Mother superior: "sister maria, if you Night, and you're accosted by a man Bad intentions, what would you do?" Mother superior." Would you do next?" His pants." "and what then?" Run much faster with Down." Back to the convent. Arriving, he asks if he Alright, as long as you Two nuns are walking down an alley Jump out and start raping them. Says, "forgive them father, Doing." the second nun looks It was friday, and four nuns went to Local catholic church to ask for the They argued back and forth for a few Priest agreed to let them leave the "however", he said, "as soon as you i want you to confess to me what you The four nuns agree, and run off. Nuns return. the first nun goes to the "forgive me, father, for i have "what did you do, sister?" she replies, R-rated movie." the priest looks up at Seconds, then replies, "you are Holy water." the first nun leaves, and To chuckle quietly under her breath. Priest and says, "forgive Priest replies, Was driving my brother's House, and i hit a neighbors To heaven for half a Go and drink the holy This time, the fourth Third nun walks to the For i have sinned." You do?" she says, "last Street." the priest looks up Before responding, "god Water." she leaves. Laughing so hard tears The priest asks her, "ok. what did you Bloody funny?" Holy water..." Their daily annoucement session. Front of the 100 nuns with a Began to speak... Sinful deed committed 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: today i found a pair 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and i also found a 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and it has been 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and there was a 1 nun: oh, no! Hee!..... Gates of heaven. Sinned. Penis," she said. Eyes and you may Peter then asked the second nun if "well, once i held a man's penis," she "put your hand in this holy water and Heaven," he said. Ahead of the third nun. Ahead in line?" Before she sits in it!" They go on a tour of Vatican and meet Have a lot to say; About the church, "your holiness, do you have any really "no, my son, all our nuns are at least "are you sure? i mean, you wouldn't About my height? maybe a little "i'm afraid not. why do you ask?" Nobody in a habit that's about Tall?" "okay." And the pope wonders why. Leave the building. Chant the other six dwarfs. Have any." "grumpy fucked a penguin! Fucked a penguin!".... While she's standing The nun calls: "who is it?" The nun decides to get a thrill by Man in the room while she's naked so The man walks in, looks straight at the "corrrrrrrrrrrr, and can i sell you a blind One day a nun was fishing and A man was walking by and said "wow The sister said I'm a nun", Name of it:a goddamn fish". Rectory and said Goddamn fish i caught." Shouldn't talk Mother superior, So the mother Goddamn fish and i'll Fish the monsignor Look at the goddamn fish Monsignor said "mother superior Mother superior Goddamn fish". so the Goddamn fish and i'll There was a new priest A nice fish". Goddamn fish." The goddamn fish". Goddamn fish". Fucking place already!" Across the desert and Camel they were using They set up a Would come to their Camel died. Rescued, they agreed that They prayed a lot Predicament in The nun, And there's always Earth -- to see a Off your clothes The nun thought about his request for Then agreed to take off her clothes. She remarked, "well, father, now that i I've never seen a man naked, either. Off your clothes, too?" Stripped. suddenly That little thing The priest patiently answered, "that, From god. if i put it in you, it creates a "well," responded the nun, "forget Camel!" Were on their way to heaven. St. peter. around the And bells. That they would each have Could enter through the St. paul: "what were the names of the Garden of eden?" The lights flashed the bells rang and in The pearly gates. Forbidden tree ?" The lights flashed the bells rang and in The pearly gates. Nun. Said to adam ?" "gosh, that's a hard one!" She went through A man is driving down a deserted He notices a sign out of the corner of Sisters of mercy house of prostitution He thinks it was just a figment of his Drives on without a second thought. Sign which says sisters of mercy Miles and realizes that these signs are He drives past a third sign saying Of prostitution next right, his curiosity Him and he pulls into the drive. on Somber stone building with a small Next to the door reading sisters of Steps and rings the bell. the door is A long black habit who asks "what he answers "i saw your signs along interested in possibly doing "very well, my son. please follow He is led through many winding Disoriented. the nun stops at a Man "please knock on this door." he This door is answered by another nun Holding a tin cup. this nun instructs In the cup, then go through the large Of this hallway." he gets $50 out of It in the second nun's cup. he trots And slips through the door, pulling it As the door locks behind him, he finds Parking lot, facing another small sign: You have just been screwed by the Sister catherine is asking all the Children in fourth grade what they They grow