavily on one character, it turns out to be subpar. As good as a character as Carla was, almost none of the episodes where she was the main focus were really any good, and those that were good were carried by subplots. In fact, off the top of my head the only episode that escapes this pattern is the classic Golden Boyd (episode 159) in which Woody tries to steal Kelly from her rich snob boyfriend. You'll never see Woody funnier than he is in this one. Another pattern, although not one we get to use often enough: all of the episodes featuring bar wars between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern are great.
49.) Another Cheers question, actually two. Diane or Rebecca? Coach or Woody? (13)
You wound me, ma'am. Diane and Coach, hands down.
50.) How much of your undying love for the King of New York movie is based on the fact that you're from there? (3)
None, although that's actually a pretty good question. The movie could have been set and shot anywhere else (assuming it's a major city, I mean, given the plot) and still have been as good, much like Corner Gas itself. The fact that it was shot in New York certainly didn't hurt my feelings, but it doesn't sway me at all. There have been quite a few bad movies set in New York, and I was easily able to develop a healthy dislike for them despite the scenery. In fact, if I were to list my top five movies at the moment, four would be set in Europe. Further, although I like the CSI shows, I overwhelmingly prefer the original Las Vegas series to the one set in New York, even though the powers that be for the original show failed to dump Jorja Fox and George Eads when they seemed to have a good reason (contract disputes) and good opportunity to do so.
51.) I have a couple of autographs from Gabrielle. You're welcome to one if you like, free of charge. Love your site. (4, although this e-mail is the only one that didn't come with a price tag)
Thanks for the words about my site and for the offer (you're not the first to offer me an autograph, but you are the first one to offer one for free), but I don't actually collect autographs and wouldn't want you to go to the trouble. Many thanks anyway, though, and I sincerely mean that.
52.) How long did it take you to get through all of the episodes in the new Cheers DVD set when you got back from overseas? (30)
I watched the entire set in one day. My better half tried to stick it out with me, bless her heart, but eventually gave up and went to another room to read. She's not a huge fan of the show anyway, but she is correct in her assertion that the eighth season isn't the show's best.
53.) If when you had started watching Corner Gas the worst few episodes were the ones you saw first, would you have kept watching? If not, how many would you have stopped at? (2)
Well, I'd have kept watching no matter what simply because Gabrielle is one of the regulars, but in the spirit of your question let's assume another actress had been cast in the role of Lacey. In that case, I'd have gone by my rule regarding any show which interests me enough to see so much as one episode: I'd have given it three strikes. In other words, one strike for every bad episode, with three strikes being the point of no return (within a reasonable amount of time, I mean - I wouldn't walk away from a show that had three strikes over three years). In that case, "I Love Lacey" and "Hurry Hard" would have qualified as strikes, but even the least funny of the rest of them would have convinced me to give the show another shot - after which I'd have kept watching. However, it is conceivable that had I watched the third-weakest episode first and then those two, I might have lost interest to the point where I'd have stopped watching. This would have been a shame because well over 80% of the show's episodes are great, but in my experience there is no amount of chances you can give truly bad sitcoms to make them good. As such, even if one good show slips through the cracks because of my policy, it's no reason for me to dump it. After all, I could have given King of Queens a full season and still wound up hating that show - and I'm originally from New York - so I figure this policy of mine has saved me from hours of needless suffering.
54.) Do you watch other Canadian shows? If so, what are your favorites? Is there one show that would be your favorite if not for Corner Gas? I'm assuming Corner Gas is your favorite. (22)
Your assumption is correct. Unfortunately, the number of Canadian shows aired down here is pretty low. For comedy, I love Kids in the Hall and The Newsroom; I have every available DVD of each. For dramas, my favorite is Da Vinci's Inquest, a show which gets two weekend airings a week on D.C.'s ABC affiliate and is shown every day on Chicago's WGN superstation (a staple of every cable package in the States). I only have the first season on DVD, but think I have managed to record every episode currently in syndication. I also was impressed Cold Squad, a show which is a lot better than Cold Case, but I've only seen the one season available on DVD and it isn't shown down here at all. Same goes for Traders. The Canadian habit of only releasing one season of a show on DVD, whether financially motivated or not, is really annoying for those of us down here who like Canadian shows and have no other way to access them. Worse still, we have to go by way of mail order from Amazon or directly from Canada to get these. If I walk into my local Best Buy or Borders, the only Canadian shows I�m going to find are Kids in the Hall (I already have all the sets), Due South (first season was fun, but the novelty wore off for me after that) and Degrassi: the Next Generation (not really my speed). I did see season one of The Newsroom in one Borders in downtown D.C, but haven�t seen it since. Here�s hoping that this is because of high sales. That show is a riot, especially the first year, and would probably be my favorite Canadian show had Corner Gas never been made.
55.) If you can go on vacation so often, why is it that it takes you so long to update the site? (20)
Outside of questions related to Cheers, this is the most popular question I've received as of late. Many thanks for asking this much more politely than the last person who sent in this question and for being the only reader this week not to ask me which of Sam Malone's girlfriends was the hottest. The short answer to your question is that all of our vacation time longer than a long weekend is spent out of town and away from computers; springtime weekends are usually booked because it's tourist season and we get friends and relatives coming in (the cherry blossom festival and all the other usual sights), other long weekends are often booked for similar reasons (New York to D.C. is a short and cheap hop), Christmastime is booked up for obvious reasons, and the list goes on.
56.) Why do you like Cheers so much better than Frasier? The shows are comparable, and Gabrielle Miller was actually on Frasier. I'd think a fan of Gabrielle would put the show up on the same pedestal. (4)
The difference lies in the supporting cast. Daphne's psychic routine was lame, and by the time that stopped being a major part of the story we had Niles chasing her like a dog for the better part of a decade (not even Sam�s pursuit of Rebecca lasted anywhere close to that long). Roz was great but no funnier than most Cheers regulars, and Frasier's father would have been a lot funnier if he had remained the same curmudgeon that he was in the very first episode of the series. Both shows had main characters who never appeared on screen (Vera in Cheers, Maris in Frasier), but at least in Cheers the character was portrayed realistically - which was a lot more funny. All of the characters in Frasier had their moments and Frasier himself is a classic character who is more than worthy of the Cheers name, but none of the supporting characters were consistently as funny as Norm, Cliff, Carla, Coach, Diane or Woody. Frasier was a very good show, don't get me wrong - but it was also a great show in an era of other very good comedies, whereas Cheers was better than Frasier to begin with and was also miles better than anything of its era. There's a fairly long list of good or great comedies that never would have existed if not for the influence of Cheers, not the least of which are Frasier and Wings. The fact that Gabrielle was in an episode doesn�t mean much in terms of my choice here � it was nice to see her in Frasier, but it was also a short part in a subpar episode.
57.) Dude, what's up with your Islanders? Throw in some racism and that clueless new owner of theirs could be the male answer to Marge Schott. I'm a Leafs fan, but I feel your pain. (36)
(NOTE: For those of you not in the loop as to what this letter is about, the new owner of the Islanders, Charles Wang, is a gazillionaire who bought the team in response to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman's virtual guarantee that investing in the NHL would result in a profit. The problem: Wang actually knows nothing whatsoever about hockey - I can't stress the word "nothing" strongly enough here - and is slowly turning a team that won four straight Stanley Cups a couple of decades ago into an absolute laughingstock. You know things are bad for your team when your significant other, who hates your team with every fiber of her being and is a fan of its most bitter rival, reads an article about the team, looks at you with genuinely sad eyes and sincerely says "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry" - in the OFFSEASON. How bad is it? Well, Wang fired an experienced general manager and replaced him with backup goalie Garth Snow, has seriously suggested that the team scout for Sumo wrestlers in Japan to play between the pipes, and is on record earnestly suggesting to the NHL that players who fight be forced into anger management courses.)
