Song: "I don't know if I can live without you, I don't know if it's much better when you're there" By Wideawake
Mood: "sick and tired of being sick and tired"
Time: 9:58pm
Weather: burning up

I have been reflecting on all the amazing things that have happened in the past twenty-two days from the last time that I blogged. I can't even begin to recall all of them, but I do know that all those tiny moments have kept a consistent smile on my face. Currently, I am paying the price of my past good fortune and am sick as a dog so I thought it would be a good time to semi catch up on the events in my life.

The New Year kicked off amazingly with a successful show at The Social, that we were fortunate enough to be apart of. We nailed an amazing merch table for Matt Mackelcan and handled a great promotion opportunity with professionalism and creativity. We distributed a hell-of-a-lot of beads that we "made" ourselves and enjoyed an amazing New Years with friends and fans. CCMaD was heavily present and we kicked butt, if I do say so myself.

Right after New Years came a bit of internal drama and with that came responsibility and admittance of passion and dedication. The decision was made and we moved on. A moment in our history that will forever be remembered.

I told her I ain't so sure
about this place
it's hard to play a gig in this town
and keep a straight face
seems like everyone here's got a plan
it's kind of like nashville with a tan, but,

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
-Shawn Mullins

I've been really stressed out lately. Probably part of the reason why I haven't blogged lately. My life has been really crazy and it seems like everything has come down to the wire in timing and I've been just making it by. A couple of weeks ago, my personal life has become a huge question mark. I am currently in the moving process with no confirmed moving location as of yet and that has been the biggest weight on my shoulders. I hate depending on other people to do anything so I've been taking it all on myself and I have done everything I could have possibly done to make this simple and correct and I still have gotten push back from the complex and I am not sure how much more I can take before breaking.

Along with apartment craziness, I had to prepare for my Rock Boat cruise (which is a good kind of stress, by all means). Getting my passport in time, booking everything, organizing the trip, etc. pretty much took all my energy and I was beginning my run-down phase.

Plus, on top of everything, I went to get my oil changed before my trip and there was a recall on a computer program for my car so the guy was telling me about it and mentioned "the orginially owner of the car blah blah" and it was not me or anyone that I knew. Basically, my car was sold to me as new and I was told that it was new, when it had been registered to someone else. I was furious and frustrated. Upon all the other situations I had dealt with for that car, this was definitely the cherry on top and it will be dealt with accordingly. Just not what I wanted to hear in the middle of all my other stresses.

"Whoever made the claim that words could ease the pain, never watched your tears fill up an ocean..."
-Five Star Iris

So by the time I was leaving for my cruise, I had a lot in my head to deal with and really didn't want to go on vacation with all the stress and no phone service, no computer or internet, or any kind of connection with the "real world", but in retrospect, it was the best thing I could have ever done.

It's a living saying that "What goes on on The Rock Boat, stays on The Rock Boat" so I will not be sharing a majority of the amazing time I had, but for my short-term memory issues, I must explain a bit of why this trip was a life-changing adventure. I honestly didn't think that this Rock Boat could beat the last Rock Boat I went on, but it did, by far.

I wrote a bit while I was on the ship when I had some "laying out" time and I will be inserting some paragraphs from that as I blog, but mostly I will paraphrase.

I travelled with my "roomie" for the week, John Frank, to Atlanta then to Houston then to Galeveston, Tx to begin our Rock Boat 2006 experience. We went a day early to avoid any problems or craziness to board the boat. Who knew that Texas had palm trees? It was really windy and chilly, amazingly enough. The ocean was right in front of our "resort" at the Best Western and made for a beautiful view from the mexican restaurant, where I spent most of my time at in Galeveston. John Frank crashed immediately when arriving and I attended happy hour. *grin* Good times.

We went out that night to "The Strand" to visit a few of the local bars and enjoy the nightlife. The bars were packed with Rock Boat participants. Let the craziness begin. I was exhausted and freezing everywhere we went. We met up with some of John Frank's friends, Myriah and peeps and then Kyra came to grab us to hang out with her and TJ and the rest of the Rock Boaters at a different bar. I was so tired that it was easy to crash and get comfortable in the beds that I usually don't sleep on at all (I hate hotel beds for many reasons).

