June 2000 - 3

The Eye Witness Accounts
June 4/2000

"Are we all here then?"

"All except those on duty or in the laundry hamper. You'll all have
to tell the story again for them sometime, don't you?"

"Yeah, they'll be spewing about missing this."

"Right well, Black Side Zipped Skirt why don't you begin?"

"Okay, Overcoat. Now let me think, where's the best place to start?
Um, I know. Scully had been to the hospital to see that Daniel guy. You
know, I didn't like him at all. Too old for her for a start and those eyes
of his...too close together for my taste."

"YOU didn't like him! Think of me! I actually had to touch him. Ooh
yuck, the memory is still enough to give me nightmares!"

"I don't know what she ever saw in him. All I can say is that she
must have been VERY young at the time!"

"Perhaps that was when she was having trouble seeing properly."

"What do you mean? Scully doesn't wear glasses now except for
reading."

"Well, perhaps she's had her eyes fixed or something...you know
corrective laser surgery."

"Ha ha, very funny. But you forget, she hadn't met Mulder then so
she had nothing to compare him to."

"True...but I still don't see..."

"Can we please get on with the story?"

"Right, sorry. Um, where was I?"

"At the hospital."

"That's right. Scully had been to the hospital and by the way, did
you know that Daniel character had the audacity to assume that our Scully
would just take up with him again? After all this time! As if! What a loser!
The old codger was practically on his deathbed! I'm glad she gave him short
shift! And you know what else, I reckon..."

"Can we please get on with the story already?"

"Yeah, just give us the facts will ya?"

"Okay, okay! If you want to be like THAT! Maybe I just won't tell
you anything else. How do you like them buttonholes?"

"Sure, fine, whatever! Hey, Green Long-sleeved Fitted Sweater,
perhaps you'd like to..."

"NO! No, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. No need to get yourself in a
knot, Black Target Special Two. Boy, are you knickers ever touchy!"

"We're WAITING!"

"Gentlemen, let's keep it nice. Remember there are ladies present."

"Sorry, Overcoat."

"Yeah, sorry."

"No harm done. Shall we continue then? Black Side Zipped Skirt, if
you will?"

"Certainly, Overcoat. As I was saying, I was at the hospital and..."

"Here we go again!"

"Black Target Special Two!"

"Sorry."

"AND...after we'd left there, she went outside and was just staring
around the place until she saw Mulder and then she ran up behind him saying,
'Excuse me.' But then when she touched him and he turned around she seemed
surprised that it was him. That was kind of weird. Didn't you think so,
darling?"

"Yes, I thought that was a little strange."

"So, Black Side Zipped Skirt's Matching Jacket, would you like to
take over the tale?"

"Ooh no, (girlish giggle) not me. I couldn't talk in front of all
this apparel. Besides, I think my significant other is doing a wonderful
job."

"Oh yeah, great job...Sorry, sorry."

"Please continue."

"So anyway, she asked him why he was back and he said because
nothing had happened. And she said that maybe nothing happened for a reason and
then he said, 'What does that mean?' and she said, 'Nothing,' and then she
put her arm around his shoulders and said, 'Come on, I'll make you some
tea.' TEA, mind you!"

"Hey, wasn't that the name of that god-awful actress who was
playing Scully in that movie?"

"Yeah. Tea Leavesoni or something, wasn't it?"

"And, speaking of that, I heard Scully telling Mulder on the phone
from a bubblebath that Tea Leavesoni had a bit of a crush on him."

"No kidding! Maybe that's why she made him TEA then, to let him
know that SHE had a crush on him."

"Nice thought, Blue Satin Pajama Top, but that all happened after
this. I think the tea had more to do with that new-age, lesbian woman that
Scully had met earlier. Um, no offence, Sexy Black Nightie and Matching
Negligee."

(girlish giggles) "None taken, is there, Precious?"

"No indeed. But please, let's get back to the story. I am
sooooooooo enjoying it and all this camaraderie."

"I'm glad SOMEONE is! At this rate the baby'll be here before we're
even sure it's been conceived!"

"Hey, give the girls a break. They don't get out much, do you
girls?"

"Actually we've never been out of our box before in an official
capacity...never been worn. We were a gift and..."

"Yeah, I feel for you, really I do...but PLEASE...the story?"

"HEY!"

"It's okay, Blue Satin Pajama Bottoms. We're all here to hear the
story after all. But thanks for your concern, anyway. Please continue,
Black Side Zipped Skirt."

"So anyway, they went back to his place and..."

"Who drove?"

"What?"

"It's important. Who drove?"

"Here we go again!"

"Why is it important?"

"Well, you know, it's one of those things that's always between
them. He drives nearly all the time and she..."

"Who gives a ragged lining WHO drove?"

"BLACK TARGET SPECIAL ONE! Might I remind you that there are
ladies present."

"Sorry, Overcoat, but we just want to get to the..."

"EXCUSE me! YOU might want to fast forward to the horizontal tango
but as Overcoat has reminded you, there are ladies present and us girls
want to know the more romantic aspects of this. Isn't that right, girls?"

"Yes, Pale Blue Jacket!"

