Morley Tobacco
Inc
Message to all
employees
Due to the fact that sales have plummeted
dramatically since May, Morley Tobacco Inc
regrets to announce a necessary large decrease in
the production of cigarettes. This will
necessitate cuts to staffing. As Morley
TobaccoInc values all of its employees equally
and does not wish to be seen to show favoritism
to any one person at the expense of another, the
following duty roster has been devised.
1. Factory will cease to operate all year
round and will only go into production from
August to September.
2. No employees will be laid off. Employees
with surnames beginning with A-F will work on
Mondays, G-K on Tuesdays, L-P on Wednesdays, Q-U
on Thursday and V-Z on Fridays. Part time and
causal staff may also work for an hour on Fridays
provided they are able to produce evidence that
they have persuaded /coerced a friend/family
member or any other member of the community,
human or otherwise, into purchasing a carton of
Morleys for that week.
3. Smoko time will be increased but employees
will only be paid for the actual time spent
engaged in production of product, not utilizing
it (although this is to be encouraged).
4. . Employees will also be permitted to
utilize said product whilst engaged in their
duties but free samples will no longer be issued.
5. Tax free bonuses will be offered to
employees who can provide proof of conversion of
any adult persons to Morley's products. Smaller
bouses may be offered for the conversion of
minors at the discretion of the management.
Morleys deeply regrets any inconvenience to
its loyal employees, a few of whom have been with
us close to the record of two and a half years,
but hopes the above arrangements will meet with
approval.
Sincerely,
I. Vonely-Onelung
Managing Director
|