Thanks, because that's a whole lot of pain, and it hasn't gone unnoticed - yours is one of over ten letters over the last month to either express sympathy or just give me the business about all of this. The first sign of the apocalypse is sure to be upcoming salary arbitration, each case of which will likely be won by the players because Garth Snow knows no more about his job than I do.
(NOTE: precisely two days after I sent this reply, LW Mike York was awarded an $800,000 raise in arbitration, and now makes $2.85 million per year after scoring a whopping 13 goals and 39 assists in 75 games last season. Party on, Garth.)
58.) Why will you tell us what sort of watch you wear or Swiss knife you carry but won't tell us what cars you and your wife drive? Don't tell me you're one of those (expletive deleted) who drives a (expletive deleted) Hummer and doesn't give a (expletive deleted) about the environment? (10, but none nearly as rude as this)
We don't drive Hummers, no - but judging by your letter, you wouldn't approve of our choices. In answer to your first question, I didn't mention which cars we drive specifically to avoid letters like yours. I get enough of that from a large crowd of hypocrites in D.C. who like to tell us that everyone with a license should drive a Prius or ride a bike, after which they drive home in their six-figure gas guzzlers. By the way, I note that you didn't tell me what you drive, either.
59.) On your site, you mispelled the word largess, you added an e and turned it into largesse. Who are you, Dan Quayle? If you're going to run a fan site, you might try opening a dictionary. Adding an e isn't an option like ketchup versus catsup is in Wedding Card. (1 only, but there's no way I could leave something like this off the list)
Actually, it is - see here. Adding the 'e' is simply the way I've spelled the word all my life, and I haven't felt compelled to train myself to break the habit of dropping that last 'e.' By the way, since spelling is apparently more important to you than the content of the site, you may be interested to know that you misspelled "misspelled."
60.) Is there any role you don't think Gabrielle is suited for? (5)
Outside of obvious answers, such as the role of a male senior citizen trying to learn the truth about his son's death in Vietnam or as the role of Rocky Balboa in his rematch with Ivan Drago in Rocky XXVIII (and even then, I read somewhere that she works out with a boxing coach, so who knows), nothing comes to mind. She's played a genius (The Collector, "The Roboticist") and a ditz (Just Cause, "Hide and Seek") with equal skill, she's played a likeable sweetheart (Lacey Burrows in Corner Gas) and a cold-blooded career woman (One Dead Indian) with equal skill, she's played a flirty sexpot (First Wave, "Susperience") and a shy wallflower (her role as Betty Marsh in Inspectors 2: A Shred of Evidence) with equal skill, and I really don't see any role for a woman in her age range or older that she wouldn't excel at. Obviously, she can�t play the role of a six year-old girl, but based on all of her credits that I've seen, her track record is more than sufficient to suggest that with the proper clothing and makeup she'd be masterful in any role for a white female aged 20-120.
61.) How did you find out about Love at Second Sight? It isn't listed on imdb.com. (8)
A couple of years ago, someone posted something about it on the message board on Gabrielle's page on imdb.com. I couldn't find the movie for sale online, but because I have friends and relatives in Germany I managed to get a few copies. If not for that imdb.com post, I'd have never heard of the movie. I have also heard of a movie called Kissmouth which Gabrielle was in (Kissmouth isn't listed in imdb.com either), and I've had people write in and tell me that Kissmouth and Love at Second Sight are the same movie (possible, because movie titles translated into foreign languages are not always translated literally - and as bad of a movie title as "Kissmouth" is, "Kussmund" would be even worse), but I can't find anything to confirm it.
62.) Have there been any episodes of Corner Gas which didn't necessarily impress you the first time you saw them, but when seeing it again later on you found to be better than you first thought? In other words, episodes that you came to appreciate after repeated viewing? And similarly, have there been any episodes which you liked at first but then when seen again later didn't hold up as well? (4 for the first question, the second half has been asked only once)
For the first part of your question, three episodes come to mind:
a.) Wedding Card - I'm such a non-Elvis fan that the ending left sort of a bad first impression, not to mention that I thought Davis was more annoying than funny for most of the episode. However, after repeated viewings, I came to love it - especially the parts about the Darryl Sittler card and Lacey trying to get Oscar to read "The Happy Little Train."
b.) Harvest Dance - the first time I sat through that one I was on pins and needles, worrying that it would turn into another bad cliffhanger (there was a line in a preview hinting that Lacey might think it's time to leave Dog River, which naturally had me in a panic), but after it was done and none of my fears were confirmed, I watched it again in a relaxed state and absolutely loved it. The episode ranks in my top ten of the 50 I've seen as of this writing.
c.) Dress for Success - because the bar had been set so high with the previous season's first episode and because Oscar's "borrowing" of ten thousand imaginary dollars was over the top (to me, at least), I didn't think much of this episode at first. After seeing it a couple more times, though, I was quick to come around.
As for the second part of your question, the only one of the 50 episodes that qualifies is Safety First. When I first watched this one, as is generally the case with Corner Gas episodes I was simply ecstatic that I had gotten a new episode from Canada and was happy to see anything that I hadn't seen before. However, even though there was nothing wrong or fatally flawed with the episode (like there was with the first-season cliffhanger), for some reason very few things in the episode work for me. I've watched it a few times since and just can't get into it.
63.) How many people have written in to comment on your jellybean advice from your review of Bean There since your last update, and did anybody test it out? If so, what's the overall consensus? (6)
Outside of your letter, twelve people have written in to comment - eleven tested the advice, and one helpfully advised me to "keep that sort of (expletive deleted) out of your reviews, that isn't what I come to your site for." Of the eleven that tested the advice, seven answered positively and four said (in varying degrees of intensity) that the advice was somewhat less than stellar. Sample quotes of each side of the coin are listed below; and by the difference in the results the only thing that's clear is that we're not dealing with the same size jelly bean here:
a.) Okay, I'm a loser - I admit it. But before you point that out, just remember that you're the guy who read Saint of New York and Mack Bolan: Executioner # 147 just because of a Corner Gas episode, okay? Anyway, your advice rocked. I tried it with a 32 ounce jar, which according to your advice should have held about 256 jelly beans. The actual total was 262. Got any advice on predicting CFL games?
b.) Dude, your jellybean advice sucked. I mean, a lot. I tried it with a 20-oz. Gatorade jar and filled it with as many jellybeans as I could while still being able to close the lid on the jar. I got 208 jellybeans instead of the 160 you'd have predicted. I can only imagine how badly you'd have been off if I had used a five gallon jar. The carnies must have really seen you coming as a kid. No wonder you only won $80 in Vegas. I'm surprised you didn't lose your shirt down there. You sure as hell deserved to. Stick to running a fan site and I'll listen to Dave Foley and his poker pro pal for advice on how to win prizes and influence people, okay?
