All religions agree that it’s impossible to describe God in conceptual language. Buddhists see divine visions and insights as only natural to humans. Jews aren’t allowed to say the sacred name of God. Muslims aren’t allowed to draw God.
One could never, ever describe God in any way. One could describe their version of God in the best way they can, but always know that it’s never its totality.

The Sumerians made up the cuneiform script then got invaded by Semitic Accadians who adopted the Sumerian way. After that the Amorites conquered and made Babylon their capital which the Assyrians took over, ect, ect. . .

The Buddha taught that it was possible to gain release from “dukkha” ( “existence is suffering” ) by living a life of compassion for all living beings; speaking and behaving gently, kindly and accurately, and refraining from anything like intoxicants that cloud the mind. The Buddha did not claim to have invented this system, he insisted that he had only discovered it; “I have seen an ancient path, an ancient road, trodden by Buddhas of a bygone age”. The Buddha showed about not being able to describe Nirvana in human language. Again, he didn’t deny words either but insisted on the importance of clear and accurate thinking and language. People won’t know what you’re really about until you’re crystal clear about what you’re about.

Aristotle insisted that nobody was able to attain an adequate conception of Truth but that everybody could make a small contribution to our collective understanding.

“Hey God! What are you?”
“I am what I am”
“you are what you are when you are who?”
“Whoever you are”

book: “were the prophets harboring a buried worry about their own religious behavior? Were they, perhaps, aware that their conception of YHWH was similar to the idolatry of the pagans, since they too were creating a god in their own image?”

Anthropomorphing an incredibly ultimate concept like God seems like child’s play. . . putting God in human concepts reminds me of santa claus. The “adversary” is, you know, the Grinch!

You know what God is? It’s an idea. Everything we, as humans, construct comes from ideas. Ideas are invisible to the eyes, inaudible to the ears, one cannot touch an idea nor smell it, but humans have this uncanny ability to use their physical body, usually the hands, for gathering materials and constructing a three dimensional object that is the end result of the initial idea.

Sometimes it takes a lot of “sub-ideas” to fulfill the original idea; like building a house. The first idea is a house, but to build it, one has to get the idea of getting a truck and that’s a whole other set of ideas. . . ideas definitely breed more ideas, and, like organic organisms, none are exactly the same.
Book: “even though monotheists would insist that their God transcended gender, He would remain essentially male. . . in part, this was due to His origins as a tribal god of war.”
What? Like Thor? Zeus?
Josiah, a king of Judah, wanted to fix up the old temple and get rid of old effigies of other gods for he believed in YHWH. While they were in the tumultuous mess of renovation, the high priest Hilkiah was supposed to have “found” an ancient manuscript of Moses’ last sermon to the children of Israel. The high priest had a scribe read it for the king to hear. The book that was found in the temple is most likely the Deuteronomy. It’s been said that this high priest Hilkiah and his scribe Shapan had actually written it themselves with the help of a prophetess Huldah. After the king heard the reading he consulted who else but Huldah. How convenient that she happened to be the one to be consulted on these sacred writings.

Didn’t Satan try to get humans to worship him instead of God? So why would God want to be the One and only One to be worshiped? “You shall worship no other God” really smacks of what the fallen ones try to do all the time.

Paul wrote almost half of the new testament. He claimed he was born roman but was Jewish with a roman citizenship. Acts says that he wrecked churches and arrested Christians until God tells Ananias to go enlighten the guy. Suddenly Paul is “healed” and ends up writing a bunch of stuff for the people he once arrested.

YHWH apparently “seduced” Jeremiah, some even call it a form of rape. That doesn’t sound very Creator-like, it sounds spirit-like. It sounds like he was overtaken by a malicious spirit because when he was “possessed”, his body really hurt.

Israel was a tiny pocket of YHWH surrounded by a pagan world. All these gods of different regions and the one called YHWH wanted to take over. (Um, ‘scuse me, but, didn’t Satan try to usurp God’s power?)
Book: “God is dependent upon man when He wants to act in the world” Humans are God’s body. A lot of us are His/Her/It's hands.
Ezekiel had a major vision, actually ate a scroll of “bad karma” (allowed the spirits to enter him) after that he passed out for a week, did weird mimes, even had to eat food cooked over burning people poop.
Book: “. . .on another occasion, he was forced to eat excrement, as a sign of the starvation that his countrymen would have to endure during the siege of Jerusalem”. What my Bible says: “and thou shall eat it as barley cakes and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.” eewwww! Either way, yuk! I have a hard time with a God of Love resorting to these antics.

