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---------------------------------------- [ Buffy: We have a marching jazz band? Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... scary. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I knew it. I knew it. Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. ---------------------------------------- [A student has been murdered] Cordelia: All I can think is, it coulda been me. Xander: We can dream. ---------------------------------------- [Spike can't bite Willow] Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing has never happened to me before. Willow: Maybe you were nervous. Spike: I felt all right when it started. Well let's try it again. [Spike tries to bite Willow and he backs off screaming in pain] Spike: Damn it. What's wrong with me? Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire? Spike: Not to me it doesn't. Willow: It's me isn't it? Spike: What are you talking about? Willow: Well you came here looking for Buffy, and settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around. Spike: Piffle. Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's all ways, "ooo, you're like a sister to me," or "oh, we're such good friends." Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat. Willow: This doesn't make you anymore scary. Spike: Don't patronize me. I'm only 126 years old. Willow: Your being too hard on yourself. Why we don't wait a half an hour and try again? ---------------------------------------- Anya: It's like we live in Slayer Central. I swear, if Buffy rooms or boards one more of the potential girls, I'm gonna call a health inspector. Spike: I like my plan better. Get up, get out, get drunk, repeat as needed. It's just more elegant. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: You know me, not much with the damseling. ---------------------------------------- Angel: You know, I started it. The whole... having a soul thing. Before it was all the 'cool new thing'. Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve? Angel: I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me. Buffy: You're not getting the brush off. Are you just going to come here and go all Dawson on me everytime I have a boyfriend? Angel: Aha! Boyfriend! Buffy: He's not. But he is in my heart. Angel: That'll end well. Buffy: And what was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you? ---------------------------------------- Giles: Jonathan? How's he? Buffy: Pretty crappy. His parents are freaking. He got suspended. And toting a piece to school, not exactly winning him a place with the in-crowd. But, I think he's dealing. Giles: Well, it's good of you to check on him. Buffy: Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except, he's starting to get that look, you know, like he's gonna ask me to Prom. Giles: Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you... Buffy: Oh come on. What am I, Saint Buffy? He's like three feet tall. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary... Giles: Retroactive. Buffy: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends... Watcher: I, uh, I... don't want a sword thrown at me, but, but, civilians, I - we're talking about children. Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon. Anya: Willow's a demon? ---------------------------------------- Faith: I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life. Buffy: Yeah. Faith: And that's you every day, isn't it? Buffy: I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer. Faith: There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together. Buffy: Also, you went evil and were killing people. Faith: Good point. Also a factor. Buffy: But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share. Faith: And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers. ---------------------------------------- Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life? Buffy: No. Because you're very, very old and it's gross. ---------------------------------------- Professor Maggie Walsh: So, the Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, that's me. Professor Maggie Walsh: We thought you were a myth. Buffy: Well, you were myth-taken. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Ask her to dance. Riley: Right. Dance. Wait. No. Willow: What's the matter? Riley: I can't dance. Willow: Then, talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. [Riley looks frightened] Willow: A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. ---------------------------------------- Andrew Wells: Hi everybody. I missed you guys a lot. Sorry it took so long to get back from our mission-mission, but we had to wait out the sun. Well, I think our mission went very well. We, uh, we rode on Spike's hog, which was very cool, and, uh, played some amusing games, and-oh. We got some new information. You know what? I really need to urinate. Spike: He's a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Thank God I don't breathe. ---------------------------------------- [talking to Spike] Vampire: Is that all I was to you? A one-bite stand? ---------------------------------------- Faith: [trying to convince Giles she's really Buffy in Faith's body] Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. Can't you just look into my eyes an be all intuitive? Giles: How did I turn into a demon? Faith: Oh, 'cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And you have a girlfriend named Olivia... and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school... which is valid lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's note like you're a slacker type, but - Oh, oh. When I had psychic power I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to continue? Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop? Faith: What's a stevedore? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: What part of punching you in the face do you not understand? ---------------------------------------- Willow: You dreamed about Angel again? Buffy: Third night in a row. Willow: What did he do in the dream? Buffy: Stuff. Willow: Oh. Stuff. Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair? Buffy: It had surround sound. I'm just thinking about him so much lately. Willow: You two are so right for each other. Except for the uh, Buffy: Vampire thing. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Spike, what are you doing here? Five words or less. Spike: [Counting each word on his fingers] Out. For. A. Walk... Bitch. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Don't worry, we're sure to spot Faith first. She's like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going, 'Ooh, check me out, I'm wicked cool, I'm five by five'. Tara Maclay: Five by five? Five what by five what? Willow: See, that's the thing. No one knows. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Buffy, it's like we're sisters. With really different hair. ---------------------------------------- Larry: I would love to get me some of that Buffy and Willow action, if you know what I mean. Oz: That's great, Larry, you've really mastered the single entendre. ---------------------------------------- Anya: Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans. Tara Maclay: I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's depressing. ---------------------------------------- Ted Buchanan: . . .You're such a pretty girl, the boys must be swarming. Buffy: No, not really. Willow: Besides . . .she's only interested in . . .her studies. Book-cracker Buffy is sort of her nickname. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: See, that's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell, and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll come across a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it. ---------------------------------------- Jenny Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little. ---------------------------------------- Anya: We're just kinda thrown by the, you having sex with Spike. Buffy: The who whatting how with huh? Anya: Okay, that's denial. That comes before anger. Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike. Anya: Anger. Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled... Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike, but I'm starting to think you are. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm where nothing can eat you? Dawn: Is that supposed to scare me? Spike: Little tremble wouldn't hurt. Dawn: Sorry, it's just that, I'm badder than you. Spike: Are not. Dawn: Am too, you�re standing in the bushes hugging a bent box of chocolates, and I'm... Spike: What? Sneaking out to braid hair and watch Teletubbies with your mates? ---------------------------------------- Jenny Calendar: Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you? Rupert Giles: Well, I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear. Jenny Calendar: That's not where I dangle it. ---------------------------------------- [To Giles] Cordelia: God, you really were the little youthful offender. You must just look back at that and cringe. ---------------------------------------- [on the stupidity of the vampire worshippers] Buffy: Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the All You Can Eat Moron Bar. ---------------------------------------- Angel: Why are you riding me? Buffy: Because I don't trust you. You're a vampire. Or is that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'? ---------------------------------------- Kendra: Who are you? Buffy: You attacked me, who the hell are you? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: The rest of you are just waiting for me. Xander: Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader, Buffy, as in "follow the". Buffy: Well, from now on, I'm your leader as in "do what I say". Xander: Ja wohl. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends. Anya: I'm not. Buffy: Then why are you here? Aside from getting rescued, what is it that you do? Anya: I provide much needed... sarcasm. Xander: Um, that would kinda be my job, actually. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Can you vague that up for me? ---------------------------------------- Harmony: Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake. She won't give up until she's killed me to death. Spike: Buffy's looking for you? Harmony: Of course. That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis. Spike: Is that right? I must've missed the memo. Harmony: There was a mem- Spike, oh my God, this is like a real emergency. ---------------------------------------- Giles: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her. Buffy: What'd she make you do? Giles: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough, and talked about boys. Buffy: [laughing] I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, so if you wanna trade... no... wait... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Maybe we can save the "maybes" for a more dayish part of the day, girls. Potential slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual ninety minutes. Andrew Wells: I'm with him. Keep the chatter down. Or speak up so I can hear you. I'm bored. Episode One bored. ---------------------------------------- Lyle Gorch: I'm gonna kill both you Slayers for this. You hear me? Cordelia: I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat? Lyle Gorch: I'm gonna... Cordelia: Rip out my innards, play with my eyeballs, boil my brain and eat it for brunch? Listen up, needle brain, Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies, not to mention your girlfriend. Lyle Gorch: Wife. Cordelia: Whatever. The point is, I haven't even broken a sweat. See, in the end Buffy's just the runner up. I am the queen. You get me mad, what do you think I'm gonna do to you? Lyle Gorch: [runs away] Later. ---------------------------------------- [Ghost Indian transforms into a large bear while fighting Buffy] Spike: A bear. You made a bear. Buffy: I didn't mean to. Spike: Undo it. Undo it. ---------------------------------------- Xander: I have a theory. Your snide remarks earlier? I'm guessing grapes a little on the sour side. Didn't get into any schools, did you? The grades were there, but ooh, if it weren't for that pesky interview. Ten minutes with you and the Admissions Department decided that they'd already reached their mean-spirited superficial princess quotas. Cordelia: And once again, the gold medal in the Being Wrong event goes to Xander "I'm as stupid as I look" Harris. ---------------------------------------- Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even "have" chainsaws. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Faith, wait. I want to talk to you. Faith: Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late. Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo. Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste. Faith: You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient. [punches Willow] Willow: Aw, here I just thought you didn't have a come-back. ---------------------------------------- Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny? Cordelia: What's the difference? Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny. Xander: Well, I hate brie. Cordelia: I know. It smells like Giles' cat. ---------------------------------------- Spike: And just what brings our good principal to this neck of the gloom? Buffy: I'm showing him our operation. Us. Spike: Fine by me. Big fight against evil coming up. The more good guys we've got, the longer we'll all live. Principal Robin Wood: Is that what you are? A good guy? Spike: I haven't heard any complaints. Well, I have heard a few complaints over the years, but then I just killed whoever spoke up, and that was pretty much that. Buffy: He's joking. Spike: No, I'm not. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Anya, you're a vengeance demon. Just teleport. Anya: Well, as it turns out, teleporting isn't a right, it's a privilege. I withdrew a vengeance spell last week, and this is my punishment. I can only teleport for official business. I have to file a flight plan and everything. ---------------------------------------- Willow: What did I have for breakfast this morning? I want to say bagel, but I think that was yesterday. You had two eggs sunny side up. I remember because they were wiggling at me like little boobs. ---------------------------------------- Joyce Summers: I think we're just about ready for pie. Xander: Then I'll be pretty much ready for barf. Buffy: Xander. Xander: No, no, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good, and too much goodness... Joyce Summers: I'm taking it as a compliment. ---------------------------------------- [Spike tells Joyce about his breakup with Drusilla] Spike: So I'm strolling through the park looking for a meal, I happen to walk by and she making out with a Chaos Demon. And so I said, "you know, I don't have to put up with this." And she said, "fine." So I said, "fine, do whatever you like." I thought we were going to make up. Joyce Summers: Well, she sounds very unreasonable. Spike: She is, she's out of her mind. That's what I miss most about her. Joyce Summers: Well Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other their lives just take different paths. Like when Buffy's father and I... Spike: No, this is different. Our love was eternal, literally. By the way, you got any more of those little marshmallows? ---------------------------------------- Glory: Funny. 'Cause I look around at this world you're so eager to be a part of... and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who's not crazy? Look around. Everyone's drinking, smoking, shooting up... shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out 'cause they don't want 'em anymore. *I'm* crazy? Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind. 'Cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho. Buffy: Meow. Willow: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a "meow" before. ---------------------------------------- [To Cordelia] Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: When did you become Martha Stewart? Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto. Xander: I don't believe she slays, either. Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to. ---------------------------------------- Faith: I've had my share of losers, but you - you boinked the undead. ---------------------------------------- Faith: When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away. I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna lose. I *like* that feeling. Buffy: Well sure, beats that "dead" feeling you get when they win and *you* lose. ---------------------------------------- Faith: You can't trust guys. Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I just wanna get my life back, you know? Do normal stuff. Willow: Like date? Buffy: Well... Xander: Aw, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut. [Buffy punches him on the arm] Xander: Ow. Buffy: All right... yes, date, and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Oh, no... I have to go take an English make-up exam. They give you credit just for speaking it, right? ---------------------------------------- Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too coupley around Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog? Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what? ---------------------------------------- Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace. Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford. Willow: It's pretty exciting. Oz: That's some deep academia there. Buffy: That's where they make Gileses. Willow: I know. I can learn, and have scones. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend. Look at my outfit. ---------------------------------------- Spike: How was your walk, pet? Drusilla: I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape "Biography" last Friday? Willow: Uh huh. Buffy: See? I told you... old reliable. Willow: Oh, thanks. Buffy: What? Willow: "Old reliable"? Yeah, there's a sexy nickname. Buffy: I-I didn't mean it as... Willow: No, it's fine. I'm "old reliable." Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals. Willow: That's Old Faithful. Xander: Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot... Willow: That's Old *Yeller*. Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me. ---------------------------------------- Anya: Listen, I have this little project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if... Willow: Yeah, that's me. Reliable dog-geyser-person. ---------------------------------------- Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer. Bartender: ID. [Anya glares at him] Bartender: ID. Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old. Just gimme a frickin' beer. Bartender: ID. Anya: [sigh] Gimme a Coke. ---------------------------------------- [The gang looks at the vampire version of Willow from an alternate reality] Giles: It's extraordinary. Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... and I think I'm kinda gay Buffy: Willow just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was. Angel: Well actually... ah... good point. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead. ---------------------------------------- Willow: So, how did it go? Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked. ---------------------------------------- Xander: You're considered somewhat cool. Oz: I am? Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences? Oz: Could be. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: What do you want? Angel: The same thing you do. Buffy: Okay. What do I want? Angel: To kill 'em. To kill 'em all. Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But, you do get this watch and a year's supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Guess who our commencement speaker is? Willow: Sigfreid? Xander: No. Willow: Roy? Xander: No. Willow: One of the tigers? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes... for the last twelve years. ---------------------------------------- Anya: Men *like* sports. I'm sure of it. Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned? ---------------------------------------- Anya: You're going to die if you stay here. Xander: I guess I might. Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit. Xander: Welcome to the world of romance. Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it. Xander: Yay? ---------------------------------------- Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open. ---------------------------------------- Xander: The Mayor's going to kill us all during graduation. Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period? Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it. Cordelia: Yeah. Me too. ---------------------------------------- Willow: This is so frustrating. Oz: Nothing useful? Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here. Oz: Our lives are different than other people's. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I went to Angel's last night, and Faith was there. They looked sort of... intimate. Willow: No way. I know what you're thinking, and no way. Buffy: You're right. Faith would never do that. Willow: Faith would *totally* do that. Faith was *built* to do that. She's the *do that* girl. Buffy: Comfort, remember? Comfort here. Willow: I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see... is he breathing? Buffy: Actually, no. ---------------------------------------- Mayor Richard Wilkins III: I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. "Miniature." "Golf." ---------------------------------------- Mayor Richard Wilkins III: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that factually that's true. ---------------------------------------- Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty-or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away. ---------------------------------------- Xander: But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we were kissing, it was a mistake, but I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss. Willow: Darn tootin'. Xander: And they burst in rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean this is really all their fault. Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our earth logic. Xander: Mine is much more advanced. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Okay, not funny. Hey. You. Where did you put my car? Custodian: Pardon? Cordelia: My auto. El convertablo. ---------------------------------------- Vamp Xander: Isn't that what they called The Slayer? Vamp Willow: Buffy, ohh scary. Vamp Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts. ---------------------------------------- Angel: What's the plan? Buffy: [holding a stake] Don't fall on this. ---------------------------------------- Dawn: Lurk much? Spike: I wasn't lurking, I was standin' about. It's a totally different vibe. ---------------------------------------- Rupert Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel? ---------------------------------------- Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words. ---------------------------------------- Angelus: "Dear Buffy..." Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards. Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression. Angelus: Lacks... poetry. Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were. ---------------------------------------- Principal Snyder: It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Whatcha doin', love? Drusilla: I'm naming the stars. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day. Drusilla: No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids. Angel: I'll never be a kid. Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend. ---------------------------------------- Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often? Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun. ---------------------------------------- Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend. ---------------------------------------- Xander: We're right behind you, only further back. