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---------------------------------------- Edina Monsoon: You only work in a shop you know, you can drop the attitude. ---------------------------------------- [Explaining why she never did exercise] Edina Monsoon: In the sixties, we were too stoned to jog; in the seventies, we had platform shoes, and in the eighties... Justin: Brain cells were destroyed in the sixties. See, she can't remember. The age of the punk. Edina Monsoon: Yes, punk darling, we were too busy sticking pins through our noses. Saffron Monsoon: But you were too old to be a punk. Edina Monsoon: Darling, I was a punk. Saffron Monsoon: I know. ---------------------------------------- Edina Monsoon: God, it's a rather depressing thought that you might live on after me, isn't it? You, huh. That's how I'm going to be remembered, is it? What, through you? Saffron Monsoon: Well what do you want, a statue? Edina Monsoon: YES. Saffron Monsoon: A great big, fat, ugly, armless statue? Edina Monsoon: [pause] I've got arms. I've got arms. I just want to bequeath something to the nation, that's all, not just you. ---------------------------------------- Patsy Stone: She's so anally retentive she wouldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture. ---------------------------------------- Edina Monsoon: What do you think of the kitchen, Pats? Patsy Stone: I think it's fabulous. Saffron Monsoon: It isn't done yet. Edina Monsoon: No, sweetie. Maybe she's right. Maybe this IS fabulous. ---------------------------------------- [Edina has lost her speech which she has to present to the PR meeting] Edina Monsoon: Yeah I was gonna' make a- [taps microphone] Edina Monsoon: Testing. Testing. -Yeah I was gonna' make a speech, but I just can't be bothered anymore. I mean, this used to be like fun you know; yeah it used to be fun, but I'm getting bored of all the 'fun' bits now. You know, your endless bloody lunches and launches, you know, no-career celebrities and party desperates. And what for, huh? Some colony of crap tags and mags! Well I'm sorry there has to be a little more than that doesn't there? [slams her handbag down] Edina Monsoon: Hmmm? You know I had a speech, you know, my... my integrated-projected-global-tele-network system bloody system-system. But you know, if that's what the worlds coming to I don't want to be in it. No I don't want that. I don't want to be in some sort of cyber-space-hypervirtual bloody reality. I don't want that- exchanging e-mails with some old age bloody hippies with more information at their fingertips than is safe to know about. I don't want that! What kind of reality is that, huh, you know, with a thirteen-amp plug on the end of it? Huh? Huh?... That can be un-plugged like that? Come-on I'm going. [She turns to leave, but... ] Edina Monsoon: No I'm not going yet! No, you! [points to her competition, Claudia Bing] Edina Monsoon: You, you, just sit there like your velcroed to some bloody add-man! You know those crap-head add-men over there, you know, those kings of bastardization that have just taken everything that was ever real and genuine and honest and original and attached it to a toilet cleaner! Whereas I, I... Like a bird on a wire... Like a drunk in a midnight choir... I have tried in my way to be free. [Then she sings] Edina Monsoon: Like a bird, on a wire. Patsy Stone: Go for it Eddy. Edina Monsoon: [singing] ... Like a drunk in a midnight choir. I have tried in my way to be free. [Claudia Bing and her colleagues are laughing] Edina Monsoon: Yeah you can laugh, but you know something- I don't want more choice I just want nicer things! And you, you can take that look off your face, sitting there with your... with your wheels and AIDS and starvation. You know, skimming a neat profit of the whole of human misery. Labeling us all with this- with this global guilt. Well it may not be all great and good but it ain't that bad, so cheer up world it may never bloody happen! [slams her bag down again] Edina Monsoon: Come on I'm going. [Edina walks off making rude farting sounds at everyone in the room] ---------------------------------------- Page 1 / Page 2 |
