INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM
TOP PRIORITY

TO: R.E. O'Cookie, Chief Operating Officer

From: V.Nilla Wafer, Director of Consumer Relations

Re: Federal Request for Emergency Mallomar Production

I was approached this morning with a most unusual request. A
representative from the F.B.I. interrupted the 75th Annual Cheese Nips vs.
Cheez-Its Taste Off Competition and insisted that she speak to me alone about a
matter of "utmost national security" that apparently falls within the FBI's
jurisidiction provisions under the Interstate Commerce Commission.
As the Nabisco tradition and dedication to quality control has dictated,
Mallomars have never been produced between Mid-March and October due to the
condition known internally as "Mallomeltagemargin." Apparently this "Agent
Scully" has reason to believe that a national criminal operation has been using
OUR top secret mushy marshmallow Mallomar ingredient to encompass tiny
computer chips used to misdirect federal criminal surveillance equipment. The FBI
was very close to tracking and arresting the suspects when Nabisco went on
our Annual Mallomar Manufacturing Hiatus in March.

Agent Scully politely requested that we resume Mallomar production
NOW instead of October so the FBI can resume its investigation. When I
tried to explain how difficult this would be, since the entire Mallomar
Manufacturing unit is at a two month training seminar in Mallomartinsburg,
Maryland, she because extremely agitated and intense and reminded us that she
could get a federal subpoena before I could say, "S'more."

Naturally, I've notified the Mallomar Men and updated them on this
most unusual development. I've also notified the Nabisco Legal
Department, who advised me to avoid any confrontation with Federal Authorities and
to cooperate completely with the FBI. Mallomar Manufacturing resumes
on Monday morning.

Attached you will find a copy of an accident report detailing a
minor head injury to the visiting Agent Scully who, despite complying with
OSHA regulations requiring her to wear a hard hat and safety glasses,
fainted when she saw the prototype model of the extra large cylindrically shaped
MegaMallomar scheduled for market trial in November.

I will keep you apprised of any further developments in the snack
goods division.

Cordially,

V.Nilla Wafer.