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex? Xander: I'm 17. Looking at *linoleum* makes me wanna have sex. ---------------------------------------- Xander: A black eye heals, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. ---------------------------------------- Willow: It's like this dream I had about Xander... except that it wasn't about Xander, it was about someone else; and it wasn't even me, it was a friend of mine and�she doesn't remember it. ---------------------------------------- Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense. Rupert Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five. ---------------------------------------- Xander: So, we Bronzin' it tonight? Willow: Wednesdays, kinda beat... Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Vampires are creeps. Rupert Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them. ---------------------------------------- Vampire: Slayer. Buffy: Slayee. ---------------------------------------- Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Danger? I laugh in the face of danger... and then I hide until it goes away. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me? Xander: Are you kidding? Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Have I ever let you down? Rupert Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare? ---------------------------------------- Rupert Giles: I'll bring the weaponry. Buffy: I'll bring the party mix. ---------------------------------------- [Seeing Acathla's tomb] Spike: Wow. It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Oooh gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one. Angel: Could you not call me that? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: We saved the world. I say we have to party. ---------------------------------------- Angelus: Hello, lover. I wasn't sure you'd come. Buffy: After your immolation-o-gram? Come on, I had to show. Shouldn't you be out destroying the world right now, pulling the sword out of Al Franken or whatever his name is? Angelus: There's time enough. I wanted to say goodbye first. You are the one thing in this dimension I will miss. Buffy: This is a beautiful moment we're having. Can we please fight? Angelus: I didn't come here to fight. Buffy: No? Angelus: Gosh, I was hoping we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a shot? Alright. We'll fight. ---------------------------------------- [Willow and Vamp Willow meet for the first time] Vamp Willow: Well, look at me. I'm all... fuzzy. Willow: What do I want with you? Vamp Willow: Your school friend Anya said you're the one that brought me here. She said you could help get me back to my world. Willow: Oh, oops. Vamp Willow: [begins fondling Willow] But I don't know. I kind of like the idea of the two of us. We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking. Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle? Vamp Willow: What do you say? Want to be bad? Willow: This just can't get more disturbing. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Add it up, it all spells duh. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Do you really love Xander? Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: God. I am so mentally challenged. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Hey, I know. Why don't you kill them? Rupert Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill. Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl? Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale. ---------------------------------------- The Master: You're dead. Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say about you. ---------------------------------------- Olaf the Troll: Come back, tiny man. You are small and toy-like. ---------------------------------------- Giles: We'll get our memory back, and it will all be right as rain. Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... bloody hell. [Counting on his fingers] Spike: Sodding, blimey, shaggin, knickers, bollocks. Oh, God. I'm English. Giles: Welcome to the nancy boy tribe. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day. Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything. Willow: Wow, harsh. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles. Faith: I've seen him. If I would have known they came that young and cute, I would have requested a transfer. Buffy: Raise your hand if eww. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: You need a personality, stat. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: People to see, demons to kill. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things. Rupert Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: That actually kinda turns me on. Buffy: I fear you. ---------------------------------------- [After knocking Giles unconscious] Buffy: When he wakes up, tell him... I don't know. Make something cool up, tell him I said it. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin." I need to change. I'm dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless, they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible... ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: [To Willow] Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Gee Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loser-being? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Hello, Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something, you know... classy. Xander: What's classier than bowling? Cordelia: Apart from everything ever? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: If we die in here, I'm gonna kick your ass, I mean it. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on Lycra pants. And Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: What are you doing? Are you going like stalkerboy on me now? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you? Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous? ---------------------------------------- Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life? Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee? ---------------------------------------- Page 1 / Page 2 / Page 3 / Page 4 / Page 5 / Page 6 / |
