Dead chicken? kay martin, a The fright of her life a few weeks Sunday star, she and a friend were Heard a chicken squawking. the bird Went outside to Had escaped from one of the Chickens anywhere. then martin Was coming from her own Oven, where she had put a chicken �it was as if it was shrieking at me Bizarre i just froze.� as they Squawking reached a crescendo. Chicken began to cool, the Chopped the > >>the lights seemed to shine > >> For my own. > >> > >>willingly, you came with me to > >> Thru the door. > >> > >>looking at u, i admire your > >> Breasts. > >>slowly i remove what wraps, > >>around your body so tightly, > >>fitting you like a glove. > >>exposing your tender white > >> > >> Your charms, > >>and carry you off in my arms, > >>to the warm water that > >> > >> Neck, > >>flowing over your soft breasts > >> Wetness. > >>droplets of water cover your > >> > >> Ummmm > >>running them threw the beads > >> Your body. > >> > >>i place my fingers inside you. > >>you are warm and moist, so > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> Door. > >> > >>as soon as i lay you down > >>your legs spread open wide. > >>you are ready now and so am > >> > >> > >> You can take in. > >> > >>i put in more, you take it > >> Faster > >>i put it in, pushing it in deeply > >>as far as i can, until i can't > >>put any more in, you are so > >> Tightly, > >>not wanting to release any of > >> > >> Long time, > >>until your sweet juices escape > >> Tongue at first, > >>your skin is so soft and > >> > >> Mouth, > >>you are so hot and moist, you > >> > >> > >> > >> Every taste. > >> > >>"oh yes", i say to you, > >> > >>"i must say grace" > >>"thank god for butterball > >> Subject: noah's ark!! ===================== �noah, in six months i am going to Covered with water and all the To save a few good people and Planet. i am ordering you to build He delivered the specifications �ok,� noah said, trembling with fear Blueprints, �i�m your man.� Thundered the lord. �you better Swim for a long, long time!� Cloud up, and the rain began to And saw noah sitting in his Ark. My ark?� a lightning bolt crashed �lord, please forgive me!� begged Some big problems. first, i had to get Construction, but your plans did not An engineer to redo the plans, only Him about whether to include a fire- �my neighbors objected, claiming Ordinances So i had to get a variance from �then, i had a big problem getting There was a ban on cutting trees to Convince the environmentalists and That i needed the wood to save the Catch them, so no owls.� Animals but got sued by an animal Taking along only two of each kind.� The epa notified me that i couldn�t Environmental impact statement on Take kindly to the idea that they Of a supreme being.� Wanted a map of the proposed flood I sent them a globe!� Complaint with the equal Many minorities i�m supposed to �the irs has seized all my assets The country, and i just got a notice Kind of use tax. really, i don�t think i Than five years.� Began to shine, and a rainbow Noah looked up and smiled. �you Destroy the world?� he asked �no,� said the lord, �the government Subject: non-farming Agriculture > | > | At wells iowa, received a check for For not raising hogs. so, i want to Business next year. > | what i want to know is, in your > of farm not to raise hogs on, and > not to raise? i want to be sure > | keeping with all governmental > | raise razorbacks, but if that is > | then i will just as gladly not > | This program will be in keeping Many hogs i haven't raised. > | my friend, peterson, is very > | business. he has been raising > | the best he ever made on Year $1000 for not raising hogs. > | if i get $1000 for not raising 50 > | raising 100 hogs? i plan to > | holding myself down to about > | mean about $80,000 the first > | airplane. > | now another thing, these hogs > | 100,000 bushels of corn. i Farmers Wheat. will i qualify for payments for To feed the 4000 hogs i am not > | Milking cows" business, so send On that too. > | in view of these Will be File for unemployment and food > | Vote in the coming election. > | patriotically yours, > | Me when you plan to distribute Subject: norm macdonald �norm macdonald� as seen on snl ? > > > > > > > �in washington ? > > > > > > > teacher mary kay ? > > > > > > > sex with a sixth- ? > > > > > > > been branded a ? > > > > > > > her, �the greatest > > > > > > > > Kaczynski, the brother who turned in Defendant ted kaczynski, said he ? > > > > > > > share the $1 million ? > > > > > > > survivors. he said ? > > > > > > > bombing victims, ? > > > > > > > on whores and > > > > > > > > Wisconsin, a man allowed his Daughter to take the wheel of his ? > > > > > > > and an accident Cars People. which once again proves my Can�t drive.