64.) I wanted to pass my congratulations and thanks. After your 8/15 update, counting the 50 Corner Gas episode pages, the 38 reviews and the twelve navigation pages (not counting the guestbook pages), you've got exactly 100 pages dedicated to Gabrielle Miller and her work on your site. I'm sure I'm not the only fan of hers who appreciates this. Labor of love? (1, but I appreciated it because I'd never have noticed the page count)
Labor of admiration. If the Internet had been around when I was a kid, I'd have built a site dedicated to Jerry Koosman, and that wouldn't have been a labor of love, either, but I appreciate you kind words. Had there been a site out there worthy of Gabrielle Miller's name at the time I got the idea for this one, I never would have started it. Building sites is obviously no forte of mine, but it had to be done and it's been a pretty good run for the most part. I've met some pretty great people and gotten copies of her work that I'd have never found in the States, so the minimal amount of time I've been able to put into this site has turned out to be a great investment. I had no idea how many separate pages there were, though, so in addition to your words I thank you for paying attention to the page count. If you care to help me reach 200, take a peek at The Milk Carton.
65.) The same day you posted your last update, August 15, in which you referred to people preaching about the environment and then driving off in gas guzzlers, Senator Obama did exactly what you were talking about. He gave a speech about the environment and how all of us should switch to hybrids, and then drove off in a GMC Envoy , and when asked about it his staffers said it was an FFV that he filled with E85 whenever he could, but the Envoy isn't E85 ready at all. Since then he's refused to comment. Did you know about that when you did the update? Is that the case you were referring to? (7)
(For FAQ readers: "FFV" means "flexible fuel vehicle," E85 is an ethanol-based fuel, everything the writer says about the Envoy not being E85-ready or about Senator Barack Obama in this question is actually true, I checked into it myself and even called Obama's office to hear "no comment" for myself).
No, the answer you saw was a verbatim paste of what I sent in response to the letter about what sort of vehicles my lady and I drive, and I sent that response in July. I didn't know about this incident until the 16th. The coincidence of Obama doing that on the day of that update, which isn't at all surprising, merely shows you how often that sort of thing happens in Washington and other areas of the country. I could compile quite a list of people who prattle on about the environment before taking off in Lear jets, much less SUVs. This sort of hypocrisy isn't limited to the environment; that was simply the issue closest to the July letter.
The United States of America is full of politicians who oppose school vouchers but send their kids to private schools, who are anti-gun in their speeches but own guns themselves, who claim they're for freedom of speech but want tighter controls on what Hollywood puts out, who claim they're for fiscal responsibility but send millions of dollars worth of pork projects back to their districts, and so on. Regardless of your position on these issues or any other, a little consistency from elected officials shouldn't be too much to ask - if you're going to preach something to us, practice it yourself. The worst part is when they get caught being hypocritical and lie about it in a transparent and insulting manner, as if they think their constituents are morons as Obama clearly does, although I hasten to point out that Obama's case is anything but unique. This is one of the main reasons why in the "How I Became a Fan" section I said "I love politics but hate politicians." Out of our 535 congressional representatives and senators, I could count the number of those I respect on one hand and still have my middle finger to spare.
66.) I saw that your girlfriend's Yankees got wiped out of the playoffs before your Mets did. Sorry the Mets didn't make the World Series, but I've got to know if you gave her any grief and if she was rooting for the Mets once the Yankees were eliminated, even if just for you. (2)
To answer the first part of the question, I didn't dare give her any grief, and not only because no couch I own is as comfortable as our bed. That would violate a long-standing agreement we have about rubbing salt into open sports-related wounds, and would open the sort of Pandora's Box that both of us would prefer to keep closed. If, for example, you follow hockey: who do you think is in for a better season this year - her New York Rangers or the smoldering ruins of what used to be my New York Islanders?
As for the second part of your question, during the Mets-Cardinals series she did what I would have done in had the roles been reversed - she quietly watched the games without openly rooting for anyone so as not to get in my face while rooting against the "other" New York team. It's the same courtesy I'll extend to her when the Rangers are in the playoffs and the Islanders are calling for tee times. We love each other, but that love in no way extends to each other's favorite teams. In the world of sports, my better half and I are mortal enemies who go to great efforts to respect each other's favorite teams.
67.) As soon as I heard about Cory Lidle's accident, I thought of your lady. Please extend my condolences to her for me. (18)
(This is the sort of thing that makes running a site like this one worthwhile. I got 18 messages like this, passed them all to my better half, and she appreciated every one. Thanks to all of you who cared enough to write in about this, especially since Lidle's death did upset her quite a bit. She read every single letter sent to me on this subject, and all of them really meant a lot to her. For those not aware, Cory Lidle was a pitcher for the New York Yankees who was killed when his Cirrus SR-20 slammed into a high rise apartment in New York City on October 11, 2006, an incident that was first assumed by many to be a terrorist act. We were in New York October 13-15, and nobody was talking about anything but this.)
Consider it done, and thanks from both of us for thinking of her.
68.) In your review of "Friend of a Friend," you mentioned that the rude chick got the comedic MVP for the episode. How about putting up a list of your comedic MVPs for all episodes? (3)
That's one of the best ideas I've heard since launching this site. Watch for this in future site updates.
NOTE (3/1/07): it's up now. See here.
69.) I have to take issue with the FAQ nitpick you agreed with. Lacey's hit went well over third baseman's head, she could have made it to first easily even with a slow jog. Pretty rude of you to diss Lacey on a site dedicated to Gabe. She said in the Tales of Dog River book that she really was as happy as she appeared in the episode because she did hit the ball, and here you are putting down her hit? Class act you are, you (expletive deleted)head.. (4, and this letter was easily the most polite of the bunch)
Note: this question concerns second-season episode Slow Pitch.
It's not rude at all - or at least I didn't mean it that way. I wasn't putting down Gabrielle's hit at all, I was putting down Lacey's baserunning.
Look at the trajectory of the ball coming off Lacey's bat and then try to seriously tell me that it could have gotten that high off the ground 60 feet later. Lacey hit a line drive, not a fly ball - not a bad thing, just a fact. With a line drive like that, two things happen - the third baseman catches the ball outright and Lacey is out, or the ball remains in play (drops in front of the third baseman, is dropped by him or gets past him, for example). If the ball remains in play, Lacey would have been thrown out by any decent play because she took her sweet time on her way to first - the throw from third to first just isn't that long, especially on a softball field where there's only 60 feet between bases instead of 90. Further, even if that ball had made it into the outfield, Lacey should have been running at full tilt to try to stretch out the hit into what in that case should be an easy double.
By the way, the editing in that episode was unbelievably bad; every time I watch it I see a new blooper. The first and second views of Lacey's hit were two different things, as was the home run by Davis when he turned to Karen during his home run trot and said "I told you the kid was a good hitter." Play the hit by Davis in slow motion and you'll see that the ball he hit couldn't possibly have gotten high enough to go over a fence 250 feet away - he hit a low line drive towards short and probably should have been thrown out.
Another example: take a look at Emma's first at-bat, and you'll see three pitches thrown to her without the ball being returned to the pitcher even once. If you're really analyzing softball while watching the episode, you simply can't trust what the scenes in this episode show you. This episode was awfully fun to watch, but it's a gold mine for anyone who likes looking for bloopers and nitpicks.
I'm going to put your letter in my FAQ. When I do, be sure to read the next question after yours and you'll get an idea of some of the softball-related mail I've gotten ever since posting my review. I've actually gotten quite a bit of mail about this episode.
