dreamcatchers are part of the revival of the ancient ritual of cleansing one’s surroundings.
The hoop is eternity.
The web is interconnected life, it functions as a filter of energies. The energies of Truth and Purity pass through the web to enlighten the person. The energies of falsehoods that cause doubt get caught and are held until the light of the sun shrivels them up.
Blessed be

When I listen to music by Falla or Ravel, I have this familiar feeling of an ancient way, of being a witch; someone of intense emotions, someone who dances around a fire while the frenzied music swirls.
When I was a child I would pretend to be a witch, the kind that goes to the forest with the animals, worshiping the Sun and Wind.
Sudden realization.
I focussed on the Sun and Wind but not on Water or Earth. No wonder I was an explosive kid. I always felt like people did not really know me because they did not show me the respect I felt I deserved.
I did not know then that people need to have proof of someone’s mental capability.
I don’t think kids should have to "prove" their genius. They deserve just as much respect as a nobel prize winner.

Why are so many couples so jealous of each other?

Why haven’t we exchanged partners yet? Do I think either friend would say no? I doubt she would but he would be uneasy and scared of consequences. With my partner’s blessing he shouldn’t be afraid; maybe that is the kind of relationship he needs, close but no expectations or dependance.

How many people have wanted to touch and stroke someone they really like? Songs have been written through the ages about stuff like this.
"I want to hug you. I want to touch you and kiss you. We would become frantic. We would tear at each other trying to meld."

The mental part of this is getting old. I’m tired of re-playing the sex act in my head. I’m sure you must be thinking the same things but maybe not as much as me.
"I want to fck you, man!"
It’s such a yearning. A desire. The desire is very inspiring, maybe that’s why artists are the way they are. . . we’re kind of known to be quite horny.

I want my partner to invite him to enjoy me, his wife. Men are allowed to have multiple wives, so women should be allowed to have several husbands.

Our friendship from long ago
before we were born.
Do you remember the dream of the Gypsy?
the magic of fire?
timeless custom of reuniting?

dancing the moon, do you remember?
Frenzied drumbeat
we were each other
mirrored passion
ancient ritual
acknowledged divinity
transformation

the Horned One
the Moon Goddess
the eternal dance

the Horned One of the wild dances the moon
he holds the Light in his heart
because he is in the Great Goddess's love.

On that page the book described how the author had a affair with a married woman and his relationship with her husband soured, which prompted him to talk about Dreams with their validity and Fantasies with their dangers.
We were visiting our friend the Leo who had moved to the country and we were sitting in a cabin (converted garage) with his brother in law listening to a CBC radio talk show and the subject was platonic friends deciding to have sex..! I could have used that time to say something but this other guy was there; I probably wouldn’t have said anything anyway. That book about Dreams was lent to me by the one I’m enamored with. He probably thinks it would be a disaster like that page describes in that book.
Never before have I seen this many signs indicating a ‘vibe’.
Holy poo!
It doesn’t have to be a disaster; not if everyone is up-front with their feelings so there’s no mix-up. I’d rather indulge than try to live by some nebulous social rule.

I think it would be better to talk about it first and know each other’s priorities.

"How do you know it’s not just a personal fantasy"
Some stuff he says, the way he says it. . . all the weird ‘coincidence’ signs. They are like big flashing neon signs.
Oh my.

Why are so many people afraid of being close? Wouldn’t it be more fun to let loose when the occasion rises? Sex must be embarrassing to a lot of people.

Will I ever show this to someone? Why am I writing this? Why am I driven to describe this shit?

That book I borrowed, "The World is as You Dream it", was mostly about the Bird people of the Andes who were shamans who dressed up as birds and got messages from ancient beings in order to help change a community’s Dream. . . my childhood bird-play has a different significance now. I’m happy to receive ‘approval’ of my way of being. Maybe re-enforcement of my personal teachings is a better description.

To fixate is to Dream; "be careful what you wish for"
I’ve thought hard about this dream/fantasy thing and I know that monogamy is a made up thing. It’s ok with my partner and it’s ok with me.
Aarrg!!! I’m tired of waiting.

The centre of the universe is in the balance of all sides.

Far out, man.

