7-5-02 - Threesome Etiquette
7-2-02 - More Reader's Mail
7-1-02 - The Tubing Trip
6-28-02 - Guest on Cheating
6-27-02 - Semi-Political Ramblings
6-25-02 - Ode to the Marquis
6-21-02 - The It Factor
6-20-02 - Some More Ramblings
6-17-02 - Reader Mail
6-14-02 - Encore, Please
6-13-02 - Birthday Thoughts
6-11-02 - Soccer Masturbation
6-8-02 - Objective Ratings
6-6-02 -Thursday Thoughts
6-5-02 - World Cup Bandwagon Jumping
6-4-02 - Mayer, Comfortable
6-3-02 - Mayer, City Love
5-30-02 - Thursday Thoughts
5-29-02 - Memorial Day Weekend
5-23-02 - Thursday Random Thoughts
5-20-02 - NBA Lottery
5-19-02 - Reader's Mail
5-18-02 - New Cow Theory
5-17-02 - Graduation
5-16-02 - More Ramblings
ARCHIVES
Last year, a group of friends and I took a road trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Obviously, we knew of the debauchery of the event going in, so we decided to make 3 rules going in: 1) Don't die, 2) Don't get arrested, 3) Don't get the car stolen. All sound pretty obvious, right? They may be, but that does not make them easy to follow. Every one was nearly broken on tha trip. If we hadn't have those rules going in, who knows how that Mardi Gras trip would have turned out. Since that trip, we have re-instated these rules on every mini-vacation that we have taken. After the last couple trips, I have began to ealize that these three rules were not enough. With that in mind, I have come up with seven rules that all of us should follow when on vacation, in no particular order:
1) Do not die - Simple, to the point, the one basic instinct of all life. But, oh it can be a difficult rule to keep sometimes. For example, by my count, I nearly died three different times during Mardi Gras weekend. If you haven't heard the stories, take the time to ask. Also, this rule is far and away the most important one. If it is broken, it kind of ruins the fun for the rest of the trip.
2) Don't get arrested - Fortunately, this one wasn't broken in New Orleans either...public intoxication doesn't seem to be a crime there, more of a way of life. There may seem as if there should be exceptions to this rule, but don't be fooled. The idea is to come as close as possible to being arrested without ever having to see the inside of the local jail. If you must break a law, do not, I repeat, DO NOT get caught.
3) Don't get the car stolen - This is especially important on road trips. If you doubt me, try imagining riding home with all of your hungover, angry friends in the back of a Greyhound. Not good times, bad times. Very bad times. So be careful that the "valet" you are handing your keys to is legit.
4) Choose your vacation partners wisely - Planning on going camping? Leave the friend with the hairdryer attached to her hand at home. Are you going to be spending a lot of time in a car? That loud talkative guy shouldn't be invited. Going to Vegas to carouse with card sharks, strippers, and prostitutes? Not the place for your girlfriend or your Bible study buddy....you know I'm kidding, right Nick? Right? Come on, put down the baseball bat. It was only a joke.
5) Do not, under any circumstances, kill - This is partially why you must choose your vacation partners wisely. Killing is bad, I definitely believe in that commandment (it is a commandment, right?) Be especially not to do it in countries with harsh punishments such as Colombia, Singapore, or Texas.
6) Do not couple up (during daylight hours) - Have you ever been in a group of, say, five, where there is three guys and two girls? And each of the girls is coupling up with one of the guys, leaving you there standing by yourself? Absolutely not cool. If you came as a group, act as a group as you go through your daily activities. If you want to couple up at night, cool, let the best man win. But don't ostracize your fellow travellers during the day. The only exception to this would be if you were a couple prior to the trip...then act however you want. It is your travelling partners fault for inviting you along in the first place.
7) Do not worry about long-term consequences - This is the second most important rule after "Don't die". When you are on vacation, it is totally the time to do what you feel. Want to experiment with controlled substances? I can't think of a better time. Want to take your clothes off? Go for it, sport. Want to bump and grind at a club in New Orleans with a girl who previously found you to be the worst example of a human male ever, only moments before you pass out in the doorway? Why not, you only live once. This is the perfect time for the random drunken hook-up with no expectations of a phone call the next day. Do what you feel, consequences can wait.
Here are three rules that didn't quite make the list:
1) Whatever happens in ________ stays in __________ - This is the life philosophy of all of those kids that MTV follows around on Spring Break. You always here some girl giggle wildly as she exclaims this phrase, right before she hooks up with her third guy of the night.This doesn't work for me though. I want the stories...half the fun of vacation is re-living the stories for months after so that you can convince yourself you live an interesting life.
2) Avoid an area if a local tells you to - I thought seriously about including this, but it sort of takes your sense of adventure out of the trip. The rule above is "Do not Die", but near brushes with death can be invigorating.
3) Don't get married - Kevin lobbied hard that this should be included on the list. I strongly disagree...why limit your options? It isn't like marriages are too permanent anymore anyways. Plus, it makes one heck of a story.
1) "Tribute" - Tenacious D
2) "Cow Girl" - Underworld
3) "Flaming June" - BT
4) "Halcyon and On" - Orbital
5) "Faded" - Ben Harper
6) "Teardrop" - Massive Attack
7) "Paranoid Android" - Radiohead
8) "Angel of Harlem" - U2
9) "Tunnel of Love" - Dire Straits
10) "Patience" - Guns and Roses
11) Ditty - Paperboy (Do you know this song? Please someone let me you know that you do! In 8th grade, this was bangin'!)
from best to worst
1) Dogma
2) Chasing Amy
3) Clerks
4) Jay and Silent Bob
5) Mallrats