70.) Here's a nitpick you missed on the softball episode. With one out remaining in the game and a righty at bat, what was Lacey doing standing on second when she's playing shortstop? She should have been at least halfway between second and third, right?. (1)
Good observation, and I've never seen that sort of shift myself, but I'll take a stab at defending it. With 10 players, the Corner Gas Guzzlers might have decided to move the player playing left center to deep short. It's nothing I'd try as a general rule, but if that particular hitter (a right-handed batter) has a reputation for hitting ground balls or line drives up the middle or up left center it's not necessarily a bad idea. Further, if the Guzzlers had shifted right and all of a sudden Lacey had noticed that the hitter had pulled her right foot back and / or put her left foot towards the plate in response to a field shift, moving towards second is the right call for the shortstop. Maybe not right on top of the bag like Lacey did, but...
By the way, here's one we both missed until I put in the DVD to check out your nitpick. Just before the last out, Lacey said to Brent "surprise HIM with one of your Fried Green Tomatoes." The batter was a woman.
71.) In the episode where Lacey agrees to play Bridge with Emma, she's reading a book about Duplicate Bridge. I thought it was called Contract Bridge, so: a.) Do you play Bridge? b.) Are you any good? c.) If you play Bridge, how do you answer Emma's question - Stayman or Jacoby? d.) What the hell is Duplicate Bridge? (2 regarding "Duplicate Bridge; 3 asking me "Stayman or Jacoby," and this is the only one containing the other questions)
In order: a.) I know how, but haven't played more than three or four times since my early-to-mid teens when my parents used to ask me to sit in on hands from time to time when they had company over, b.) I was mediocre on my best day back then and certainly haven't improved since, c.) Stayman, since it's the only convention I still even remotely remember, and d.) Duplicate is a tournament system in which every time you move from one table to another, you get the same four hands that everyone else sitting that that table gets when it's their turn to sit there. In other words, every team gets the same series of hands that every other team gets at every table throughout the tournament. This is a much more reliable way of telling which teams are best than just dealing the cards randomly and allowing the possibility of one team getting a series of slam-worthy hands just because the cards are running their way.
72.) Okay, we already know that you and Gabe have nothing in common, but let's go hypothetical here: if you were unattached and had just moved to Dog River, would you ask Lacey out? What about the other girls? Which one would you ask out first? You can't duck out of this, you've got to pick one girl. (1)
If I knew nothing about Lacey, I would definitely think about it - but I'm not an18-29 year-old walking hormone anymore, so if I were unattached I would still prefer to get to know a girl at least a little before asking her out. It took me the usual excessive amount of time males generally require to learn this relatively simple life lesson, but by the time I hit 30 it finally sank in: a bad date or bad relationship is far worse than no date / relationship at all.
With the benefit of knowing Lacey like I do having watched over 60 episodes of Corner Gas, I would not ask her out under any circumstances. The fact that she's such a lousy liar and so insecure, not to mention that she left Steven without telling him and phoned his parents to let them know the wedding was off, is just too large of a series of red flags to overlook even for a casual relationship. Wanda's personality is the one that appeals to me most, but she has an outright demon for a kid - which is even worse and a definite deal-breaker. Karen's a doll, but if I ever decided that the relationship wasn't working or if I ever pissed her off, I'd risk getting on the bad side of at least half the local police force. Nobody needs jaywalking tickets every time they cross the street.
In "The Good Old Table Hockey Game," there was a nice-looking brunette in a brown top booing Brent. Since you won't let me back out and are forcing me to pick a girl, there's your answer. She likes hockey, she looks great, I didn't see a wedding ring, and she has no kids or baggage that I know of - in other words, out of all available "candidates" she's pretty much the combo platter.
73.) Why is the URL name of your site "gabriellemillerusa?" Gabe lives in Canada, she works in Canada, and she does Canadian shows. Everyone except for you seems to know that, dumbass. (3)
A: Thanks for your thoughtful question. When I first came up with the idea for this site in late fall or early winter of 2004, Gabrielle lived in Los Angeles. I had to do a lot of work to set up the initial individual pages before launching the site, and by the time I did launch it (in April of 2005), she was already packing her bags and moving back to Canada. Little did I know that just as I was launching the site, she was busy fleeing the country. Since I had already set up everything on the gabriellemillerusa URL and the site was named "An American Salute to Gabrielle Miller" anyway, I wasn't motivated to change it just because she had the good sense to get the hell out of California. She might move back there someday, and even if she doesn't she might be involved in future American productions. Furthermore, I'm a huge fan of her work, I'm American and it's my site. As such: gabriellemillerusa.
74.) With as often as you go to Germany, I want to know this. Corner Gas lost out on an international Emmy a few years ago against a German show called Berlin, Berlin. I looked into buying some of those DVDs to see if it was any good, but none of them have English translations. Are you familiar with the show? Do you know German well enough to understand the show? Do you like it? Is it as good as Corner Gas? Do you know of any DVD sets with English translations? (1)
A: In order: yes, yes, hell yes, pretty much, and no. However, comparing Berlin, Berlin to Corner Gas is like comparing CSI to Meet the Press - apples and oranges. The story of Berlin, Berlin is that of a girl who leaves a small town to chase after her boyfriend in Berlin, only to find him involved with someone else - but she stays in Berlin anyway. In one way, seeing small town Lolle try to cope with the big city is similar to seeing big city Lacey try to cope with a small town. However, other than the "fish out of water" element and the fact that they're both comedies, the two shows have very little in common. Lacey is only part of the Corner Gas plot, not the focus of it, whereas Berlin, Berlin is largely about Lolle and her struggles to adapt to a new and unbelievably different environment.
Corner Gas can be compared to Seinfeld in some ways, to Scrubs in others, but I know of no show that can serve as a good comparison to Berlin, Berlin - there's really nothing like it. I really do love the show, and I have all available DVD sets (four) plus a few of the novels associated with the show. However, unless you've lived in Berlin for years (which I have) or lived in another part of Germany and spent a fair amount of time in Berlin, I couldn't be sure you'd like or appreciate it even if sets with English translations were to be released. If you ever find sets with English subtitles and decide to try it, do so one season at a time. The biggest difference between the two shows: the scripts in Corner Gas would work almost anywhere, and I can't say the same for Berlin, Berlin.
76.) I've tried over and over to add you as a friend on Yahoo and Microsoft's instant messengers, and you never accept. Have I done something to piss you off, or do you just refuse such requests out of some sort of policy? (8)
If you've been trying to add me as "Grad86," you've been pestering strangers who have nothing to do with me or my site. I don't own that username on either Yahoo or MSN, other people beat me to that handle on those IM clients years ago. It wasn't until late 2004, when I came up with the idea for this site, that I had any interest in using that name - and if not for the play on numbers (I came up with Grad86 because of my 1986 graduation date and the Grad 68 episode), I never would have thought of it at all. If you want to add me on a messaging system, use painy_the_clown at MSN or 86-86-68-68 at ICQ. My only Yahoo account is "gabriellemillerusa" and I don't use the e-mail or Yahoo's messenger, I simply have the account to host my site on Geocities.
77.) As for those books from Comedy Night, did you ever get around to Life of Pi? Also, did you read the Hardy Boys books Davis was reading? (1)
Honestly, I can�t believe it took this long to be asked about Life of Pi, although I certainly never saw the Hardy Boys question coming. My better half screened Life of Pi for me and told me that there weren't enough explosions, spies, cars or gadgets in it to keep me happy. Her brilliant sarcasm aside, she said she was almost positive I wouldn't like it, so I took her word for it and never got around to reading the book. As for the Hardy Boys, no - I wouldn't have even thought of it had you not written. I'm a big fan of Corner Gas, but there's a limit to my dedication and it stops well short of opening up books like that. I didn't even read crap like that as a kid.