What if the spirits that directly affect our physical lives were the “body” of a greater, or higher, emanation.
The “devil” is said to strike you when you’re weakest; weren’t the Tribes tired, confused, in exile before they finally accepted YHWH as their only God?
The glory of YHWH is supposed to be an intensely bright white light. We have a few spirits that are “light-bringers”, Lucifer being a famous one along with Apollo.

Book: “in the Old paganism, every human act had imitated the actions of the gods.” We are the God’s body.

Book: "Sophia is the breath of the power of God; pure emanation of the glory of the almighty; hence nothing impure can find a way into her. She is a reflection of the eternal light, untarnished mirror of God’s active power, image of His goodness."
Philo (30bc to 45ce) philosophized that there was a difference between God’s being, which is incomprehensible, and what God actually does, which he called dynameis or energeiai.
I’ve also called the divine activities Energies.

If God is incomprehensible to the human mind, how did humans come to think of God in the first place? God is the explanation for the innumerable mysteries surrounding humans.

I can’t help but think that maybe God is us. That maybe humans are responsible for their own beginnings. We are the physical manifestation of the incredibly complex simplicity of God (yearning to create). God is a yearning to create.
Artists love their creations; some get critical and destroy and discard.
The first cause (Prime Creator) is pure creation, it’s nothing but everything.
The second cause (God) is yearning, yearning to create, yearning for love.

It feels like there’s Gods over Gods over more Gods.

The first cause - nothing but. . . everything.
Pure creation.
The second cause: is it that which is displaced by creation? The “vacuum” between Creation’s particles? Antimatter? I don’t know but the image I get is of the opposite version of Creation.
The opposite of Creating is Destroying. Is pure Destruction manifested as black holes? They seem like good candidates. If they can suck light, they can destroy anything that I know of. . . can black holes “fill up” or can they suck infinite amounts of matter? I’d have to read and understand physics books, if only they weren’t so dry.
Matter and “ether/spirit”.
Atoms and “that-which-moves-them”. What do physicists call the energy that moves atoms? Gravitational pull? Magnetism? Do thermodynamics have anything to do with gravity?

The first cause - pure Creation
The second cause - pure Order

The force that grows and the force that shapes it. Again I arrive at the Yin Yang. That which is, that which contains it.

Book: the Essenes and the Qumran sects of Judaism wanted to “build” a new temple, not made with hands. Theirs was a temple of Spirit, no animal sacrifices, they purified themselves by baptisms and communal living. God lived in a loving brotherhood, not in a stone temple. The Pharisees had the same idea that God is within everyone. Even the humblest home was a temple and the table within like an altar.
Very spiritual lives.
The sense of an immanent God helped jews see humanity as sacred; thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, hurting another human is like hurting God. To humiliate anybody was a serious offence, a sacrilegious denial of God’s image. They didn’t think of God as Big Brother, instead had a sense of God within each and every humans so that their dealings with others were sacred encounters.

The God of Israel’s history, I think, was actually more than one; there were some times when it must have been an imposter who fooled people into thinking they were following the right God.

There’s tradition, then there’s art;
they belong together, but they’re always apart.
- Willy, Métis Elder

there’s humanity wheels: red, black, yellow and white. There’s Earth wheels: yellow, red or green, blue or brown and white or black.

The Earth wheel changes all the time so it’s easier getting carried away trying to figure out which symbols to use.
The human wheel remains the same idea: the main four races of humans

“Red” came from East (West if you’re on the East coast) Americas

“Black” came from South. Africa

“Yellow” came from West (East if you’re on the West coast) Orient

“White” came from North. Europe

No matter which Direction you’re in or from, all come from the Center.

I want to portray the mystical experience in a visual form to inspire my fellow humans. I can’t consider them non-mystics because my humility won’t let me; I have a belief that the whole human race is able to transcend.
That is my goal, to help people realize themselves but not in a direct way; as an artist I can effect subtle changes through my art without getting all personal like a counselor. This web of consciousness, I feel it with long-dead people too, probably because they did the same thing I’m doing: recording their experiences. Somehow they knew too.
I want to thank all those mystics through-out history.
Louis Massignon once said, “the mystic call is as a rule the result of an inner rebellion of the conscience against social injustices, not only those of others but primarily and particularly against one’s own faults with a desire intensified by inner purification to find God”.
- the unity of all rightly guided religions -
Moses was the prophet of external religion. Jesus was the prophet of interior life. Mohammed was the prophet of unity.
There’s something about looking at a mirror and thinking of God. It makes me think of infinite reflections.

