Of course, i�m concerned. I wasn�t involved in the project. I�m not sure i can implement this. Sooner? i�ll try to schedule that. Are you sure there�s a problem? How nice. You don�t say. Excuse me? Excuse me sir? Life? they won�t be happy with this. I�m a bit overloaded at the moment. I don�t think you understand. I love a challenge. You�d like me to take care of this? Yes. i think we should discuss this. I don�t foresee any problems. He needs some training. You�d like my help? Interesting behavior. It was getting a little crowded in The admittance policy. the new law Heaven, Day you died. Noon the following day. Person came to the gates of The angel at the gate, remembering The man, "before i can let you in, i Day you died." Some time now, i've thought my That each day on her lunch hour, Floor apartment and have sex Come home too and catch them. well, Immediately began searching for this My wife was half naked and yelling at Apartment. but, damn it, i couldn't find Give up, i happened to glance out There was a man hanging off the That guy to think he could hide from "well, i ran out there and promptly Fell to the ground. but, wouldn't you That broke his fall, and he didn't die. in Get the first thing i could get my hands Enough, the first thing i could grab It, pushed it out onto the balcony and Plummeted 25 stories and crushed Was Heart attack and died almost The angel sat back and thought for a Did have a bad day, and it was a "ok, sir, welcome to the kingdom of Seconds later another guy came. In, i need to hear about the day you "sure thing.", the man replied. "but I was out on the balcony of my 26th Exercises when i got a little carried The side! luckily however, i was able On the balcony directly beneath mine. Crazy man comes running out of his Stomping on my fingers! well, of Bushes on the way down which As i'm lying there face up on the Excruciating Refrigerator, of all things, over the And it falls directly on top of me and Laughing to himself as the man To this new policy.", he thinks to Announces. "welcome to the Man Man in line comes up to the "tell me about the day you died.", "ok. picture this.", says the man. "i'm Erica > a husband asks his wife, Tonight?" Why don't you > the dishes and i'll sit on the sofa From: priscilla d isenberg Sent: friday, june 20, 1997 9:36 To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; Subject: "beth powell" Fwd>none The new priest a new priest at his first mass was so hardly speak. after mass he asked the monsignor replied, "when i am worried about Water glass. if i start to get Monsignor's advice. at the beginning Took a drink. he proceeded to talk Office after mass, he found the Not 12. 3. there are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. jesus was consecrated, not Did not bet his ass. 6. we do not refer to jesus christ as Are not referred to as daddy, Kick the shit out of him. 9. when david was hit by a rock Don'tsay The big t! 11. when jesus broke the bread at this and eat it, for it is my To as the, "mary with the cherry". 13. the recommended grace before Thanks Taffy-pulling contest at st. Contest at st. taffy's. the origination of this letter is everyone who passes it on. the one luck. do not keep this letter. do not five of your friends to whom you Happens to you four days from now the chain is not broken. you will Days you must send it to 27 Person you like will ask you out, or You Send it you will have problems in relationships. it has been going Something as bad as this story, worse will happen to you: Buford, mn. she was in love with a Had professed his love for heather, then she recieved this letter. she And Dennis was killed in a car accident That heather was not aware of. case 2: take sarah matthewson. the believer that she is, she sent it didn't have enough e-mail addresses Must. Masquerade ball when she was by a falling disco ball and died. you must send this on in 1 hour different people. if you do this, you Person Soon return your feelings. this is Warnings, you must send this eric mancough send this letter out not even 4 hours later was he Into Years. ann came up to him and told That she had had for 2 years. ann eric are still married with five *note* the more people that you will have. ------------------ rfc822 header Received: by smtpgw.musc.edu with Received: from dmallston Bfh10.med.navy.mil Evaluation license) with smtp 07:11:01 -0400 [email protected] Version 2.1.2 Content-type: text/plain; To: @netpath.net,[email protected], [email protected],fftzsmn@clemso [email protected] (allston, d. mckay) Date: thu, 17 apr 1997 07:11:01 - Message-id: @dmallston> ---------- Subject: new quarterback for Jimmy johnson has put