"Too right!"

"You bet!"

"See. So...who drove?"

"She did, actually."

"Ooh girls, did you hear that? He let her drive. How romantic!"

"Oh, I just love it when he lets her drive."

"Me too."

"Oh, brother! Can we, like, move it along please?"

"Certainly, by all means move it along, Black Side Zipped Skirt,
but I reserve the right to ask other questions as we go. That's fair
isn't it, Overcoat?"

"Sounds fair to me. Please continue."

"Where was I again?"

"Back at his place."

"That's right. So they got back to his place and she made him the
tea..."

"Oh, that's sooooooooo sweet."

"Actually it wasn't. They both had white with none. Anyway, then
they both sat on the couch and she kicked off her shoes and rested her feet
on his coffee table and she told him all about what had happened since
he'd been gone."

"What!? Everything!?"

"Yep! All about Daniel and her past relationship with him and then
what had happened in the hospital."

"Wow! She's not usually so open. What did he say?"

"Did he seem jealous?"

"Actually he just listened and didn't say much till she got to the
end."

"And then what did he say?"

"He said that he couldn't believe how he'd gone away for two days
and her whole life had changed."

"And what'd she say?"

"She said that her whole life hadn't changed and...something else or
other. Buddha was in there somewhere. And then he made some
comment about her having David Crosby's baby."

"What?!?!?!"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't get it."

"I didn't really get it, either."

"I thought she was having Mulder's baby."

"Yeah, me too. Who's this David Crosby? Anyone met him?"

"Who's been holding out on us this time? Talk about conspiracies."

"RELAX everyone, it was just a joke."

"Green Long-sleeved Fitted Sweater, perhaps you'd better take over
from here."

"Thank you, Overcoat. My pleasure. Of course Scully's not having
David Crosby's baby. That was just a Mulder joke. You know his sense of
humour tends to be rather off most of the time."

"Scully seemed to like it, though. She smiled, didn't she,
darling?" (girlish giggle)

"Yes, she did."

"And for once she seemed to really appreciate his humour. Oh girls,
you should have seen them sitting there side by side. It was SO
romantic." (more girlish giggling)

"So, is that when he made his move?"

"Is that all you guys think of? So did he hold her hand?"

"No, it wasn't. And no, he didn't hold her hand. They talked a bit
more about choices. She said she'd once considered spending her whole
life with THAT man. YUCK! And then she added something about what she would
have missed and then he said that she couldn't really know that because
she wouldn't see all the choices. And then she said, 'What if there was
only one choice and all the others were wrong...and there were signs along
the way to pay attention to?' and he said something along the lines of, that
would mean that everything had led to them sitting on the couch together right
then, which, he added, said a lot but was a bit more than they should be
getting into at such a late hour. But by then she'd fallen asleep. So as he
turned to look at her... Ooh girls, I just can't describe the look when he
saw she was asleep...so tender and full of love. And then he reached out a
hand and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and..."

"Wait a minute! If she went to sleep, are you saying he...?"

"Way to go, Mulder!"

"Oh, you're sick!"

"Would you let me finish! It wasn't like that at all. Mulder's not
like that!"

"No, he's not, and stop interrupting!"

"He could have woken her with a kiss...you know, gently and
seductively."

"Oh, I would have liked to have seen that. Did he?"

"I'm with you there, Black Target Bra One. But he didn't.
Instead, he covered her with a blanket and just kept looking
at her face. I bet it was on his mind though because it was like
he couldn't take his eyes off her. And then he reluctantly...VERY
reluctantly I might add, got up and went to bed."

"He what?"

"Just like that?"

"You mean he left her there?"

"Oh, how sweet!!"

"What a considerate guy."

"What a wuss!"

"Wasn't he jetlagged or something? That would explain it!"

"He's NOT a wuss! And jetlag had nothing to do with it. Mulder
would never take advantage of Scully, EVER. Yes, he loves her, we all know
that, but what she needed right then was sleep, so he did the gentlemanly
thing and left her to it."

"Actually I don't think that's very gentlemanly. His couch doesn't
look very comfortable to me."

"Yeah, I agree. And wasn't she sitting up?"

"He could have at least made her more comfortable on the couch."

"Or better yet, picked her up and put her into his bed."

"Yeah and climbed in with her, wink, wink."

"No, you idiot! I meant he could have given her the bed and taken
the couch himself. It's not as if he's not used to sleeping on it by now."

"Hey, who are you calling an idiot?"

"Shut up, Brown Leather Jacket! White Buttoned But Not Tucked In
Shirt's right. He hadn't had a bed for years until recently. That would
have been a better idea."

"No, it wouldn't, because he would have woken her up."

"Maybe not. She didn't wake up when Smoking Man..."

"Can we not talk about that please? Too many bad memories."

"Of course. Sorry. I still reckon he drugged her somehow, but
that's another story. Anyway, I still think he could have carried her into..."

"No, if he'd have done that, it would have changed what happened
later."

"So what did happen later?"

"Well... Hang on. Are you sure you're all ready for this?"

"Would you just get on with it!"

"Hurry up, already!"

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