A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class
	using a bowl of Lifesavers.  He gave the children all the same kind
	of Lifesaver and asked them, 
	"What is the flavor, and what color is it?"

	The children began to say,
	"Cherry...red...lemon...yellow...lime...green...orange...orange."

	Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers.  The children sucked on
	them for a while, but can't decipher the taste.  "Well," he said,
	"I'll give you a clue.  It's what your mother would call your
	father."
	One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled:
	"Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"

 



	Spotted on the back of a Tee shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad:                 
	"If you see me running, try to keep up."

	You have the right to remain silent anything you say 
	will be misquoted, then used against you.

	A closed mouth gathers no feet.

	Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do 
	"Practice"?

	Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naive spelled
	backwards? 
	Think about it.....

	The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, 
	but it still has to be mowed.




	 
	A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
	She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded
	biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims "I
	want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she
	needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to
	join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
	The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points
	to a Harley parked in the driveway.
	The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
	The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a
	day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is
	impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
	The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've
	been swung around by my nipples a few times."