My feelings were right, the establishment did not like a lot of these mystic people that professed personal integration with God.
The power-over people did not like the power-from-within people.

The Koran says, “all truth came from God and should be sought wherever it could be found.”
It could be found in Paganism and Zoroastrianism as well as in the monotheistic tradition. Unlike dogmatic religion, which lends itself to sectarian disputes, mysticism often claims that there are as many roads to God as there are people.
Suhrawardi: pre-Islamic Iranian cosmology.
Hiqmat al-Ishraq: “The Wisdom of Illumination”
Ptolemaic Spheres - the Light of Lights had a succession of lesser Lights. Each Light is dependent on the Light of Lights and has a “shadow self” that is the source of the material realm.
That could correspond to our seven chakras (the seven spirits of God from the Revelations)

I’m not crazy! I’m doing the same thing other mystics have done.
Are humans the only animals with imagination? Do dolphins imagine things? Imagination is the ability to think of what is not.

Book: “the most effective religious symbols are those informed by an intelligent knowledge and understanding on the human condition”

I have to show and explain my artwork; to not do so would be like all those mystics not writing any of their metaphysics that ended up being many bases for many religions. Even a skilled metaphysician cannot prove God’s existence through logic alone.

"The Green One’s wisdom is ever fresh and eternally renewable."

“Thou shalt not worship idols”.
Can we not meditate upon a symbolic image of one of God’s infinite aspects? How can one worship God if it’s incomprehensible? God looks different when looked through various different “filters”, like my human concept of animal passion and playfulness is Pan; God as female intuition is Mary; God as the Mother and fertility is the Great Goddess, the Venus of Willendorf.
God is in infinite forms.

The message was: never forget when, where and who everything comes from. Do not worship your images because they are not what the Creator is about; it is incomprehensible and any God idol is bound to be just one of it’s infinite facets. You might symbolize some of what God does, but you can’t go worshiping the stuff God does. Understand that the images you draw, write, or simply enjoy are only symbols of the feelings, not the concept itself.

Book: “the God of the mystics yearned to be known by His creatures.”
So it’s not just me who thinks of God as a yearning; it makes sense because since we’re made in God’s image, we yearn for our Creator and God yearns for us. Each of us yearns in a different way, mirroring back the unrepeatable creations of God.

Book: “each human person is a unique avatar of the divine”.
In the Sephiroth (Tree of Life), Kether corresponds to the ultimate nothingness. All the other Sephiroths came from the first “nothing”. It’s only “nothing” because the (first cause) is incomprehensible to anything we can conceive. That is the mystical explanation of the Biblical universe being created from “nothing”.
Everything is an expression of God.
The Kabbalists see female aspects of God in the tree of Life.
Zohar (1275 ad): Adam was shown the middle Sephiroth in the Tree of Life and the Shekinah in the Tree of Knowledge. Instead of “worshiping” the whole Tree, he chose the Shekinah alone, unbalancing the human consciousness, concentrating on the physical world instead.

The mystics and prophets through-out history have always known how to “unlock” their heads, psycho-analyzing and cleansing the soul.
The 7 “seals” of the soul get removed in the Revelations; the 7 vials, the 7 spirits corresponds to the seven main chakras. Revelations describes the internal revolution within each individual which is reflected in our cultures changing. It’s not as scary as people tend to think.
Christian Buddhism - “Taking Leave of God” by Don Cupitt (London 1980).
Using reason to figure out God is like eating soup with a fork.
In 1492, Muslims got kicked out when Spain overthrew Grenada. The Spanish Jews had a choice, join the Christian way or be expelled. The Jews and Islams that stayed still kept their ways, only in secret, until the Inquisition. Those that were expelled went to Turkey, Balkans and North Africa. Were they some of the ancestors of the Gypsies?
Mulla Sadra (Sadr al-Din Shirazin) 1571 - 1640: he fused metaphysics with spirituality. Sikhism came from Muslim and Hindu in the 1500's.

Can one build a circle of stone twelve people in the circle, concentrating on bringing the power of God down to Earth?

The source of all being Is the most powerful So be careful With what you wish for.

Fixating on the idea of Healing, Good and Light.

We thank the Source of all Being for allowing us to tap the unlimited resources.
We thank the Spirit Benefactors for allowing us and protecting us.

book: “there could be no relation between God and the world, except indirectly through the contemplation of the “signs” of nature.”