� ? > > > > > > > �this week, after ? > > > > > > > sitcom star ellen ? > > > > > > > gay. inspired by ? > > > > > > > richard simmons ? > > > > > > > really, really gay.� ? > > > > > > > �reports say ? > > > > > > > now pregnant with ? > > > > > > > why he decided to ? > > > > > > > jackson explained ? > > > > > > > starting to lose his > > > > > > > > Formerly of wilson phillips Show will be different than other She will treat her guests with Dignity. and then she will eat them.� ? > > > > > > > �kenny g ? > > > > > > > week. happy Crap!� ? > > > > > > > �the state of ? > > > > > > > passed a law ? > > > > > > > biggest supporters > > > > > > > > Formerly known as prince is now Artist.� despite this, i will �the fruit.� � ? > > > > > > > �earlier this ? > > > > > > > reno charged To To the internet, and she has asked Fine the company a million dollars Say that at this rate, microsoft Be broke just 10 years after the The sun.� ? > > > > > > > �thurman ? > > > > > > > records recently. ? > > > > > > > touchdowns, and ? > > > > > > > people at once.� ? > > > > > > > �who are safer ? > > > > > > > according to a new ? > > > > > > > women are most Benders, Men for most fatal crashes. please Percentages in these pie graphs do ? > > > > > > > add up to 100% Woman. For those of you hissing at that Noted that that joke was written Now you don�t know what the hell to [laughter] nah, i�m just kidding, we The information transmitted is Entity to which it is addressed and Privileged Retransmission, dissemination or In reliance upon, this information by Entities other than the intended Received this in error, please contact From Steven thode One bright, beautiful sunday Wakes up early and goes to their Starts, And talk about their lives, their Families, etc. suddenly, at the altar, Screaming and running for the front Their determined efforts to get away Everyone is evacuated from the Calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious Enemy is in his presence. this To Know who i am?" the man says, Aren't you afraid of me?" the man Perturbed, says, "and why aren't Afraid of me?" the man says, "well, 25 years." Subject: not so clever criminals and Clever drug traffickers used a Paso Propane gas would be released from Of its valves while the truck Marijuana. They misspelled the name of the gas -------------------------------------------- Oklahoma city - dennis newton was A convenience store in a district Lawyer. assistant district attorney Doing a fair job of defending himself That newton was the robber. Woman of lying and then said, "i Head off when i had the chance!" Added, "-- if i'd been the one The jury took 20 minutes to convict Sentence. ----------------------------- Patrol officers who were showing To children in a detroit The system worked, the officers Identification. gaitlin gave them his License, they entered it into the Arrested gaitlin because information Was wanted for a two-year-old -------------------------------------------- A man took a trip out west after a Stopped in a bar, and after a few Particular, Hearing this, one of the locals spoke You're in a horse country." -------------------------------- Has a terrible accident. the car Hanging out. the first people on the Run up and ask "are you badly Would i know, i'm a doctor not a -------------------------------------------- The salesman was demonstrating Department Who stopped by to look by putting & stress.. The crowd; he bent the comb A loud crack. Held up both halves of the See & said; What an unbreakable comb looks like Steven thode Dear mom, Our parents in case you saw the Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping None of us got drowned because we All up on the mountain looking for Oh yes, please call chad�s mother Because of the cast. i got to ride in Was neat. we never would have Been for the lightning. scoutmaster Hike Said he did tell him, but it was during Fire so he probably didn�t hear him. A Wet wood still didn�t burn, but one of Tents did. also some of our clothes. Hair grows back. Scoutmaster webb gets the car Wasn�t his fault about the wreck. the Scoutmaster webb said that with a Something to break down; that�s On Doesn�t care if we get it dirty, and if The tailgate. it gets pretty hot with Turns Patrolman stopped and talked to us. Don�t worry, he is a good driver. in Is teaching terry how to drive. but Mountain All we ever see up there are logging This morning all of the guys were Out in Let me because i can�t swim and chad His cast, so he let us take Great. you can still see some of the Flood. scoutmaster webb isn�t Didn�t even get mad about the life Working on the car so we are Guess what? we have all passed our Dove in the lake and cut his arm, we Also wade and i threw up. Was just food He said they got sick that way with Food