78.) Which Corner Gas character do you most identify with? (4)
Brent, because of his brilliant dry sarcasm. I don't do it as well as he does, but I certainly do it as often. However, as I approach 40 it has been brought to my attention that I'm starting to have "Oscar moments," uncorking the occasional rant about something that strikes me as stupid, even though most people wouldn't consider the matter worth discussing. When I do this, my better half's current favorite response is to call me "Oscar."
My most recent of these rants was when my better half and I were DVD shopping one day this summer. I was interested in the complete series set of the short-lived Law & Order franchise "Trial by Jury," and on the back of the container the set was described something like this: "This highly collectible three-disc DVD set contains all 13 original episodes�". I was going to buy the set anyway, but for some reason I felt compelled to launch into a lengthy, loud and public speech about the stupidity of the phrase "highly collectible." During this tirade, I picked up a couple other DVD sets and wondered aloud whether they were highly collectible, moderately collectible, barely collectible, etc. This did not go unnoticed by those around me at the time, and a couple of Best Buy's employees were laughing their heads off watching this (whether WITH me or AT me, I'm still not sure to this day). My better half patiently waited for my screed to come to an end, and when she was done laughing she said "Anything you say, Oscar."
The funniest part about the story - to me, anyway - is that on that day she picked the second season of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I didn't notice until we got home that her choice was also marketed as being "highly collectible." She later admitted that she was actually shopping for a different set (the second season of NUMB3RS), but decided on that one when she noticed the words "highly collectible" on the back of the box, just to watch me launch into another diatribe on the subject as soon as I noticed it. She called me "Oscar" then, too. Ain't love grand?
Now to give any of you aspiring site builders an idea of what your inbox will look like if you list a favorite movie and most of your readers think it isn't that great, take a look at these next few letters:
79.) I have to know what's so special about "King of New York." I actually went out and bought it because you like it so much. It was good, but not THAT good. Plus, you have to admit, it starts out pretty slow. I have a feeling that it wasn't the gangster rap that sold it for you, so what makes this movie so great? (2, although if you count similar questions from people who didn't buy the movie just because of me the number goes up to 12)
Let me count the ways: a.) Christopher Walken as ruthless crime lord Frank White who busts his ass to keep a children's hospital open (killer with a conscience), b.) David Caruso kicking serious ass (back when he still believed in good acting), declaring war on said crime lord AND playing the only role I've ever seen in a movie that I wished I had played myself, c.) Wesley Snipes as a cop who was as pissed off as Caruso's character is, d.) Laurence Fishburne as a ruthless killing machine and right hand man for Frank White (Fishburne's performance was actually the best in the movie, it was absolutely amazing), and e.) the sort of ending that you don't entirely see coming but wraps up the movie well. That's just for starters. You're right that the movie starts out slowly - very slowly, in fact - but once it gets going it becomes everything I like in a movie. However, if you don't feel you got your money's worth, send me your copy and I'll send you the purchase price, the cost of postage and an additional twenty bucks so that you can have lunch on me.
(Note: the statute of limitations on this offer expired the second I posted it on the FAQ page - from this point on I will not be responsible for any of the site's readers not having the same taste in movies that I do. Side note: even though the writer could have taken me up on my offer, with which she could have taken my money and bought any another movie or whatever else, she watched King of New York again after my response, told me I was "probably right," and decided to keep it).
80.) I won't bother to ask what your favorite movie is this week, since you'll just answer King of New York. Instead, I have a series of questions which may come across as personal, so feel free not to answer, it's just that I'm in a longterm relationship like you and am really interested in this. Does your girlfriend like King of New York, do the two of you have the same taste in movies, do you have the same taste in TV shows, does she watch a lot of chick flicks, does she make you watch them, and what are her favorite movies? Last question: what does she think of Pretty Woman? My girlfriend considers this (expletive deleted) movie to be the best movie ever made, and it's the only thing I don't like about her. (1)
I'll answer your questions and comments in order.
a.) First of all, as of this writing my favorite movie is Ronin, but King of New York maintains its "right up there near the top" status. Since I plan on posting your letter in my FAQ section, I'll explain this before you or anyone else asks - the genuis of Ronin is that it's solid action which doesn't go overboard, doesn't go out of its way to explain everything to you and doesn't wrap up every question in a neat little package. The cast is amazing as well, and from the male pig point of view Katarina Witt's appearance didn't break my heart either.
b.) My better half doesn't like King of New York nearly as much as I do, but there are three or four scenes in the movie that she likes to the point where if I'm watching it and she's in another room reading, she fully expects me to pause the DVD before these scenes and call her out to watch them (two examples: Frank busting up the card game and his encounter with the thugs on the subway). She doesn't share my enthusiasm for the movie at all, but she does understand it.
c.) We do not have anything close to the same taste in movies. If one of us likes a movie, the other is a reasonable bet to dislike it. A superb recent example was Stranger than Fiction, which she thought was the epitome of filmmaking and I thought was a non-stop, jawbreaking yawn. I really like the Bourne movies, she hates them. The list goes on.
d.) Our taste in TV shows is not 100% compatible, but it's closer than our taste in movies. She loves shows I think are mediocre or outright crap (Crossing Jordan is one example), and I love shows toward which she has the same opinion (Shark is a good example here) - but we have far more common ground with the small screen than the big screen.
e.) She does watch a lot of chick flicks, but only likes about half of the ones she sees. She does not think that chick flick status automatically means "good movie." As an example, she hates some of the better-known ones, such as your personal favorite (Pretty Woman), Bridges of Madison County, How to Make an American Quilt, Indecent Proposal, and so on.
f.) She doesn't "make" me watch anything. Both of us voluntarily watch things we might not be interested in when the other one is because the company is better than the entertainment ever could be. We often wind up in a lot of interesting discussions because of movies or shows we watch together, and we almost always enjoy the discussion more than the actual movie or show. On the less serious side, I now have her trained to recognize most pistols used in movies, and love quizzing her on them when we're watching. I know her enthusiasm towards this isn't very high, but she really tries and got quite good at it because she knows I get a kick out of it. This is just one of the many things I really love her for.
These are all stupid little things which by themselves don't mean all that much, but when you add up dozens of them you've got a great relationship. Besides, every now and then you get lucky and grow to like something your better half likes - as an example, because of my better half I've started to really enjoy the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother," a show I'd never have given a chance if she weren't interested in it.
g.) Her favorite movies are "Under the Tuscan Sun" and a French movie called "Amelie" (both of which are surprisingly tolerable for guys who lean towards action movies, I actually enjoyed both). She is not much of an action movie fan, but does agree that Ronin is "pretty damn good" (her words). However, even when we agree on action movies we find a way to disagree - for example, She likes the fourth Lethal Weapon movie best where I maintain that the original one is clearly the best of the four and the second is way better than the fourth (we both agree that the third one is subpar). She likes the second Under Siege movie better than the first one (a stance which I consider to be bordering on sacrilege), etc. The only true "guy flick" she really loves to the point where she could watch it twice a week is the first "Die Hard." I'm quite happy to watch that classic anytime she wants to watch it.
h.) As I've already stated, she has very little regard for Pretty Woman. In fact, she thinks the movie utterly sucks.
By the way, not that you asked, but: if the biggest problem you have with your girlfriend is that you hate her favorite movie, you'd be very well advised to hang on to her. If your criteria for the people you date is too heavily contingent on movie preferences, you'll probably find yourself dating men before long.
