metabiology: study of ‘unorthodox’ life forms like rocks, distant stars, and ancestors.
metaphilosophy: the evolution of concepts and recreating realities by studying individual and personal versions rather than following the same ‘great’ philosophers.

Who am I? I am me. I am someone who is finding what she needs when the creator deems it so. Which means that if I’m within the Creator, then I should be able to get what I need (a suitable job) when I want it, but it hasn’t worked like that.

what should I write? It’s early in the morning and me and my son with his two friends are going to martial arts summer camp. Another parent and his son are on the ferry also. Where’s our instructor? I dunno. Maybe he took a Friday night ferry. Maybe he’s hiding where the cars are. The kids are playing video games. They must have spent about $10 on those stupid things. I’m glad it’s not my $10. This ferry coffee sucks. It tastes like coffee grounds. Maybe I’m just used to the gas station coffee! I love being up at six in the morning, when the sun comes up and the birds are chattering and it’s already warm enough to just wear a t-shirt. I love summertime.
Sunny and warm, that’s my clime.
There’s a guy ahead of me who looks like Darren from Bewitched; he even has that annoyed thin-lipped look about him.

July 11
ever changing and growing. . .
changing the wasteful habit of throwing away compost and #2 plastic, and help things grow.

I feel a strangeness, a weirdness.
Like you, I want to take a course except my choice won't necessarily get me a job; I want a BA. No, not a bare ass!!! hee hee.
A piece of paper that proves that I have intelligence so maybe I could get a job with it. A bachelor of arts. Bachelor. Why do they call it bachelor? I just looked it up in the dictionary and it's root meaning is from old french meaning a young knight who follows the banner of another. so there.
I'm reading a book called One River about the Amazon and the ethnobotanists who explored there; a tribe in Columbia have the word Tawa meaning "4". pretty cool. A balanced person with a name of the four directions. My name is of latin origins and means to stand together or stand firm. That has been one of my life lessons: to stand firm in what I believe no matter what some people say. I am writing you because I don't see you as much and I really feel weird about this town. Our friend mentioned you were going to live in Seattle eventually and I want to send some of my winged spirit with you when you go, for I want to leave this weirdo place too but must wait until our son finishes grade school. I want to live in a place where everyone is up-front and honest. Where there is no hypocrisy, which is what I see about this silly town, and, I think, most other small towns like this. And the world too. Well, I'm going to send this now and work on my other writing. see you around.

I have a lot of things to say. First it’s about this stupid love affair our friend is having with our instructor. It’s so fckn cheezy. She’s been telling me about her crush for months then said she was over it. . . I bet; over it, under it, around it . . . our instructor. Here’s my beef. Him. I had begun to believe that he was a man I could trust . . . Even though I saw his eyes move to my chest a lot. . . even though he jokes about me having a love affair with his computer . . . I thought it was my conditioned response that made me think that maybe he was hitting on me. I thought I could trust a black belt. He knows that I’m into intellectual conversation but he hasn’t really listened to what I say, after I say something, he just kept right on blabbing about some thing or other. Just like the Leo.
I am so disappointed. My trust in my teacher is shattered and now I’m crying.
I feel like I have to quit the martial arts because I don’t want to harbor this (unnamed) feeling, this feeling of (hatred) “how dare you. What kind of dojo are you?” We can’t afford the $150 month family price. If I quit, we lose our lessons and he loses a part time secretary. The other dojangs don’t seem to need help . . . which makes me wonder his true motives for asking me to do computer work. I can’t help but wonder, which brings my old paranoia back.
I’ve heard rumors last fall of a martial arts instructor that had an affair with somebody married.
My trust is shattered because now I’m worried that maybe the whole martial arts outfit is full of guys like him.
Or the reason why he gives so many free lessons is because he feels guilty . . . I’ve been wondering whether he was a true altruist or he just gets what he wants by portraying himself as so nice . . .
I feel deeply offended.
It is the same old thing: male in position of “authority” (either age, education or job) who doesn’t pay as much attention to a student who’s not sexually approachable. I’m not worth talking with because I had proved I’m not interested in him. He can’t get flirting out of me, so he just talks about the computer work, his previous work as a carpenter, some other blabbery I didn’t catch because he was aiming it at someone more receptive to his dick vibes.
I am so pissed off.
He doesn’t smoke pot, says it turns your brain into mush.
He has affairs, like a common businessman.
We smoke lots of pot, and have good health. We’re faithful and honest with each other.

They act like nothing changed. He can’t concentrate. She’s leaving her partner whom she wasn’t happy with anyway (she said).
Am I being too hard? Should I forgive him for being so “human”? I don’t expect her to have self control but him? I really and truly expected this black belt instructor to have high morals.
Here’s a pisser: high morals he talks about a lot. High morals.
Adulterer. . . how’s that for morals? Sex with a student . . . isn’t that against gym rules?
I feel like I was taken for a ride. My view has changed.
I feel none of the respect I felt for him before.
I feel disgust for my friend who went and seduced the guy.
I feel disappointment for him to be so weak, proving that he has no self control.

I am disappointed that, again, I hadn’t found my teacher.

Wrongs againts the human spirit get commited and take different forms:
• - poor sportsmanship in hockey
• - women getting beat up to within an inch of their lives by men,
• -the ‘legacy’ that our ancestors left by enslaving people of a browner color, by destroying their cultures.
• -the school yard bully that frightens smaller or different kids...
• -the politics that disenfranchise more than three quarters of our population...

Is there such a thing as that which seeks the ‘Light’ wants to destroy that which contains it?
Why? Out of jealousy? Does the ‘Light’ frighten that which seeks it? The ‘Light’ is not afraid to touch the seeker, it seeks the seeker.

Those that feel anger at those that possess different qualities are afraid... of what?