When I’m already pissed off why does my husband have to throw fuel on it by getting pissed off at my anger? He doesn’t understand why it pisses me off to have to be the nag for his brother and his friends. When I do say how something should be, it isn’t heeded in the least.

• "Please don’t use so much toilet paper." An entire roll gets used up in less than a day.
• "Don’t smoke so much in here" clouds of cigarette smoke perpetually hanging.

It really pisses me off when I communicate clearly, simply and without yelling and no one pays attention, so I end up yelling after all and I’m called a bitch.
His brother cost us a good roommate who paid rent.

The hell with you all. You’re all stupid.

We think we know someone when they talk of the way they think they are. When confronted with the truth they become quite the strangers and they do hurtful things.

freeloaders suck if you let them. Just like vampires, they won’t leave if you invite them in.

I want to go camping for months at a time . . . but summer’s almost over and I don’t have the enthusiasm to carry two other people’s morale (husband and son)
"Hey man, ya just gotta leave, ya know? Just pack up and go man! Just do it, it’s easy!"
(Spoken by one childless & groovy)

Hey I found a place with five bedrooms, a fenced yard, fruit trees, grape vine, playhouse, on a quiet street in the same neighborhood for reasonable rent. It’s not a character house but it’s what we need right?
"Yeah, well, I don’t know. I can’t see myself living here, there’s no south windows. And the carpets are really disturbing . . . I don’t know if I want to live here."
(spoken by those whose housing need was not as dire)

I wouldn’t mind living here.
"We’re not trying to change your decision but we’d probably move in if you took it."
That’s what I’m trying to get away from, this responsibility for other people.
I’m tired.

It’s been three years now and we still don’t get the lifestyle I’ve been trying to achieve:

• - smoke free
• - child friendly (no harsh music, no macho attitudes)
• - enlightened (yoga, healthy food)
• - responsible (no unpaid phone bills, no last minute moves)

We’re supposed to be patient, but I’ve been told by yet another groovy one that we’re not setting up "personal boundaries" strongly enough.
I feel really messed up because of all this stupid crap.
I fk’n hate money. The lack of which prevents me from getting what is my right anyway: a decent living space.

Healing Meditation

I place a candle to the East,
beneath wings that beat the air into whirlwinds and nebulas, the birthplace of life and ideas.

I place a candle to the South,
where the energy of the Earth rises to the surface, to change; to yearn the love.

I place a candle to the West,
within the Waters that give shape to Life, tears expressing intensity of emotion.

I place a candle to the North,
between antlers of one who has honored the never ending circle of Life.

We had to go to the food bank because we’re broke because we had to cover the vacant room that my brother-in-law occupied with his equally moochy girlfriend. So. . . . when we got home, I felt so dammed angry, so I said loud enough so they could hear, "we don’t have any money because no one paid rent for downstairs!" The guy comes up to the landing and audaciously tells me to shut up. Well, that’s it. The last three months' worth of polite requests to curb various detrimental habits gone unheeded became a torrent of primal screaming anger. His girlfriend actually called me selfish for not letting them live downstairs for free.
I just hope the fighting didn’t scare our son too much. He’s only three. I tried to explain to him that they got yelled at because they never listened to me all summer.
Out of this, I’ve learnt how to stand my ground against morons. I thought the lesson was about giving up and accepting new changes . . .
I should learn not to scream so much when I’m mad.
They should learn not to push people beyond their limits.

At last they’re gone.

I carried my cat over a bridge to a seawall.
I met a teen fellow whose name started with a J. He gave me a ride on a dirt bike backwards over a broken bridge. It didn’t even have a bottom. He took me to some underground biker gangster hang out, went to a "ticket window" and asked for a box, which he stuffed down my leather jacket that I hadn’t noticed I had. We left the place of disrepute and motored to my house. I introduced him to my family then the scene turned to the park.
My husband and I go to the park and we see his brother and his friends, in particular Jesse, who lived downstairs with my brother-in-law for a short time. (Weird because he actually paid some rent) He had a feather in his hair and a medecine pouch around his neck. (Weird because in real life he was a greaser-type rocker). I had a big white feather in my hair, my eyes locked on his and he seemed frozen as I talked about being b e t r a y e d. The words flowed out slowly. Then I walked away in slow motion.

I met two native women at a Safeway and they had new tattoos. One had the same kind of little ram that I have. The other had an unfinished one, with only a few lines, the rest was transfer ink.

Psychic Self - Defense

I am a mirror.
You send negativity, I’ll reflect it back to you.
Magnified.

I am a mirror.
You send blessings, I’ll reflect them openly.
Three fold.

I need to heal, because I still get angry.
I have a right to be angry.
What keeps me angry is the lack of respect for my anger.

I want to fix the old hurt, so I can fix this new hurt.

Someone needs to be told what to do.
Someone needs to not make so much poo.
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