81.) Okay, sir, you need to be told that "King of New York" sucks. To demonstrate this, I'm sending you a movie that I guarantee you'll enjoy. Enclosed please find a copy of a movie that will teach you how action movies should be made, one you won't be able to find in the States, free of charge. Happy viewing, Yank. (1)
Rather than bore site readers with the note of thanks I sent in response to this, I'll simply explain the deal here: this particular reader sent me a copy of the 2006 Canadian cop buddy movie Bon Cop, Bad Cop. The basic outline of the movie is this: after a dead body is found on the border of the provinces of Quebec and Ontario, because of unclear jurisdictional issues an undisciplined Quebec cop has to join forces with a stuffy Ontario cop who is dying for a desk job. As you might expect, on the surface the partnership looks utterly unfeasible, but it works very well.
When I first saw what I had been sent, I had some reservations about it - after all, in Canada taxpayers fund Canadian movies and the Canadian government has spent countless dollars trying to convince people in Quebec that they're better off as part of Canada than they would be alone. As such, I really expected the movie to be even preachier than Hollywood with the "if we can all put our differences aside and work together, in no time at all we'll be holding hands, skipping through the park and throwing posies out of wicker baskets to gleeful recipients who bask in our harmony and diversity" message (Before anyone writes in to complain, I'm not saying messages of unity are bad, I'm just saying that I don't such preaching from a movie).
To my utter surprise, I enjoyed this move so much that it quickly rocketed into my top ten, and I've watched it at least a dozen times since my first viewing. My better half loved it too, and was able to explain to me some of the French that the subtitles didn't cover.
The benevolent Canadian who sent Bon Cop, Bad Cop to me is, of course, completely wrong regarding King of New York - but she still easily made my Christmas list by sending me this gem of a movie. It actually touches on every stereotype a cop buddy movie can possibly feature (it even has a scene which shows a bomb with a convenient digital readout on it, not to mention screaming police captains who are angry at the movie's heroes for crossing the line, etc.), but still makes it all work. This movie is 100% fun for anyone who can even tolerate anything in the action genre, and despite the plot focus on hockey (which I loved), you don't need to like or even know anything about hockey to enjoy it. It's been ages since I've seen a movie this entertaining.
This leads to my next letter, written by the same benevolent soul that sent me Bon Cop, Bad Cop:
82.) You list "As Time Runs Out" on the Milk Carton. I'm just wondering if anyone's ever sent that to you, because I just discovered that it was released on DVD on 6/6/06. Did you know that? Have you seen the movie? If so, what did you think? (1)
I found out about it in March, and my reaction was perfectly summed up (verbatim, actually) by the last words of the Tattoo Killer in Bon Cop, Bad Cop. What he said is exactly what I said out loud, word for word. Someone did send it to me; I watched the movie and it's an upcoming review for my site. I liked Gabrielle's performance (no surprise there, of course), but the movie itself was ridiculous in every sense of the word. Not as bad as Starlight, mind you, but so few movies are.
83.) I'm not very impressed with your taste in movies, but I'm a glutton for punishment. Recommend two or three more for me. If I don't like them, I'm through listening to you. I'll still visit your site, but I won't take movie advice from you any more. (1)
I'll give you five or six. The first three: The Fourth War, The Usual Suspects, Layer Cake. You'll probably have problems finding the first one, but it's worth the effort. The second probably has the best ending of any movie I've ever seen, it's absolutely ingenious. The third, which stars the newest James Bond, is going to be hit or miss for you - you'll either love it or hate it. I love it, most of my friends (my male friends, anyway) love it, my better half hates it. As for the fourth: since you're American, you might have to go to amazon.ca to find it, but try Bon Cop, Bad Cop. A site reader sent it to me and I absolutely love it. If you haven't seen any of the Jason Bourne movies, try the first one. If you like it, you'll almost certainly like the second one (I haven't seen the third as of this writng).
Now that I think of it, here's a bonus recommendation: if you like older movies, try The Eiger Sanction. It's not the best story ever told, but it is Clint Eastwood at his sarcastic best and the movie is chock full of hilarious moments, which should go a long way towards making up for the fact that the movie is way, way longer than it needs to be.
84.) I had never heard of King of New York until seeing your web page. I just wanted to tell you that I loved it, it was just great!. Do you get a lot of feedback on that, and if you do how does the polling data on the movie look? (9 positive reviews of the movie, 1 question as to the "polling data")
Counting your letter, I've got nine pros, thirteen neutral responses along the lines of "not bad, but not nearly as good as you make it out to be" and eleven cons, so the polling data is 27% positive, 40% neutral and 33% negative. Four of the negative responses said the movie didn't move fast enough and the other seven said it was just too violent.
85.) What's wrong with a Prius? You don't seem to have much regard for hybrids or the environment, and I think that sucks. as far as I'm concerned, you can (long series of expletives deleted) (6)
Nothing is wrong with a Prius, if that's what you prefer and feel safe in it. If I lived in a small town and had to drive miles and miles of country road every day, I'd consider one myself - but I have to do a lot of driving on major highways like I-495, I-95, I-295, I-395, I-695, I-270, I-66 and similar roads, so I don't want to drive a small car and sure as hell don't want my better half driving one on such roads (roads on which driving as slow as the speed limit is a good way to get in an accident, especially during rush hour).
I once read an interview someone conducted with Gabrielle a few years ago, and at the time she was driving a Volvo because of safety reasons. The safety factor is something I agree with Gabrielle on completely, so my better half and I both drive large vehicles with good safety records - the kind that environmentalists generally hate, even though their "all green, all the time" heroes on Capitol Hill are no strangers to limos, private jets and SUVs.
As for the environment, it comes a distant second to my better half's safety. Hell, if a refitted Soviet tank were her safest option and legal to drive on the highway, that's what I'd want her to drive. Be mad at me all you like, but as long as she comes home safely every day I'll have no trouble living with your disapproval. Like it or not, a Prius is a very bad option safety-wise for highways in the D.C. area, and I have no intention of putting her in one or driving one myself when almost all of the surrounding cars where we drive are larger and going well above the speed limit.
Now that I think of it, though, there is one thing wrong with the Prius - it's the ugliest car I've seen since AMC abominations such as the Pacer, Gremlin and Matador. How's that?
86.) Out of all of your travel, your favorite places to visit? (7)
I prefer Germany and Russia, my better half prefers almost any place in France or Italy. We both rather liked Madrid and Barcelona, but Spain is a country where both of us have a serious language barrier. Between the two of us, we can get around in the other countries we like visiting without stumbling through phrase books - she has two of the countries covered linguistically, I've got the other two covered. However, outside of going through the Hermitage and Kremlin she mostly hated both of our trips to Russia, so it'll probably take years for me to be able to convince her to go back there with me. She's neutral on Germany but likes my relatives, I'm neutral on France but like Italy, so you can probably figure out our itinerary for most of our future trips. We go to Germany twice annually, and on our way back we always stop in either Italy or France, sometimes both. The return trip is always her call because Germany is mostly for me. The only other countries we've visited more than once are in the United Kingdom and we'd like to return when time permits, but there's something about not using English when overseas that appeals to both of us.
87.): How many times does a question have to be asked to make the FAQ page? (5)
A: As a general rule, just twice - but in some cases, I'll put up a question that's been asked only once if it seems a sure bet to be asked again, if I just like the question or if I think it warrants inclusion for other reasons.
