Welcome to the 'Writings' page! Everything here will take you less than five minutes to read, and most should make you laugh out loud.

Uh, not necessarily because its funny. Probably because you cannot believe that someone could write something so stupid.

Oh well.

Check out the links on the left:

Bridget Jones' Diary:
A short exer...excer...exrp...part, of the book - Bridget tries to programme her VCR.

Celebrity Survivor Island & Kate:
An (in-progress) story that Carly is writing me. Features all five of my freebies & me in a mad cap adventure!

Deep Thoughts:
A modern classic: 270 'deep thoughts' such as,
"162. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face".
Brilliant.

Dirtiest Poem:
A competition that took place in sixth form (2001). Cath and Nigel both attempted to write 'the dirtiest poem in the world'. Nigel won. Caution: extremely graphic language used.

Harmony Toilet Paper:
I was astounded one day as I was replacing the toilet roll that there was so much description on the toilet roll bag. It makes toilet paper almost...beautiful.

Hayley Rewrites Some Songs:
Features rewrites of 'I Get Around' and 'Pina Colada'. Caution: graphic language used.

My Poems:
No need to worry. I won't bore you with poems about my feelings towards...France, or my thoughts on...flowers. But I could write a pretty cool France-Flower poem, if you give me a chance. Seriously though, this page houses a few poems that I've written in fits of madness.

Points to Ponder Vol 1-3:
Ok, so I got a '5' in 6th Form History. Perhaps it was because I was writing these in the exam, instead of essays, but who knows?

Seven - A Mitre Ten Tale:
Steph and I wrote this one day at Mitre 10 when we were bored. I still have the original somewhere, it was on a reciept paper roll, for handy transportation.