together the Only thing he�s missing is a good Dan marino. he has scouted all the But; can�t seem to find a ringer Bowl win. then one night, while Palestine. in the background, Spots a young israeli soldier with a He throws a hand grenade straight Yards away ka-boom! next, he Group of about 10 soldiers a good A car passes going 90 miles an hour- Another grenade right into the This guy,� jimmy says to himself. �he So he brings him to the states and Football. predictably, the young man Passes, accuracy, and touchdowns. Super bowl. the young israeli is Super bowl xxxv and when jimmy Young man wants to do is call his Jimmy arranges for the call and Quarterback: �mom,� the young man The �i don�t want to talk to you,� the old You�re no longer my son.� Mother,� the young man pleads. �i In the world! i�m in the middle of �no, let me tell you,� the mother There are gun shots all around us. Your two brothers were beaten And this week your sister was Old lady Forgive you for moving us to miami�. Mood swings, bought Would be able Good mood it It leaves a Maybe next time he'll buy me a Do not remove from visor Your new sport-utility vehicle Over in Direction. important: never open a A rollover situation; contact with Scratches and Under your limited warranty. Has occurred when all the blood Visible out the windows. Increases the risk of not rolling over. Double the posted speed limit. You the choice of passing over the Of smaller cars, motorcycles, and Reminder: a small car may snag on Such a Stop, step out of the vehicle, and Damage. Underneath your new s.u.v. could Only irritating noises but also friction Which may slow you down. if a small Itself Firmly on the accelerator pedal and Between drive and reverse to create Motion until the small car is Your new s.u.v. utilizes the smallest For slow deceleration. hard braking Should Important: in a skid, your s.u.v. will Hundred-and-sixty-degree loop or a Loops. do not attempt to correct this In the direction of the skid, as this And reduce collision risks. Overweight vehicle, parking your Easy if you disregard rearview Fill� And by sound. resistance When backing into a parking space S.u.v.�s Power. simply keep the accelerator Depressed until you feel no more Have Your new s.u.v. is designed with the As Advisory: there is no need to pick a Quarts of beer before driving your New s.u.v. is designed to give the And Traffic conditions. this can be Driving habits. Enemy. always pass on the right, Other vehicles from passing you, Yield or Turn-signal indicator, and never slow Fuel-saving warning: maintaining a M.p.h. will result in a higher miles- Average. danger: conserving fuel Maximizing Fuel gauge does not move quickly Full to empty, your new s.u.v. is Enough. Smooth, slow, careful driving. if the Employing sudden stops and starts Maintaining an average speed of at Authorized dealer. The taxi driver The driver so he leaned forward and The driver screamed, jumped up in The car jumped the curb, demolished Inches from a The startled passenger said, 'i didn't To ask you something.' It's my first day as a cab driver. Past 25 years!' To: alert newland; beverly j. Cesar quinones; chris muffett; day Gus mondalek; jason iversen; jeff & Burns; michael muscedere; natasha D isenberg; russ decrease New words for the 90�s Group, discussing why a deadline Missed or a project failed, and who 2. body nazis: hard-core exercise Down on anyone who doesn�t work 3. seagull manager - a manager who Noise, shits over everything and 4. chainsaw consultant: an outside The employee headcount, leaving 5. cube farm: an office filled with 6. idea hamsters: people who Generators running. Generation�s answer to the 8. prairie dogging: when someone In a cube farm, and people�s heads Going on. When they have children and Home with the kids. stands for single Mortgage. Signal to a satellite. First marriage that ends in And no regrets. Seems to thrive on being stressed 13. swiped out: an atm or credit Useless because the magnetic strip is 14. tourists: people who take Vacation from their jobs. �we had The Were just tourists.� Documentation or other printed 16. xerox subsidy: euphemism for One�s workplace. Being totally stressed out, for Unfortunate track record of postal Gone on shooting rampages. Knowledgeable, technically proficient �ask larry, he�s the alpha geek Here.� Some people seem to absorb Up to the boss rather than working 20. chips and salsa: chips = First we gotta figure out if the Salsa.