88.) If you had to write an essay on how Corner Gas has changed your life, what would be in it? (1)
Probably not a whole lot, because I'm not so addicted to television (even good television) that I would let it alter my life. I could point out that I spent money on two of the Corner Gas DVD sets (the first one was a gift), but I've spent a lot more on Cheers, The Shield and The Sopranos (I have every available DVD set of each)
However, I might be able to scrape up a mediocre essay out of this story: I did find the "Painy the Clown" (from Hair Loss) segment to be so funny that my better half thinks I'm insane for laughing at it so hard. Every time I see it, I laugh just as hard as I did the first time (she thought it was funny the first time, but now she just looks at me and shakes her head when I'm cracking up over the scene). She uses MSN Messenger at work, so I whipped up the Hotmail account " [email protected]" so that I could use the handle "painy_the_clown" on MSN Messenger (I don't use the e-mail account, just the Messenger handle) and chat with her while she's in the office. At this point I refuse to use either of my old Islanders-related handles, I actually make her respond to "painy_the_clown." This, of course, drives her nuts (not in a bad way, don't get me wrong), which is a sure sign that I'll keep it up. One of the best things about close relationships is when you're close enough to your better half to the point where you can push each other's buttons on a good-natured way.
89.) The 2007 NFL season is right around the corner. Who will win the Super Bowl? How will your Giants do? What about your lady's Jets? (3)
A: (This answer was given in the second week of August, 2007) New England will win the Super Bowl; there is no other team in the Patriots' class. The Giants, sadly, will suck. I'm counting on the Redskins to keep the Giants out of last, but I doubt it will happen. Tiki Barber is gone, Eli Manning is not the answer, and Tom Coughlin never should have been kept on. This season is going to be a complete and total disaster. As for the Jets, I'm guessing a playoff berth and a first-round exit should Pennington stay healthy, which is a hell of a lot more than the Giants will do.
90.) Give it to me straight as an American: did the States screw Canada on softwood lumber? (2)
From everything I've read about the subject, it sure looks that way. Sorry about that - I don't make policy down here. Things would be much different if I did.
91.) You printed my letter in your FAQ because I misspelled "misspelled?" What the #@%&? You're really an (expletive deleted, but it rhymes with "glass bowl"), you know that? Maybe Gabrielle Miller isn't such a good actress after all. (1)
I'm perfectly happy to take shots from anyone when I'm wrong, but if you're going to take me to task for something you'd be well advised to be right about what you're saying. Not only did you misspell "misspelled," but you did so after incorrectly accusing me of a spelling mistake, which means you deserved everything you got - like it or not. I don't doubt that I've made mistakes on the board - and lots of them, I'll bet - but what you found wasn't one of them.
By the way, if your assessment of Gabrielle as an actress can be so easily downgraded just because you're pissed at one of her fans, you're ten times as much of an (remember, readers, the term rhymes with "glass bowl") as you accuse me of being. What the hell does she have to do with any of this? You're pissed at ME, so now SHE sucks? All of that time living in mommy and daddy's basement must have really soured your mood.
I'm going to post this letter of yours on the site's FAQ page during the next update as well. So that you and other site readers know I'm willing to take my punishment when I screw up, I'm going to follow your letter on that next FAQ update with an example of a letter which rips me in a fully justified manner. Read it and you'll see a good example of a well-deserved shot - something you failed to deliver, despite your best efforts. I really, really look forward to your next e-mail but in the meantime, feel free to (long series of expletives deleted).
92.) Some Cheers fan you are. I saw the twisted way you linked Fred Dryer to Gabrielle Miller in your Six Degrees section, but did you forget that Dryer was on some Cheers episodes? You even mentioned one of them in your list of favorite Cheers eps in your FAQ, for Christ's sake, so why not link him straight to Rhea Perlman, who was in that stupid dog movie with Gabrielle? What are you smoking, and can I have some? How the hell did you miss that, jackass? (1)
I truly have no idea. Out of all the slams I've taken since launching this site, none are more justified than this one. I'd love to come up with a defense or even find a reason to object to your tone, but given the circumstances I can't do either. Nice catch, and trust me when I say that I feel like a moron for not picking up on it myself.93.) If you don't mind my asking, where were you on 9/11? You live in Washington and go to New York a lot, so I'd really like to know. Please don't answer if I'm out of bounds with this question, and accept my apologies if that's the case. (14)
No worries, I get this question constantly. If I had a problem answering your question, I simply would've chosen not to reply. My better half and I were both in D.C, I was on Capitol Hill and she was at Foggy Bottom. We only had one car back then (it was with me, I dropped her off at her office and went to mine) and I didn't have a cell phone in those days, so as I was racing to go pick her up she was frantically trying to call my office, which my boss at the time had already closed and thrown his subordinates out of. When I finally got to her (I don't think I have to tell you what traffic was like that day), we had a somewhat hysterical reunion, left town and spent the night and the next day at Fells Point in Baltimore.
Up to that day, I would have been perfectly happy to go through the rest of my life without carrying a cell phone everywhere I go - but after that day she made it clear to me that this was no longer an option. I got my very first cell phone on September 13, 2001.
94.) My sincerest condolences on the Virginia Tech shootings. I know that's in your neighborhood, and I hope you didn't know any of the victims. (13)
A: Actually, the campus is over 250 miles from where I live, but sincere thanks for your thoughts. I didn't know anyone who was killed or injured that day, but that doesn't make things much better. All but one of the deaths on that day were sickening tragedies.
95.) You've listed some movies that you think really suck. What's the one movie you hate the most? Is it any of the movies you think sucks the most? (2)
A: No, it isn't. The movies that suck the most are Major League II, The Accidental Tourist, Starlight and a few others, but the one I hate the most (by a mile) is Top Gun. In theory it's not the worst movie ever made, but I can't think of any movie I hate more. I'd rather go bobbing for French fries in boiling oil than watch Top Gun. That movie sucks, exhales and sucks some more. Non-stop suckery. It sucks and leaves a bruise. In addition to sucking, it also slurps and blows. I liken Top Gun to an unwelcome pile next to a fire hydrant and the dozens of flies surrounding the pile. Jesus Christ, that movie sucks. The last time I saw something as unappealing as Top Gun, it was on a wadded-up ball of Charmin. Let me know if I'm not being clear enough here. That movie just sucks. I hate that movie the way I hate standing in line at the DMV.
96.) What's the most bizarre question you've received recently? I see you've gotten some really strange ones. (2)
A: You don't know the half of it. Last month, one site reader asked me what color / pattern my bed linens are. When I informed him that we have more than one set he asked me what color / pattern my "favorite" set was (as if I care or even have any input as to what sort of linens we have here - my better half makes that call and I duly nod in an approving fashion to whatever she picks). When I told him I don't have a favorite, he asked me to describe every set in the house. I asked him why he wanted to know, and never heard from him again.
97.) Why has it taken you so long to update the site? It's been months. Is everything okay? (27)
A: (This question was asked repeatedly during the summer of 2007) With me and mine, everything has been mostly okay, thanks. We had a fire in our home that set us back a bit and we had to move, but nobody was hurt. With a depressingly large number of people close to us, almost nothing is okay. I'd rather leave it at that.
98.) Can you tell me the most obnoxious question you've ever received from a reader of your site? If you don't mind, I'd like to see how you answered it, too. (5, plus 2 requests to see my answer)
You know, I'd be very happy to fulfill both of your requests - I think you'll get a real kick out of what you just asked for. Check out this gem (as you might guess, the deleted expletive is the same word every time):
Q: Dude, as a New York sports fan you're a (expletive deleted)ing disgrace. Any REAL New Yorker knows that it's either Yankees / Giants / Rangers, or it's Mets / Jets / Islanders. What kind of fan likes the Mets, Giants and Islanders? Your girlfriend (expletive deleted)ed this up, too. How does anyone, even a girl, like the Rangers and Yankees but pick the Jets over the Giants? What the hell is wrong with the two of you? You (expletive deleted)ing deserve each other, I swear. You both suck. Do us all a favor and use birth control when you (expletive deleted), because the last thing we need is more pseudo-quasi half baked New Yorker wannabe assclown rug rats running around and (expletive deleted)ing up the gene pool.