In the 1400's Jews were getting kicked out of everywhere in Europe. The exile of the Jews symbolized the radical dislocation at the heart of all existence.

Book: “Luria insisted that before he began his spiritual exercises, the kabbalist must achieve peace of mind. . . no boasting, no remorse, no guilt or anxiety about one’s performance.

Francesco Petrarch (1304 - 1374): “theology is actually poetry, poetry concerning God.”

Pope Innocent (!!!) (1484) published the papal bull and started the witch hunts. He had a fantasy of anti-Semitism and had deep sexual fears. He sucked.
Martin Luther (1483 - 1546) was an uptight self-loathing freak; he took the responsibility of behavior from people and made all human frailties God’s fault.

‘In Newton’s “The Philosophical Origins of Gentile Theology”, Noah founded the primordial religion - a gentile theology - which had been free of superstition and had advocated a rational worship of one God. The only commandments were love of God and love of neighbor. Men were commanded to contemplate nature, the only temple of the Great god. Later generations had corrupted this pure religion with tales of marvels and miracles, some had fallen back into idolatry and superstition; yet God had sent a succession of prophets to put them back on course. Pythagoras had learned about this religion and brought it back to the West. Jesus had been the most famous one sent to call mankind back to the Truth, but his pure religion had been corrupted by Athanasians around the 5th century. The book of Revelations had prophesied the rise of Trinitarism, “this strange religion of the West, the cult of three equal Gods”.

the Druids used a triple deity symbol. . . sometimes the Goddess, sometimes the God.
The present day trinity of our “civilized” culture is Money (legislative, judicial, executive); It’s a monster with three heads.

Father, Son, Holy Spirit; Creation, Wisdom, Judgement; Existence, Love, Power; Maiden, Mother, Crone; Past, Present, Future; Nature, Body, Mind.

Legislative, judicial and executive?!!?!!! that is such a farce, it’s an abomination!!! Regional district supervisor, court house lawyer and corporate chain business man. Individually, they are the scales on the three headed monster; they can choose to slough off or the conditions might get too hot so the monster has to shed. What makes a lizard lose scales?

Ezekiel 5.1-2-3-4 is about the act of sympathetic magic using one’s own hair and fire.

Who gets to be a representative of the divine presence? Those that proclaim loud and clear of their own ability? Or those that quietly continue their paths. . . But if they’re quiet, they might not be noticed. Maybe they don’t want to be noticed. Maybe some want to be noticed but have a need to not be self-congratulatory.
I can’t prove myself until I have stuff to show. I have a block in the place where I should be able to proclaim my ability with surety.

Book: “the Hasidim would attempt to follow their Zaddik in his ascent to the Ultimate together with their master.” To me, it sounds a lot like my picture of a group of people concentrating together to bring “God” (I like to call it raw Power). It’s such an ultimate power that it defies pinpointing.
It defies description.
It’s so powerful, it’s inexorable.

Albert Einstein: “to know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting to us as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of all true religiousness. In this sense, and in this sense only, I belong to the ranks of devoutly religious men.”
The Protestant concept of God: men and woman can contribute nothing to their salvation and are entirely dependent on an external deity. That kind of projection creates an idol. Augustine was one of the first suckers of Protestantism.

Book: “In order to realize their own unique nature, all human beings must become more like God. That means that each must become more individual, more creative, and must express this activity in action.”
Sir Mohammed Iqbal was important to the Muslims of India at the turn of the century.

Individual genius can be dangerous if inflated egos get in the way. The third reich was a big ego trip. Christianity, a religion chock full o’ suffering and adversity.

To “find God”, instead of using logic and abstractions, use art.
We have to transcend our current perceptions and use all of our senses. Imagine an creative act that includes seeing and hearing, that is tactile, smelly and tasty. An exhibition of fine arts and performers with music. . . incense and fine culinary delights to snack on while observing the spectacle. A show where one can participate and be part of improvs. . . food, music, comedy, art.
A multi-media show.

I know a couple of artists that are afraid to “sell out” and someone remarked about one of them that "he can’t be all spiritual if he hates people".
I think that people’s recognition gives a sense of redemption.
Learn the ways of humanity. Help us learn.

All are within the One is within all are within the One is within all are within the One is within all.

Whenever we destroy, degrade or even ignore the unique values of human personality we are guilty of the most profound of all moral sins.

