May 2000
Journal of Dana K. Scully, May 2000

May 22, 2000

Now that I know both what and who ignited that original spark, I've
come to an amazing revelation.  Mulder and I...............  
:::thud:::

~~~~~~
May 23, 2000

....now where was I?  I was thinking about revelations, Mulder, and
original sparks when suddenly I ......  :::thud:::

~~~~~~
Journal, May 24, 2000

Good thing I don't know where Mulder is right now, because every time 
I
think of him I ....  :::thud:::

~~~~~~
Journal, May 25, 2000

Went to see Doctor about mysterious fainting.  Doctor says I'm having
post orgasmic flashbacks.  :::thud::::

~~~~~~
Journal, May 26, 2000

Doctor also says I'm pregnant.  I don't know why, or how, since my
mother was too embarrassed to explain it all to me, and I skipped all
the lectures on the human reproductive system in favor of some 
private hands on tutoring with my mentor, Dr. Daniel Waterson, in medical
school.  Anyway, I'm ever so happy even though I keep fainting and
throwing up.

I'm trying to get a handle on this fainting thing, though.  The 
doctor suggested that every time I think of Mulder, I substitute another 
less provocative word beginning with the letter "M" for his name.  It's
working, but I have this insatiable craving for Mallomars.  Can't 
stop eating them....

DKS

Daytimer of Marita Covarrubias:

TO DO LIST/ May 22 2000

(1) Get black pants, black shirt, black jacket, and black coat from dry cleaners. See if they got rid of those black oil stains THIS time;

(2) Book appointment with speech therapist re: continued work on my disappearing lisp;

(3) Return Frohike's call. Say *no* again. Maybe.

(4) Bring back library book: Smart Women; Foolish Hairstyles

(5) Figure out how to play PacMan on the Palmtop Alex left here last week

(6) Plan shower for Scully


Mental Note, CSM, May 21, 2000

Umph... aughhhh... must... ouch... remember name of... ughhh... oof...
chiropractor who owes me one... aaaaaaaack... rrrrrr... better give me a damn
good manipulation or else... ouch.. eech... ooooch... I reverse the impotence
cure... arghhhhh... and what the hell is that stuck in the carpet??? Aaaaoooouuuuch... GRETA!!!!

Diary Entry #1, Mulder, May 22, 2000
(scribbled on miscellaneous receipts found in various jacket pockets)

After several hours in this strange place, I still have no idea why I'm here. 
 What I wouldn't give for a good pair of shades, though, with all 
these damned lights around.

Anyway... My fellow captives are an odd bunch, standing lifelessly 
around me in this circle of light.  Some of them I know, some I don't. I've 
tried engaging them in conversation but they seem to be in a kind of tance.  
With the exception of one brief, bizarre exchange, I've been unable to 
illicit any responses.

Let me write down the details of that one peculiar conversation as 
accurately as I can in case... in case no other record of my experiences here 
survives.

After several hours of standing here, I noticed two men on the 
opposite edge of the circle staring at me, muttering under their breath.  Quickly, 
not  wanting to miss a chance to speak with someone, I pushed my way 
through  dormant bodies towards them.  They looked familiar but I couldn't 
place them among the faces Scully and I had come to know in Oregon. Then I 
recognized  them.

"David Caruso? Jimmy Smitts?"  It was either them or their Las Vegas 
doubles!

"Screw you Duchovny!" the one who looked like Caruso said.

"Yeah, Duchovny, you make me sick!" spat out the one who looked like  Smitts.

I glanced around, puzzled. "My name is Fox Mulder, and you're those 
two actors who left a hit show to flex your acting muscles, aren't you?"

"Shit, listen to him!" Caruso elbowed Smits.

"Don't insult us by pretending," Smitts added with narrowed eyes.  
Scully knew what she was talking about when she used to rave about him, he's 
one fine looking man.

But getting back to our conversation... I searched their faces 
urgently.  "Look, do either of you have any idea what we're doing here? Why have 
we been abducted?"

There was silence for a moment.  Suddenly they both began to chuckle.  
The chuckles swelled to guffaws. Then they started pointing at me.  

"He really doesn't get it!" Caruso bellowed.

"He doesn't, does he..." Smitts grinned.  "Duchovny, you dumbass, you 
haven't been abducted, you've been given your freedom for a half a season!"

Obviously, in their confused minds, I was supposed to know what they 
were talking about. I was about to ask for clarification when they both 
abruptly stopped laughing.  Apparently, the joke was over.

"We wanted our freedom once too, you know!" Caruso said grimly.  
"Only we didn't get any eleven effin' episodes to keep our faces onscreen and 
money coming into the bank."

"Yeah, so like we said, Duchovny, screw you!"  Smitts placed his 
index finger lightly on my chest and pushed just enough to let me feel it.  
"You'll never know what it's like. *You* get to come back!"

With that they turned their backs on me and stared outside the 
circle. No  further words have been spoken here since.

I remain mystified.  And also intrigued. I wonder who else I might 
encounter during this extraordinary -- dare I suggest extraterrestrial - 
experience???


Diary of Greta Vendetta
May, 2000

Marita Covarrubias' thumbprints are finally beginning to fade from my 
neck.  I bet that's more than Marita can say about the cigarette burn on her 
ear lobe. See if she  tries to wear a professional but trendy pulled back 
hairstyle again.

Living under cover like this has been oh so difficult for me.  I owe 
everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING, to my beloved Smoker. There are 
few men in the world that are both powerful and brave enough to attempt the 
first complete head transplant in history, then not seek publication for 
it's success in a single medical journal.

It's hard, very hard, not to answer to my old name "Diana" anymore.  
But I take comfort in the fact that I still have my body, and I've even 
grown to reach a new cup size.  Darling CGB gave me a sky's the limit shopping 
spree at Victoria's Secret just a few weeks ago.  It's a shame I had to 
cover up my unmentionables when Alex Krycek came to visit, but CGB gets a little 
jealous sometimes.

Now speaking about jealous, what the HELL is going on between Fox 
Mulder and Dana Scully?  I thought last summer's trip to the Sanitarium would 
damper their attraction to each other, but all of a sudden, Agent Scully's 
getting visions from Buddha and dancing horizontally with Fox to Moby!  

I MUST find a way to intervene, but having a new head attached to my 
old body isn't helping my cause right now.  Damn it all CGB :::kicking him as 
she drags his limp body back up the stairs:::::   Why couldn't you make 
me a red head!?

Greta Fowley Vendetta


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