Admittedly, this column is pure...
Masturbation
June 11, 2002 - I know that absolutely none of you want to read about it, but I'm going to write about the World Cup again. I can't help it...I'm hooked. I'm up at all hours of the night watching matches between Tunisia and Belgium. I am incorporating phrases like "splendid challenge", "brilliant run", and "the keeper is off his line" into my everyday vocabulary. Kiley, that last remark was a "splendid challenge" to my masculinity. Chien, thank goodness you made that "brilliant run" from the cops last week. Kevin, your "keeper is way off his line" if you think you have a chance with her. In addition to the terminology, here is what else will stick with me from the first week and a half of the World Cup:

***A tie can be a good thing, even when you lose the lead with just over ten minutes to go. If you don't believe me, look at the US - S. Korea game from the other night. The U.S. held on for a point despite being thoroughly outplayed and facing a hostile crowd.*****

***One more US note...do you think Goalie Brad Friedel is having murderous thoughts about Jeff Agoos about now? While diehard American soccer fans are probably building altars to worship Friedel (what a save on the PK!!), Agoos has been the one seriously weak link for the Americans so far. A good defender should be big, fast, and smart...Agoos certainly isn't either of the first two. He is allegedly in the lineup for his intelligence and savvy, but he has been jittery and woefully inconsistent in the first two matches. Since I'm sure Bruce Arena is reading this column, let me lobby for Pablo Mastroeni to take Agoos's place. He is tough and was very strong in the win over Portugal****

*** Defending champs France went home with less of a fight than they gave the Germans in WWII. Picked by many to repeat as champions, they failed to score a goal. Let me join the rest of the world in a resounding chorus of "HA!!"****

****So far, this tourney has been unkind to the favorites. Besides France, Argentina, Portugal, and Italy are all in serious danger of failing to qualify for the second round. This is like the NFL, parity is running rampant***

**** A couple of notes on goal celebrations: the seven handspring performance by the Nigerian striker was topnotch. Who cares that they aren't going through to the next round, that will keep him on highlight shows for years! I also appreciate the South Korean team mock speed skating after the equalizer versus the US. It is amazing that anyone can take the Winter Olympics that seriously.****

**** Anyone who doubts that a 1-0 game can be thrilling should have caught the England-Argentina game last week. The intensity was stellar throughout and I couldn't take my eyes off of it for fear I would miss something. I do find it a little ridiculous that David Beckham is being hailed as a hero and all of the journalists are talking about how he redeemed himself by making that penalty kick. He was a non-factor for most of the match and his PK went right down the middle!! If the goalie had stayed put, there would have been all sorts of media calling for his head. Funny how things work out.****

****I have seen two very bad matches so far...South Africa - Slovenia was a little painful. I was drunk at the time, but no one seemed into the game...not the announcers, the crowd, the refs, or even some of the players. If that was the only soccer match you caught, I don't blame you for hating the sport. Today's Germany - Cameroon match was bad for a different reason. Both teams really needed the points to advance, but instead the referee chose to be the star. He handed out yellow cards right and left, many for very minor infractions. Germany prevailed 2-0, but now will be missing a few of their players for the next round. An overeager ref may have seriously damaged their chances to advance.****

****I am really looking forward to channel-flipping between the two "Group of Death" matches tonight: England v. Nigeria and Sweden v. Argentina. Nigeria is already out (though they would have likely won a few of the weaker groups). I'm rooting hard for England, I'm a huge Michael Owen fan, and I think it would be fun if Sweden goes through as well. In addition to the US (obviously) and England, I'm rooting hard for Mexico, Costa Rica, Japan, Senegal, and Denmark. I'm actively rooting against favorites Argentina, Germany, Italy, Spain, and Brazil. If you are stuck without a rooting interest, feel free to use mine.****

READ MY  COLUMNS
6-8-02 - OGR
6-6-02 -Thursday Thought
s
6-5-02 - World Cup Bandwagon Jumpi
ng
6-4-02 - Mayer, Comfortab
le
6-3-02 - Mayer, City L
ove
5-30-02 - Thursday Thoug
hts
5-29-02 - Memorial Day Week
end
5-23-02 - Thursday Random Thoug
hts
5-20-02 - NBA Lott
ery
5-19-02 - Reader's m
ail
5-18-02 - New Cow The
ory
5-17-02 - Graduat
ion
5-16-02 - More Rambli
ngs
5-10-02 - Marriage,
Ugh
5-9-02 - Thursday Rambli
ngs
5-8-02 - Inflatable Go
ats
5-7-02 - Temporary Fan Sta
tus
5-6-02 - Dinner Pa
rty
5-5-02 - Reader M
ail
                                           
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Even after a win over the evil Cubs, I'm too depressed to write  about the Astros.
Links
Bill Simmons (My current idol)
Odd Todd (My pre-employment reality)
Audiogalaxy (Free Music)
PitchforkMedia (Music News, Reviews)
Rotten Tomatoes (Compilation of Movie Reviews)
Ten Songs worth listening to this week:
1) "Haligh, Haligh, a Lie Haligh" - Bright Eyes (Conor Oberst of Omaha's burgeoning music scene)
2) "The World Exploded in Love" - Bob Schneider
3) "Hate to Say I told you So" - The Hives
4) "Electric Relaxation" - Tribe Called Quest
5) "Warning" - Incubus
6) "Improvise" - Jurassic 5
7) "Natalie Portman" - Ozma
8) "When the Stars Go Blue" - Bono & The Corrs
9) "Let's Get it On" - Marvin Gaye
10) "Tired of Sex" - Weezer
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Bret Boone (thanks Simos)
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