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---------------------------------------- [meeting Vamp Willow] Xander: So, um, in your reality, I'm like this bad-ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me? Oh, yeah. I'm bad. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I always say that a patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinking sewers. Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here. Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We can say he was this big. Angel: What can I say? I need closure. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first? Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process. ---------------------------------------- Conservative Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to, and then I just got really busy. ---------------------------------------- Willow: It's just in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon; you really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know? And letting this place just thrust into and, and spurt knowledge into... that sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Oh, boyfriend. It's my on-campus boyfriend. Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. The line's probably really long now, too. ---------------------------------------- Willow: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all fifty states. Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii? Willow: Well, he seemed so determined. ---------------------------------------- Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it? Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Do we hug? Oz: I think we're too manly. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham. Willow: You're not gonna jokey-ryhme your way out of this. ---------------------------------------- Giles: Yes, always behind on terms. I'm still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials.' ---------------------------------------- [About the Watcher's council] Xander: Yeah, don't they have phones? [He attempts a British accent] Xander: "Allo, Buffy. Here's some stuff we know. Pip pip." ---------------------------------------- Xander: It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills and... stratagems... I'm very... help me out. Anya: He's a Viking in the sack. ---------------------------------------- Anya: We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery, and, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this. ---------------------------------------- Buffybot: Time to slay. Vampires of the world beware. ---------------------------------------- Buffybot: Anya. How is your money? Anya: Fine, thank you for asking. ---------------------------------------- Willow: When did you get all insightful? Anya: I'm surprisingly sensitive. Willow: So, will you help me? Anya: Is it difficult or time-consuming? ---------------------------------------- Willow: Giles says everything's a part of the earth. This bed, the air, us. Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything. Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon. ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're falling... well, forward. Xander: And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best? ---------------------------------------- [About Giles] Willow: He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way. ---------------------------------------- [About Kathy] Buffy: She irons her jeans. She's evil. ---------------------------------------- Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin. Buffy: How can you tell? Giles: Well, it's so shiny. ---------------------------------------- Willow: I can't help it. I just have all this involuntary empathy for Dawn. Cuz she's, you know... a big spaz. ---------------------------------------- Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go. Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day." Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have? Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace. ---------------------------------------- Dawn: I tell you I have this theory. It goes where, you're the one who's not my sister. Cuz mom adopted you from a shoe box full of baby howler monkeys, and never told you cuz it could hurt your delicate baby feelings. Buffy: That's your theory? Dawn: Explains your fashion sense. And smell. ---------------------------------------- Dawn: They were talking about me, just like everybody is. Xander: Again, not so much. In fact, none. Anya: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff... Joyce: Um... Xander: Anya. Anya: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd... Buffy: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now. ---------------------------------------- Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards. Xander: Did you tell them that? Giles: Your secret dies with me. Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: I'm a swim groupie. Oh, yeah, you know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby. ---------------------------------------- [Xander is wearing a speedo] Xander: I'm undercover. Buffy: You're not under much. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Harvard... Yale... Wesleyan... Some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I, uh... I can't pronounce. Is anyone else intimidated? 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon. Oz: They're typing those now. ---------------------------------------- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course. Giles: No danger of finding those here. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Vampires? Giles: Controlled circumstances. ---------------------------------------- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol. Buffy: Vampires. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Yes? Buffy: Killed 'em. ---------------------------------------- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I didn't get this job because of my looks. Buffy: I really, really believe that. ---------------------------------------- [Willow and Oz are caring for Angel] Oz: Any change? Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy. Oz: You too, huh? ---------------------------------------- Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Oz: We attack the Mayor with humus. Cordelia: I stand corrected. Oz: Just keeping things in perspective. Cordelia: Thank you. ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Faith told me to play on his human weakness. Willow: Faith told you? Is that before or after you put her in a coma? Buffy: After. Willow: Oh. ---------------------------------------- Riley: Uh, what have you got going on tonight? Buffy: Uh, patrolling. Riley: Patrolling? Buffy: Uh, petroleum. Riley: Petroleum? Buffy: Uh huh. Riley: Tonight you have crude oil? Buffy: A-and homework. ---------------------------------------- Spike: Like I'd bite you anyway. Xander: Oh, you would. Spike: Not bloody likely. Xander: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist, and delicious. Spike: All right, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. Xander: And don't you forget it. ---------------------------------------- Quentin: Miss, excuse me, do uh, you work here? Anya: Yes, I do. Ever since I moved here from South Eastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll regret later, okay? Cordelia: You crazy freak. Buffy: Vapid whore. Xander: Like that. ---------------------------------------- Giles: Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy. Buffy: 'Cause I'm not crazy, or 'cause I don't kill people? Giles: Both, actually. ---------------------------------------- Giles: We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or... Spike: Hey. Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're... Buffy: Flaccid? Spike: You are one step away, missy. Buffy: Giles help. He's gonna scold me. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love. OK, that was gross. ---------------------------------------- Xander: [about Jonathan] So, we're saying that he did a spell just to make us think he was cool? Giles: Yes. Xander: That is so cool. ---------------------------------------- Giles: We just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk. Willow: Check. Candles and pretense. ---------------------------------------- Riley: Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous. Giles: Toth. Riley: What? Buffy: He called you a toth. It's a British expression, it means, like, moron. Giles: No. Toth is the name of the demon. ---------------------------------------- Giles: You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels. Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof. That's the one for me." ---------------------------------------- Buffy: And the worst part: I wake up and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. Oz: Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat. Willow: Me too. I would vote for that, too. ---------------------------------------- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Remember the three key words for any Slayer: Preparation... preparation... preparation . Buffy: That's one word three times. ---------------------------------------- Rupert Giles: I fear the demon Buffy encountered in the woods may have possessed her somehow. Buffy: [screaming] : Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs. Xander: You think? ---------------------------------------- Buffy: First thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it. Xander: And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up. Buffy: And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it. ---------------------------------------- Xander: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group? Anya: You did. Tara: You said Willow should be boss. Anya: And then you said "let's vote", and it was unanimous... Tara: ...and then you made her this little plaque, that said "Boss of Us", you put little sparkles on it... Xander: Valid points, all. But we... I mean... ---------------------------------------- Buffy: Casualties. It just sounds so... casual. ---------------------------------------- Giles: What are you doing here? Spike: You know Rupert you should really be careful. Somebody dangerous could come in. Buffy: Or someone formally dangerous and currently annoying. ---------------------------------------- Giles: He had a very strong olfactory presence. Xander: Well, I guess we're off to the Ol' Factory. I hate that place. ---------------------------------------- Tara: Hey, Spike. That cramp still bothering you? Spike: Huh? Oh, yea. Tara: Maybe you want to put some ice on it. ---------------------------------------- Anya: We're all on death's door repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota. ---------------------------------------- Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a sore thumb and gone 'wow, that baby is sore'? Xander: You have too many thoughts. ---------------------------------------- [after a demon attack during which Xander hid] Xander: If you see my spine anywhere, please feel free to step on it at any time. Page 1 / Page 2 / Page 3 / Page 4 / Page 5 / Page 6 / |