Found out the next morning what our trip was going to consist of. Me getting up at a reasonable hour (10-11ish) to start the day and John Frank begging for more time to sleep. We got ready to embark on the boat and took the bus ride to the port.

The Elation was similar to the boat I took last year. Same size, pretty much but still amazing to the eyes. When we arrived to the port and saw it, I grinned so big you could probably notice it for miles. I was ready. I had warned John Frank about the Miami craziness we had last year when checking in and trying to get on the boat pretty much scarring him to find out that this time it was the easiest and quickest thing in the world. The port was so organized and simple in the entire process. Happiness. In less than thirty minutes, we were on the boat.

The Rock Boat got off to an amazing start! Hung out mostly with Kyra and TJ while John Frank roamed around and took naps. Had an amazing first dinner on the boat and left early to catch Aslyn playing out on the Lido deck. This is where the craziness began.

It was windy and freezing, but there were still so many people out to support this amazing artist. Among them were Five Star Iris. I hadn't seen them all day until then so of course I went to pounce on them. Alan just held me "You're warm" it was cute! Dan remembered me a bit I think, but really Alan was the only one who knew me the best and it was so good to see them, especially on the boat!

After the great surprise of running into the 5SI boys, I con't hanging out with my buds with John Frank standing a bit behind me. I turned around at some point to check on him and I saw a guy behind him about to run into him purposely and it looked a lot like Dan from Big 10-4, but I didn't think that was possible, but it was! I about jumped on him. He totally kept it a surprise for awhile. It was so good to see him on the boat! Already a great first day! Apparently he had texted me to ask what I was doing that night and was gonna mention it then, but I didn't get it. Such a fun surprise!

The good times began and David Ryan Harris was up next. I was so excited to have him on the first night. He really makes my Rock Boat memories amazing! So, I met up with Kyra, TJ and their friend Lanky. Got introduced and became pretty comfortable with him from the beginning. Got front row and rocked out to DRH while having a good time. Marc Broussard sat behind me and went up for a few songs and I was in my element. This was one of the most memorable moments on the boat for me.

I don't even think that I can put into words what the Rock Boat does for my soul. Sure, it's a good time, but even beyond that it completes a void in my life. It is a community of music and musicians combining their talents, love of good music, amazingly warm and welcoming personalilites and love of meeting good people and sharing their talents together all in one place. The sunny days, palm trees, serenity of the boat, calmness of the waves, laughter and smiles all around, music in the background creating the soundtrack of my lilfe all coming together makes me love this cruise. The creative and honest lyrics of the creator, sounds of an acoustic guitar and a friendly musician make me smile and fill my heart with happiness. This may all sound ridiculous, but it's how I am feeling and what I never want to go away.

Was able to have some personal time with Lanky (who I am allowed to call Frankie *grin*) for a bit and assist him with getting some drinks for our friends, before going back to the SoCo lounge and running into Dan and Alex from 5SI when trying to locate our lost friends. Alex re-introduced himself to me for the sixth time within about two years...he's too cute. So I humored him and from that point on I was fortunate enough to get to know him better for the remainder of the trip and not be so inimidated by him and his apparent hard shell. I am very happy about that.

We watched a bit of Shawn Mullins' set and I was happy. I heart that man. He's so sweet and such a mystery to me and that makes me more intrigued with him. His voice makes me calm and his smile makes me happy. I had a couple of fun moments with him on the boat as well and I just enjoy his company. He's such a cool mystery....and I like him that way.

There's no sleeping on The Rock Boat and that holds true for each night of the cruise. It's amazing that I didn't fall overboard from being so exhausted and warn out, but because I was on a high from all the excitement and amazing music, I just kept on going. The Carnival cruise line really does have some amazingly comfortable beds. They are tiny, but so soft. I enjoyed them that night and was able to rest peacefully when I did finally close my eyes, although it was hard to from my point of view. I liked the view a lot and appreciated it.