I was at the crappy East Vancouver house and I flew from there, not getting altitude until I used my legs in a dolphin way. I flew to a house and Simon was there and he looked in a bad way. He looked all sad. We hugged for a long time and felt compassion and love.
Later in the (same?) Dream, I turned and saw a doe and she walked over to me and I hugged her length-wise, with my head being at her flank (where her heart is?) Then someone told me to go to a doctor because I might have picked up fleas & ticks (!!!) So there I was in a doctor’s office and the nurse was the lady that’s the wife and business partner of the Tim Horton's where I used to work. She was annoyed that I had taken such chances as hugging a deer!

the trinity:
father	energy	superconscious	mind	knowing	(past)
son	matter	consciousness	body	experience	(present)
spirit	“ether”	subconscious	soul	being	(future)

the “knowing” at birth followed by life long experience followed by the return to “being” at death.

It’s funny how books have been the source of most of my teachings. My elders are long dead and they teach me unwittingly through the books they wrote.
Internal voice: “One day she’ll be an elder, a person of wisdom; the first in a line of untold generations since the roman invasions.”
Can one be a self-taught philosopher? Philosophy is about human interaction and human logic. I just had a passing thought, “why did I write the last sentence? Why do I have a need to write what I think philosophy is about?”
I just have this need, see? I need to share my thoughts with others of my kind. To suppress myself would be akin to separating one individual bird from its flock so that it cannot communicate with it’s comrades.
I want to poetize my thoughts but I’d rather just write it like I say it, it’s quicker.

Now is the time to put the Word out.
Remember the Word,
the Word is Love.
Love is the Way,
the Way is to Love.

The Wind whispers Power as the Eagle flies.
Remember the Hour, it’s time to be Wise.

Wind in the Spirit, Word on the Wind.
Love is the Word, the Way is to Love.

Grand mother and Grand father fruit trees. . . a grove of apple trees beneath whose roots are buried great-great-great grandparents. . . the children enjoy the fruits of their ancestors. . .

A tree is planted over the grave of a loved one. One can pick a seed of a tree as a youngster and keep it as a talisman throughout life. As old age gives way, one can start sprouting the seed and tend it into a young sapling. At the time of death the tree is ready for transplant and the roots are gently wrapped around the body. The decomposing matter provides rich nutrients to the tree itself, the ritual honors the Tree Spirit and reflects God’s tree-like shape.
Over time you’ll have a grove of various fruit and nut trees, some being hundreds of years old. Each tree bearing the spirit of who loved it. Each fruit holding the soul of an ancestor.
One day the tree dies of old age, it’s passing marking the beginning of another.

That is my vision. That is my wish. May my descendants enjoy my fruits. May they enjoy my seed.

God is seen by some as an observer; wouldn’t that make God a Buddhist?

Adult: “what do you think God is?”
Six year old: “anything that can’t move”

I feel kind of thankful for being unemployed and too shy or low self esteem to get successful so as to be there for my son. If it’s true that we all “choose” our lives, then our son knew he’d get proper teachings at an early age. His destiny is what he knows.

molecular biology: cells are made up of mostly protein. Protein is made up of amino acids.
One day, a “spark” started and spread. The “spark” is kept alive by the passing on of the Energy generation to generation; virus, elephant, human; crystals, Earths, Suns; atoms to solar systems to galaxies.
Early humans reflected the Creator’s need to keep the “spark” alive by keeping the spark of a fire alive, a fire that must not be put out; just banked for the night then rekindled in the morning.

I read a story about the Arthurian days, and I (remember) the struggle between the priests of God and Christ (love), and the Druids and Priestesses of Nature and Life.
I remember the struggle.
I also remember the meeting of Druid to Priest, the meeting of common ground. How do I put it in words, this feeling of trying to reunite the God and the Goddess?
The Bible is just as much, if not more, an idol than a mere sculpture of Aphrodite.
The Bible is the biggest idol of divinity that I’ve ever seen.
It would be so like their devil to hide within their “Word” of God, which has caused so much confusion and strife and division.

What a cosmic joke.

I am not sure if my emotional ties to the Druidic way is a genetic memory or a previous life memory. When I read of those days of the roman takeover, when people’s freedoms were impinged, I weep. I think of those days of the Christian takeover, when people’s souls were no longer free. It makes me unbearably sad.
I weep and weep for those long lost days of freedom in the Sun.

It seems like I know what I’m supposed to do, but I’d limited myself by being poor. But by being poor and unemployed I’ve had time to read and read and write and write. I had free time to explore my soul. Sometimes when I read something, the concept of what I just read would take me along on a tangent of thoughts.

I remember a brief time when a Christian pilgrim agreed with a pagan Druid. A chance meeting of alike personalities.

