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"I've always loved kids, but I'm also frightened of them. Little tiny babies with their little rolling heads..."
--Johnny Depp �Being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books.� --Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer "What I intend to do next is live happily ever after on my couch for a while." --Quentin Tarantino "I adore Beavis and Butthead. It is an extraordinary, powerful and important piece of work. It also makes me laugh like a drain." --Patrick Stewart �This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying 'This Is a Large Crisis'. A large crisis requires a large plan. Get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.� --Blackadder �It's like this dream I had about Xander... except that it wasn't about Xander, it was about someone else; and it wasn't even me, it was a friend of mine and�she doesn't remember it.� --Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Actors are looking for the same thing as vampires: immortality." --Antonio Banderas "I'm not the archetypal leading man. As you may have noticed, I have no hair." --Patrick Stewart "If some one were to harm my family or someone I love, I would eat them." --Johnny Depp "I hope I die before all of my friends go: it would suck to be the last one. 'Who am I going to call today? Oh, they're all dead.' What a bitch." --Dave Pirner "At my first acting class I remember making a point not to try hard. I didn't shower. They probably said, "I like the guy, but he kind of smells." --Brad Pitt �We're in the Crime Club, which is kind of like the Chess Club. Only with Crime. And no Chess.� --Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer "You should be miserable, you're British! Why aren't you fuckin' miserable like the rest of us?" --Gary Oldman �In school I was voted least likely to complete a coherent , um, uh...� --Lieutenant George, Blackadder �Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.� --Groucho Marx "The rich kids called us a bunch of names. But it never bothered us because we didn't know what the names meant." --River Phoenix "One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closest friends --if they're okay, then you're the one." --Ann Landers �We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.� --Blackadder "Pay attention to what they tell you to forget." --Muriel Rukegsor �You are the vulgarian, you fuck!" --Otto, A Fish Called Wanda "If the clothes make the man, naked people have little or no influence in society." --Mark Twain "People don't really change. They just peel back layers, and you see what they're really like." --David Duchovny �Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.� --Groucho Marx "All you have to do is say something nobody understands; they'll do practically anything you want them to do." --Holden Caufield, Catcher in the Rye "There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others." --Randall, Clerks I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. --Groucho Marx "How can one possibly conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over 200 varieties of cheese?" --De Gaulle "This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers." --Randall, Clerks �Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.� --Bernard, Black Books "Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." --Jim Carrey "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." --Groucho Marx (On marriage) "It's bloody impractical. 'To love, honor, and obey.' If it weren't, you wouldn't have to sign a contract." --Katharine Hepburn �From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.� --Groucho Marx "I don't believe in happy endings, but I do believe in happy travels, because ultimately...you die at a very young age, or you live long enough to watch your friends die. It's a mean thing, life." --George Clooney �You can find work and sort your life out anytime. The pub closes in five hours.� --Bernard, Black Books "I want to grow old without face-lifts... I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face that I have made." --Marilyn Monroe �I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.� --Groucho Marx �Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity. Have you considered a career in the church?� --Bishop of Bath & Wells, Blackadder �I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.� --Woody Allen �He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.� --Groucho Marx �You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.� --Woody Allen �There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.� --Jerry Seinfeld �The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.� --Bill Cosby �I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.� --Groucho Marx �It is said that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that by learned discourse, he may rise above the savage, and be closer to God. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me that I'm best.� --Blackadder �Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.� --Abigail Van Buren �To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.� --Oscar Wilde �I've never said it before because I'm too nice, but your son has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.� --Bernard, Black Books "But Sting's 16-year-old son is so gorgeous - he brought him out last night - now I'm dying to be friends with Sting so I can molest his children." --Rufus Wainwright �I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.� --Mae West "A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night." --Marilyn Monroe �She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.� --Flashheart, Blackadder �I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.� --Bill Cosby "I don't want to spread the peanut butter of my personality on the mouldy bread of the commercial press." --Marlon Brando "There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." --Drew Barrymore �They do say, Mrs Miggins, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.� --Blackadder "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." --James Dean "Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others." --Audrey Hepburn "I often wonder whether men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." --Katharine Hepburn �I may not lead the most dramatic life, but in my brain it's War and Peace everyday." --Rufus Wainwright �She's so anally retentive she wouldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.� --Patsy, Absolutely Fabulous �Some people say I'm mad, and say the word "penguin" after each sentence. But I believe that we two can make Britain great, with you as the Prince Regent, and I as King Penguin.� --King George III, Blackadder The Third |