Aaaaahh! I’ve talked to my partner about this fixated fantasy and it’s ok.
My inspiration is on high gear. I needed to get a little bit of heat (fire) to get me motivated.
Fire moves air. Air feeds fire.
It’s a symbiotic relationship although I feel truly alone in that perspective.
I think I won’t bring it up with the Leo until after the christmas rush and there’d be no deadlines to meet for a while.
I want our minds to be clear and worry free.
Air feeds the fire which evaporates water and rains upon the Earth.

Can four people ‘personify’ the four elements?

I’m Air and my partner is Earth. I’m enamored with a Fire guy and our friend who’s Water. Would Fire get Water boiling?! Oooo, or Water putting Fire out!

The fantastic four. . . There’s something about comic book characters, super heroes; they are a lot like the deities of old except their deeper meaning got stripped so all they do is ‘fight crime’. The ‘planeteers’ are elemental heroes: Wind, Fire, Earth, Water and Animal (psychic); but all they get to do is fight crime with the same bad guy. At least it’s pollution crimes they’re fighting.

I think I’ll keep this ‘fantasy’ and not Dream it into reality; even though I really, really want to.
If it does happen, then so be it.
I just feel that if I don’t say anything then nothing gets talked about. I’m so afraid of saying what I feel to other people because of the chances that they haven’t thought at all about the ‘potential reality’ that I see.
Maybe I reflect too much because I feel like I ‘morph’ into the people I’m with, mostly people I like and respect. But is it? or is it that I simply meet people similar to me?

It’s probably both.

I don’t feel like I’m writing anything ‘high’. Lately it’s been ‘I-want-to-make-love-to-this-guy’ kind of drivel even though I like to metaphorize it into the elements.

What am I going through? I guess it’s ok to be enamored with someone.
I think I’m over it.
It’s actually a comfortable feeling to just simply fantasize about the situation.
There is a deep bond and love there, it doesn’t necessarily mean that sex has to happen; but I’m sure he would have said something if I wasn’t married. . .

There’s unspoken truth that needs to be said and I want to speak it and hear it. I’m tired of feeling deluded in my fantasy.

I was born as female to teach me a lesson; I must have been an asshole male in a previous life.
This part of my book is almost finished but it’s not great. It’s just a bunch of my own opinions. And personal opinions don’t matter.

I need strength.

Am I waiting for some outside force to give me strength? I know it’s got to come from within but somehow I feel that I need some encouragement. Something inside me keeps trying to push me down. Is it my memories? My shitty past?

I shouldn’t let anything drag me down.

I’ve got to love.

Punk rocks walkin’ down the street
yelling, "smash the state"
believing they’re anarchists
and arguing over what it means
while they wait for their welfare check
which they spend on cheap corporate beer
and the only thing that gets smashed is they.

Eat nothing but what you grow or hunt or fish or trade.
Drink nothing but what the mountain offers.
Use what the good Earth offers.
Forget what the merchants of misery want you to buy,
because money and riches are a lie.

When you moved here we told you we were actively searching to move out. You said, "ok". When we did find a place to move to, you said you wanted to stay here and rent from the realty. I said "don’t count on it, the realty won’t go for it". You said "if we work it right, they won’t know you moved". So I put my name on the line so you could have a place to live. The realty decided to put up an eviction notice anyway because of the past four years of transient roommates and you guys were apparently the last straw.
The realty will not let you stay in this house because your name is not on the lease, mine is and it’s tarnished.
The realty is business people. They don’t give anyone a chance.
You say it’s a class trip because the realtor does not like the clothes line in the front yard . . . she would freak if she saw and smelled the state you leave the inside of the house.
You say it’s a snob trip because the realtor lives in a rich part of town and we are on welfare.
Smash the state.
It’s not a ‘class’ thing, it’s a cleanliness thing.

Face it, you guys are total slobs and if you want a landlord you have to at least surface-clean.
That house is cursed anyhow, you said so yourselves when you first moved in and your baby wouldn’t stop crying.
Much as I’m angry at being blamed for the eviction notice, I wouldn’t wish on anyone the roommate bullshit I had to endure in that house.
The place exudes an energy that intensifies people’s obsessions or psychoses.
I don’t like being blamed for things I have no control over. That eviction notice would have happened whether we found a place or not. You guys are lucky that you have extra money, and a van. You don’t have to depend on someone else’s help.
If you want to keep blaming me, well, who the hell cares anyway.

I looked at an abalone smudge shell, feeling that I should get one.
Elijah said he’d cast six silver buffalo pins (that I designed in real life) and give me one.
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