When I’m lost in such reveries, it all makes sense. When I look around me, it’s like a dream.

Phenomenology

On October 31 I mailed a letter to a Society of Celtic Shamans for info. The next day, a friend lent me a book I’ve been wanting to read for a long time, “the Mists of Avalon”. Wow. What a wake up call. I finished the book on November 7, the same day I received in the mail a newsletter from the Celtic shamans and a batch of books I’ve ordered months before, one of which was an encyclopedia of Celtic wisdom.

My personal research and a request for a grant or bursary in attaining a bachelor of arts degree.

I have been chronically poor since high school and never made more than minimum wage. High school provided not the courses I truly wished: philosophy, intensive art studio time, or intelligent teachers save for one, Mr. Pelech; our metaphysics conversations were superb but went nowhere toward a commonly accepted diploma proving my intelligence.

In 1987, I enrolled for the Foundation course at Emily Carr College of Art. The course, in theory, had potential to be truly beneficial, but instead consisted of lectures in each class and a common public space they called a studio to work on projects hence enabling my metal wire dragon sculptures to magically disappear.
I had an expectation that we were to learn art techniques in class and to read theory on our own time, not vice versa. I wanted to finish the semester and when the final art history essay was due, I was told I couldn’t give my extemporaneously oral report on Dadaism because I hadn’t said so in September when the work was assigned. My rudimentary notes were invalid. The teacher didn’t understand that surprise was one of the tenets of my performance, which was only five minutes long. She insisted that it would disrupt her arrangement. I was angry at that and disillusioned.
I did not return in January.

The ten following years were spent searching for my soul during which I found a complement, namely husband. A child naturally followed. I lasted three years as full time housee during which more internal searching and frantic writing occurred. One of my perceptual shifts was exactly to the day my partner quit work to take over child care; I had met a Great Goddess lady that day who reminded me of what I’ve always known and felt but did not know how to verbalize it in a clear and concise way. After being freed of consistent toddler tedium, I had time to work on some projects and start a collective art gallery with 17 other people and the result of the latter can be summed up in the axiom “too many cooks ruin the soup”.
We removed ourselves from big city dreariness and moved to Gibsons in order to afford a place with a yard by ourselves.

Through writing and the occasional meeting of divine messengers in the form of humans, I have focussed my intentions, one of which is to effect a positive change in our society. The past ten years have been at time ecstatically arduous, at times a lesson of patience. I know I must string together my writings, and continue my research.
Enrolling for a Bachelor of Arts degree is an avenue I feel I must walk.

Why does it seem so hard to word it in a way that they will understand?

Now is my time
for going to school.
There was another time
when I was regarded as too young
to know any better;
I wanted to be in college
instead of grade ten high school.
Meta-philosophysics and re-creating,
there is an Art to those.
Teenagers are not supposed to know that.
I’m 30 and I’m allowed to know now.
It took a decade to remember.
I’m ready now for outside influence
for direction of my writing.

I have books written
Subjects fragmented
going crazy
Happy depressing joy
Lots to write,
Too much to write
Need direction
My brain is being drawn and quartered
By my own trials of comprehension.

I don’t know which aspect of myself I’ m supposed to describe to be deemed worthy of a grant.

I feel like a defective member of our stupid society. But, if I think society itself is stupid, wouldn’t that make me not defective?

I write how I didn’t fit in high school, didn’t fit in at art college, poor and on welfare for almost ten years; how do I filter that reality and word it in a way so I sound like someone who’s “with-it” and positive without lying?
When it comes to describing my self and my life, it sounds pathetic to me.
Like my blame of the school system. My fault was not having the self esteem to speak clearly. And not having self-esteem is a kind of blame too, on the authorities around me, family and teachers.
No matter how I slice it, I keep seeing a series of ego squashing experiences as far as my social memories go.
I want a payback from the culture that messed me up in the first place.
I want the schooling I wanted as a 16 year old and I shouldn’t have to pay money that I don’t even have for something due to me anyway.
Alternative schools were cut back at a crucial time in my life but kids like me were nothing to the Social Credit suit and ties full of lies.

The concept of the One, the unity of all involved in Life.
There’s a rule that’s been written about the need to be as One.
To speak as One
and have no divisions.
To unite together
and have no exclusions.

How can we unite
if some are excluded
no matter how good their intentions and deeds.

“Judge not lest ye be judged”
it’s been reported by some who judge.

If God is infinite, so are the ways to behold.

Too complex to explain, too simple once written.
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