they ate in prison. i�m so glad Scoutmaster. Get things done better while he was Time. i have to go now. we are And buy We are fine. Cole A tetanus shot? Nothing to confess Maintaining a candlelight vigil by his Running down her face. Her praying roused him from his Lips began to move slightly. "my darling becky," he whispered. Shhh. don't talk." His tired voice. "i... i have "there's nothing to confess," replied Right, go to sleep." I... i slept with your sister, And your mother." "that's why i poisoned you. A man moves into a nudist colony. Grandmother Photo of himself at his new location. Embarrassed to tell her that he lives Half but accidentally sends the He is really worried when he realizes Remembers how bad his Hopes she won't A few weeks later he receives a "thank Style.........it makes your nose look Steven thode Raley; bob buckley; bob duke; bob Brett thompson; brian wesloski; chris Lennie Leek; mike warren; natasha jones; Isenberg; 'ray wick'; rick scutt; ron Shaun Subject: numbers Hey, this beats the crap out of Numbers 1 and 9. 3. add 5. 5. if you have already had your 1747. if you haven't, add 1746. Year that you were Results: Number, Original number the second two digits It really works. if it didn't the first It will ever work A nun was going to chicago. she Waiting for her flight. she looked Of those weight machines that tells Herself �i�ll give it a try just to She went over to the machine and Card that said, �you�re a nun you Going to chicago, illinois.� she sat She told herself it probably tells Decided to try it again. she went Nickel �you�re a nun, you weigh Going to chicago, illinois and you are The nun said to herself, �i know Musical instrument a day in my life.� From nowhere a cowboy came over To her. the nun picked up the fiddle Music. Machine and said, �this is Back to the machine. she put her It said, �you�re a nun, you weigh Illinois and you�re going to break Now, the nun knows the machine is Wind in public a day in my life!� well, And broke wind. Looked at the machine. she said to I�ve got to try it again.� Her nickelin and collected the card. 128lbs., you have fiddled and To chicago!!!!!!� ---------- [smtp:[email protected]] 6:20 pm Duke'; 'brett thompson'; 'chris 'lopez'; 'mark mondayko'; 'odie perez- Whitman'; 'steve thode' Laugh at. Your happy! Note: i am not responsible for I was going to edit some out, but Younger readers here, stop now. ------------------------------- Have? 2. q: how do you get rid of a nun's A: tell her she's pregnant!!! Suspicion? Cucumber field. Innocence? Thinking she's making sleeping 5. q: what do you call a nun who A: a roaming catholic. Sex change operation? 7. q: how do you get a nun A: dress her up as an altar boy. And has trouble getting A: a nun with a spear through her Two nuns in a bath. the first one The second one replies "yes it does, Two nuns cycling down a cobbled "i've never come this way before"; "must be the cobbles" Would like to have 120 Salesman: "if you buy such a large Economic to buy 144 of them." Always eat the other 24." Confession today, and i'm a Long time Committing Choirboy 2: that's two chocolate Mother superior: "sister maria, if you Night, and you're accosted by a man Bad intentions, what would you do?" Mother superior." What would you do next?" His pants." Shocked) "and what then?" Run much faster with Down." Back to the convent. Arriving, he asks if he Alright, as long as you Two nuns are walking down an alley Jump out and start raping them. Says, "forgive them father, Doing." the second nun looks It was friday, and four nuns went to Local catholic church to ask for the They argued back and forth for a Priest agreed to let them leave the "however", he said, "as soon as you i want you to confess to me what The four nuns agree, and run off. Nuns return. the first nun goes to "forgive me, father, for i have "what did you do, sister?" she R-rated movie." the priest looks up at Seconds, then replies, "you are Holy water." the first nun leaves, To chuckle quietly under her breath. Priest and says, "forgive Priest replies, Was driving my brother's House, and i hit a neighbors To heaven for half a Forgiven. go and drink the holy This time, the fourth The third nun walks to the For i have sinned." You do?" she says, "last Street." the priest looks up Before responding, "god Water." she leaves. Laughing so hard tears The priest asks her, "ok. what did Bloody funny?" Holy water..." Their daily annoucement session. Front of the 100 nuns with a Began to speak... Sinful deed committed 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: today i found a 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and i also found a 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and it has been 99 nuns: oh, no! Mother