up. little sheila says: I want to be a prostitute!" sister Grow wide and she barks: "what the Did you say?" "a prostitute!" sheila Sister catherine breathes a sight of "thank god! i thought you said a This raggedy-assed old nun was Convent one day, when this man His way. "what will you tell the holy father She says, "i must tell the truth! i will Convent when a man jumped out from Unless Did you hear the one about the man Next He knocked on the door and asked Dirty A priest decides to pay a visit to a The convent is in a run-down The priest walks down the street Approach and proposition him. These solicitations embarass the priest His head and hurries on until he gets Once inside he displays his naivete by Mother superior, "what is a trick?" Like on the outside!" Convent's) car through Stops and she Walks to the Being a nun, Forgot to take along Guy at the filling Thinks for a while, Of petrol. the nun Pouring the petrol And the driver Sister, how i would like to have as A group on nuns are travelling in a car They get out and try to change it, but Do not know how to do it. luckily, a The (male) driver offered to change it Accepted. as the trucker jacked up The jack. "son-of-a-bitch," he yelled. Nice language. But you mustn't use language." Again. again it slipped, this time "son-of-a-bitch", he yelled again. Changing our tire is Better if you didn't "but i get so upset, and it just comes "well," said the nun, "say something Something like 'sweet jesus, help To jack up the car again. again it "so..", but he corrected himself and "sweet jesus help me." at that, the The air by itself. the nuns looked at "son-of-a-bitch!" Soozy xox Subject: nun jokes! The driver. she says to the bus Experience sex before she dies. Her, but the nun explains that she Married as that would be a sin. the Married. the nun says she also Take it in the ass. the bus Two on the bus, they go to the Business. when they were done, and "sister, i have a confession to make. Children". the nun replies: "thats ok. Have a confession too: my name is Costume party". ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + Street, when a man jumps out and Stroke, the second nun has a >>+ ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + There was this irish nun sitting on the And obviously drunk out of her mind. And said, "sure, now sister colleen, This?" the sister replied, "oh now, it's done it fer the mother superior to Perplexed policeman looked askance Be that yer present state could have Superior's constipation?" to which Me this way, she'll be shittin a brick." Church, three nuns were really Nuns said to the other two, "let's take Floors. we can lock the door and if Our habits.' after some time, they hear Youngest nun gets up, goes to the Man from the next abby comes the Decides that since he's blind, he Him in. the blind man walks in, looks Where do you want me to install these A nun who works for a local home Her rounds when she ran out of gas. Station just down the street. she With enough gas to start the car and The attendant regretfully told her that Loaned out, but if she would care to Back shortly. A patient she decided not to wait and Through her car for With gas, she spotted a bedpan she Taking to the patient. always Station, filled it with gasoline, and As she was pouring the gas into the One of them turned to the other and Faith!� ====================== = To subscribe, send mail to laugh- �subscribe In the body of the message. �unsubscribe laugh�(without quotes) Http://web.wt.net/~wabyrd/laugh- To submit a joke, send it to Subject: nun with a little gas When one of the priests noticed she Gaining a little weight. �gaining a little He asked. Susan explained. That she had gained even more �gaining some weight are we sister �oh no, father. just a little gas,� she A couple of months later the priest Carriage around the convent. Carriage and said, �cute little fart.� Subject: nun joke Rickety old bikes down the bumpy Streets of rome late one summer Dark and Nervous. the younger nun steers Bicycle closer to the older nun and This Head knowingly and says, "it's the Subject: nun's second chance > Heaven, where they > pearly gates by st. peter. he > all led such wonderful Months to go back > you want to be." Sophia loren;" and > the second says, "i want to be > she's gone. Pipalini." He says. > st. peter shakes his head and > that name > the nun then takes a newspaper > hands it to > he reads the paper and starts > back to her and The 'sahara > by 1,400 men in 6 months." > > > > http://www.care2.com - get your > that helps save wildlife! _____________________ Get email at your own domain with Http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/?.re Subject: nun's story - sister logical Sell cookies. one of them Sister mathematical (sm) and the Logical(sl). Away from the convent. Been following us for the Sm.: yes, i wonder what he wants. Sm: oh, no! at this rate he will reach Most. what can we do? Course is that we have to Sm: it is not working. Man did the only obvious Too. Rate he will reach us in Sl: the only logical thing we can do is And i�ll go Us. so the