Kyra became really ill and I didn't see her or TJ for the rest of the trip. I felt so bad for them, but I became a wonderer and created my own Rock Boat experience from them on out. John Frank typically slept in until about 4pm. Even though I would go to bed just as late, I always woke up around 11ish because I couldn't imagine missing anything on the boat. It's like waking up to Christmas every morning. I got that exciting feeling in my stomach and couldn't sleep anymore. We were in a room with no windows so it always felt so much later to me, but in reality it was really too early for me to even try and open my eyes, but I did it regardless. I did work out one morning, but my toe was injured and basically ruined the idea of me running anymore that week. But walking up and down the stairs definitely was a must and beneficial. Last Rock Boat I gained at least five pounds from that vacation and I vowed not to have that happen again. Honestly I am pretty sure that I lost a little weight or at least maintained my weight on this cruise. I hardly ate and when I did, it wasn't much and then I walked it off from the stairs, etc. Good times!

We ported in Playa Del Carmen on Monday, the 16th, and I had not planned on going into Mexico because I knew John Frank would be sleeping in and you had to be back on the boat by 4:30pm so what was the point, in my opinion. I certainly wasn't going to go by myself so I made plans and worked out in the morning, laid out in the afternoon (and got so sunburnt) and then went to have lunch. Alex was in the Tiffany's dining area when I was coming in so I dined with him and he asked if I wanted to visit Mexico with him so I thought, why not? He had three goals, and we completed two of them *grin*. Met up with Ken Block from Sister Hazel in line at one of the market stores and chatted with him about his toy purchases. He's so adorable. I heart him! Such a people person. We had a good time on the beach and had about twenty minutes to get back to port, but that fact was becoming less and less important. We made it into a cab in good time, but then hit traffic and then I started freaking out. I kept telling myself that if I was with a member from a band that is on the boat playing, maybe they wouldn't leave just yet. Thankfully we made it back in time and all was great after that. Met up with some friends that we had met in Mexico and hung out a bit. I wasn't hallucinating but I was definitely seeing the toliet for a bit of that night. Nice and classy, but good times.

Finally met up with Akiva and hung out a bit. It was good to see him again. Felt right having him on the Rock Boat again, like a great memory from last year merging with the amazing memories from the current one. A great mix! He cracked me up cause he was playing with Alex on the stage for a song of two in front of a nice crowd and at the end he said "This is Alex from Fifth Year Crush......" and Alex shot him a hard look and I about fell down from laughing so hard and he recovered by saying "I mean Five Star Iris, I'm sorry I get my southern bands confused" *grin* How funny was that?

The major highlights of this trip were getting to spend some quality time with people I hadn't really known before, seeing new bands and discovering new music, having some much needed "me" time and not having one moment available to think about anything that was back home and previously stressing me out. It was a blessing and the people were angels, whether they knew it or not. By this time I had been fortunate enough to hang out with Rob from 5SI a bit more as well. We went to dinner together and met Tim from the Zac Brown band (amazing band, always playing and willing to play!) and some cool new friends. Rob got cheese for dessert which made me giggle and like him more as a person. He is such a sweet person and an amazing new friend! And he owes me an ice cream cone *grin*.

I met my partner in crime at dinner one of the nights with John Frank. Mel was there with her friend and her friend's son Jack. I had noticed Jack around the boat days before because he was a spitting image of Jacob from O-Town. Could have been him, except Jack seemed much taller. Mel became my partner in crime that night. We went to see Five Star Iris's first show on the lido deck and we rocked out. They had gotten increasingly better since the last time I had seen them. I was very impressed. By this time, I was able to hang out with Alan B from 5SI more and he was such a sweet guy!

My friend from Disney, Todd, was on the boat as well. So I would often times just randomly walk around the boat to hang out with all the separate groups of people that I knew and felt completely at home. There wasn't one moment where I felt uncomfortable or unwelcome. I watched Wideawake on the lido deck and Dan from Big 10-4 joined me on my lap and we chatted while I became more and more amazed by this new (to me) band.

Mel and I had way too much fun that night on the boat and I don't remember a lot of where I got my pictures from that I took. Good times. She was too much fun! At some point, I had definitely reached my limit and I escaped to the comfort of my room and poor John Frank, who had to listen to my crazy night. Thanks for being there for that.

