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Celebrity Survivor Island & Kate
An Original Story by CarlyJump To: The Challenge Part 1 The Challenge:As set forth by Kate for her 20th Birthday present: 1. It must feature Eric Bana as the hero and ME (Kate) as the heroine 1a. You must get rid of Eric Bana's wife and children in a way that will not disturb him (or me) at all, and one that does not involve any kind of illegal activity. Preferably neither of us will remember them at all. 2. Supporting characters are: George Clooney, Edward Norton (sans old man hair/mullet), Colin Farrell & Mark Ruffalo 3. At least part of it must be set in a futuristic world that is only obtained through time travel. 4. There must be an amusing incident with some barbeque sauce. Some background info on the men involved: Eric Bana: 36 years old. Australian. Hot. He will preferably have a scruffy beard and longish hair. George Clooney: 43. American. All like...James Bondy. Clean shaven. Edward Norton: 35. American. Better buck up his ideas if he wants to stay on freebie list (Read: cut hair NOW). Colin Farrell: 28, Irish. Complete man whore. Don't make him all reformed, what would the fun be in that? Mark Ruffalo: 37, American. He should also be without wife and son, but perhaps they just moved somewhere like Rwanda. He talks out the side of his mouth and has great abs. Mm.....abs. Part OneJeff Probst smiled at the camera. �Hi T.V. audience, and welcome to Celebrity Survivor Island and Kate!� he said, in that irritating and slightly superior way. �We hope you�re all as excited about the new season as we are about getting your money � I mean, bringing you some great television!�Let�s get introduced to the contestants. First up we have Eric Bana. Say hi, Eric.� �Hello,� said Eric. He was a very attractive Australian who was obviously going to have no trouble beating the harsh Survivor elements. �As you can see by my scruffy beard and longish hair, I have been preparing for this competition by living in my backyard without my cellphone or SUV. I�m very method.� Jeff frowned. �Wasn�t that hard on your wife and kids?� �Oh them? Meh. I sent them to France or something. That was ages ago. I can�t even really remember what they looked like. It�s okay. She was a bitch.� �And she probably is, too! Next up we have George Clooney!� George strolled on screen, waving. He was wearing a black dinner suit but with the bow tie fashionably undone, along with the top button of his shirt. He is very attractive. �Wow,� said Jeff. �You look like you should be James Bond.� �Yeah, I do don�t I?� �Yes. Tell me, what have you done to prepare for this competition?� George did that smile thing before answering. �Well, I had my face waxed. I must remain clean shaven.� �Will that help your survival on the island?� �Who cares? I look great. I�m gonna get me some island lovin�.� �And, to the left we have Edward Norton, who appears to have had a hair cut. That cut looks very nice on you, Edward.� �Thank you,� said Edward, who looked very hot and kind of edgy, like in American History X, but not in a crazy nazi way. �Birds kept trying to nest in my head, so I figured it was time for a change.� �I see,� said Jeff. �And how are you going to beat the competition?� �Well, I�m very smart. I�m going to manipulate my other less-smart co-islanders. Mwuhahaha.� �Hey!� said Eric and George. �Sorry,� said Edward. �Forget I said that last part.� �Okay,� said Eric and George. �Next up we have Colin Farrell,� said Jeff. �How�s it going, Colin? Colin is wearing blue jeans and a white man whore singlet that shows off his man whore physique. He lights a cigarette, which shows he is far too cool for this sort of thing. �What�s going on?� he drawls in that Irish accent of his. �Even I want to have sex with him,� said Edward. George shuffled away from Edward a little bit. �Sweet,� said Colin. �What�s your strategy for this competition?� asked Jeff. �I�m going to swear and have sex with people.� �Good for you. And finally we have Mark Ruffalo. You look uncomfortable, Mark.� �Colin kept...fondling me while we were waiting over there.� �Do you think your wife will be upset?� asked Jeff? �And anyway, your cut off shorts and t shirt do make you very attractive.� �Wife? What? Oh, they�re in Rwanda or something,� Mark said, waving his hand vaguely. �Wherever they are, they can�t get cable, so I can do anything I want.� �That sounds like fun.� Jeff turned back to the camera. �And now for our star, the person you�ve all been waiting for � Kate Arrowsmith!� Kate came on screen. �Hello,� she said. �I am Kate.� �Yes, you are,� said Jeff. �And this is Eric and George and Edward and Colin and Mark.� �Hi guys. I am Kate,� said Kate. �She is very attractive,� said Eric. The rest of the guys all nodded their sexy heads in agreement. �And now for our first twist!� announced Jeff. �But the game hasn�t even started yet,� Mark pointed out. �Shut up. Our first twist is � Celebrity Survivor Island and Kate will not be taking place on this island!� There was a collective gasp. �But I grew my beard and everything!� wailed Eric. �I must have comfort!� �I shall comfort you,� Kate volunteered. And so she did. �That�s right,� said Jeff. �Celebrity Survivor Island and Kate will actually take place in � the future!� As he spoke he waved his hand, and a big steel room tube thing was wheeled from the surrounding trees and onto the beach. Everyone �oohed� and �ahhed� except for Colin, who tried to get the steel room tube�s number. �Say hello to the Magic Transporter of Doom � I mean, Goodness�, said Jeff. �Hello,� said everyone. �Part of your challenge for this competition is to find your way back from the futuristic island we are going to send you to. In this world there are rats and big as your arm who eat human flesh. And coconuts that taste like licorice.� �Is this legal?� asked Edward. �Quick, everyone into the transporter!� said Jeff. Part 2 Coming Soon.... |