man decided to Sister mathematical arrives at the Because sister Sister logical arrives. Here! tell us what Sl: the only logical thing happened. Both of us, so he followed me. Us. Started to run as fast Sm: so what happened? The man also started to Sm: and what else? He reached me. Sl: the only logical thing to do. i Sm: oh, sister. what did the man do? Pulled down his pants. Sl: isn�t it logical, sister? a nun with Faster than a man with his pants (and you thought it would be dirty! _____________________________ Get your private, free email at _____________________________ _____ Transmission may contain Information. it is intended only Above. if you are not the Notified that any review, Duplication of this If you are not the The sender by reply email Message. Directly, please send an Get your private, free email at Subject: nursery rhymes from the mary had a little lamb now it goes to school with her, little miss muffet sat on a tuffet, it wasn't the spider that crept but little boy blue and his horn. The fair. what have you got there? pies, you dickhead. humpty dumpty had a great fall. Men, mary had a little lamb 10,000 volts went up it's ass georgie porgy pudding and pie. when the boys came out to play, Gay. Check out this unique and interesting www.nurseryphotos.com Age......... The nursing home. The 60-year-old.you always feel like Time, you stand at the toil > dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (aka >and scented tree. Container is full. instead Recycle, dump in hole in backyard. > 4. jack car up. spend 30 minutes > 5. find jack stands under kid's > 6. in frustration, open another > 7. place drain pan under engine. Wrench. Wrench. > 11. drop drain plug in pan of hot > 12. clean up. Draining. > 15. give up; poke oil filter with > 16. beer. With him. finish oil change tomorrow. Oil out from underneath car. On oil spilled during step 18. Yesterday. > 22. install new oil filter, making > oil to gasket first. Into engine. Step 11. Drain pan. Before the whole quart Floor. Knuckles on frame. Reaction. > 30. throw wrench. Because wrench hit miss Boob (lyle?). Knuckle. > 34. beer. Oil. > 37. lower car from jack stands Jack stands Oil lift (aka kitty During step 23. 7000 miles till it's Subject: oil changing instructions Women: > 1. pull up to quick-lube stop 3000 > 2. sip on your iced cappuccino. And leave with your vehicle. > cost: $20.00 for the oil change + > > Emporium and write a check for > cover oil, filter, kitty litter, hand > up calendar on special for only > 2. hang up calendar with miss Here. Is still full from last time so dig No one is looking. > 3. spend at least half an hour You > Under motor. > 5. look for 5/8" box end wrench, Wrench. > 6. undo plug, rounding off all > Hot oil and burn arm in the process > spilling the oil. > 8. clean arm and have another > Up and poke oil filter with > Exhaust and, when trying to retrieve > Disgust and have it bounce off the > and stab miss may in the "upper > the idea here. > 12. feel sad for miss may's fate > For a cold twelve pack. > 14. return to messy garage, drag > in the hole in the yard. use kitty > mess from step 7 above. > 15. chug a beer and open another > Put a thin coat of oil on the > Spreading out on the garage floor. > 18. run out to oil pit in the yard > And cross thread the drain plug > 20. commence cussing. chug your > Member drawing blood. > 22. go into house to clean the On new > Two more beers. > 24. walk 2 miles to 7/11 to get five > Hands, drink a couple more beers. > 26. test drive car. > 27. get pulled over right next to > > > From impound lot. > costs: > $50.00 for parts and calendar > $17.50 for replacement oil > $800 for impound and towing fee > $1500 fine for first dwi offense You can clean up highway litter > orange overalls. > Kalageorgi; bill raley; bob buckley; Brett thompson; brian wesloski; chris Gus mondalek; lennie collins; michael Natasha jones; ray wick; rick scutt; Chance; shaun watson; shawn m. Subject: joke Slow day for st. Entrance test, st. peter says "i'm Let me show you around?" the guy thinks this is a great idea offer. st. peter shows him all the reading room and library, the and finally, they come to a huge Clocks?" st. peter explains, "everyone on how much time he has left on earth. time, the person dies and comes to Notices that some of the He asks why is that? st. peter explains, "every time a speeds his clock." this also makes sense, so the guy room before leaving and notices one ceiling. on this clock, both hands rate. so he asks, "what's the story Oj simpson's clock. we Subject: old country doctor dilivers An old country doctor went way out It was so far out, there was no No one was home except for the Child. the doctor instructed the child See, while he helped the woman The mother pushed and after a little Baby by the feet and spanked him First breath. the doctor then asked The baby. �hit him again,� the 5- Crawled up there in the first place!� There was these two brothers that And the older brother, always trying Younger brother, always thinking his �hey, i think we�re at the age where The younger brother wasn�t really
