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---------------------------------------- [all the adults are acting like teenagers] Buffy: Principal Snyder? Principal Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... Barbarino. ---------------------------------------- [the gang is throwing Buffy a surprise party] Giles: Here comes Buffy. [to Xander] Giles: Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor. Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh.' ---------------------------------------- Spike: Harm, what are you doing. Harmony Kendall: I'm writing Spike loves Harmony on your back. Spike: Why? Harmony Kendall: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me. Spike: I've got to get back to work. Harmony Kendall: You love that tunnel more than me. Spike: I love syphilis more than you. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us. Oz: I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed. Giles: I, ah, uh, uh. Willow: Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art. ---------------------------------------- [Willow and Buffy are arguing] Buffy: Will, let's be realistic here. Your basic spells are usually only fifty-fifty. Willow: Oh yeah? Well, - so's your face. ---------------------------------------- Xander: It's like, where's Riley? Oh yeah, the Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell. ---------------------------------------- Giles: Um, Anya, while I completely trust you to take care of the inventory and the money, dealing with people requires a certain finesse. Anya: I have finesse. I have finesse coming out of my bottom. I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods. ---------------------------------------- Xander: So, how goes the slaying? Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night. Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration, here a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff. Buffy: Pretty standard, vampire staking. Oh, but I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple. Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Come on, it'll be fun. We could show you how to do some stuff. You could be floating pencils by the end of the day. Anya: Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh. I know what this is, this is peer pressure. Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and have drugs. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: What's the deal with Manny the manager? If I ask him really nicely do you think he'd let me write a children's book called that? ---------------------------------------- [On invading the Trio's lair] Willow: There was also some normal stuff, razor scooters, pictures of the vulcan lady from Enterprise. Xander: Ooooo, I mean, geeks. ---------------------------------------- Phillip: You put the beef on the grill, hit the button, then it beeps. You flip the beef, hit the other button, then it beeps. You put it on the bun... there's no button for that. Buffy: Repeat until insane. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Will, how much do you know about the chip? Willow: Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build web sites. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I have a history with my witchy subconscious making things go kerfloopey. ---------------------------------------- [telling Buffy about a new assignment] Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: You will go tonight. Look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here. Buffy: I just love it when you take charge, you man, you. ---------------------------------------- [Cordelia has found out Wesley is returning to England] Cordelia: I demand an explanation. Xander: For what? Cordelia: Wesley. Xander: Uh - inbreeding? ---------------------------------------- [introduction to graduation] Principal Snyder: Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so: sit still and be quiet. ---------------------------------------- Andrew Wells: Babe II was underrated. That'll do, pig, that'll do. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Wait... I'm having an idea. Now I'm having a plan. [The lights go out] Xander: ...and now I'm having a wiggins. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I think we need to get him some fresh blood. Willow: Do you want me to kill Anya? ---------------------------------------- Giles: Buffy, there's got to be some way of fighting Glory. Anya: Piano. Xander: Piano? Anya: We should drop a piano on her. I mean, it always works for that creepy cartoon character rabbit when he beats that nice hunter with the speech impediment. Xander: Yeah, cause that's what we used to kill that big demon one time. No wait, that was a rocket launcher. Giles: [sarcastic] Yes, or maybe we could paint a convincing tunnel on the side of a mountain. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Flowers for m'lady. Buffy: I think they call those balloons now. Xander: Well... put them in water. Maybe they'll grow. ---------------------------------------- Principal Robin Wood: You have visions? Buffy: Sometimes. Principal Robin Wood: Well, how do you know that they're not just dreams? Buffy: You're running to catch the bus naked? That's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision. Also, I was awake. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Angel was in your bedroom? Willow: Ours is a forbidden love. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Oh you have got to be joking. What now? Rupert Giles: It has to access the cerebral cortex via the... optic nerve. Spike: Oh bollocks. All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain. Rupert Giles: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones. ---------------------------------------- Caleb: What can I say? I work in mysterious ways. [Kills a slayer] Caleb: Also some fairly straightforward ones. ---------------------------------------- [Buffy has a date with Principal Wood] Xander: He's, like, 10 years older than you, right? Willow: Which is, like, 100 years younger than your type. Buffy: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution. ---------------------------------------- [about the potential Slayers] Faith: No more Starbucks for the wannabes, man. They've been spazzing for like, hours. ---------------------------------------- Kennedy: I don't care if it's Godzilla. I want to get in this thing. Andrew: Godzilla's mostly Tokyo-based, so he's probably a no-show. Amanda: Besides, if Matthew Broderick can kill Godzilla, how tough is he? Andrew: [pained] Xander... Xander: Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big, dumb lizard. That was not the real Godzilla. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: If this place is a trap, we give the signal, you guys come in, guns a-blazing. Xander: So, what's the signal? Buffy: I'm thinking lots and lots of yelling. ---------------------------------------- Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting. Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes. Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night? Willow: Oh. I can't. Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable. ---------------------------------------- [Mr. Maclay is trying to take Tara] Xander: You're dealing with all of us. Spike: 'Cept me. Xander: 'Cept Spike. Spike: I don't care what happens. ---------------------------------------- Andrew: I-I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good. Spike: Not as good as those onion blossom things. Andrew: Ooh, I love those. Spike: Yeah, me, too. Andrew: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I-I don't understand how such a thing is possible. Spike: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes. Andrew: Masterful. Spike: Yeah. Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you. Andrew: Right. ---------------------------------------- [about Matthew Broderick] Andrew: I miss Ferris-Matthew. I find Broadway-Matthew cold. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much fire bad, tree pretty. Giles: Understandable. Well, when it's working again congratulate it on a good campaign. You did very well. Buffy: Thank you. I will. Giles: I ah... I managed to ferret this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but... [pulls out a high school diploma] Giles: I'd say you earned it. There is a certain dramatic irony that's attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on... on predestination, one might say. Buffy: Fire bad, tree pretty. ---------------------------------------- Andrew: You're like the perfect woman. Anya: I've often thought so. ---------------------------------------- Andrew: Oh, and there's a box full of ointments... I used one a' these on a rash once. Anya: Show me. Andrew: Well, it's healed up, but it was sort of red and crusty with little itchy places... Anya: Show me the box full of ointments, you little freak. ---------------------------------------- She: What's your name? Buffy: Buffy. She: No, really. ---------------------------------------- [preparing to face the onslaught of Ubervamps] Anya: I'm scared. I assumed that you'd be scared and I'd be sarcastic about it. Andrew: Think of happy things. A lake, candy sticks, bunnies. Anya: [enraged] Bunnies. Hoppy, floppy, bunnies. ---------------------------------------- Angel: Got coverage on the whole thing. Very gripping. Needs a third act. Buffy: You have to leave L.A. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Hey, party in my eye socket and everyone's invited. [everyone stares at Xander] Xander: Sometimes I shouldn't say words. ---------------------------------------- [playing Dungeon's and Dragons] Giles: I used to be a highly respected Watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. ---------------------------------------- Andrew: We will not be afraid to protect it with our very lives. Anya: Yes, we will not be afraid to protect it with his very life. Xander: Don't be afraid to use him as a human shield. Anya: Yes. Good. Thanks. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Most people don't use their tongues to say hello, or I guess they do but... ---------------------------------------- Xander: For I am Xander, King of all cretins. Let all lesser cretin's bow before me. ---------------------------------------- Andrew Wells: Could we try to keep our secret headquarters a little bit secret? Keep bringing people in, they're gonna see everything. They'll see the big board. Buffy: Andrew, we don't have a big board. ---------------------------------------- Kennedy: We'll just start with what we know, and take it from there. Xander: Great. So far we know Jack about squat. Let's go from there. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Where's Dawn and Spike? Tara Maclay: We've been calling the house, but... Xander: Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD and we're at DEFCON 1. [All the girls stare at him] Xander: OK, I so need male friends. ---------------------------------------- Andrew Wells: I spy with my little eye something that begins with a T. Spike: Tapestry. Andrew Wells: Hey, good one. How did you...? Spike: Tapestry's the only thing in the whole bloody room. ---------------------------------------- Kennedy: I've never been the bait before. That was, uh... actually, kind of scary. Caridad: We had your back. Rupert Giles: You did well. Your performance as a disgruntled minion was spot on. Kennedy: I'm method. ---------------------------------------- Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, "my girlfriend has a pierced tongue" kind of way. ---------------------------------------- Anya: Come on, let's go assemble the cannon fodder. Xander: That's not what we're calling them, sweetie. Anya: Not to their faces. What, am I insensitive? ---------------------------------------- Willow: It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did you? Xander: Will, we saw you at The Bronze. A vampire. Willow: I'm not a vampire. Buffy: You are. I mean, you were. Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon? Giles: Well, uh... something very strange is happening. Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go? ---------------------------------------- Anya: I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now. Xander: And the amazing thing... still more romantic than Faith. ---------------------------------------- Xander: What do you feel? Anya: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry. Xander: I meant about the house. Anya: Oh, still haunted. ---------------------------------------- Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. ---------------------------------------- Angel: I saw you before you became the Slayer. Buffy: What? Angel: I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and... and I loved you. Buffy: Why? Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own. Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross. Angel: I was just thinking that, too. ---------------------------------------- Andrew: I just want to say how proud I am to die for this very special cause with you guys. There's some, um-there's people I'd like to thank, both good and evil. Um, a shout out to my brother Tucker, who gave me the inspiration to summon demons and also... Anya: Nobody cares, you little monkey. ---------------------------------------- Tara Maclay: People do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night. Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike. Willow: Oh... well, Tara's right, grief can be powerful and we shouldn't judge... Tara Maclay: Are you kidding? She's nuts. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history? ---------------------------------------- Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that? ---------------------------------------- Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her. Xander: You're bad to the bone. Willow: I'm a rebel. ---------------------------------------- Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? Buffy: I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas. Angel: See my point? ---------------------------------------- Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you? Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander. Joyce: Will you be slaying? Buffy: Only if they give me lip. ---------------------------------------- Giles: Cordelia, it's me. It's me. Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles? Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome. Cordelia: It's him. ---------------------------------------- [Anya is human] Anya: I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me, except to say that, "your questions are irksome," and, "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river." ---------------------------------------- Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike. Kendra: Two Slayers. Buffy: No waiting. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get killed.' ---------------------------------------- Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity. Cordelia: What's the plan? Xander: The vampire attacks you. Cordelia: And then what? Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice. ---------------------------------------- [after defeating a vampire] Buffy: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now. ---------------------------------------- Quentin: Congratulations again. Buffy: Bite me. Quentin: Yes, well, colorful girl. ---------------------------------------- Page 1 / Page 2 / Page 3 / Page 4 / Page 5 / Page 6 / |