(This question, believe it or not, comes from a guy who admits his favorite teams are the Philadelphia Phillies, the Philadelphia Eagles, the Philadelphia 76ers and the NEW JERSEY DEVILS).
A: "Even a girl?" I'll bet my SUV and my favorite skeet gun (which means a hell of a lot more to me than my SUV) that she knows sports better than you do. Why she prefers the Jets is her business and nobody else's, but suffice it to say that someone close to her family played for the team.
In my case, let's pretend I actually owe you an explanation here. My childhood baseball heroes were all Mets, my father took me to Islander games when I was a kid during their glory years, and I picked the Giants as a kid because I always thought Joe Namath was a horse's ass (something he went out of his way to prove in front of Suzi Kolber some years later).
What sort of a Philly fan roots for the Devils instead of the Flyers, by the way, and how the hell does someone with your list of favorite teams get off criticizing her or me?
(I never got an answer to this.)
99.) What do you think of us getting the 2010 Olympics in BC instead of you getting them for DC? I'll tell you flat out, we're pretty happy about it. (4)
So am I. First of all, D.C. was never in the running for or even nominated for the Winter Olympics; Salt Lake City had them in 2002 and there was no way the States were going to get the Winter Games again so soon. Second, the Games are a money-losing pain in the ass for any city that assumes the responsibility. Montreal, for example, needed about 30 years to pay off Olympic Stadium. The influx of tourist dollars is quickly cancelled out by the expenses incurred by setting up infrastructure and providing security, as anyone who investigates financial records of previous Olympic Games can attest.
Further, the Olympics are a tremendous hassle for any resident of the host city, as anyone who has tried to drive to work during the Games could tell you. Host cities constantly deal with increases in crime during the Games, something we already have enough of in D.C.
Let's also not forget that in a post-9/11 world there isn't much chance that we'd let thousands of tourists from dozens of countries directly into the nation's capital at the same time anyway. I can say with reasonable confidence that very few people who live in or near D.C. would want the Olympics here, and I for one thank you and yours for taking up the task.
I have little doubt that Vancouver will do a great job, but I'd hate to be a B.C. taxpayer who has to pick up the tab after it's all over. I'm on your side and I hope it goes well for you, but I strongly suspect that you're about to learn the meaning of the proverb "Be careful what you wish for - you just might get it." In any case, if you're happy I'm sincerely happy for you, but my only real reaction is "better you than me." I've been in major cities during major events (Olympics, Super Bowl, World Series, World Cup, Stanley Cup Finals, NBA Finals and so on). I've seen the chaos and the downside, and I can tell you that I hope D.C. never hosts the Olympics or any other event of such high profile as long as I live here.
100.) You said somewhere on your site that you created it because there was no other page dedicated to Gabe. If there had been one, would you have created yours? (3)
A: If there were a good page dedicated to her already, I wouldn't have created mine, no. I'm not good at building websites and don't have enough free time to give this page the attention it deserves.
101.) How much spam do you get? (6)
In the site's guestbook, about 75-80 messages per month. In my Grad86 inbox, about 350 a month.
102.) What did you think of the ending on the last episode of the Sopranos? (16)
A: If you were to judge by the media reviews and Internet polls you'd conclude that I am in the underwhelming minority, but I thought the ending was absolutely (expletive deleted) brilliant. You have to remember that a.) no concrete ending could have possibly pleased more than half the show's fans, b.) the "blackout" could be a reference to Bobby Bacala's remarks on the boat with Tony in the first episode of the second half of the season, and c.) it allowed the viewer to answer some questions for himself or herself without having every single issue wrapped up in a nice neat package.
Unfortunately, most TV viewers seem to be bent on absolute closure, so the ending got a good solid drubbing in every review I saw. I was in New York the night the final episode was aired, and the next day I returned to Washington; I bought every newspaper I could find on my way out of NYC (the Times, the Post, the Daily News, the Star Ledger and whatever others were there). Not one of the reviews was even remotely kind. I guess I'm just not meant to understand it.
103.) Do you get WGN? What is Corner Gas like in the States? Do they cut or change anything? Is the show well received down there? Are you watching it? (18)
A: I do get WGN, yes. As far as I know, everyone in the country who has cable TV gets WGN.
Nothing is being cut or changed in the episodes, and the show has gotten nothing but positive reviews in our media. The only objection I have is that the episodes aren't shown in order. The first few episodes were, but then they jumped into the second season without finishing the first. The second season isn't being shown in anything close to the proper order, either - for instance, last week they showed Whataphobia (season 2, episode 4), then Rock On (episode 15) and then Smell of Freedom (episode 3).
As for whether I'm watching it or not, because I've already seen each episode in the first four seasons at least five times apiece I don't watch the WGN Corner Gas broadcasts unless nothing else I want to see is on, but when the episodes are being shown I leave a TV on tuned into WGN in another room so the show gets credit for my house in the Nielsen ratings. You're welcome, Mr. Butt.
104.) Don't you think you were a little rough on Dakota House in your review of One Dead Indian? I haven�t seen the movie yet, but nobody could be as bad as you made House out to be. (3)
Care to bet? Watch the movie and get back to me. I can't wait to hear your take on House's "acting."
I wasn't too rough on him at all. If you were to meet me face-to-face and hear my uncensored opinion of his performance in that movie, you'd realize that I was actually being kind and restrained compared to what I really think. I don't use obscenities on the site, so I was unable to fully convey my true opinion. However, in my next site update I'm going to post your letter in my FAQ section, and along with your letter and a few others you'll find a letter asking me about what movie I hate the most. Hit CTRL+F and enter "Top Gun." When you find that, read my opinion of that movie and you'll get a rough (albeit heavily softened) idea of what I really think of Dakota House's work in "One Dead Indian."
The movie was clearly designed to evoke sympathy for the Ipperwash Indians (no attempt was made to hide this), but when you add Dakota House's acting to the script the end result was this: the only Indian I couldn't work up any sympathy for was the one who actually got killed.
The worst part of it all is that Gabrielle did such a great job in the movie and got completely overshadowed by such bad work on House's part.
House's acting performance ranks right up there with Jacques LaLonde's work in Starlight as the worst I've ever seen, but at least LaLonde's screen time was kept mercifully short. The only other acting performance I can think of that was as bad was that of House or LaLonde was Pepe Serna's work as Lt. Garcia in The Rookie (1990, Clint Eastwood / Charlie Sheen). Not in any of the three languages I know can I scrape up enough non-obscene words to describe how bad House was in "One Dead Indian."
As I said in my review, even as a ghost he's completely intolerable in the movie. His calling in life, in my view, would be to work as a military interrogator, and he wouldn't even have to do the interrogating - his work would just have to be available to other interrogators. For example, if I were ever captured by Canadian armed forces and grilled for secrets, all the Canadian military would have to do is show me five minutes of Dakota House's acting and I'd spill every (expletive deleted) secret I knew.
Again, just watch the movie and let me know what you think. I really look forward to YOUR review - I'm not much of a gambler, but I'd bet that once you're done watching the movie you'll be on my side. I anxiously await your e-mail.