Puffy-eyed and exhausted the next morning, I woke up and enjoyed the sun as much as I could. I enjoyed the sounds on the boat to the fullest. I probably can't even name all of the amazing preformers that I saw, but ones that definitely stood out were Aslyn, Zac Brown (I heart Marcus and Tim), Shawn Mullins, DRH, Marc Broussard, Wideawake, Ari Hest, Josh Kelley, Matt Wertz, Dave Barnes, Adam Richman, Sister Hazel, Francisco Videl, Five Star Iris, my open mic friends: Akiva (with Alex), Dave Tampkin, John Frank, & Sarah Keller.

From the flight over to Galveston, I had met my sound guy friend Ted and from him, met Steveo and Eric. Such fun and down to earth people ready to live life to the fullest and do the best job they can. The light and sound crew rocked my world and were so sweet! They were a great time on the boat as well, even if they didn't fully love the music they were controlling (Ted!) *grin* They were also a lot of fun on the boat!

Met a lot of new friends other than the ones I have previously mentioed, Bob, Jennifer, Barbara, Beverly, Mike and Eric, Mindy and friends, Dan Clump, as well as running into old friends, Rebecca. It was so random to see her again and have her remember me. That was pretty amazing! Such a great time!

All of the amazing things that happened on the Rock Boat will forever be in my heart even if they leave my memory. I had such an amazing time until I got off the boat. The drama that occurred after getting off the boat was almost too much for me to handle all at one time. I hated leaving to begin with, on top of being exhausted and borderline sick. Got to the airport with seven hours to waste. The flight got delayed and someone had my seat on the plane so I had to "find an empty seat" and almost didn't find one, thankfully I did. One in a row ahead of Shawn Mullins. I was close enough that I could hear his sigh when he leaned his head back and shut his eyes to prepare for the flight. By this time, I was so frustrated and sad from leaving that tears just began streaming down my face. I could hear the sounds of his voice still ringing in my head from the night before singing "Everything is gonna be alright, rockabye, rockabye" and it made me feel better.

Had to rush off of that flight to try and make my connecting flight that was leaving in five minutes so I ran off the plane and tried to run with my luggage (very difficult) and basically made it to the door as they were closing it. Too late. I lost it again and tried to not break down completely. I just wanted to get back on the boat and forget about all my worries. I had talked to the apartment complex again and there was no news at all, which was not good news. Learned that I was in at 9am the next morning and all I knew was that I was about off my high and was crashing down.

The night before, they had all the acts play one song beginning at midnight and it didn't end until well into the morning. It was amazing! I don't remember them doing that last year so it was very cool. Ari Hest played "A fond farewell" which made me tear up from the thought of leaving. Josh Kelley played "Amazing". Some did covers and others just sang the blues (Marc Broussard *grin*). It was amazing either way and the night ended with Wideawake singing the Four Non Blondes song and then their "hit". "You know I'm not so far away, I'm not so far away ey ey, I'm not so far away from you now" which had the enitre atrium sinigng those lyrics. Amazing! I hearted their live show a lot and Nate was a cool guy. You will come down to Florida my friend, soon!

I'm sure that there are tons of things that I am leaving out unintentionally and completely intentionally, but all the same, it's hard to put into words what this vacation did for me. I just thank God that I was able to go and for all of the experiences that I was able to participate in because of the amazing people that I met and got to get to know better. I am not sure how much more I can stress that.

Finally got home about 2am, thank you Cali for picking me up (I MISSED YOU!) and crashed around 3:30am, which was insane. Been trying to get back into my groove, but my head and my heart are still on the Rock Boat. So pathetic really, but I don't care. It makes me happy and I'm going with that.

Last night I went out with Shannon and my new friend Aaron to see Dirty Shannon, The Murphy Project and Jeremy Mix. It was a great night. I needed it after depressing conclusion of The Rock Boat and get back into the swing of my typical schedule. Saw Wes and smiled. Vic was so jealous that I went on the boat and Jason from Murphy Project is raring to go as well. The group next year is gonna be huge for the way I am marketing this vacation destination. All of my friends are grossly jealous and ready to go. Watch out Rock Boat 2007, we are taking over!

"I'm not so far away from you now" -Wideawake