posted by Carolyn Ohme at 11:59PM

There has been a lot of goodbyes as of late. Some hellos. It's been a very stressful time for me. A couple of very close and influential people in my life have departed this state and the thought makes me sad. Although both were in different facets in my life and one was a more recent addition, both have changed my life for the better in drastic ways and have helped shape me into wanting to be better. A better person, friend, family member, cast member, etc. It's pretty amazing when people come into your life that have that ability to assist in more ways than they will ever realize. I just never thought I would be saying goodbye to them for now. I hate that word, goodbye. It sucks to think that I won't be able to see those people for a time no one is sure of. There is no definite answer when saying goodbye. To see you soon has a timeline attached. SOON. To say goodbye has no guarantee. That hurts. So...needless to say, I've been crying my eyes out randomly more recently and having silly breakdowns.

On top of all my stress, I was on my deathbed last week unexpectedly. I had a return tour for our Press Event and the twins in that family were pretty sick so it was fitting that I somehow got sick as well, but I didn't think I could possibly get as sick as I was. Combined with stress, lack of sleep, a virus and whatever else, I was the sickest that I think I have ever felt. To the point where I felt so bad that crying was the only thing that actually made me feel better, believe it or not. Although note to self, don't call people or even start dialing if I feel like I'm going to breakdown, I think I scared more people than I should have. Thanks to Kimmie though, my tours were filled and I had some days to recover and recover I did, in about four days than I was back to normal for the most part. Oh happy day! If you've ever felt so sick that you thought dying would be a better option than you can relate. UGH! Never again would I want to be that sick!

I got back into the swing of things at work and with CCMaD and things just became more stressful for some random reason. Tons more tour requests, Property Tours galore (two within like three weeks, whew), my own tours and DU work. It is just a lot to handle sometimes, but thankfully I love what I do. Did ESPN the weekend again with the Smoltz family and they were wonderful as usual. It was a shorter weekend than usual, but definitely sweet. I was still exhausted by the end.

We've had some lighter CCMaD Events as of late. Pete Woj, Casimir Effect and Phil from Snafu have rocked our socks off and made the best out of a more initimate crowd, but the community is still slacking on supporting some amazing musicians. I don't get why people would rather go dance in a club where they can't hear any kind of decent conversation instead of having a creatively talented local musician play their hearts out while they drink wine and enjoy a trendy and great atmosphere. I don't get it. I know everyone has their "thing" and what they love, but you would think we would have better responses than we do at times. Of course, we do have amazingly packed nights as well, but I just wish that was *every* time. Wishful thinking, I guess.

Attended our favorite family tavern, McRaneys on Saturday night. I thought I was just going for the mere reasoning of hanging out with some good, close friends. I thought I was just providing transportation. I thought it was just another night. I would have avoided it like the plaque had I known. But honestly, it was one of my favorite nights ever. I miss my brother already. *spoken in a British accent* He's most brilliant! I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life as I did that night. Good friends, good times. Simple fun can make anyone happy when you are in amazing company. *grin* The thought of him gone is almost too much to handle, but, I know he's happy now. And that makes me happy. I just need to stop being so selfish all the time. It's a growing process.

So, being a complete mess, that's pretty much my update for this journal. Lots of good times to be had. Lots of changes to make. I'm a work in progress for sure. As always, life is throwing me crazy challenges and random messages. All I need is a little bit of guidance in choosing the right path and the right options and I will be just fine if I listen correctly.