� Employees who are suspected of Department soon. Job. a well-paying job people One that they will quit as soon as 23. irritainment - entertainment and Annoying, but you find yourself O.j. 24. percussive maintenance - the Out of an electronic device to get it 25. uninstalled - euphemism for Voice mail of a vice president at a Reached President. please dial our main And See also decruitment. Hand position required to Certain commands. for instance, the Re-boot for a mac ii computer Control Key and the power on key. Ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of Trying to split the bill after a Anybody�s got is yuppie food Don�t take life too seriously, you -hubbard�s law Ok, a little late, but if you think about Pretty early for Since the new year is fast The new work rule Company. of course, these rules Length over numerous rounds of golf Managers of Therefore, don't be surprised if your Implements these work rules soon. 1. sickness: no excuses will be Your doctor's Believe that if you are able to go to Are able to come to work. Operation: we are no longer allowing Practice. we wish to discourage any Of whatever Consider having anything removed. Are, and to have anything removed Bargained for. Is no excuse. if you can arrange for Afternoon, however, we can let you Early, provided all your work is up to 4. death, your own: this will be Would like at Is your duty to teach someone else 5. personal hygiene: entirely too Washrooms. in Practice of going in alphabetical With surnames beginning with "a" will And so on. if Appointed time, it will be necessary Day when your time comes around 6. quantity of work: no matter how Enough. Acceptable level is perfection. The first thing in the morning and Worse will happen to you the rest of 9. the boss is always right. Rule 9. Subject: new yorkers at pearly Seems a bus load of new yorkers Up at once at the pearly gates. Before had so many new yorkers Few eons ago that one came in. he Unusual and he would have to Went to see god. when god heard Dismayed. he said, "we'd better be Peter went back to the new yorkers God. "they're gone!" god said. "how "no! no!, the gates are gone!' Subject: newborn Standing over their newborn baby�s Silently she watched him. as he Infant, Emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, Skepticism. The deep emotions it aroused, with Around her husband. Whispered in his ear. See how anybody can make a crib Subject: newlywed squabbles Some newly married friends were Came up. Children, while the young husband Two would be enough for him. Few minutes until the husband Put an end to things by saying Just have a vasectomy." Bride retorted, "well, i hope Own." Warsaw (ap)-- in an apparent Terrorists Hijacked a goodyear blimp. so far, At 11.... Subject: nixon and clinton The president�s biggest fear.... Clinton: the cold sore Nixon: carpet-bombing Their vice-presidents... Clinton: his is a geek. Nixon: couldn�t stop kissinger. Things the president couldn�t Nixon: the missing 18-minutes on Clinton: the 36d bra in his briefcase Nixon: tricky dick And finally, presidential excuses.... Clinton: i didn�t get in her nook ---------- [smtp:[email protected]] 10:40 am Morrison; barb kilgore > --------------------------- "southwest airlines" from kansas to Been looking out the window) turned > mother and said, "if big dogs Baby Baby planes?" > the mother (who couldn't think > stewardess. so the boy asked Baby Cats, why don't big planes have > planes?" > the stewardess asked, "did > > Your mother that southwest always > out on time." Subject: no ears Work. he fell through a floor tile and Since he was permanently disfigured, Rather large sum of money Decided to invest his money in a Business called plexus Negotiations, he bought the Outright. he realized that he knew Business and quickly setout to hire The next day he had set up three Great. he knew everything he At the end of the interview, merv Different about me?� and the Couldn�t help but notice you have no Threw him out. the second She was even better than the first Question, �do you notice anything Replied: �well, you have no ears.� Her out. the third and last interview Was with a very young man who was He was handsome.and Businessman than the first two put Went Same question:�do you notice And to his surprise, the youngman Lenses.�merv was shocked, Observant young man. how in the Young man fell off his chair laughing Pretty hard to wear glasses �***************************** ***************** Dead chicken? kay martin, a The fright of her life a few weeks Sunday star, she and a friend were Heard a chicken squawking. the bird Went outside to Had escaped from one of the Chickens anywhere. then martin Was coming from her own Oven, where she had put a chicken �it was as if it was shrieking at me Bizarre i just froze.� as they Squawking reached a crescendo. Chicken began to cool, the Chopped the