superior: and there was a 1 nun: oh, no! Hee!..... The gates of heaven. Sinned. Penis," she said. Eyes and you may Peter then asked the second nun if "well, once i held a man's penis," she "put your hand in this holy water and Heaven," he said. Ahead of the third nun. Ahead in line?" Before she sits in it!" They go on a tour of Vatican and meet To have a lot to say; Questions about the church, "your holiness, do you have any "no, my son, all our nuns are at least "are you sure? i mean, you wouldn't About my height? maybe a little "i'm afraid not. why do you ask?" Nobody in a habit that's about Tall?" "okay." And the pope wonders why. Leave the building. Chant the other six dwarfs. Have any." "grumpy fucked a penguin! Fucked a penguin!".... While she's standing The nun calls: "who is it?" The nun decides to get a thrill by Man in the room while she's naked so The man walks in, looks straight at "corrrrrrrrrrrr, and can i sell you a One day a nun was fishing and A man was walking by and said "wow The sister said I'm a nun", Name of it:a goddamn fish". The rectory and said Goddamn fish i caught." Shouldn't talk Mother superior, Fish". so the mother Goddamn fish and i'll Fish the monsignor Look at the goddamn fish Monsignor said "mother superior Mother superior Goddamn fish". so the Goddamn fish and i'll There was a new priest A nice fish". Goddamn fish." The goddamn fish". Goddamn fish". Fucking place already!" Across the desert and Camel they were using They set up a Would come to their Camel died. Rescued, they agreed that They prayed a lot Predicament in The nun, And there's always Earth -- to see a Taking off your clothes The nun thought about his request Then agreed to take off her clothes. She remarked, "well, father, now I've never seen a man naked, either. Off your clothes, too?" Stripped. suddenly That little thing The priest patiently answered, "that, From god. if i put it in you, it creates "well," responded the nun, "forget Camel!" Were on their way to heaven. By st. peter. around the And bells. Them that they would each have Could enter through the St. paul: "what were the names of Garden of eden?" The lights flashed the bells rang and The pearly gates. The forbidden tree ?" The lights flashed the bells rang and The pearly gates. Last nun. Eve said to adam ?" Says The lights flashed the bells rang and the pearly gates! Stretch of highway, when His eye. it says Prostitution 10 miles. Imagination and Soon, he sees another House of prostitution 5 Are for real. when Sisters of mercy house Curiosity gets the best of The far side of the parking lot is a Sign Mercy. he climbs the Answered by a nun in May we do for you, my son?" The highway, and was Business." Me." Passages and is soon quite Closed door, and tells the Does as he is told and Nun in a long habit and "please place $50 Wooden door at the end His wallet and places Eagerly down the hall Shut behind him. Finds himself back in the Sign: go in peace, Sisters of mercy. Catholic school Want to be when "when i grow up, Catherine's eyes (beeeeeeeeeeeb) Repeats. Relief and says: Protestant" Walking home from the Jumps out from the bushes and has Then the man sayeth unto her Father She says, "i must tell the truth! i will Convent when a man jumped out Twice, unless Did you hear the one about the man Next He knocked on the door and asked Dirty A priest decides to pay a visit to a The convent is in a run-down The priest walks down the street Approach and proposition him. These solicitations embarass the His head and hurries on until he gets Once inside he displays his naivete Mother superior, "what is a trick?" Like on the outside!" Convent's) car through Car stops and she Walks to the Being a nun, Forgot to take along Guy at the filling Thinks for a while, Of petrol. the nun Pouring the petrol And the driver Sister, how i would like to have as A group on nuns are travelling in a They get out and try to change it, Do not know how to do it. luckily, a The (male) driver offered to change Accepted. as the trucker jacked up The jack. "son-of-a-bitch," he yelled. Not nice language. But you mustn't use language." Again. again it slipped, this time "son-of-a-bitch", he yelled again. Changing our tire is Better if you didn't "but i get so upset, and it just comes "well," said the nun, "say something Something like 'sweet jesus, help To jack up the car again. again it "so..", but he corrected himself and "sweet jesus help me." at that, the The air by itself. the nuns looked at "son-of-a-bitch!" Soozy xox Subject: nun jokes! The driver. she says to the bus Experience sex before she dies. Her, but the nun explains that she Married as that would be a sin. the Married. the nun says she also To take it in the ass. the bus Two on the bus, they go to the Business. when they were done, He had resumed driving, he said I am married and have three I Dave, and i am on my way to a + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + Street, when a man jumps out and Stroke, the second nun has a Him. ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + There was this irish nun sitting on the And obviously drunk out of her mind. And said, "sure, now sister colleen, This?" the sister replied, "oh now, it's done it fer the mother superior to Perplexed policeman looked askance Be that yer present state could have Superior's constipation?" to which Me this way, she'll be shittin a brick." Church, three nuns were really Nuns said to the other two, "let's The floors. we can lock the door and Don our habits.' after some time, And the youngest nun gets up, goes The blind man from the next abby Moment and decides that since he's So she lets him in. the blind man "nice tits, now where do you want nun out of gas Health care agency was out making As luck would have it there was a Walked to the station to borrow a And drive to the station for a fill up. That the only can he owned had just Care to wait he was sure it would be Since the nun was on the way to see And walked back to her car. after Something to carry to the station to She was Resourceful, she carried it to the Carried it back to her car. Tank of her car two men walked by. Said: �now that is what i call ====================== ====================== Laugh master is a free service. [email protected] with the command Laugh�(without quotes) To unsubscribe, use the command Visit laugh master online at: Master/index.htm [email protected] A nun was walking in the convent Was Weight are we sister susan?� �no, father. just a little gas,� sister A month or so later the priest noticed Weight. Susan?� he asked again. Replied again. Noticed sister susan pushing a baby He leaned over and looked in the Steven thode Two italian nuns are riding their Back Afternoon. it starts getting quite The two nuns are getting a little Her Says, "you know, i've never come Way before." the older nun nods her Cobblestones." Nun's second chance > three italian nuns die and go to > are met at the Says, "ladies, you > lives, that i'm granting you six > to earth and be anyone > the first nun says, "i want to be > *poof* she's gone. Madonna;" and *poof* > the third says, "i want to be sara > st. peter looks perplexed. "who?" > "sara pipalini;" replies the nun. Says; "i'm sorry, but > just doesn't ring a bell." Out of her habit and > st. peter. Laughing. he hands it > says.... "no sister, this says it was > pipeline' was laid > > > > care2 make the world greener! Free e-mail account _____________________________ Do you yahoo!? Yahoo! mail. Fer=text Two nuns went out of the convent to Is known as Other one is known as sister It is getting dark and they are still far Sl: have you noticed that a man has Past half-hour? Sl: it�s logical. he wants to rape us. Us in 15 minutes at the Sl: the only logical thing to do of Start walking faster. Sl: of course it is not working. the Thing to do. he started to walk faster Sm: so, what shall we do? at this One minute. Split. you go that way This way. he cannot follow both of Go after sister logical. Convent and is worried Logical has not yet arrived. finally, Sm: sister logical! thank god you are Happened! The man could not follow Sm: so, what happened? please tell Sl: the only logical thing to happen. i As i could. Sl: the only logical thing to happen. Run as fast as he could. Sl: the only logical thing to happen. Sm: oh, no! what did you do then? Lifted my dress up. Sl: the only logical thing to do. he Sm: oh, no! what happened then? Her dress up can run Down. Say two hail mary�s) _________________________ Http://www.hotmail.com _____________________________ The information contained in this Privileged and confidential For the use of the person(s) named Intended recipient, you are hereby Dissemination, distribution or Communication is strictly prohibited. Intended recipient, please contact And destroy all copies of the original To reply to our email administrator Email to [email protected]. Http://www.hotmail.com Twisted her father shot it dead. between two hunks of bread. her clothes all tattered and torn. Beside her, simple simon met a pieman, going to said simple simon to the pieman, said the pieman unto simon, humpty dumpty sat on a wall all the kings horses and all the kings said "fuck him, he's only an egg." it ran into a pylon. and turned it's wool to nylon kissed the girls and made them cry. he kissed them too, cause he was Subject: nurseryphotos.com Website. Subject: nursing homes and Three men were discussing aging at "sixty is the worst age to be," said You have to pee.? and most of the
